Girl Online (9 page)

We all regroup in the living room. “Princess Penny, what happened?” asks Elliot.

I decide to tell him the condensed version of the story—I can always fill in the details later, in private, and he'll also read the blog I wrote. It's not just my feelings that I have to consider right now—I'm also aware of the look on my mum's face, the frown that deepens every time she hears me talk about how panicky I got. I'm not used to seeing her look so worried. Normally she's carefree and breezy, taking every concern in her stride.

But now I can feel my chance to go on tour with Noah slipping through my fingers. If she thinks I can't handle it . . .

Dad pours more tea into my mug—a Disney one with Piglet, my favourite character, on the front. I hug the mug to my chest, feeling its warmth spread through my body. I lean into Noah's arms. He's holding me so tightly I don't think he ever wants to let me go.

Elliot sits down on the floor, and my parents both take chairs opposite. I feel like we're about to go into full-blown interrogation mode. Mum and Dad exchange a long look, before turning to Noah and me. “I think this is exactly what we were afraid of,” says Dad, his voice grave.

Mum nods. “Your dad's right, Penny. There's no way we can let you go to Europe now.”

Chapter Ten

“Mum, what? No!” I say, my jaw almost hitting the floor.

“Not if this is how it's going to be, Noah,” continues Mum, and she sounds angrier than I expected. “It's not going to be possible for Penny to just walk home from a concert in Berlin or Paris! You promised she would be taken care of—if this is how it works in Brighton, how will she cope in Europe?”

“It was my first time backstage, Mum; I promise I'll be more prepared next time . . . ”

Mum shoots me a look that makes me snap my mouth shut. I'm going to have to work a lot harder to prove to them that I'm ready for this; I certainly haven't proved it today.

Noah removes his arm from round me and leans towards my parents. “I promise this will never happen again. Penny won't have to go out into the crowds by herself at the concerts in Europe—it was only because she was going to sit with her friends this time that she even had a separate ticket. And I promise every single person on my security team and The Sketch's will know her face and will always look out for
her. She's already met Larry, my bodyguard, and I'll make sure he doesn't let her out of his sight.”

“Larry's really nice,” I say.

“And you see this?” He grabs my hand, holding it tightly in his. “I'm not going to let go of this hand.”

“Well, you can let go when you go to the bathroom,” I say, a small smile playing on my lips.

Noah roars with laughter. “Yeah, except for that! You know what I mean. I'm going to be there for Penny,” he says, returning to his serious expression. “She's my girl, and I will look after her.”

“I still don't know if this is a good idea,” says Mum, biting her lip. “This is just the beginning, honey. Are you sure you still want to do this?”

“I'm sure,” I say. “I still want to go. Tonight was scary, but I made a mistake. It won't happen again.”

“It can't be as bad as that school trip to Amsterdam when your class thought the air-raid warnings were going off and all ran screaming through Vondelpark,” says Elliot. He's right—Mr. Beaconsfield had told us all to hide under park benches, which we did until a nice Dutch couple came past and explained that the siren was a normal thing that happened on the first Monday of every month at exactly noon. On Noah's tour, there will be far more people looking after me. And I have to conquer my fears at some point.

“Mum, Dad, please. I'll be fine.” I give them a reassuring smile, but I'm not sure how convincing it is with my still-puffy eyes. “Hopefully I can have Tom's old phone and get a new SIM card before we go to the airport. That way I can still call you whenever I need to.”

There's a tense moment of silence. Mum and Dad look at each other.

“OK. You can still go,” says Mum.

I jump up and hug my parents. “I won't let you down,” I say.

“You never have, Penny. We just worry about you,” explains Dad.

“And now I'm worried that you're not going to be packed on time!” adds Mum. “Don't think I haven't seen the state of your room.”

“I'll manage it!” I say.

Elliot smiles. “Good. Now that's sorted, I'm heading home—I need to get my beauty sleep. Alex is forcing me to use the season ticket my dad gave me to watch
rugby
tomorrow. Can you imagine? The things you do for love. At least the rugby men are
fit
. If only Alex would meet my dad, they'd probably get along—” Elliot snaps his mouth shut, as if he's not sure what he's just said. I raise an eyebrow but Elliot gives me a
Don't ask me
gaze. He turns to Noah. “The concert was awesome,” he says. “You stole the show. The Sketch had nothing on you!”

