Feels Like Home: A Southerland Family Contemporary Romance Book 1 (9 page)

When he pushed open the door to the office he
found her sitting behind the computer, staring off into space.
She’d been distracted before. Now she looked sad.

“
You’re not paying any
attention to crazy Mrs. Morris, are you? She’s an old busy body.
Ignore her.”
Pay attention to me, damn
it.

“
She’s right. My mother was
a flaky drunk and I don’t even know my father. I’m a Maddox because
of Gran.”

“
It doesn’t matter.” His
words sounded harsh and he hurried to clarify them. “I mean, I know
it must be awful not knowing your father, but that’s your mother’s
fault, not yours. It doesn’t matter what people like Mrs. Morris
think.”

“
Spoken like someone who
knows exactly who their people were.” She mimicked the old lady’s
tone.

Jude stepped to her and spun the chair to
face him. He tipped her chin up so she looked him in the eye. When
he saw her eyes bright with unshed tears, he knew he’d do anything
he could to take her pain away.

“
It doesn’t matter to me.
You matter. Not your family – you.” He slid his palm to cup her
cheek, willing her to feel how precious she was. “Come on. Let’s
get out of here.” He let her go and turned to the door before he
did something crazy like kiss her in his office.

Jude paced in the front room of Marion
Maddox’s – no Autumn’s – house. It smelled of fresh paint and he
could see rollers and trays stacked against the wall in the
hallway. The house looked much sparser than it had the last time
he’d been there to see Marion, like it had been picked clean. A
worn out couch sat opposite an old box of a TV. There was a cheap
DVD player sitting on top of it, but almost everything else small
enough to carry was gone.

There was no evidence of Autumn’s presence.
Maybe she didn’t plan to stay long enough to move in. His stomach
tightened at the thought. That wasn’t going to work. He’d just have
to convince her she had a reason to stay. He was the reason.

He hadn’t even wanted to drop her off to
change clothes. He knew she’d come up with an excuse not to go out
with him this afternoon and he wasn’t about to give her a chance to
do that. Thank God he had some old boots in the back of his car.
His pants would be okay for what he had planned but as much as he
loved the way she looked in it, her dress and heels wouldn’t.

He heard her coming down the stairs and
paused in his pacing to turn toward her. If he thought the dress
was something, he hadn’t been prepared for her body in jeans. The
denim hugged her curves and the long sleeved t-shirt showed off
every dip and swell. His mouth went dry, looking at her.

“
Wow.” He didn’t realize
he’d said the word out loud until he saw the puzzled look on her
face.

“
I wear dresses and heels
all week, and it’s jeans and a t-shirt that gets me a
wow?”

“
Different rules. The
dresses are hot, especially the sexy librarian thing and don’t get
me started on the heels.” He put his hand over his heart for
emphasis. “But that was back when we weren’t going to date because
you worked for me.”

“
We’re not going to date.
This is not a date.” She didn’t sound sure and he felt a little
better about his chances. “And I still work for you, don’t
I?”

“
Yes, but I’m not letting
it stand in my way anymore. Come on. Grab a jacket. It’s gonna be
windy at the top.”

Autumn had no idea how she’d let things with
Jude get so out of hand. One minute she’d been sitting at the
computer feeling miserable because of old lady Morris, the next
she’d been staring into his hazel eyes, wishing he’d kiss her. He
told her to come on and she followed him like a puppy out to his
car. The same car she was sitting in as it wound its way up the
side of the mountain.

He’d waited for her to get changed, made that
crazy comment about dating and then helped her back into his Jag.
She’d watched as the town fell away, giving way to the familiar
scenery of the Blue Ridge Parkway.

Growing up, she’d loved the Parkway and the
smoky blue of the Blue Ridge Mountains. As soon as she’d gotten her
license, she urged Gran’s Pontiac to make the climb on the
weekends. She sat in the grass at one of the overlooks and day
dreamed about her father, what it would be like to run into him
there

She was twenty-eight and
had long ago given up the hope that her father would find her and
whisk her off to live with him in a respectable, orderly home where
she’d be the only child. And he’d be proud she was his. But as a
child she’d dreamt about him like Lil’ Orphan Annie’s
Maybe
song.

