Gamble on Engagement (21 page)

“You have?” I asked, my eyes wide. “So… why
didn’t you just say you’d write the book?”

“It’s kind of hard to tell the man you love
that you’ve become so obsessed with him that you’ve just gone ahead
and written a comprehensive biography on him, you know, just for
fun.” She looked at me, sarcasm dripping from her.

I actually let out a little giggle. A first
for our relationship. “Um, yeah. I can see where that might be a
bit of a… sticky situation.”

She laughed, shaking her head.

And then we were both laughing, like
uncontrollable giggles laughing. It was kind of ridiculous,
actually. But you would not believe how much better it made me
feel.

And that’s also exactly the moment that Leo
chose to walk in.

And his eyes were glued to Miranda, his head
cocked, his brow furrowed.

The giggles stopped abruptly.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you laugh like
that before,” he said, confused, like it couldn’t really be the
case.

“Oh, yeah, uh… sorry,” Miranda said,
suddenly regaining the super rigid posture I’d gotten so used to
seeing.

I understood then that it was more her
defenses creeping up than what I’d first thought, that she was just
totally mean and uptight.

“You look… different.” He said, looking a
little dumbstruck.

Miranda loosened her posture the teensiest
bit.

Leo hadn’t taken his eyes off Miranda since
he walked into the room. And she really did look different in her
cutoff jean shorts and cami-tank. But it was her hair really, and
the fact that she didn’t have her glasses on that made the real
difference. It seemed bizarre that in all this time, Leo had never
seen her like this, but knowing Miranda, she probably made sure of
that.

“I didn’t think you’d be home today,” she
said.

“I just…” It was so cute, it was like he was
having trouble making sentences. “I was looking for Josie,” he
said, pointing briefly in my direction like he had a vague
recollection that I was in the room but wasn’t really sure.

Miranda took a deep breath. “Um, Leo I think
I have to quit.”

My mouth gaped. But not as much as Leo’s,
which then turned quickly to a look of panic.

“You can’t quit. I need you.”

She smiled, expecting it. “I know. But you
can’t have me like this anymore. I need… more in my life.”

He nodded, a million thoughts seeming to
pass over his face while he scrambled for something to say.
Finally, his face went calm. “Okay. You can quit being my
assistant. But you can’t quit my life, okay?” He moved toward her,
tentative, like a teenager finally finding the nerve to approach
his five-year crush.

It was so exciting. For a second, that is.
And then it became like, super awkward, you know, for me. I glanced
around the room, wondering what I should do. It was like elevator
music should be playing in the background to pass the time or
something. I couldn’t just sit there and watch them make out, could
I? God, but I couldn’t just walk out without saying anything.

I cleared my throat, suddenly feeling like I
had waited too long and now looked like some sort of creepy peeping
Tom or something. “Well, uh… I’m just going to uh, go,” I said,
pointing in the direction of the door, as if they would have cared
where I was going. “I’ll just uh, send you my book stuff over
email, Miranda.”

She gave me a thumbs-up and tried to say
something, but was way too caught up in the kiss to actually stop
and acknowledge me properly.

But I didn’t care. I was just happy to get
the heck out of there as quickly as possible.

~ 19 ~

I was happy for Miranda, I really was. And goodness
knows she waited a long time to finally land her Prince Charming,
but still, it’s hard to be too ecstatic when you know your own
Prince Charming has ridden away into the sunset without you.

I packed my things, and let’s face it, a
whole lot of things that weren’t really mine. I figured I had lost
my guy all because of Leo (and okay, maybe I had a little to do
with it), so I wasn’t really all that concerned with leaving him
with all Melania’s stuff. Especially the shoes.

And it’s not like Miranda would ever touch
any of it. She’d been around for those Melania days, I’m sure she
wouldn’t be too into wearing some ex-girlfriend’s clothes. I
certainly wouldn’t be. Maybe I was just trying to make myself feel
better.

And I had to admit, shopping in a
supermodel’s closet, is actually pretty good therapy.

