Expecting to Fly (9 page)

‘Exactly,’ I said.‘And today for the first time, after school, Joe . . . um . . . Joe kissed me and I . . . I felt nothing, then I felt really weird and wondered if that was
it, over for us. The magic gone.’

‘Oh no, India, you mustn’t feel that. Some days you are just preoccupied, that’s all. Every relationship has its honeymoon phase when everything is brand new and you
can’t get enough of each other on every level. You laugh at his jokes, can’t wait to see him, think his irritating habits are cute and then, a few months down the line, those little
foibles you found so irresistible start to annoy you. You notice he eats too fast, sneezes too loudly —’

‘Twitches his foot.’

‘Exactly, and some days the kisses are wonderful and you’re right back where you were those first few times and, other days, it’s like, blah, get out of my face and pick your
dirty socks up from the floor while you’re at it.’

I cracked up.

‘Some days I feel I love Tom to bits, other days I feel independent, irritable and he’s just another annoying bloke, and what was I doing moving in with him so fast?’

‘So why did you do it?Why do I do it?’

‘Yes. Why do we? Companionship. Love. Friendship. I don’t know, India, but don’t you worry if you have days when you feel like you’ve gone off Joe, in fact some days you
will probably down-right dislike him. It doesn’t mean that the relationship is over. It just means that it’s getting real. Is Joe your first proper boyfriend?’

I nodded.

‘OK, then days like this are a good learning curve for you, because it’s only after that first flush that you begin to really see if you are suited to each other. If you can work
through the days when one of you is moody, days when you feel flat when you kiss each other, days when you have your period and everyone annoys you, days when he sees you at your worst and days
when you see him at his. Part of being in a grown-up relationship is not jumping ship the moment the rose-tinted glasses come off.’

‘I guess,’ I said.‘Doesn’t feel very romantic though, does it?’

Aunt Sarah laughed. ‘No. Toilet seats left up, toothpaste without the cap on is about as far from romance as you can get, but it’s what makes up day-to-day living.’

‘So when do you know it’s over?’

‘When you are more miserable than happy. When the days he annoys you far outweigh the days you love or like him. Percentages, I guess.’

It felt good to be having a girlie chat with Aunt Sarah and bonding over the ups and downs of being in a new relationship. I felt she understood more than Mum, who had been besotted with Dad for
ever and vice versa. By the time I left, I felt a lot better about Joe. Days like this were all part of the rollercoaster of being in a proper grown-up relationship.

When I got home, I went to my computer to check if there were any messages. On the list, I noticed that there was one from Bruno. He was a boy who I had known all my life but
hadn’t seen for years until my gran’s birthday last year in Ravello. We had a holiday romance but broke it off soon after, partly because of Joe and partly because it didn’t seem
to make sense to have a long distance-relationship so early on in my dating life. I clicked on his name and read the screen.

I really wanted to see him. We’d had the most mega romantic time in Italy and a fab date in London before deciding not to take it any further. It had been a funny time
because, after months of no boys, three babes had come along all at the same time: Bruno, Tyler and Joe – and I’d had to decide. I had picked Joe, but that didn’t mean that I
didn’t feel something for all of them. They were all so different. Bruno made me feel like a princess and being with him felt so sophisticated. I felt admiration for Tyler, like I could learn
a lot by hanging out with him but, with Joe, I felt most myself, like we were on the same wavelength.

I remembered how Joe had been when he’d seen me with Tyler.
How would he be if I met up with Bruno?
I wondered.
Or shouldn’t I tell him?
What he didn’t know,
wouldn’t worry him. As I wondered how to reply to Bruno, I felt frustrated that I wasn’t free to do what I wanted. A day with Bruno. I needn’t snog him. There would be nothing in
it – just two old friends catching up and he had been a friend of the family since I was tiny. I decided to take the risk. See Bruno. Not tell Joe. I didn’t have to tell him my every
move, it wasn’t as if we were married and, anyway, he usually played football on Saturday mornings so wouldn’t want to see me anyway. I quickly typed my reply.

I pressed the send button before I could change my mind and off the message went.

‘I don’t know if I’ve ever really said this before, but I think that you are the best-looking boy in our school and I love spending time with you,’ I
said to Joe as we stood waiting to do the London tourist open-topped bus ride at Green Park on Saturday afternoon.

‘Are you on drugs?’ he asked.

I shook my head. I had remembered what Aunt Sarah had said about boys needing appreciation and I was determined to give it a go. ‘And you’re a great kisser, too,’ I said.

Joe laughed.‘You are definitely on drugs,’ he said, but he took my hand and I could see that he was chuffed.
Result
, I thought and made a mental note to let Aunt Sarah
know.

I had worked out a great itinerary for us again, up to and even including Easter. The first Saturday of April I had saved for Bruno and had to find an excuse to give to Joe as to why I
wouldn’t be around. I had been in touch a few times with Bruno since his first email. He would be over visiting an uncle who managed a serviced apartment block in Knightsbridge and he wanted
to see how it worked and whether it was a venture that might work back in Italy. Hotel management was to be his career and he did a lot of work experience as part of his course. I was looking
forward to seeing him again, not only because he was great company but also because he was another one to talk prospective careers over with.

‘What have you got planned for us for the holidays?’ asked Joe, as if he had picked up on my thoughts.

‘Few exhibitions,’ I said.‘I’ll email you the details. And I’d like to do one of the boat trips. Greenwich or Hampton Court.’

‘Hampton Court,’ said Joe. ‘I want to go there to take some photos for my portfolio. I want to focus on the river and get as many shots as I can from different
locations.’