He’d be handsome and dressed well but not
fussy. She’d see him watching her and she’d nod and smile. “Excuse
me,” he’d say. “I don’t mean to be forward.” In her fantasies, he
had a slight English accent. “I’m not an ax murderer by the way.
You look so familiar. Do I know you?”

“
Don’t all ax murderers say
that?” she’d say and he’d laugh. They’d talk like that back and
forth witty and polite until they realized he was her father. He’d
say he was sorry about her mother. She always glossed over that
part, knowing he’d have a good reason for leaving her. He’d
understand if she wanted to stay with Gran, but now that he knew
her, he couldn’t leave her again. He’d ask if she wanted to come
live with him and she’d say yes.

It would be just like Harry Potter and Sirius
Black, only better because her dad wouldn’t get himself killed by
dark wizards.

As they passed the familiar overlooks, she
felt the same wistful sadness she had as a girl. It didn’t matter,
or at least it didn’t have to. She’d grown up without a father. So
had lots of women. It wasn’t the way the way it should be, but damn
it, it didn’t have to define her any more. When Jude said she was
who mattered, she’d had a moment when she believed him. She wanted
to feel like that again.

“
You’re awfully quiet. You
don’t get carsick, do you?” The Jag hugged the switchback, its
engine revving on the uphill side. Even in the passenger seat she
could tell it wasn’t having any trouble climbing.

“
No.” She thought for a
moment and grinned. “Well, maybe a little. I think it would go away
completely if you let me drive.” She watched his profile and saw
the corner of his mouth twitch.

“
Not today, sunshine. We’ll
take a break so you can settle your stomach.”

In a few moments he made it to the top of the
road which was actually at the base of the Peaks of Otter. He
pulled the car into the parking lot in front of the country store
which sat in the shadow of the twin mountains. There were only a
handful of cars and motorcycles in the lot, but in a few weeks,
when the changing leaves reached their peak, it would be crammed
full. The parkway itself would be busy with weekend sightseers
coming to marvel at the fall color.

Before she could pull the handle, Jude jumped
out and ran around to open her door.

“
You can lean on me if
you’re feeling woozy,” he said with a wink.

“
I’ll be fine.” She climbed
out of the car, trying not to pay attention to how good he smelled
or how close he stayed to her.

When he opened the door to store the spicy
scent of chili came out in a delicious wave and her stomach
rumbled. They’d worked until lunchtime and hadn’t taken time to eat
after.

“
Hungry?”

“
Starving.”

He grinned at her. God, he was handsome. His
rumpled sandy hair begged her to run her fingers through it and his
hazel eyes were clear and kind. He had full, chiseled lips and for
a moment she let herself imagine what it would be like to kiss him.
While she watched, his grin grew wider, almost as if he could tell
what she was thinking.

“
Good. Me, too.” He walked
to the counter beside a deli case holding big blocks of cheese and
salty country ham. Bushel baskets of apples sat on the floor and
bottles of wine stood in a rack against the wall. The place was set
up to provision parkway picnickers.

“
Chili?” he asked and she
nodded. “Two bowls of chili and a chunk of that cheese, please.” He
pointed to a big wheel of cheddar and the pretty girl behind the
counter hurried to fill his request.

“
Would y’all like some
cornbread to go with it?” she asked, concentrating the full force
of her smile on Jude and ignoring Autumn.

“
Please.” He turned from
the disappointed sales clerk without a second look. “What do you
want to drink?” He opened the cooler and pulled out a glass bottle
of Stewart’s Orange soda and two bottles of water.

She hadn’t had one of those since she was a
kid. “Orange soda would be great.”

He pulled out a second bottle and set the
drinks on the counter. “Can you grab a handful of apples,
please?”