At least for a while.

But after I said my quick goodbyes to
Miranda and Leo, the drive back to London had all the dark gloomy
feelings sinking right back in.

Mattie’s words, “What the hell have you been
doing over there?” kept repeating over and over in my head. And
honestly, I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell I
had
been thinking. It all seemed so innocent at the time, and
everything really had been innocent, even necessary for the book,
but now, thinking back, I realized I’d known on some level that
going out on date after date—because let’s face it, that’s pretty
much what it was even though none of it was ever official—had
probably been a bad idea.

But I couldn’t say I totally hated having
all that attention from a Prince. God, I hated myself for even
thinking it, but it was true, it was nice. Especially when you’re
missing your boyfriend. Especially when you know that boyfriend
could never last anyway, because who actually gets to date a movie
star and have something lasting with him?

Well, according to Mattie, apparently
me.

Except not anymore. I had sufficiently and
efficiently ruined everything.

Again.

Dear Disaster Diary,

Life is like a box of chocolates…

Oh, who am I kidding?

The story of my life can pretty much be
summed up in one of my embarrassing moments. Not that it’s nearly
the most embarrassing of my life or anything, but I’d say it’s
rather befitting of this ‘life that has been flushed down the
crapper yet again’ moment.

One hot summer day, I decided to sit out on
the front steps to enjoy the weather and do a little people
watching. Except, you know, I was actually watching for my super
hot mailman to come by so I could accidentally-on-purpose drop
something in front of him and maybe even start up a
conversation.

Everything was going great, I’d just gotten
a fabulous mani-pedi the day before, so I was showing off the
Strawberry Kiss polish on my bare feet. Even I was thinking my feet
were looking sexy, when the mailman turned the corner and started
making his way toward me.

Well, perhaps I should have been paying
closer attention to the people watching I was supposed to be doing,
instead of my feet.

No, strike that, what I really should have
been doing was dog watching. Because it was the large Doberman
which led to what was perhaps the finest display of ‘Barefoot Dog
Poo Skating’ the world has ever seen.

Seriously, I slid what felt like halfway
down the block, right into the arms of said mailman. Of course, I
didn’t exactly land in his arms so much as I bowled him over,
sending letters sailing through the skies.

It was impossible to hide the steaming mess
still squishing through my toes as I helped him pick up the last
few letters, some of which actually had offending bits of you know
what on them.

Needless to say, I never waited on my front
stoop for that mailman ever again.

I kind of wanted to read through some of my
entries while Lance drove me into the city, but I knew they’d just
make me feel worse. That’s the thing about embarrassing moments,
sometimes they made you laugh, but sometimes, if you’re already
feeling down, they just might make you feel that original shame all
over again. Of course, I thought I probably deserved to feel all
the shame all over again, but I really, really didn’t want to cry
in front of Lance after he’d been so nice to me and everything.

Jennifer and I decided to fly back to the
States together. Things were still pretty shaky with her and Dave,
although he seemed to be starting to come around, showing up at her
doorstep in tears, carrying flowers, some onesies, ice cream and
pickles. The last two were a bit over-the-top, but I guess he’d
wanted to make a grand gesture or whatever.

Jennifer wasn’t going to let him off that
easy, of course, but I could tell she would totally let him in
again once she thought he’d suffered sufficiently. I couldn’t
decide if I agreed with the whole mental torture thing or not, but
since I had the world’s worst track record in making decisions,
especially romantic ones, I decided to leave her methods alone and
not throw in my two cents.

Jennifer had taken the chocolate and ice
cream and sent the pickles and onesies (just to keep him thinking
about the baby, I supposed) back with him, not giving him any sort
of indication whether she would forgive him or not—even after he
cried.

Seriously, it was like she was made of stone
or something.

I would be lying if I didn’t say I was a
little bit envious of her strength and badass-ery. Dave would
likely never forget it either, and probably treat her like gold
from here on in.