Noah pulls him into a bear hug, squishing Elliot so tight his trilby almost comes off. “I wish you could come with us too, Elliot!”

“And cramp Princess Penny's style? No way.”

“Another time then.”

“For sure.” Elliot turns to me. “I can't believe you leave so early tomorrow! I'm not going to get to see you for ages! I'm going to miss you so much.” Now it's time for him to give
me
a huge hug.

“I'm going to miss you too!”

“You have to promise to write to me every day.”

“And text!”

“And call!”

“Come on, you two, it's not like Penny's off on a mission to Mars. She
will
be back in a couple of weeks,” says Mum.

“A
lot
can happen in a couple of weeks,” says Elliot. “You're going to have to tell me everything.
Every
thing. Especially about Paris. I want to know all about Paris.”

“Of course! And you have to keep me updated on every minute of your internship!” We finally release each other and I walk Elliot into the hallway. He skips out of our house and round to his house next door. He blows me a kiss before I shut the door.

“I'd better go too, Penny,” says Noah from behind me. They're words I don't want to hear.

“But you just got here,” I say, squeezing Noah tight.

“I know, but soon we'll have two weeks together. I have to head back to the hotel to get everything ready for Berlin tomorrow. I'm so psyched. I'll be back before you know it—five a.m. Bright and early.” He reaches up and pushes a stray strand of hair off my face, tucking it behind my ear. “Are you sure you're OK? I promise you nothing like that will ever happen again.”

“I know.” I stand up on my tiptoes and kiss him gently on the lips. “I can't wait. It's going to be perfect.”

“It really will be. We can have a Magical Mystery Day in every stop! Except it'll be a mission to find the best baked goods in whichever country we're in. Germany! Italy!”

“France! I want to eat all the macarons in the world. They're my favourite. Is that a promise?”

“It's a deal.”

His warm, dark eyes are staring straight into mine. “I love you, Penny. Just never scare me like that again.”

“I won't,” I say, and I mean it. Tomorrow we're going to Europe and I'm not going to let
anything
ruin our big trip.

Chapter Eleven

Back in my room, I finish throwing as many clothes as will fit into my suitcase and zip it up tight. As long as I have my camera, laptop, Mum's cardigan, and a change of underwear, everything else is just extra.

The rain has started again, battering the windows. I grab my laptop and settle down on my window seat. I imagine every raindrop is a piece of my anxiety running down the glass, onto the street, and eventually out into the sea. I don't need to hold on to any of it.

I see an unread comment from Pegasus Girl on my latest blog post. I rush to open it.

Hey, GO!

So nice to hear from you! How did the concert go?

I know EXACTLY how you feel about your friend. I'm going through kind of the same thing over here. A friend really wronged me, and I just don't know if I can ever forgive her. But I think you have to offer people second chances. Even if you
never become the best friends you once were, because now you're older, wiser, and won't make the same mistake twice, it's better to have a friend than an enemy. Plus, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life! Accept the apology, but also accept that you won't be the friends you once were.

PG xx

I quickly type a reply.

Thanks for your advice. How can I describe the concert? It was kind of a disaster. I had a panic attack in the audience and had to leave before BB had even finished his set.

But the one good thing that came out of it was that it gave my friend the chance to apologize. I'm not sure that I can ever trust her again, but it feels like a weight has lifted now that I don't have to look over my shoulder at every turn, wondering what she's going to do next.

I'm about to go to sleep, because tomorrow . . . I'm getting on a plane to Berlin! I'm nervous and excited all at once. I'm still using Wiki's tips on how to combat anxiety. Ocean Strong is going to be on board! I'm also taking my mum's favourite cardie with me to wrap up in.

I'll keep you up to date on everything that happens!

GO xx

I'm just about to log off when an email pops up on my screen. I wonder if it's a notification saying Pegasus Girl has replied super quickly. I hate leaving an email unanswered, so I open it . . . but the email address isn't one that I recognize.

From: TheRealTruth

To: Penny Porter

Subject: Enjoy it while it lasts . . .

ATTACHMENT: image_1051.jpg

The email itself is blank, but I can see a small thumbnail of the image and immediately my stomach turns in on itself. I feel like I'm going to be sick. I double-click on the attachment and up pops a photograph of Noah and me.