Friday I'm in Love (11 page)

“I was supposed to go to the party with her.”

“What?” Ewan could hear the pain lacing every word and his heart broke for her.

Suddenly he understood.

“I bailed at the last minute. I hate parties, social situations, always have. I lied to her. Said I had a headache. If I’d been in that car with her, she wouldn’t have—”

“Natalie, no. Life is one big
what if
. It’s not your fault your sister died.”

“Oh yeah,” she said, her tone alerting him that cynical Nat was about to reemerge.

“I’ve spent thousands of dollars in therapy for that answer. Must be true, right? I mean,
all
those psychiatrists can’t be wrong.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” He wished there was something he could say to make her believe him, but he was fighting a decade’s worth of guilt and recrimination. He grasped her shoulders, turned her until she faced him. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Then when, Nat? When are you going to talk about it? When are you going to let this go and move on?”

“I’m moving on. I’ve been living and breathing and moving on for ten fucking years, Ewan. Ten years.”

He didn’t know what to say. What words he could offer that would comfort her, take away the agony he saw in her face, erase the erroneous belief that she was to blame.

“You’re right. You’ve moved on.” Rather than say more, he went with his gut, went with the instinct that said he knew what she needed more than words. He kissed her.

She fell into his embrace, clung to him like a child seeking solace during a storm. He felt her hands trembling as she reached up and wrapped them around his neck. She dove into the deep end and he pulled her out farther, gave her this moment, this time to wipe out the pain, to help her put the past away even if it was only for a little while.

He knew she never put it away for long.

84

Friday I’m in Love

Their kisses exploded like lightning flashing in the air around them as their tongues, their teeth fought a tug-of-war, a battle of give and take. She nipped his lower lip and he tasted the tangy, metallic flavor of his own blood. He reached up, gripped her hair, tugged at it in his attempts to hold her captive to his lips, his body.

She broke away, gasping for breath, but he dragged her back with a growl and they renewed the fight.

“Fuck me,” she muttered, her teeth latching onto his lip once more. “God, please fuck me. Make this go away.”

He gripped her hips, pulled her over his lap and her legs spread wide as he plunged into her depths. No hesitation, no preparation. Just straight, hard fucking. Her pussy was slick, hot, ready for him. As she straddled him, her knees tightened against his hips and she began riding his cock, pressing down on him with all the strength in her body. He bent forward, taking her breast into his mouth while his hands held her waist, lifting her, driving her back down.

The steam from the water surrounded them as it splashed over the sides of the Jacuzzi. They were stirring up a tidal wave—in and out of the tub. Drenching the floor.

Drowning his heart. He didn’t give a shit. He’d cleaned up the mess. Somehow. Right now, he wanted more from her. So much more.

He bit her tight nipple and she cried out.

“Harder!”

He didn’t know if she meant his cock or his teeth, so he delivered on both as she crash landed to earth with an orgasm that threatened to grind his cock to dust. He came with her, unable to fight back the pulsating grip of her cunt as it clenched against his turgid flesh. Pulse after pulse of hot come filled her, burning the tip of his dick as they continued to thrust, continued to pound into one another until every drop was spilled, every second filled with the racing thud of his heart.

And even then, he knew it wasn’t enough.

85

Mari Carr

Natalie brushed her hair, pinning it up in a ponytail. She and Ewan had returned from the hotel in time for him to work the lunch shift. She’d spent most of the afternoon hiding out in her room, trying to figure out what the hell she was supposed to do now.

They’d taken a brief respite after the heated interlude in the Jacuzzi. When they’d woken up, Ewan had kissed her so tenderly, she’d known she was in trouble.

“Dammit,” she muttered.

She didn’t do this romance, Cupid, falling-in-love shit. It wouldn’t work for her and last night solidified that fact. She’d told Ewan too much. If things continued to progress, there was no way she could keep him from discovering just how dark her world really was. She’d made it through this much of her life, succeeding in her career while avoiding messy relationships. She needed to find her way back to that.

“Knock knock.”