‘Good idea,’ I said. I had seen some of the photos he had taken the day we were down by the river when we’d been to Tate Modern and they were fabulous. ‘And can I take
some photos of you for my art project?’

Joe nodded. My portraits of friends idea was going great, but I hadn’t done any of Joe yet. I was looking forward to getting some photos of him and then working on them in the darkroom at
school. It would be fun playing around with his image and seeing how I could change it or distort it. I had had an idea of doing a collage of some photos of him, making some light and some dark to
show the different aspects of having a boyfriend – like the sunny days when everything felt great and the shadow days when it was harder work.

‘Everyone on,’ called a man from the bus company as the bus doors opened and people began to pile on.

‘Shall we go up top?’ asked Joe.‘Will you be warm enough?’

I nodded. It was a dry day and I had a fleece on under my jacket and a hat in case it got windy. Once up top, we took the back seat where Joe put his arm around me. ‘We can snuggle up if
we get cold,’ he said. ‘And, er . . . back at you, what you said before we got on the bus. Have I ever told you that I think you’re really pretty? Um, I do rate you . . . a
lot.’

‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘No. You haven’t ever told me and it is nice to hear.’
Wow
, I thought, the appreciation thing really did work!We’d both made each
other feel really good.

We sat with our arms wrapped around each other as the bus started up and began to make its way down Piccadilly towards Hyde Park corner.

We could only just make out what the bus guide was saying about Green Park and St James’s Park and Buckingham Palace, but neither of us wanted to move closer to him because it was nice
being on the back row together away from everyone else.

‘So, going back to the hols,’ said Joe, as we chugged on around the roundabout and began to head back up Piccadilly. ‘How about we take a boat to Hampton Court on the first
Saturday morning in April?’

‘I . . . Oh. Um. No. I can’t do that Saturday. Can you do Sunday?’

‘I’d rather do Saturday.’

‘What about football?’

‘Coach is away so it’s been cancelled. Why, is there a problem?’

‘Yes. No. Not a problem, just I . . . I can’t do it.’

‘OK. Why not?’

I felt myself going red as I desperately scrabbled around in my head trying to think what to tell him. The truth? No. He might go off on a jealousy trip. Cancel Bruno? No. I wanted to see
him.‘Um. Family thing.’

‘What family thing? You never said. Am I invited?’

‘Yes. No. Um. An old family friend is over from Ravello and wants to meet up.’

‘That’s where your dad’s from, isn’t it?’

‘It’s where my gran still lives. She’s got a fab house there.’

‘So am I invited?’

‘Um. Not sure.’

Joe took his arm away from my shoulder and was quiet for a while. It felt uncomfortable, like the conversation wasn’t over but neither of us was saying what we needed to say.

‘I’ll find out from Dad,’ I said after a few minutes.

Joe shrugged a shoulder. ‘It’s OK. I . . . I just thought you liked me coming to your family dos, that’s all. Doesn’t matter. I can find something else to do.’

I’d hurt him. I could tell.

‘No. No. Course, you know Dad loves you and we love having you around, even if the place has been in a mess lately with all the decorating going on.’ The house was more than a mess
with paint pots and brushes all over the hall and what furniture we had shoved into the corners and covered with sheets in most of the rooms.

‘So will it be ready in time for your family do, then?’

I shrugged.‘Er . . . maybe. Probably, the way that Dad is going at it.’

Neither of us said anything for a while and we watched the passing sights and traffic.

‘So come on,what’s up, Ruspoli?’ asked Joe after a few minutes.

‘Nothing. I . . . just assumed you had other plans, that’s all. That’s why I didn’t mention it.’

Joe was quiet again and we both strained to listen to what the guide was saying. Something about the Great Fire of London being started in a baker’s shop and destroying most of the City of
London. I reached over and took Joe’s hand.

‘I’d still like to do Hampton Court, just not that Saturday,’ I said. ‘And Greenwich, too. Maybe later in the hols. My mates went a few weeks ago and said it’s
fab.’

‘I know, you said last week but I’ve already been there,’ said Joe.

‘Oh. OK. Does that mean that you don’t want to go again?’

Joe shrugged.
Oh God
, I thought.
This isn’t going well
.
He’s upset with me
. I decided to plunge in.

‘Are you mad with me?’

Joe laughed.‘No. Why would I be mad with you?’

‘Don’t know. Our plans for the hols? Hampton Court? Don’t you want to do it now? You have to say. We could go at Easter weekend instead? What do you think? Don’t just go
along with me.’

‘I do want to go,’ said Joe. ‘Just . . . I . . . Oh, I’ll tell you later but don’t pencil in a boat trip for that weekend as I have something I want to
do.’

‘What?’

‘Later. Can’t tell you now.’

I felt myself getting cross with him. Was he playing tit for tat? Because I was being mysterious about the first Saturday, was he getting back at me?

He put his hand over mine and patted it.‘All is cool, Ruspoli,’ he said.

All is not cool, Joe
, I thought.
I’d like to thump you
. But I didn’t say anything.

‘It’s true though,’ Joe continued.‘I’m not that bothered about doing Greenwich again.’

‘We can do something else that we both want to do,’ I suggested.

‘Maybe, hey, don’t get me wrong, most of the time I’m happy to go along with what you want to do —’

‘
I
want to do?’ I echoed.‘No. I thought you wanted to as well.’

Joe frowned.‘Not really. I mean, I like hanging out with you and I don’t really mind where we do it. It was your idea to incorporate these sightseeing trips into our time
together.’

‘Yes. For homework. Our projects. I thought it would make it more fun.’

Joe nodded.‘As I said, your idea.’

I was feeling more and more uncomfortable. ‘Are you saying I am bossy?’

Joe grinned. ‘All girls are bossy, given half the chance.’