Field Study (20 page)

She thinks about Feliksa, wondered if she ever doubted Marek would return and what that felt like. Wonders how she will feel back in Poland knowing that Piotr will not come home. At the moment she tastes the smooth asparagus fibres, the salty butter, the floury potatoes.

– You will marry her then?

The waiter has gone.

– Yes.

– For the papers?

He shrugs. Above them, beyond the trees, a train is coming. Slow metal jolt and groan, Ewa has to raise her voice as it approaches.

– It’s not that way for her, is it?

– No.

– For you?

No words, just a small movement of the head.

Ewa listens as the train rolls over them, passes. Thinks she should be pleased: he is trying his best not to hurt her. That it is funny, that after all the years and everything in them, he should want to be so careful.

__

Nicole is still awake when they come back to the flat. The light is not on in the hallway, but Ewa can see she has been crying.

– Would you like to stay? Please stay, it is no problem.

She is learning Polish, she says, speaks hesitantly, correctly. The words come out slow, but they are friendly. Nicole gathers sheets and blankets, pulls the sofa cushions together on the floor, brings a pillow through from their bedroom. Ewa waits by the window, realises when the bed is made that she never offered to help her.

– T-shirt? Something to sleep in?

– I’ll be fine. Thank you.

The flat is quiet, the curtains open. Ewa lies on the floor and watches as the occasional car headlights pass across the ceiling. When it gets light, she washes her face and leaves
the blankets folded on the sofa.

__

The station is not far, so she walks to save the waiting and the bus fare, and once there, she finds a bench, lies half-awake on the clean, new platform.

Changes are coming, always more of them, but their lives are passing too. Too fast to be waiting. Jacek will be grown one day soon and that whole part of her life over. Unless she finds another man, has another baby, begins again with a whole new family. Or she could study, maybe with Lila, maybe if Piotr really does start earning and sending them money. Or she will talk to her sister. About training and then working for her in the salon. Not sure what Tadeusz would say to that, but it’s what Dorota always wanted.

Ewa dozes. Doesn’t know what all these plans will look like when she gets home. Doesn’t want to think about that now. Not about Piotr or Nicole or anything for a while.

When the kiosk opens, she counts out her change, buys a coffee, a pretzel. The station roof is high and light, trains and announcements more frequent now. Seven thirty-five and the first train out is not till after nine. At the farm they will be finishing their breakfast; by mid-morning she will be out in the fields again. Two more weeks, three at the most, then home. Ewa thinks she will wait another half-hour, then go and find a phone
Jacek will just be awake by then, and she looks forward to hearing the rhythm of sleep still in his breathing, his sullen morning tones.

Grateful thanks to Toby Eady and his Associates, and to all at Orme Court. To my editors Ravi Michandani, Goerg Reuchlein, Claudia Vidoni and especially Dan Frank. To Willy Maley for always having time. Also to the many people who helped me in the research and writing: Agnieszka Latakos, Siobhan Edwards, Paddy Lyons, Paul Welsh, Gretchen Seiffert, Hedi Röhl, Getrud Waageman, Harald Heinrich in Beelitz, Dieter Tannenberger of the Dachverband der privaten Bauernverbände in Dittmannsdorf, Herr Nienhaus from the Landesarbeiteramt in Berlin, Terry Thomas and his bees, and the British Beekeepers Association.