Falling to Pieces (12 page)

For a moment, I pondered the answering smile on my own face. I couldn’t really want to go to this stupid party, could I?

Never having been to a party before, I had absolutely no idea what to wear to one—except that it probably shouldn’t be Chilly Willy pajamas.
Luckily, I didn’t have long to worry about it. True to his word, less than ten minutes later, Kiernan was knocking on my front door as I hopped my way down the hall, trying to pull on a pair of black ballet flats. They may have been a second hand purchase two years earlier, but I saved them for ‘special occasions’ so they basically looked like they did the day I bought them.

I snatched my black jacket from the back of the recliner as I pulled the door open to put an abrupt end to the incessant knocking. Taking one last quick look around to be sure I had everything I needed—shoes, coat, keys, wallet—I turned to find Kiernan gawking at me from the doorway. Oh God, I looked like an idiot. I had to go change. Immediately.

“You didn’t give me enough time to—”

“You look great.”

He was so full of it. He just didn't want me to make him any later than I already had by going to change again.
“Shut up. You're just—”

“No.” Kiernan’s gaze collided with mine with a flash of—anger?
"Stop. Whatever you were about to say, just stop. I hate that they did this to you."

"Who
did what?" This conversation had just taken an abrupt turn for left field and I’d missed the detour signs.

"Your mother." He
scanned the room, belatedly checking that we were alone. We were. She’d been in her room all afternoon, and judging by the sheer amount of empty beer cans lying around when I got home, I didn't expect to see her again anytime soon. "And that asshole Doug. They twisted up your brain and your heart so much that you can't even see it."

"See what, Kiernan? What are you talking about?" I stood there, clutching my jacket to my chest.
I don’t know why, but whatever was going to come out of his mouth next had me terrified.

"How beautiful you are. How funny, and sweet, and
special you are."

Clearly he was wearing some pretty powerful rose-colored glasses. Or he was looking at the wrong girl. "Kiernan, I'm not
—"

"Don't. Don't deny it, Jade. You'll break my heart."

I blinked at him. And blinked again
, at a complete loss for words. How had this boy come to know me so well in such a short amount of time? It was like he had a window right into my mind and could read my thoughts. That would be embarrassing considering some—
most
—of the thoughts I had while around him.

The anger seeped away, replaced by a jaw dropping smile. “This is the part where you say thank you.”

“Thank you.” I parroted the words back at him like an idiot, but I was still too stunned to feel stupid about it.

“You ready?”

I nodded, words still failing me.

“Come on.” His hand felt warm in mine and I swear the heat spread all the way to my face
where it settled into a hot burn as he led me down to the parking lot.

Despite my last minute preparations, we arrived early. It was the only explanation for the serious lack of bodies. Everything seemed to be in the last stages of set up as we strolled through the front door with barely a passing knock.

“Kiernan! Hey!” A short blonde named Cassidy came streaking out of the kitchen. She looked
set to collide with Kiernan until she noticed me standing beside me and put on the brakes. “Oh, Jade, right?”

We’d only been in the same class for going on thirteen years. I could totally understand why she wouldn’t know my name. “
Mm-hmm.”

“Wow. I’m surprised to see you here.”

Surprised/disappointed.
Tomatoes/tomahtoes.

“Yeah, me too.” I shot a glare in Kiernan’s direction, which he pretended not to notice.

“I’m going to head outside and see if the guys need any help with the fire.”

Oh, no. No, no, no
. He could not bring me to a party and then abandon me . . . but he did. He walked right out that door, leaving me on my own. Without a word, Cassidy sulked her way back through the door she’d come from and, not knowing what else to do, I followed her into a large pristine kitchen teeming with stainless steel appliances and granite countertops. The whole room seemed to sparkle like something out of a cleaning ad.

Three other girls I recognized but had probably never spoken to in my life stood around an island mixing some kind of punch in a bowl
along with a healthy dose of vodka. I made a mental note to avoid the punch bowl.

“Look who’s here.” Could Cassidy have sounded any less enthusiastic?

“Jade! Hi.” Sammy and Gina stopped mixing their concoction to share a confused look while Vanessa smiled almost too brightly at me from across the room. “How are you? After everything . . .?”

