Four Play: A Collection of Novellas (6 page)

Chapter 10

May 15      Division Playoffs                   90 degrees Fahrenheit

Division playoffs were held in La Crosse, Wisconsin, which was only a two-hour bus drive. Half the ladies on the team chose to ride it, and the other half of us drove our own vehicles. I usually drove Lou, just to have transportation while I was there.

The heat had been insane that weekend. Most of the girls had sunburn on their noses and cheeks. Coach Marny made sure we had plenty of water and oranges to keep cool, but most of us had headaches by Saturday night due to improper hydration.

Nolan was there, but he hadn’t umped one of our games yet, and so far he hadn’t looked at me once. I was grateful for his discretion, but vaguely distressed as well. I should’ve been grateful that he remained focused on his games, but instead I was worried that I’d done something wrong.

We weren’t staying in the same hotel, and since I’d seen him almost every day for the past several weeks, I was going through slight withdrawal. When I’d see him on the field, my body ached for him, and I looked for any excuse I could to watch one of his games just to be closer to him.

It was official: I’d turned into a chick.

I bunked with Wanda at the Super 8, and the rest of the gals paired up, too. We took up half of the second floor, while the Cougars slept on the other end of the hall.

This was a double elimination tournament, and we’d successfully beat the rest of the division’s teams on Saturday.

By noon on Sunday, we’d blown through the tournament undefeated—which meant the Cougars would have to beat us twice. The winner of this tournament would go on to the World Series in Chicago in three weeks.

I watched as the two team’s coaches walked to the plate for the preliminary coin toss to see who would have home team advantage. Both umpires were there: Nolan at home plate and another black-clad man at second base. The butterflies that usually rattled my gut as pre-game jitters failed to arise, and all I could think about was getting home and back into Nolan’s arms.

That thought warranted another internal eye roll. What had I become?

By the time the bottom of the fourth came, I was in my groove. I still hadn’t experienced my usual adrenaline rush for the game, but I remained as focused as I could with Nolan standing behind me.

“You okay?” Wanda asked as she put on her helmet.

I nodded, finding my Louisville Slugger propped against the fence.

“You sure?” she added.

“Yes Wanda, I’m fine. Why?”

“Just making sure. You seem a little off today. I mean, your game has been awesome, but you…you haven’t picked a fight or scolded any of the girls for their behavior this weekend.”

“I’ve got a lot on my mind, that’s all,” I said quickly.

“How did finals go?”

Before I had a chance to answer, Nolan’s voice interrupted us. “Batter up!”

Wanda grabbed her bat and walked out to the plate.

I looked at Nolan and he gave me a wink.

Suddenly I was elated. My butterflies came back in full effect, my attitude completely shifted, and I was able to put all of my efforts and focus into the game. I was happy that Nolan had given me the reassurance I needed, but it was also scary as hell.

At what point did I become insecure? When did I allow emotions to cloud my reasoning? Why did I let myself become a Nolan-addict?

Wanda made it to first base, and I was next up to bat. I swung and missed on the first pitch, but the second I hit into the outfield.

I rounded first and saw Wanda making the run to third. I spotted the ball in the outfield and watched for Coach’s signal for me to keep running. She waved her hand, and I rounded the base to get a clear line to second.

I saw the ball fly through the air and realized I still had a long way to run. I heard Marny’s voice behind me, “Down! Down! Slide, Jack!” and I braced myself for the drop.

I slid into the dirt feet first, feeling the gravel burn a hole through my pants, stinging my thigh. But I watched the ball the whole time, and was relieved to see that I’d reached the base before the second baseman could make the tag. It was a close call, but I knew I was safe.

I bounced to my feet and wiped the dirt from my uniform.

“Out!” I heard Nolan’s voice echo through my ears, but since it conflicted with what I knew was the truth, his word didn’t process immediately.

I looked at the second baseman in her bright blue uniform, and her eyes bulged in disbelief. Then my head snapped to Nolan, but he was already walking back to the plate, and the second base umpire resumed his position as well.

“What?” I screamed, and looked at my teammates in the dugout.