Natalie looked up to find Teagan standing at her door and she was consumed with another emotion—guilt. She’d done a shitty job taking pictures for Sky’s video. Ewan still had her little camera and aside from during the shopping trip yesterday, she hadn’t touched her bigger cameras.

“Hey,” Nat said, wishing she could invoke that tone of welcome that seemed second nature to Ewan.

“Hey yourself. You’ve been up here for hours, thought I’d check on you.”

Natalie could see the curiosity on her friend’s face. She’d been out all night with Teagan’s brother—her
younger
brother. While the past week had all but erased the age difference in her mind, she wasn’t sure how Ewan’s family would feel about it.

About what, Nat? You just had sex. That was all—sex.

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Friday I’m in Love

“I’m fine.” Natalie’s answer was forced, sharp, and she watched Teagan start to leave. She’d spent months at a time with this woman over the past three years, but they’d always struggled to make that one last connection toward friendship. Natalie knew it was her fault. Teagan had thrown more than a few planks of wood her way, trying to build a bridge. Natalie always used them for kindling.

“Teagan. Wait.”

Teagan stepped back in the doorway.

“You got a minute?” Natalie swallowed uncomfortably. “To talk?”

Teagan grinned, coming in to join her. As they sat side by side on the bed, Natalie was reminded of spending more than a million days and nights like this with Yvonne.

Chatting about boys, school, how lame their parents were…just life in general.

In for a dime, in for a dollar
, Nat decided as she pointed out the elephant in the bedroom. “I spent the night with Ewan.”

“I know.”

“I…well, I’m not really seeking your approval for that or anything. I mean, I’m an adult and my personal life is just that. Personal.” Natalie fought the impulse to close her eyes and groan. Where the hell had that nastiness come from?

Teagan merely laughed. “That didn’t take long.”

“What?” Natalie asked, confused by her response.

“Every now and then you invite me in, only to shut me right back out. I think today’s effort may have eclipsed the previous record. How long have I been sitting here? Thirty seconds?”

Natalie stared at Teagan, feeling the crack in her wall start to rupture beneath the pressure. She was tired of being alone, keeping people at arm’s length. She was confused as hell about her feelings and—

87

Mari Carr

“I think Ewan is in love with me. With
me
,” she repeated, showing her amazement at such a prospect. “He’s handsome and kind and…God, I hope you don’t hate me for this, but he’s sexy as fuck and I can’t, I don’t…”

Teagan was quiet for only a moment before she prodded. “You don’t what?”

“I don’t know what to do with any of that. I don’t have time for this love shit and besides, I live on the freaking west coast.” She gestured around herself. “Um, hello? I’m not sure I can go any farther east than this.”

Teagan grinned. “The Atlantic Ocean would probably stop you pretty quick.”

She laughed at the joke briefly, and then closed her eyes. “He deserves better than me.”

Teagan leaned back against the footboard of the bed and Natalie fought to hold her gaze, fought not to squirm.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Natalie asked when the silence went on too long.

“I’m trying to put all this together in my head. You’re the most confident woman I’ve ever met, Nat. You want something, you go after it, and I’ve never seen you question anything. Right or wrong, once you’ve made up your mind, you just start walking toward what you want.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

Teagan shook her head. “There’s nothing wrong with that. I just worry that sometimes you push too hard and not always in the right direction.”

Natalie took a deep breath, closing her eyes to say the next part. “I know Sky told you about my breakdown.” She opened her eyes and looked at Teagan. “He told me.”

Natalie was relieved to discover there wasn’t any pity on her friend’s face. Just compassion. Understanding.

“I hope you don’t think he betrayed a trust there. Sky would never—”

88

Friday I’m in Love

Natalie held up her hand. “I’m not mad at him for telling you. Hell, you deserved to know why your boyfriend was constantly inviting another woman out on the road with the two of you. Sky seems to have a sixth sense. I don’t know how he knows when I’m crashing, but he just does. Getting out of town usually helps.”

“You’re his best friend, Nat. He worries about you. He loves you.”

“I’m glad he stuck around. A lot of people didn’t. Not after…well, not after.”

