Forget Me Not (Remember Me Series) (15 page)

I wasn’t in Christopher’s shadow anymore and I needed to accept it. He was gone, shot by the man Aidan had worked with. He wasn’t coming back. And yet, every so often as I walked along the street on my own I often found myself glancing from left to right. A man in a business suit across the street on a cell phone reminded me of Christopher. It was the way he stood, the gestures he made as he spoke.

I reached into my bag with trembling hands and drew my new cell phone from its depths. Sarah had picked it up for me and as I flipped the screen up I instantly began searching through the phone numbers. There was one name I searched for, one number I wanted. But it wasn’t in the cell phone. Aidan’s number was missing.

Closing my eyes I sucked in a deep breath and pushed the cell phone back into my bag. Once I had calmed down I started to move forward, it wasn’t far to Sarah’s apartment. All I needed to do was keep walking, keep moving and nothing would harm me.

Without thinking my legs carried me straight to Aidan’s apartment. I had no idea why I did it. He was going to think I was crazy but it was the one place I felt safe. It was stupid, Aidan’s apartment was the place I was taken from and yet I still felt as though it would be the safest place on earth.

Realisation hit me. It had nothing to do with the apartment. The feeling of safety wasn’t to do with four walls, it was what lay within the four walls. I felt safe because of Aidan. He helped me to feel protected, in his arms was the only place I wanted to be.

I climbed the steps to the building and pushed the door open. I didn’t hesitate as I climbed the stairs, in fact I’d never been more sure of anything in my life. It wasn’t until I reached Aidan’s door that I felt the first rush of apprehension. Would he turn me away?

I remembered the first time I had come here. I’d sat on the floor outside his apartment until he’d returned home. Colour rushed into my cheeks as I remembered what had happened as soon as we had stepped inside. The touch of his hands on my skin. The way he had carried me to the bed. The taste of his mouth on mine as our bodies tangled together.

Standing outside the door I swayed as the rush of emotion poured over me. Is that what would happen now? Would he open the door, drag me into his arms and kiss me until I gave into him? Once he saw my body would he still want me?

The last thought was like having a bucket of cold water poured over my head. I didn’t want Aidan to reject me and I knew he would. Once he saw that Christopher had left his mark on me, he wouldn’t want me anymore. I was damaged goods and Aidan deserved someone perfect.

I lifted my hand to knock, my heart urging me to do it. I wanted him. I wanted to feel his body against mine, I wanted to taste his kiss again, even if it was just this last time. But I couldn’t bring myself to knock. I wanted to. I really wanted to, but my fear was greater and it swallowed my courage whole.

I moved away from the door and took the stairs two at a time. Once I was on the street I ran. I had nowhere left to run but back to my sister’s apartment and so it was there I headed. I imagined climbing into my bed and pulling the covers over my head, blocking out the rest of the world.

Reaching the apartment block I sped up the stairs, my fingers trembling as I tried to shove my keys into the lock. The sound of voices in the kitchen drew my attention and as I rounded the corner I saw them.

Sarah’s arms were locked around Aidan’s shoulders. They stood so close together that I couldn’t imagine anything getting between them… But that wasn’t what broke my heart. I watched the kiss, my heart shattering in my chest.

Stumbling from the room I tried to breathe, tried to suck in any air at all and failed. It reminded me of being in the hospital and not being able to breathe except this time I didn’t have a collapsed lung to blame it on.

I slid down the stairs, my body pressed to the wall, on the last three steps my body gave out and I slumped to the ground, tumbling to the concrete floor. But I didn’t feel it. I couldn’t feel anything but the screaming ache in my chest.

Watching the kiss had punched a hole right through my ribcage. My heart was torn from my chest still beating. I imagined Aidan and Bella examining it, like one might examine a rare specimen. Poking and prodding at it until finally with one last shuddering gasp it gave up the fight and fell silent.

