Flynn, Joyee - A Zane Po' Boy [The O'Hagan Way 3] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour ManLove) (7 page)

Weird.

The fresh air felt good as I breathed it in. Isaac kept slowing me down, but I felt better than I had in months and wanted to really stretch my legs.

“Yeah, Brian said they weren’t scared of me and knew it was an accident,” I answered, relieved that we’d overcome that hurdle, and I didn’t just mean that I’d accidently hurt him. My gift tended to freak a lot of people out. “I’m still really nervous around them though.”

“How so?”

“It’s like after all these months of having a part of me hate them for walking away and another part wish they’d come back, my insides don’t know what to do with them being here. Hell, I keep thinking I’m going to blink and realize it was just a dream.”

“I think that’s normal given what you’ve all been through,” Isaac said after a minute of thought. “I’m thrilled how much better your coloring is today. And I don’t want to sound like an ass, but I’m proud of you that you’re giving them another chance.”

“You are?” I was worried he thought I was letting them back in too easily.

“Yeah, Zane, I am. They screwed up but they didn’t
mean
to hurt you. They were acting rashly on their own emotions, but they hopped on a plane the second they knew you weren’t doing well. That speaks a lot to their character.” He went on to tell me exactly everything that happened in Ireland and how my mates ended up back here.

“It felt really good to hold Brian,” I admitted sheepishly, my face heating up with embarrassment. “I felt complete in a way and sad in others.”

“Because Banning wasn’t there?” he asked gently with no judgment at all.

“I think so,” I whispered, feeling like a pussy.

“You need to tell them about your past, Zane. I know you don’t want to, and I will if you can’t, but I think it should come from you. It will help.”

“How will them knowing I had a fucked-up family and life before becoming a warrior help?” I growled, hating my past.

“Because they’ll understand why they need to ease you into both of them being around you at the same time. Plus, it’s not something you should hide from your mates. No matter how hard it was, I never regretted telling Rory everything. Fate wouldn’t have given both of them to you if they couldn’t handle it.”

“What if they get too freaked out and run again?” I asked, voicing my biggest fear.

“Dude, not to rub in what happened last night, but you almost fried your mate’s nerves and he climbed back into bed with you. They’re not going anywhere.” He seemed so sure about it that I was willing to trust his instincts.

“Okay, I’ll talk to them. I’m just not sure I can tell them both at once.”

“Then tell just one of them and let them tell the other. They can feel each other’s emotions, so I doubt anything will be lost in translation,” Isaac suggested, but I shook my head.

“No, I need to tell them together. They’re going to start thinking I only want one of them if I keep dividing my time between them.”

“Just go slow. You’re doing better already, and I don’t want you to crawl back in your hole.”

I was glad when we walked back up to the house, ready to be done with this discussion. It was as if I’d fried my own nerves with everything that had happened. I could only deal with issues a little at a time. Too much and I felt like I was going to overload and burst.

“This feels kinda silly.” I chuckled as Isaac escorted me back to my cell/room thing.

“Just humor me until I know you won’t snap again,” he said gently. I winced but nodded. That was fair. “I’m not bringing it up to be a shit, but I wanted you to understand why. The road to getting better isn’t straight and narrow. Hell, mine had all types of twists and loop-de-loops to where, if I didn’t have someone watching me, I would have jumped right off the path.”

“But at some point in time you’re going to have to have to trust I can do this,” I replied with a nod, not fighting, as we walked back into my room. “Letting you go to the airport to run away was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I was so scared you wouldn’t come back or would off yourself. But I trusted you to tell me the truth.”

“Right, but you had a few days of keeping me in the hospital before we got to that point. So I at least get a few days of you here,” he countered. I shrugged and pulled off my sweatshirt. “I’ll see you after work.”

“Okay. Can you send both my mates in with breakfast? If proving to you I can handle things gets me out of here and back into my normal life, then I will.”

“Why are you so against this all of a sudden? I thought you were going to take this time as a sabbatical.” He seemed confused and hurt. That wasn’t what I wanted.

“Because it’s a cage, Isaac. It’s a nicely dressed-up, fully equipped cage, but it’s still a cage. You had to know how hard that would be for me, and everyone just keeps looking at me with pity.” His face paled so fast that I realized he didn’t ever realize it.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispered. “I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to help you.”

“I know, and I’m not mad, but it’s still hard.”

“How about we amend the rules,” he said quickly when I turned toward the bathroom. “If you promise not to fight your mates and stay with both of them, you can leave the room anytime you like. Deal?”

“Yeah, that’s cool,” I sighed with relief. Suddenly I didn’t feel so trapped. “I can handle that.”

“Okay, good. Good. I didn’t think about when—”

“It’s okay. Go get your ass to work.” I chuckled, not wanting to delve into the past when I was going to real soon when I talked to my mates. When I saw Isaac still looked upset, I decided to try and throw him a bone. “How about you and I just have dinner tonight? Get Hadley to make lasagna and we’ll just hang out if Rory’s okay with it.”

“Yeah, he goes into heat tomorrow so he’ll be cool with it.” My friend’s face looked equal parts relieved and happy at the idea. He gave me a wave and headed out. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. It amazed me how sweaty and tired I was after simply walking. But then again, after months and months of not taking care of myself, sometimes just getting out of bed was exhausting.