Natalie hadn’t talked this much about the blackest time in her life in years. Now within two days, she found herself spilling her guts to two different Collins siblings. She needed to get a grip on herself.

“You know, Sky’s been calling every day asking about you. He’s afraid hitting the road with us didn’t help this time. I’m sort of starting to feel guilty. We haven’t done much together this week apart from the shopping fiasco.”

Natalie chuckled. “I think it’s safe to say Riley would have you walking down the aisle in nothing but a thong and garter.”

“I’m not taking her along the next time we go shopping. Jeez, can you believe the dresses she was picking out?”

“I don’t know. I kind of like the black strapless number with the red lace.” They laughed together. “Obviously Riley doesn’t think much of the marriage institution.”

Teagan sighed. “She doesn’t think about much of anything that doesn’t include alcohol, loud music and late nights. I worry about her sometimes.”

Natalie recalled her first night in Baltimore and hitting the clubs with Riley. Though the woman clearly enjoyed a party, she didn’t ever get out of hand. Natalie suspected Aaron played a larger role in keeping Riley under control than anyone realized. “She’s okay. My sister used to love a good party too. Some people are just born to socialize.”

“Natalie, I’m just going to come out and say this. I admire you. If anything ever happened to one of my sisters, I don’t know what I’d do.”

89

Mari Carr

“I wouldn’t suggest a mental breakdown,” Natalie said, her voice thick with the effort of making the jest.

“I’d fall apart and I would never be able to pull it back together. You did. You
have
.”

Natalie wondered if that was true. She’d lived behind a wall of pain and guilt for years, suppressing the memories because thinking about them shredded her insides like a thousand knives. She’d buried herself in work, pushed away every friend she’d ever known except Sky, maintained the estranged relationship with her parents because it was easier than facing them and never allowed herself to fall in love because she didn’t deserve happiness.

Didn’t deserve to have a full, wonderful life when her sister couldn’t have one too.

“You’d survive. You have Sky and your family. You’re stronger than you think, though I pray to God you never have that strength tested.”

“I hope so too. So I can tell Sky you’re okay?” Teagan asked.

“I’m fine. I’m going back home on Saturday and I’m forging on—same as always.

When are you going back on the road?”

“I think I might hang out here another week or two. Sky has more commitments than me. My big rock star,” she said. Teagan’s eyes shone with the love she felt for Sky and Natalie was happy they’d found each other. Opposites though they were, they fit.

“You’d have been passing Sky on the fame train if you’d put your mind to pursing your music career seriously, rather than hiding out here for years.”

Teagan laughed. “You better not let Sky hear you say that. He’s never said anything, but I’ve seen his face when a reporter chases us down and then asks me all the questions.”

Natalie leaned forward, grinning widely. “That cocky sucker needed to be taken down a peg or two. You’re good for him. You make him better simply by being with him. You sort of bring out his good side and temper his rougher edges.”

90

Friday I’m in Love

“But his rough edges are still there,” Teagan interjected.

“Of course, they are,” Nat replied. “And thank God for that. That arrogance is a part of him. He wouldn’t be Sky without it.”

“No, he wouldn’t, and I wouldn’t love him if he weren’t one hundred percent himself—bullheaded, conceited, sarcastic.” They laughed at her words until Teagan added, “Considerate, romantic…what was your description for Ewan? Sexy as fuck?”

Silence descended again, Ewan’s name breaking the flow of the conversation and throwing Natalie back into her funk.

“How do you think Ewan would describe
you
?”

Natalie was taken aback by Teagan’s question. “That’s easy. Bitchy, opinionated, cynical.”

“Where did you go last night?”

“Out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, swanky hotel room. Must have set him back at least a week’s wages.”

“Sounds romantic. Sounds like something a man would do to impress a woman he cares about.” She grinned before adding, “Even if she
does
have a few rough edges.”

Natalie didn’t know how to respond. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell Teagan about the life lessons, but for some reason all of that seemed private, personal. Ewan had taken her out to teach her about romance, about letting go, letting herself have something she wanted without worrying about what it meant or why it mattered.