The sound of a slamming door had me pushing myself to my feet. I made it to the door and escaped out into the late evening air. It had started to rain and in seconds my clothes were plastered to my body. My hair, hung around my face in limp strands but none of that mattered. Nothing mattered in comparison to what I had seen. My sister and the man I loved. How long had it been going on for? Was I really so blind and stupid that I hadn’t seen it coming?

The dull roar of his voice calling my name made me run. I didn’t want to see him, I didn’t want him to touch me. Even the sound of his voice as he called my name felt like being stabbed over and over.

He grabbed my arm and swung my body around to face him. I lifted my hand, my palm cracking across his face before he even had a chance to defend himself. He held me, the look on his face stunned as rain trickled into his eyes.

“It’s not what you think, Bella, I would never do that to you.”

I shook my head and struggled to lift my hands to cover my ears. I didn’t want to hear his excuses. I didn’t want to know anything about it. All I wanted was to be left alone. He had broken my heart and it wasn’t something I could just forgive.

“Bella, please, listen to me. I love you, Sarah kissed me.”

Anger flared within me. Why couldn’t he just own up to his mistakes? Why would he pretend, I’d walked in on them. If I hadn’t caught them, I knew where it would have ended up.

“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare lie to me. I know what I saw. I know what you were doing, the least you can do is admit it.”

He fell silent and I shrugged free of his grip. I started down the street. I had no clue where I would go to, all I knew was I needed to get as far away from him as I could. Discovering that everything I’d ever held dear was a lie broke me in more ways than one.

“Bella! Please. I swear nothing was going on, Sarah made a pass at me and I knocked her back. I would never do that to you. God I love you! Will you listen to me, please?”

There was something in his voice that made me turn back. I could hear the anguish, his pain called out to mine and I understood it. I understood him. We were one soul, two bodies, I couldn’t deny that. But it didn’t change the betrayal I felt. Didn’t change the fact that my heart lay in pieces.

“Aidan, no, I can’t.” My voice broke, my tears mixing with the rain that poured from the sky. I ran from him, my feet slapping against the pavement as I tried to put as much distance as I could between him and me.

I circled the block before finding a motel. Handing over my credit card I paid for a room and waited for the key. I didn’t care what the room looked like. All I wanted was somewhere to lay down, somewhere I could curl up and lick my wounds. Some place that nobody expected me to be.

Once in the room I pulled the mini fridge open and dragged out the first little bottle of liquor I could get my hands on. I downed it in an instant, reaching automatically for the next one. By my fourth I was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol as it raced through my system. 

Crawling onto the bed I tucked myself into a ball before I finally let my tears flow. I sobbed, my body trembling. Grabbing the pillow I screamed into its white cotton surface before hammering my fists against the mattress. Dust swirled around me, tickling my nose and I didn’t care. None of it mattered now. None of it mattered one little bit anymore. When the alcohol hit I let my body drift, my eyes half closed as I let myself go. It was the only gift I could give myself, the gift of forgetting, even if it would only be for a few short hours.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Aidan

The days dragged by slowly. Bella refused to answer any of my calls and I could feel her slipping away from me. Why Sarah had really done it was beyond me. It didn’t make any sense. She was the first one to admit that Bella had been through enough and yet she had still tried it on with me.

Of course I couldn’t help but feel a certain amount of guilt over the entire situation. Had I done something to draw her on me? Had I perhaps encouraged her in any way? I was pretty sure the answer to all of the questions was no but it didn’t help to make me feel better.

Part of me wondered if this was my punishment. I had brought Bella back, brought her back from somewhere my own selfishness had taken her. And now I would have to watch her get on with her own life. Watch her move on and leave me behind.

The look in her eyes when I’d held her by the arms and begged her to let me explain had told me everything I needed to know. She hated me. She would never allow me back in her life now, it would take a miracle to get her to trust me again. And I was fresh out of miracles.

Standing in the kitchen I stared down into the bowl of breakfast cereal I had poured for myself. There was no milk in the house but I didn’t care. There was nothing else to eat and dry cereal helped me feel as though I was atoning somehow for my sins.