In the end, I was mostly just thankful that,
even though I knew they would make up, I didn’t have to witness it
the way I’d witnessed Leo and Miranda’s love fest. I didn’t think I
could take something like that all over again.

I was so ready for the lengthy flight and
sleeping as long as I could—I felt like I could sleep for days—and
then maybe sneaking in an in-flight movie or two. Although I was
certainly not in the mood for any romances. Or anything starring
Jake Hall, of course.

Maybe a nice horror would be the way to
go.

We had just settled into our seats when I
saw a sight that I swore I never wanted to see again. “You have got
to be kidding me.”

“What?” Jennifer said, looking around.

I pointed to the problem. “Meet Missy.”

“Are you shitting me?!” she said. “What are
the chances?”

I slunk into my seat as far as I could.

“Do you want me to get her kicked off?”

“And how do you suppose you’ll do that?”

She shrugged. “I’m sure there are ways,” she
said, smiling with a faraway look in her eye that I wasn’t entirely
comfortable with.

But it still made me giggle. “It’s fine.
Just don’t let her see me.”

But of course, it was too late. She had
stopped right beside me, since, as luck would have it, her seat was
right across the aisle from me.

When she saw me though, it was her who
froze. She knew exactly what she’d done to me, and obviously
thought she’d never run into me again.

“Get a nice little check from the tabloids?”
I asked.

I mean, I knew I should just leave it alone,
and maybe my rage was partly due to the fact that I’d never had the
chance to confront my former best friend Calla when she’d thrown me
under the tabloid bus, but I just couldn’t help myself.

“I uh… uh…” she said, her face growing
redder and redder. Eventually she straightened up a bit, as if to
compose herself. “I’m just going to find another seat.”

“You do that,” I said, not even feeling the
least bit bad about my snark.

But still, I couldn’t relax, knowing that
that… person was breathing the same air as me. I did nothing wrong
and she made it out for the whole world that I was some sort of
tramp who stalked famous people or something.

And she made money off the story. That was
the sickest part really, I mean, the tabloids probably wouldn’t
have given her the time of day if I hadn’t allowed her to take that
picture with me in the first place.

And maybe the saddest part of it all was
that I could literally feel myself getting more jaded every
day.

Maybe this was all for the best.

Maybe I wasn’t cut out for a life in the
spotlight.

I kept trying to sleep, but no matter how
hard I tried, my mind just raced faster and faster. I tried to come
up with ways to fix things with Jake. Then I realized it was
probably hopeless, and for the best anyway. Then thoughts of what
the hell I was supposed to do with my life now whizzed through
there. And then a baby started crying at the back of the plane and
I marveled at how absurd it was that I was jealous of it, both for
its simple life, and the fact that it was allowed to just break
down and have a fit whenever it wanted.

Because seriously, I could have really used
a good fit.

But I was a grown woman, not that I felt
like one most of the time, but still, there was at least a tiny bit
of self-control left in me and I somehow made it through the entire
flight, though I didn’t sleep for a second and I hadn’t bothered to
watch a movie either.

It all just seemed so… pointless.

The second we stepped off the plane,
Jennifer’s cell started going off like crazy. She was getting calls
and texts and emails like there was no tomorrow.

She looked at me, guilty. “Sorry, Dave is
kind of feeling bad. Do you mind?” she asked, pointing to her phone
and walking to a more private area.

“Oh sure, fine. Don’t worry about me,” I
muttered under my breath as I started for the baggage area,
dragging my sorry butt as I went.

Good for her, I tried to tell myself, it’s
super nice, you know, for her, that she has a lovely guy who,
although he may falter every once in a while, seems to truly adore
her. Yes, good for her, I tried to force myself to say over and
over. But I just couldn’t bring myself to feel it all that
sincerely.

I knew in my head that it was good for
Jennifer, but my heart had not caught up yet.

I stood, numb, with my large metal cart,
waiting for all my luggage to arrive. I had never wanted to just
get home worse than I did right then. So much so that I almost
regretted packing so much of Melania’s stuff and giving myself all
those extra bags to wait for and tote home.