Finding Eden (6 page)

“
Sorry,” I
say and try to keep the annoyance out of my voice. I can see in her
colors that she's beginning to get mad at me. Evaughn doesn't get mad
too often, and when she does, it really takes a lot of provocation.

The rest of the lunch
period is silent. I'm annoyed and everyone is annoyed at me, except
for Sahariel. I don't know what he is feeling, except for when the
string between up is plucked, and I can sense the remnants of some
strong emotion he's had. Lunch ends and we all part ways, except for
Sahariel and me. My life seems to have changed to fit Sahariel now.
He's become a part of me, at school anyway.

We walk to art in
silence. Sahariel's begun to walk next to me, rather than behind. We
almost look like friends, if only we were having a conversation, but
we walk in silence. I rarely make an attempt to talk to him, and
whenever I do I feel like I'm interrogating him, and today I don't
feel like doing that.

I set up my things and
Sahariel sets up right next to me. I leave my painting covered,
unwilling to admit to myself that I haven't finished a painting that
I started months ago.

“
You’re
having trouble finishing your painting, aren't you?” Sahariel
asks.

“
Yeah,” I
say, “it's her eyes. I can't finish her eyes.”

“
Some cultures
believe that painting someone’s eyes captures their entire soul
in the painting, and their soul is doomed to live eternity staring
out at the world they can no longer join, never knowing true rest.”

“
You know you're a
bit of a downer, right?”

He shrugs.

“
Besides,” he
says, “you're painting your mother, a woman you don't remember.
Are you really willing to paint all of her and allow people who have
no tie to her know the same amount about her that you do? Leave
something to the imagination. Make her a mystery to others like she
was once a mystery to you.”

I look from him to my
canvas and finally figure out what to do. I repaint her hair to blow
into her eyes, the sun sitting behind her, and casting shadows on the
front of her face. She turns from an unfinished painting into a
mysterious woman you wish you knew. I sit back once I'm done and feel
oddly at peace.

I stand and grab the
painting and hand it to Miss Brody.

“
Wow, Eden,”
she says, “what made you decide to change the presentation?”

“
Something someone
said to me about mystery,” I say and return to my seat.

I glance over at
Sahariel's painting as he uncovers it, and what I see leaves me
breathless.

On the canvas is a
collection of colors that, ordinarily, wouldn't make you look twice,
but the way Sahariel's put them together, he's created a beautiful
landscape that's detailed to perfection.

A pink and lavender
sunset is dotted with fluffy clouds that glow violet in the sky.
Blades of emerald green grass flourish beneath the canopies of golden
leafed trees as wildflowers, colored red, orange, yellow and white,
grow across the field.

I stare at the painting
left completely breathless by its beauty.

“
Is that a real
place?” I ask before I can stop myself.

“
To you?” He
says quietly, “No. But to me, yes. Very much so. This is the
place I go when I feel lost.”

“
I wish I could go
there,” I sigh quietly.

“
One day you may
learn how,” he smiles sadly.

“
And you speak as
though it's a real place.”

“
Like I said,”
he looks back at his painting, “it's real to me.”

His voice is sad, almost
lonely sounding. Like he's alone and is carrying the world on his
shoulders. But I'm not certain. I can't see his colors and at this
very moment it's killing me.

“
I'm sorry,”
I say and reach out toward him, wanting to comfort him.

Before my fingers can
even think about brushing his shoulder, he moves away uncomfortably.
Hurt and rejection quickly wash through me withering my hope seeds.
I'm only left with annoyance and anger. I glare at him but I don't
know if he notices.

“
I don't know what
it is with you,” I say angrily.

“
What?” He
sounds confused.

“
You follow me
around like you like me, like you want to be close to me, but when I
make a move to simply touch you, you move away, like I disgust you. I
don't understand you at all. What is your problem?” I whisper
hotly.

“
You do not disgust
me,” he simply states and shakes his head, “it would just
be inappropriate if I did.”

“
Inappropriate?”
I ask with strong confusion.

“
Yes,” he
doesn't say anymore and I can tell he's done with the conversation.

I don't want to sit here
any longer. I throw the sheet over my canvas and chuck my supplies
into the tackle box at my feet. I make my way to the door without
saying anything.

“
Eden,” Miss
Brody stops me, “are you alright?”

“
Not particularly,”
I say, “I'm not feeling well. I'm going to give my dad a call
then head home.”

“
Alright,”
she smiles, “I hope you feel better.”

“
Me too,” I
say, the whole time trying to keep the anger out of my voice.

I walk out of the class
and close the door behind myself. Before it closes, I can hear
Sahariel excuse himself as he's putting his things away. Is he really
going to follow me right out of the middle of class?

I'm almost to the doors
that lead to the parking lot when I feel him suddenly behind me. It
makes me feel like stabbing brain lady and salting the fields.

“
What do I have to
say to get you to go away?” I turn, practically yelling, “Do
I have to order you to do it or something?”

He doesn't say anything.
All he does is stand there and look at me and I know I've hit the
answer. I smile.

“
Wait,” he
says suddenly, “you don't want to do this.”