She seemed to realize what she was bringing up, but the damage was already done. All four of them anxiously awaited any more info they could
add to the rumor mill. If it was tales of woe and misery, or a hurtful retaliation against Doug they were looking for, they were going to be sorely disappointed.

“I’m fine,
thanks. Do you need any help?”

Gina glanced
around the room. “I think we’re all set.”

Not from you.

“Oh . . . okay.” They turned their attentions back to
the drink prep and each other as I squeezed my eyes shut, mentally berating myself for being socially inept and Kiernan for bringing me here in the first place.

What was I supposed to do now? Standing alone in the corner was
ridiculous. Trying to insert myself in their conversation would have fallen flat since I didn't know the first thing about school gossip that didn't revolve around me. And running for the hills was a no-go because Kiernan was my ride and he'd disappeared with the keys. I'd just made up my mind to go find him when Cassidy dug in her purse and pulled out four purple Hawaiian leis.

“Here you go, ladies.” Each of them donned a necklace and before I could muster my escape they turned as one to look my way. “Sorry,
Jade, we bought these earlier and we didn’t know you’d be here.”

We don’t want to be associate
d with you.

“No. It’s cool.”
I wouldn’t really want to be, either.

Thankfully, Jeff chose that moment to interrupt, ending my suffering. “You girls about ready?”

“All set!” Cassidy chirped happily, scooping up the bowl and heading outside where a bright fire burned and crackled merrily.

“Hey, Jade.”

“Hi, Jeff.” I trailed behind the others outside, without bothering to make eye contact with anyone. Maybe if I just kept my head down and my mouth shut
, I could get through the night without causing any permanent damage.

Chairs surrounded the
makeshift fire pit that had been built up with two-by-fours almost higher than my head. Everything from camping chairs to chaise lounges were thrown haphazardly into a circle. My first choice would have been the chair as far from Cassidy and her fake friendliness as I could get, but Kiernan had already chosen our seats and settled into his, where Cassidy parked herself right beside him.

I was debating
the likelihood that I could hide out in the shadows for the rest of the evening when Kiernan caught my eye and patted the chair to his other side. While the others seemed to be evenly spaced, he’d pulled this one right up beside his and I had no idea what to make of that.

The fire danced in the breeze, hypnotizing me with its warm glow. Conversation
filtered through the air interspersed with the occasional strains of music. I could hear Cassidy talking to Kiernan and other voices all mixing together, but no one made any attempt to engage me. Part of me was glad. Not having to worry about trying to maintain a normal conversation without saying something stupid, I was able to breathe for the first time since my phone rang. But another part of me was almost disappointed.

I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be like the rest of them so bad it hurt. I wanted to be able to walk into a party, kick back, relax, and enjoy myself. I just couldn’t. No matter what I did—who I pretended to be—I’d never be one of them. And that hurt more than anything.

“Hey.” I hadn’t even noticed Kiernan was talking to me until his warm hand settled over my cold knee. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”
I gave him my best ‘everything’s A-okay’ smile, at which his frown only deepened.

“Come on.” Extricating himself from the chair, he held out a hand to me.

“Where are we going?” I ignored the daggers Cassidy was shooting in my general direction, praying avidly that he’d given up on this social experiment gone awry and was taking me home.

He wasn’t. Instead,
he led me toward a darkened corner of the massive backyard. Away from the pops and cracks of the fire, it was easier to hear the music coming from the house. It wasn’t exactly a slow song, but Kiernan pulled me into his arms and started us swaying together.

Holy
hell. I couldn’t do this. I mean, I
could.
And I wanted to. But what if someone saw us? I’d just broken up with Doug and—

"Relax
." He pulled me closer, where the gentle rhythm of our bodies moving together combined with the comfort of being in his arms, and my frayed nerves, drew out my fatigue. Too tired to resist the urge, I laid my head on his shoulder.

Quietly, his voice washed over me as he softly sang
in unison with Sara Bareilles'
Brave
. I wanted to tease him for even knowing the words, but it was just so damn perfect, I couldn't. I couldn't do anything, but hold on to him and let the silent tears fall.