I just finished showering, reaching for a towel to dry off, while still lost in my thoughts. I wrapped it around my hips, grabbing another one for my hair, thinking I needed a haircut as I stepped out into the room. Brian gasped and almost dropped the tray of food he was holding. He put it down on the table and raced over to me.

“Dear god,” he whispered as he traced the jagged marks on my chest with his fingers. I realized what had him so freaked. I glanced down and winced at all the claw marks still marring my body. “Why haven’t they healed?”

“Injuries from demons normally take longer to heal, but since my body wasn’t at full health, it’s taking longer.” I shrugged, not really trying to make a big deal about it. I shivered when both his hands started tracing the marks.

“Can’t the doc heal ya?” Banning asked from across the room, concern in his tone.

“Riley’s got enough people who need to use his gift. Plus, he’s got a baby and other responsibilities,” I answered as I moved away from Brian. “They’ll heal in time. They’re not life threatening or anything. They’re just ugly.”

“Nothing on ya be ugly,” Brian whispered as he stepped closer again. I started to get nervous until I realized Banning was still in the same spot. He was watching me intently with those gorgeous silver eyes, but his body was still, indicating he had no intention of moving.

“What are you doing?” I asked in a higher pitch than my normal tone.

“I just wanted a good-morning kiss,” Brian admitted shyly, blushing a pretty color that turned me on. “I thought it would be okay after last night. I apologize—”

I didn’t even let him finish that sentence. I leaned over and brushed my lips over his. He moaned and leaned against me. “I’m not good at this stuff,” I said in a husky voice I barely recognized. “Always assume I don’t understand and not that I’m trying to rebuff you.” I glanced up at Banning. “Okay?”

“Aye, I understand. Do I get a morning kiss as well?” I saw his eyes flare with lust, and I started moving toward him, drawn like a moth to a flame. Suddenly I was across the room with my hand wrapped behind his head, pulling him up to my mouth. I kept it simple, especially since I was in a towel and Banning could feel exactly how much I liked the kiss.

“Wait,” I whimpered as I felt Brian at my back. “I can’t be surrounded like that.” I quickly darted out from in between them, feeling like a complete pussy. “I’m sorry.”

“Ya want to tell us why ya react like that?” Brian asked gently, worry and slight confusion playing across his features.

“That’s why I asked if both of you could come down with breakfast,” I said quickly.

And then I needed something to do with my hands. I moved over to the closet with my clothes and grabbed some sweats and a shirt. I ducked into the bathroom and quickly yanked them on. When I came back out, both my mates were sitting at the table, having already uncovered breakfast, and were looking uncomfortable.

I walked over and grabbed one of the plates of eggs and bacon, moving to sit down on the edge of the bed. “This is going to be hard for me, I’ve only ever told Isaac and the warrior coordinator when I finally found my way to the compound. So if you guys could just bear with me and stay over there.”

“We can do that,” Brian said slowly. We all took a few bites of breakfast.

“My parents weren’t good people,” I sighed, shaking my head. “They had children so they could have workers in their sweatshops. They kept us locked up in the back room of their small factory when we weren’t working. My first memories are of working at a sewing machine making designer suits.”

“How old were you?” Banning asked, his face paling.

“Probably five or six,” I answered with a shrug. “It’s hard to tell. We didn’t celebrate birthdays or keep track of how old we were. It’s not like we were loved or taken care of. Hell, I grew up sickly and underfed, wearing scraps of cloths.” I paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I couldn’t have been more than eight when my gift appeared. We were beaten sometimes if we weren’t behaving according to my sick and twisted parents.

“And I’m guessing my age. Hell, I still do. But my dad came at me to hit me for screwing something up and I screamed. He fell to the ground, writhing around in pain, and I realized I was controlling it. I was so scared I remember peeing myself and crying for forgiveness. He got up after the pain passed and laughed. I mean it was a psycho, scary laugh. I thought he might kill me.

“But he was excited. I could hurt people without leaving bruises. The next time one of my siblings got out of line, he threatened to shoot my baby sister if I didn’t use my gift on them. I was somewhere in the middle of all the kids and the older ones had become just as abusive after the years of beatings. So it was either hurt someone who had been mean to me or watch my father kill my little sister.”

“Ya had no choice,” Banning said gently. “Ya were put in an impossible situation, Zane.”

“I know, but I didn’t know how to control my gift and ended up accidently killing my older brother. My parents freaked out and beat the shit out of me,” I whispered, my eyes starting to burn.

“Which is why two of us surrounding ya freaks ya out,” Brian said, nodding his head in understanding.

“No.” I laughed bitterly. “That was nothing compared to what my older siblings did. They ganged up on me every night when we were locked back up in the rooms. I barely survived my childhood and tried my best never to be backed into a corner.”

“Can I ask how ya can be a warrior and go into battle when they might surround ya?” Banning gave me a curious glance. It wasn’t filled with contempt or condemnation, just wonder.

“Because then the goal is to kill,” I answered, hanging my head in shame before stuffing my mouth full of more food and chewing furiously. It was a stupid stall tactic, but I needed just a few moments before continuing. “I never fought back against my family. I couldn’t. Yeah, they were horrid, but they were still my family. It’s not the same with demons, but it would be with you both. I don’t care if you were trying to kill me, I know I could never retaliate or risk hurting you.”