Coach Marny crossed her arms over her chest and walked toward the edge of the foul line, spitting out a wad of chewing tobacco. She wiped her mouth and eyed Nolan skeptically.

“Are you fucking blind, ump?” I hollered.

Nolan continued ignoring me and took the clicker from his pocket to reset the count.

Did he do it on purpose? He knew how much was riding on this game for him to make even the smallest of mistakes. Was it a power thing? Did he feel he needed to prove a point?

I looked around the field as the Cougars waited for me to exit the field. Gritting my teeth, I tipped my chin and jogged back to the dugout.

“Dumb motherfucker,” I mumbled, sitting down on the bench and resting my elbows on my knees.

“Brush it off, Jack,” Jessy said.

“But I was safe!” I shouted.

I glared toward Nolan, and he watched me out of the corner of his eye. So I screamed louder. “Open your eyes, ump!”

He snickered, which only fueled my hatred toward him even more.

Had I not been clear of how much was riding on this game? How could he have honestly not seen that she tagged my foot
after
it was on the base?

Pondering the questions wouldn’t do me any good. Thank God we were ahead, but I couldn’t rule out the possibility that we could still lose. And then I’d really be asking the question of whether or not this game was called fairly.

It was at that point I realized that my entire life was riding on Nolan March. What he said and did every minute of the day impacted my entire future—not just with the game, but with my heart as well.

Within a month, one man had taken my life and flipped it upside down. He’d taken a cold, brash, and focused Jack and turned her into a soft, breakable, and vulnerable Jacqueline.

Fuck that.

I no longer wanted to be a part of the emotional attachment to Nolan. Because no matter how pissed off I was at him for making the wrong call, it had only intensified with how I felt about the man personally. It stung a hell of a lot worse coming from a man that I was falling for.

It came down to a decision I’d have to make between the two. And if we won this game, we were taking the team to the World Series in a few weeks.

I couldn’t quit the team now.

So I’d have to quit Nolan.

And
that
was going to take bigger balls than those with which I was equipped.

Chapter 11

It had been three days since I’d had any contact with Nolan. He’d tried calling and texting, and knowing the next step would be to ‘stop by,’ I made sure my doors were locked at all times.

I knew I’d have to sit down and talk with him about it. It really wasn’t fair that I was ignoring him, but I was so confused and conflicted that I needed some time to gather my thoughts.

We’d won our game, thankfully. And we were scheduled to go to Chicago in less than three weeks. It was the last week of school, and I’d taken all my finals, so I had very little to occupy my mind, which made my emotions about our situation fester.

I finally got the courage to text him back. I chose a time I knew he’d be home.

Can you come over tonight? We need to talk.

Within a minute he responded with a ‘yes,’ and thirty minutes later I heard a knock on my door.

Nolan was wearing a white T-shirt and cargo shorts, and his hands were still stained with oil from the day. His tan was darker, his eyes were brighter, and somehow his presence seemed to relax me the second I laid my eyes on him.

“Hey,” he said, giving me a half smile.

“Come in.” I gestured for him to sit in the living room, and shut the door.

I sat down on the floor cross-legged, and propped my weight back on my hands. Nolan was nervous, and I could almost hear a small plea coming from his stare.

“Have you figured it out yet?” he asked.

My head slanted. “Figured out what?”

“That would be a big ‘no,’” he mumbled.

“Don’t do that. I’m trying to keep this respectable. I’m trying to—”

“You’re trying to break up with me,” he interrupted with a sinister laugh.

“I just think we need to take a break until the season is over, that’s all.”

He rose from the couch and walked toward the door. Just before he reached my entry, he turned and looked at me.

“I’m not going to deny that there was a part of me that thought you might change,” he began. He scratched his forehead and continued. “But I’ve spent the majority of my life watching my dad put me and my mom second to the game, when we should’ve been his first priority. And when I saw the look on your face at the game last weekend, I saw the same look my father gave me when I told him I wasn’t going to play ball. The disappointment, the disapproval, the rejection.” He shook his head and stared at the floor. “I don’t want to spend another minute with someone who’s going to treat me as a benchwarmer. So if you think you’re incapable of giving me as much as you give to the game, then this is never going to work.”