When the song came to an end and our movements slowed to a stop, my head felt almost too heavy to lift. Kiernan didn't say a word a
bout my bloodshot eyes or damp face. He simply smiled at me while he wiped my cheeks dry and led me back to the party.

Cassidy seemed to be the only one who noticed our absence, but our return was made more notable when Kiernan directed me to one of the chase lounges, where he sat back and pulled me down in front of him. Reclined, Kiernan spread his legs to settle me between them.
I should have been embarrassed, but the steady rise and fall of Kiernan's chest against my back and the warmth of his arms surrounding me made everyone else just disappear.

Twelve

“Come to my house.”

“I’m sorry?” Clearly I was having auditory hallucinations. Kiernan Parks did not just invite me over to his house. Did he?

“For dinner.”

Holy crap, I think maybe he did. “Your house?”

“
Ya know, the place with the walls, and floor, and roof, where I sleep at night, and live with my family?”

Ask a stupid question . . . “Umm . . .”

“I already called my mom. She said it’s fine. The woman cooks enough to feed an army, anyway.”

Kiernan was inviting me over for dinner? Dinner with his mother? “I . . . um . . . I’m not sure—”

“Don’t say no. Just come. Please? I want you to.”

I want to make sure you’re not alone with a bottle of pills and a bottle of booze again. I want to get a good night’s sleep without being woken up by a hysterical girl with deep seated emotional issues. I want—

“Please stop thinking. Just listen to what I’m saying.”

“I heard you.”

“Yeah, but
hearing
me and
listening
to me are two entirely different things. Turn off that brain of yours and just listen. I want you to come over. I want you to meet my family. I want you to eat dinner with us. Because
I
want
those things. Stop looking for hidden meanings where there are none. I enjoy your company and I want more of it. Is that so hard to believe?” If I didn’t know better, I’d have sworn Kiernan looked sad. “Please say you’ll come.”

I didn’t understand it, but I would have said anything to make that look go away. “Okay.”

And it did, morphing into a ridiculous grin that did funny things to my stomach. “Really?”

I shook my head, fighting back a grin of my own. “Why do you always look so surprised when I agree to something?”

“I don’t know. I guess I always assume you’re going to put up more of a fight than you do.” Kiernan shrugged. “I had this whole argument rehearsed in my head.”

“So I wouldn’t have won no matter what I said?”

“I already told my mom to set the table for four tonight.” He winked at me and it suddenly felt like all the air had been sucked from the building.

“Four?” It came out more breathless than I would have liked.

“Me, you, my mom, and my brother.”

“Oh. What about your dad?”

Kiernan scowled. “He’s not around anymore. Couldn’t handle . . . shit.”

“Oh.” It struck me then just how little I really knew about Kiernan despite the fact that I felt like I’d known him my entire life. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He smiled again, but I could still see the strain in his eyes. “We’re better off without him. Six o’clock good? I can pick you up.”

“Sure. Sounds good.”

***

“
Arrrgggghhh!” I collapsed on my bed and pulled a pillow over my face.

Kiernan was coming to pick me up in twenty minutes and I was in the middle of a complete wardrobe meltdown. What exactly did one wear to meet their boy who’s a friend/lifelong obsession’s family? What did they wear to dinner? Judging by the motorcycle he drove, and the designer clothes he was always wearing—not to mention the Beemer—they had money. But he never flaunted the fact. So hopefully not formalwear.

Were jeans too casual? Should I wear the one dress I actually owned, or would that make me look like I was trying too hard? He was just a friend, after all. Good Lord, this was impossible!

A skirt. I
tossed the pillow aside, bolting upright. A skirt was an acceptable compromise. Halfway between pants and dress, it could go either way. I didn’t actually own any skirts, but mom had a black one she’d gotten for a funeral last year. We were about the same size and I’d never seen her wear it besides that once, so I figured she wouldn’t miss it for one night.

Good thing she’d made a beer run because it took some hunting to find the thing stuffed in the back of her closet
. I didn’t have time to iron it—not that we actually owned an iron or I had any idea how to use one—so I shook it out and hoped for the best. Thanks to the polyester material, it didn’t look half bad.