“
Why is that?”
I ask.

“
Because it will be
bad.”

“
Right.”

“
Please listen to
me,” he almost sounds like he's pleading.

“
No,” I say
angrily, “my life was relatively normal before you showed up.
Then one day you get here and decide to make my life hell. For what
reason, I don't know, but I want my life back. So that's it
Sahariel,” I step a little closer to him, “I don't like
you stalking behind me, shadowing my every move. So stop following
me, Sahariel. That's an order.”

I can see it in his eyes.
He's torn between following orders and not. I know he doesn't want to
follow them, that's plain to see without being able to see his
colors. Slowly, his resolve crumbles and I'm surprised when, without
anything but a bow, he turns and walks away from me.

I walk him walk away.
With each step he takes I feel a pull, a tug on the invisible string,
and an odd compulsion to follow him surges through me. I stifle the
feeling and push it down, and as soon as I do I can't help but feel
elated that I'm finally being left alone. Triumphantly, I walk
through the doors out to the parking lot and go home.

The next day I walk into
the school with a smile on my face.

“
Someone looks
happy,” Evaughn comments, her aura shining a tranquil and happy
glow, hinting at the same elated feeling that I have at the moment.

“
Very happy
indeed,” I say to her smiling, “I was finally able to get
rid of him.”

“
Get rid of who?”
She asks.

“
My living shadow,”
I say, then clarifying, “Sahariel.”

“
Oh,” she
mouths.

“
It's so nice not
to have someone following me around all the time. You have no idea.”

“
I kind of liked
having him around,” she says with a shrug, her colors betraying
her dismay at the news.

In my mind I try not to
agree with her and I sit down in my seat.

I try to pay attention,
but my eyes keep wandering over to the empty seat next to me. I stare
at it wondering if he changed his whole schedule or if he's decided
to skip class entirely. I'm so distracted by the thoughts running
through my mind I don't hear the question the teacher asks me, brain
lady weeping at her ruined fields.

“
Eden,” the
teacher says my name at the same time Evaughn kicks the back of my
seat.

“
Hmm?” I
glance at the teacher and then realize she's just asked me a
question.

“
Sorry,” my
eyes finally focus on my teacher, “could you repeat the
question please?”

She does, and I'm unable
to answer it. I sigh. I don't want to be here. Looking at the teacher
neither does she. Damn geology.

I'm asleep and I'm
dreaming, and in my dream I'm falling. I'm falling so fast that I
can't make out the shapes that are whizzing past me. I don't know why
I'm falling. I didn't jump, I wasn't pushed, I just started out this
way; just falling way too fast. The worst part isn't that I'm
falling; it isn't even that I can't find anything to grab onto. The
worst part is, is that no one is there to catch me, not even
Sahariel. That's the most frightening part. I'm by myself.

I don't know if I hit the
ground in my dream. I wake up panting and covered in sweat, my heart
pounding out a disjointed rhythm so loud it makes my ears hurt and my
mind race about whether I remembered my pill. I don't like this
dream. It frightens me too much.

I started having this
dream a few days after I ordered Sahariel to stop following me. I've
had this dream every night since then. Every night for two weeks.
After I wake up from it, I can't go back to sleep. I'm too scared and
alone. I haven't slept that much and now I look like crap.

The little red numbers on
the clock next to the bed mock me as they tell me the time. I swear I
can almost hear the electronic snickering as the numbers read three
in the morning loud and clear. After laying there for an hour longer,
I eventually give up and turn on the television.

There's nothing on aside
from awkward workout videos and laughable infomercials.
Unfortunately, no matter how many times I cycle through the channels,
they don't change or get any better.

It's official. I am now
an insomniac. I am so tired but I can't sleep. My body is plagued
with that awful falling feeling every time I close my eyes for more
than a few seconds and brain lady is still weeping.

“
God,” I moan
and rub my face, “I hate this.”

I don't know where the
hell this dream came from, but I wish it would go away.

Return to sender.

Do. Not. Want.

Instead of lying in bed
all morning, I decide to get up and take a bath, and for the first
time in what seems like forever, I'm filling the tub with hot water
and adding bubble bath. I undress and step into the tub, and soon I'm
relaxing in sweet smelling bubbles and hot water.

I spend the rest of the
morning in the tub, and when the time comes for me to get out, I
don't want to. I stare at the clock in the bathroom for a long time
wishing I didn't have to go to school, but I do. I finally decide to
get out and get ready, quickly dressing and leaving the house before
I change my mind and stay home.

The drive to school is
slow and lazy. I take the long route to school, hoping beyond hope
that I don't get to school with extra time to spare. If that happens
then I will just start thinking about Sahariel, and that just isn't
good. I get to school and pull into a parking spot. As luck would
have it, Evaughn is already there, standing at the doors like a
welcoming beacon of light.

“
You look like
crap,” she says.

“
Thanks,” I
say, “I feel like crap.”

“
Are you doing
okay?”

“
Not really,”
I shake my head, “I've been having bad dreams lately, and
they've been keeping me up.”

“
Do you want to
talk about it?” She asks as we step through the doorway into
the hallway.