I was at a loss for words. I sat stunned on my living room floor, waiting to see if he had any more to say. My eyes glossed over as I realized that this was it.

Nolan was going to leave forever if I didn’t say something.

But no words came.

My lack of response evidently told him all he needed to know.

“Right.” He gave a quick nod. “Tell number forty to open her stance. And tell thirty-two to step back from the plate a bit. She keeps all her power in her shoulders. She should be aiming for pitches that are high and outside.”

I stared at him confused for a moment and realized that he was giving me the advice he couldn’t when he was my umpire. He had no intention of seeing me after that moment. And that thought ripped a hole in my heart.

As he turned and walked out, a sob escaped me before I could hear the door click shut.

Chapter 12

The fight in my mind raged on. One minute I was convinced we’d done the right thing by calling things off. The next minute I’d be curled up in the corner of my couch trying to find something on the TV to make me cry.

I’d missed practice twice. And I had come up with excuses not to go to my lunch dates with Wanda for almost a month.

I hadn’t truly considered how Nolan felt about the game. But he knew going into this how committed I was, and yet he’d pursued me anyway.

It was useless to try and come up with a solution to whose fault this whole thing was. Because after a week of that, I’d finally stopped being over-emotional and angry.

Now I simply missed him.

June 11     College World Series     96 degrees Fahrenheit

I was completely tuned out. Of all the games to choose where I wasn’t completely focused, I had to pick this one.

I was a shame to the game.

I sat in the dugout with my glove in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. The girls were riled up, and I was happy that we’d worked so hard in the season to make it this far, but their enthusiasm wasn’t having any effect on my glum outlook.

For the first few innings, I was a robot. I wanted to smile, I truly did, but my entire body was moving like a machine. I felt like I’d been reliving a Sunday afternoon hangover for the past three weeks.

“I’ve been watching you,” Coach said, sitting down next to me on the bench. “Something has changed, hasn’t it?”

I ignored her and kept my eye on the game.

Coach Marny leaned back on the bench, and I looked to the gravel at our feet.

“It’s the umpire, isn’t it?” she asked.

I opened my eyes wide and looked at her. My heart instantly rattled at the thought of him, and a smug smile spread to her cheeks.

“It’s nothing. It’s no one,” I snapped.

“Look, Jack, I’ve been watching you for three years in a row. I’ve stood back and watched you build and nurture this team. From the first day of practice when you were a freshman, you were able to make these girls focus on the game, you took charge, and you’ve assumed your role as the captain. And I’ve stayed silent and tolerated it because it seemed to be working.”

I rested my chin against my palm and kept my eyes on the dirt.

“But the minute that new umpire walked on the field, you became someone else completely.” She laughed. “You fell for him, didn’t you?”

I began shaking my head when Jessy cut in. “Yep, she did. I didn’t know who he was until a couple of games ago, either. But I knew he existed. Jack even bought a dress!”

My glare turned toward Jessy, and that’s when I realized the majority of the team stood behind her. All eyes were on me as they gasped.

I slumped and resumed my stare toward the ground.

“Listen to me, Jacqueline,” Coach continued. “There are a few things I’ve learned in the past fifteen years coaching girls like you. You take the game too seriously. You mother the girls too much. And you act like this is a matter of life or death.” She leaned into me and lowered her voice. “But what is your future?” Her brow lifted, assuring I was making a self-assessment. “What comes next for you? Fifteen years of coaching college teams only to realize at age forty that the girls you coach never needed you? It’s a hell of a lesson to learn in a game in which you’ve invested so much of your life.”

I swallowed and adjusted my cap, fighting tears.

Coach Marny rested her hand on my shoulder. “We couldn’t be the kind of team we are today if it weren’t for you. But if you’re looking for a reason to go to him, I’ll give you one. We can take it from here. You’ve had a hell of a season, and we’ll see you next year.”

I grimaced and looked up at the team. Everyone nodded their heads.

“Yeah. Go to him,” Wanda said.

I shook my head. “No.”

“What are you afraid of? You’re not going to lose your spot on the team,” Coach said. “But if you don’t go, you might not ever find out whether or not
he’s
a part of your future.”