With ten minutes to spare, I still needed a shirt to go with it. The minimal timeframe kept me from stressing about it too long before deciding on a peach three-quarter sleeve that I thought walked the line between casual and formal nicely, as well, but what did I know?

I had no sooner tied my hair up in a messy bun then there was a knock at the door.

“Hey. You look . . .” The pre-made, plastic, mandatory greeting cut short when he stopped to take an actual look at me. “Beautiful. Wow. You look beautiful.”

“Don’t look so surprised.” I was aiming for casual to hide the way my heart had slipped into warp speed. Plus, it sounded better than, ‘this old thing?’

“Sorry. I just . . .” He was still staring at me and I fidgeted uncomfortably. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

He was parked in my mother’s spot and I was ridiculously grateful to be out of there before she got back and tore into him for it.

“You eat meat, right?”

“Um . . . yeah.”

“Okay, good. We’re having chicken marinara. My mom makes it from scratch. It’s really good. I’ve just never seen you eat anything but peanut butter and jelly at school and I thought maybe you were a vegetarian or something.”

He was babbling and it was kind of cute, but my brain got stuck on the fact that he knew what I ate for lunch every day.

“It’s sounds delicious.”

“It is.” Kiernan rolled his eyes and reached for the radio dial.

My first reaction was that it was meant for me. He didn’t want me to talk anymore. But he’d told me to listen to him—not just hear and assume—and listening said the eye roll was internal. It was
him
he didn’t want talking anymore. Listening to more than just his words, but his body language, told me that
he
was embarrassed. Oh yeah, I was in trouble.

Thunder rumbled above us and a few stray flashes of cloud lightning lit up the sky
with the promise of a good old-fashioned storm to come. I loved lightning—even as a child. I’d always thought of it as nature’s own fireworks display. It was beautiful and elegant. And deadly. The danger element added a little something, not that I had any desire to actually get hit by it. But the thought that something so enchanting could do so much damage was captivating. It drew me in until I was leaning over in my seat for one more glimpse of it as we parked outside Kiernan’s house.

We hadn’t spoken another word the rest of the drive and there were no more to come in the
foreseeable future as I sat there gawking up at the place he called home.

“You coming?” Kiernan was holding my door open and grinning at me like a loon.

He’d done this on purpose just to see my reaction. “Why didn’t you warn me you lived in a . . . a mansion?”

I definitely should have gone with the dress. And heels. And maybe a string of pearls. Sweet baby Jesus, it was enormous.

“Stop. You look amazing.” I had to wonder if he really could read my mind until his fingers wrapped around mine, tugging them away from where I was fiddling with the hem of my shirt. “They’re going to love you, so relax.”

There he went telling me to relax in completely impossible situations again.

It was disconcerting how relieved I was when Kiernan pulled out a set of keys and let us into the house. I fully expected the door to swing open every step of our approach and reveal some uniform clad butler or something. It was
that
big.

When we stepped inside
, I immediately looked for the enormous spreads of flowers and chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. That’s what rich people had in their houses, right? Well, not this one. The normalcy of it actually shocked me a little. I think butlers and obscenely priced artwork and mammoth lighting fixtures would have surprised me less than the muddy boots lying haphazardly in the entryway where Kiernan dumped our coats in a small closet.

The rest of the house, from what I could see, looked down right homey. Off the foyer was a spacious room clad in thick, warm red carpeting. Beige couches sat facing on
e another with a dark wood table set between them. Not stiff, fancy, hardback sofas, but plush, overstuffed couches that looked softer than a cloud. A fire burned merrily in the corner adding to the welcoming feel of the room. Pictures—not paintings, but actual framed photos—hung from the walls. Books littering end tables and a remote tossed casually on a couch cushion showed the room was actually used, lived in, not just for appearances.

The
smokey scent coming from the fireplace mingled with the amazing smells of garlic and tomato sauce, making my mouth water.

“Kiernan? Honey, is that you?”

“Yeah, Mom. We’re back.”

“Oh good.” Footsteps sounded on the wide staircase.