She picked the five nicest Pink Lady apples
she could find in the basket and juggled them in her arms.

“
Here, let me help.” He
reached for the apples, his hand barely brushing the underside of
her breast. He sucked in some air and they both froze. His touch
was accidental but at the same time intimate, like some kind of
line had been crossed.

“
I got them,” she said, her
voice sounding breathy.

She set the apples beside the drinks and the
clerk added two Styrofoam tubs of chili and waxed paper packages of
corn bread. Jude stuck a gigantic candy bar on the counter and
pulled out his wallet.

“
Can you eat all that?”
Autumn was hungry, but it was a lot of food for just the two of
them.

“
Not all at once. Some of
it is for the top.” He grabbed the paper bag full of food and led
her out the door. They made their way to an empty table tucked
under a huge oak tree and he unpacked their picnic.

“
We’re climbing to the top?
I haven’t been up Sharp Top since I was a girl.” The idea excited
her. The hike to the top would clear her head. There was nothing
like standing on top of a mountain looking down to put things into
perspective. It was the perfect day – no crowds, perfect clear
weather. Perfect guy.

On second thought maybe it wouldn’t help
clear her head, but she was still grinning as she took a spoonful
of her chili.

“
I love it here. We used to
come up almost every Sunday after church. Momma or Mary would pack
a picnic and we’d pile into the station wagon.” He laughed at the
memory. “No car seat rules, so the seven of us kids would fight
over the backseat or the way back. We’d mess with each other the
whole way and Daddy would swear and threaten to pull the car
over.

“
I think we undid all the
good church did for our souls with that one trip.” He caught
himself and looked at her concerned. “I’m sorry. You don’t want to
hear about that.” The part he left unspoken was that she didn’t
want to hear about his perfect family when hers wasn’t.

“
No, I do. It sounds
great.” It did. She dunked a piece of corn bread into her chili,
imagining a car full of kids, tussling and laughing their way up
the mountain with a mom and a dad together in the front
seat.

Instead of the longing she expected to feel,
she felt something else. Hopeful. Like maybe a different picture
was possible for her, too. In place of the sad girl waiting for a
father she didn’t know, maybe she could build her own family. Fill
a car with her own sandy-haired kids with hazel eyes and a man
sitting in the seat next to her. One who loved her and would never
leave.

She took a swallow of sticky orange soda and
tried to picture someone – anyone – other than Jude in that
seat.

“
What was it like growing
up in such a big family?” Maybe if she concentrated on stories of
his family, she’d stop trying to write him into hers.

“
Yours was big, too, wasn’t
it?”

“
Yeah, six kids instead of
seven, but we didn’t really live together the whole time. Emory and
Matty died when Summer and I were kids and my mother passed after
that.” She still felt the tug on her heart when she said Matty’s
name, but under the clear early fall light she felt more love than
sadness. “She left us before she died anyway. After my brothers
died she started to drink. She never came back.”

“
I’m sorry. Emory and I
were in the same class, but I didn’t really know him. I can’t
imagine how hard that must have been on your family.”

She couldn’t believe she hadn’t realized that
sooner. He and Emory were the same age or would have been. She
watched him as he ate. His strong jaw and kind smile, chiseled lips
and eyes full of what looked like sympathy not pity. The contrast
between the accomplished doctor and her reckless brother couldn’t
be clearer.

What if Emory had lived? She took a bite of
the apple and the crisp, sweet tart taste flooded her mouth. He’d
been a wild kid, but he’d lost his dad, too. He and Colin and
Lindsey were the only ones to live with a mother and father who
were married to each other. They’d been a normal ordinary family,
for a while anyway. He’d been the oldest. It made sense he would
have taken his dad’s leaving hard and gone a little crazy.

Maybe if he lived long enough he would have
grown out of it. Maybe not, but for the first time ever she could
see him for who he’d been, a hurt teenager who missed his family
the way it was. He made a mistake, but so did everyone else.

Enough of the past for one day. She put the
thought away to turn it over later.