Heavy knocking on the door had me spilling dry cereal across the counter. I wanted it to be Bella but I knew it wouldn’t be. Pulling the door open I stared out at Will. He was dressed immaculately, his dark charcoal suit bringing out the colour in his eyes.

“I told you to swing by so you could sign the papers.”

His voice was brisk, businesslike. I moved aside and gestured for him to follow me inside. I didn’t bother answering him about the papers he was so eager for me to sign. I couldn’t have cared less about signing papers.

“I thought Bella might be here?” 

Will’s voice was filled with curiosity. I sat down on the bar stool at the kitchen counter and watched him as he made his way across the floor. He dumped his briefcase down in front of me and flipped the case open.

“Well she’s not.”

“I could have sworn that you were a man on a mission the other night? What happened?”

“Her sister made a pass at me and Bella walked in on it.”

Will winced, his face wrinkling as though he could honestly feel the pain of the situation I was describing. He didn’t strike me as the type who ever got caught doing something they shouldn’t. He was far too good and honest for all of that.

“So how is she?”

I shrugged and shovelled a spoonful of dry cereal into my mouth. I crunched on it thoughtfully as he stared at me.

“You haven’t tried to contact her?”

“Of course I have, it was the first thing I tried to do. I chased her down the street after it happened. She wants nothing more to do with me. I disgust her.”

Will shook his head and lifted a pile of crisp documents from the depths of the briefcase.

“I think you’ve given up way too easily. If I were you, and Bella was Paige I wouldn’t ever give up. I’d keep trying until she listened to me… Really listened to me. I’d want her to know the truth and if after that she still didn’t want anything to do with me… Well then I’d have to respect her decision.”

“You don’t know Bella the way I do, she’s already made her mind up. It won’t matter what I try to do now, she’s not interested. She thinks I cheated on her, how can she ever forgive me for that?”

Will shoved the papers across the table towards me and dropped a pen on top.

“I know it’s difficult, but I think Paige was right. Bella is hurting, more than anyone realises. She needs to know that she has you on her side. Paige was the same. She needed to know that I was there for her, that no matter what Christopher had, or hadn’t done, that I still loved her, still wanted her. That I would be there for her, in anything she desired.”

I tried to ignore him. What he was saying made sense, it made perfect sense. But how was I supposed to do that for Bella? How was I supposed to tell her everything would be alright when it never would?

Scooping up the pen I stared down at the sheet of paper that lay on the top of the pile. It took me a few moments to fully understand what I was looking at. Something about security caught my eye and I rifled through the pages.

“What’s all this?”

I gestured to the form on top. All Will could do was smile at me.

“I know we didn’t make it official before but I was hoping you’d come and work for my company. I need someone to be head of security and I don’t know anyone better than you.”

I shook my head.

“I can’t do that, I didn’t do any of the things I set out to do. You killed Christopher.”

“But I wouldn’t have achieved half the things I did without you. Look I know you’re a bit hesitant. But I need you on the team, I need someone who understands the complex demands I have. And I need someone I can trust.”

I stared down at the forms and sucked in a deep breath.

“Can you leave them with me?”

Will nodded. “Sure, of course take the time you need. But I’m right about Bella. She needs you, Aidan, you need each other, only a fool would think otherwise.”

He snapped his briefcase shut and headed for the door.

“Don’t miss the boat on this one, Aidan, you’ll regret it, if you do.”

He threw the words back over his shoulder as he disappeared out through the door, pulling it closed with a bang.

I sat in silence, my mind constantly whirling, going over what he had said again and again. What if he was right? What if Bella did just need to know that I was there for her, no matter what? It didn’t seem likely that she would forgive me for what had happened with Sarah, even if it wasn’t doing.

Turning my hand I checked the time on my watch. Half past seven. If I was lucky then I would catch Bella at her sisters. I knew she had gone back there after everything. I didn’t know what Sarah had told her but I could only imagine that she hadn’t painted me in the most flattering of lights.