I was about to meet his mother. Kiernan Parks’ mother. I headed straight into cardiac arrest territory when the footsteps drew closer. My mouth dried up and I lost all motor control. Kiernan tried to nudge me forward, but I wasn’t going anywhere. Possibly ever again. She was going to hate me. Without a doubt, she would take one look at me and toss me right out of her lovely home. I didn’t belong in a place like this. Even if Kiernan was oblivious to the fact, his mother surely would notice.

My feet itched to save her the trouble. Only Kiernan’s firm grip on my hand kept me from skedaddling right back out that door we’d come through. Wait . . . he was holding my hand? Good Lord.

I made a valiant attempt to wrestle myself free, but Kiernan was having none of it. It was like he thought I might be planning to . . . do exactly what I was planning to do. Well, crap. Conceding that he had the upper hand—both figuratively and literally—I gave up the fight. He shot me a knowing grin just as his mother descended the final steps, bringing her face to face with the two of us.

“You must be Jade.” I waited for it. Held my breath and prepared for the worst. I wouldn’t cry. Not in Kiernan’s home. “It’s lovely to meet you.”

I blinked at her, stunned into silence and immobility until she reached out and pulled me into a close embrace. Still feeling the effects of shock, my arms slowly lifted and wrapped awkwardly around her, as well. Kiernan’s mom was hugging me? I couldn’t even remember the last time my own mother had done that. If she ever had. The likelihood was highly debatable.

“Kiernan asked if you were a vegetarian,
right?”

She released me, stepping back as though it had been the most natural thing in the world. I was still reeling. “No. I mean, yes, he asked me. No, I’m not a vegetarian.”

“Wonderful.” Mrs. Parks clapped her hands and headed off toward the source of those fantastic smells. As we trailed behind her, I was relieved to note the lack of ballroom attire. In fact, she was dressed very similar to her son in blue jeans and a simple cream sweater. “Dinner’s just about ready. Why don’t you two go and have a seat and I’ll dish it up?”

“Do you need any help?”

Mrs. Parks stopped in her tracks, turning to face us just inside the kitchen. My heart rate picked up as I tried to figure out if I’d insulted her in some way. I hadn’t meant to imply she couldn’t handle it. I just—

“That’s very sweet of you, Jade. Thank you.” Her smile beamed at me, shriveling away my fears. “But you’re the guest this evening. Make yourself comfortable. Next time, however, I won’t hesitate to put you to work. The boys are no help at all in the kitchen.”

Next time? She was already assuming there would be a next time? I liked that. No, I
really
liked that. Something inside of me warmed and I felt a smile spread over my face. “Deal.”

Kiernan was
smiling ear-to-ear by the time he led me into a large dining room and pulled out a chair for me. “She’s not kidding, ya know. She really will have you up to your elbows in pasta sauce next time, now that you’ve offered.”

“I’d like that.”

Kiernan claimed the seat beside me and shook his head. “Somehow, I’m not surprised.”

He wasn’t
joking when he said his mother cooked enough to feed any army. The tray she deposited in the middle of the table was overflowing with chicken, cheese, and sauce. More food than I could eat in a week.

“It looks delicious.”
My mouth was watering so badly, I feared I may drool.

“Thank you. Dig in, there’s plenty.”
She passed me a serving spoon and my gaze dropped to the empty chair beside Kiernan’s mother. I wondered if it was rude to start without his brother.

Mrs. Parks laughed lightly. “
Caulder is quite the rebel. Thinks he’s proving something by being late to every meal. All he really gets is cold food.” She winked at me and I saw where Kiernan got that charming habit from.

“I’m not rebelling,
Mom. I’m just—” Caulder, I assumed, stopped halfway into the dining room to give me a double-take. I did the same to him. Unlike his mother and brother, Caulder had a full head of mahogany brown hair that matched the stubble lining his jaw and looked as unruly as the rest of his appearance. Dark wash jeans hung low on his trim hips beneath a navy button up. He must have grown bored with the process of dressing, however, because half way up the buttons hung open, revealing a plain white tee clinging to a solid chest. Not solid like Kiernan’s.
Solid
like possibly the Terminator. If I had to guess, I’d say one of the many unseen rooms in this house was a gym. “I’m just busy.”