Gooney Bird and All Her Charms (2 page)

 

 

“Okay,” the second-graders said. They were all staring at the box.

“Is that a dead body in there?” called Malcolm.

“Shhh,” said Gooney Bird. “I haven't finished my introductions.

“Uncle Walter,” she went on, “this is my teacher. We all call her Mrs. Pidgeon, but you can probably call her Patsy, because you both are grownups.”

“Are you finished now?” Malcolm asked loudly. “Is that a dead—”

“Shhh,” Gooney Bird said again.

“Class,” Mrs. Pidgeon said, “let's use our good company manners. If anyone has a question for Dr. Oglethorpe, please raise your hand politely.”

Every second-grader's hand shot into the air.

Dr. Oglethorpe looked at the children and the many raised hands. Then he pointed to Tricia.

“My mom is a doctor,” Tricia said.

“That's nice,” Gooney Bird's uncle said politely. “Did you have a question?”

Tricia looked flustered. “Uh, my mom is a dermatologist.”

Malcolm and Barry were waving their hands wildly in the air.

“Well,” said the doctor, “I am a professor of—”

“My mom's a nurse!” Tyrone called out.

“Nice,” said Dr. Oglethorpe. He looked around the room. “Did you have a question, sweetie?” he asked Felicia Ann. “I think I saw your hand up a minute ago.”

Felicia Ann's face turned pink. “I have a cat,” she whispered.

“I have a Rottweiler!” called Tyrone.

“My mom had triplets!” Malcolm burst out.

“Goodness,” said Dr. Oglethorpe.

Mrs. Pidgeon stepped forward. “Hands down, class,” she said firmly. “It's getting late, and we haven't even started our science lesson, and I'm sure Dr. Oglethorpe has other things to do today. Doctor? I believe you brought us something related to our studies? Gooney Bird was going to explain but she never found the time.”

Dr. Oglethorpe smiled. “Well,” he said, “when Gooney Bird told her parents what you were about to start studying, and her mother told
me
, I realized I had something that might be a great help in your classroom. And I won't need it in
my
classroom—did I tell you that I am a professor of anatomy?—for a few weeks, so I've brought it for you to use for a little while.”

He knelt down and began to unfasten the straps that held the lid tightly on the large box.

“What's anatomy?” asked Beanie.

“It's the study of the structure of an organism,” Dr. Oglethorpe said.

“What's an organism?” asked Tricia, looking nervous.

The doctor unbuckled one strap. “Well, it could be a plant or an insect or an animal. But I am a professor of
human
anatomy. And Gooney Bird told me that you were about to begin studying the—”

“Human body!” Malcolm was flailing his arms. “Do you have a dead body in that box?”

Keiko closed her eyes tight and clapped her hands over her ears. “La la la la,” she began to chant so that she wouldn't hear the answer.

“Very close!” Dr. Oglethorpe said. He unbuckled the last strap, leaned over the box, and lifted the contents out with a rattling sound.

The class gasped. Then they all said at once: “A skeleton!”

“Yup!” said Dr. Oglethorpe. He lifted it until its bony feet were touching the ground. It was as tall as he was. “Can you set up the stand, Gooney Bird?” he asked, indicating with his head that there was still something in the box. Mrs. Pidgeon helped her lift it out. They put the two parts together and stood it upright.

 

 

“My parakeet cage hangs from a stand like that!” Keiko said. She had removed her hands from her ears and opened her eyes again.

Dr. Oglethorpe attached the top of the skeleton to a hook on the stand. Then, carefully, he let go. The children began to applaud, and the doctor took a bow.

“Dr. Ooogle—? Dr. Ohgy—?” Malcolm sighed. “I can't say your name, but I have a question!”

“You can call me Dr. O.,” Gooney Bird's great-uncle said with a smile. “What's the question?”

“How many bones does he have?” Malcolm asked.

“I know! I know!” Barry waved his hand in the air. “Two hundred and six!”

“Barry's a know-it-all,” Chelsea announced.

“Well,” Dr. Oglethorpe said, “he got it right. A human body does have two hundred and six bones. But if you try to count them on this skeleton, you won't find that many. Some bones are so very tiny that it would have been too hard to include them. So this guy”—he patted the side of the skeleton fondly, and the bones clattered a bit—“is missing a few tiny ones, mostly in his feet and hands. But he has the most important ones.”

“Dr. O.! Dr. O.!” Beanie had a question. “What's his name?”

“A skeleton doesn't have a name, stupid!” Malcolm said.

“I am not stupid!” Beanie wailed. “I'm not, am I, Mrs. Pidgeon?”

“Of course not, Beanie,” Mrs. Pidgeon said. “You came in first in the spelling bee last Friday, remember?” She patted Beanie's shoulder. “And, Malcolm, we do not use that word in this classroom, remember?”

“Actually,” said the doctor, “he does have a name. My students gave it to him. They call him Napoleon. Can you guess why?”

The children all thought. But no one had an answer, except Mrs. Pidgeon, who was laughing. “I bet his whole name is Napoleon Bony-Part, right?” she said, and Dr. Oglethorpe nodded.

“Napoleon Bonaparte was a very famous French general,” Mrs. Pidgeon explained to the class.

“We could call him Bony for short,” suggested Ben.

“No,” Gooney Bird said solemnly. “He shouldn't have a goofy name. We should be very respectful. He's a very distinguished skeleton.” She stroked the long bone at the top of his left leg. Then she looked down and giggled a little. “He has big feet, though.”

Dr. Oglethorpe picked up the empty box. “I must be off,” he said. “But I know I'm leaving Napoleon in good hands. Just be careful with him. You can take him down from the stand and seat him in a chair if you wish. His joints work well. See?” He demonstrated the joints, bending Napoleon's left knee, then his right elbow. “His hip joint is really amazing. See this?” He pointed to Napoleon's hip. “It's a ball and socket. That's why we can move our legs in all directions. We wouldn't be able to dance if we didn't have this fabulous hip joint.”

Chelsea, who took ballet lessons, stood on her tiptoes and lifted one leg out to the side.

Tyrone threw himself onto the floor beside his desk and did a few breakdancing moves.

Mrs. Pidgeon did a hopping little sort of jig.

“Good. You all have great hip joints! But be gentle with Napoleon. He doesn't have a layer of fat to pad his bones the way we do.”

“I bet that's why he looks so skinny,” Ben said.

“Dr. O.? Dr. O.?” Tricia had a question, and the doctor nodded to her.

“If Napoleon had all the rest of him, I mean if he wasn't just bones, if he had fat, and—what else?”

“Muscles!” said Barry.

“Yes, if he had muscles and fat, and—skin?”

“Yes?”

“Would he be fat, or thin, or just medium?” Tricia asked.

“Good question,” Dr. Oglethorpe said. “We have no way of knowing. Bones are the same in all people. We don't know if Napoleon was a fatty or a skinny, or—”

“Smart or dumb!” said Barry.

“Or Japanese?” suggested Keiko.

“African American?” said Tyrone.

“Or maybe he had bright red hair, like mine!” Gooney Bird pointed out.

Dr. Oglethorpe laughed. “Or perhaps he was a baldy, like me.”

“Or had a beard, like my dad,” suggested Ben.

“Could be,” the doctor agreed. “We'll never know.” He patted Napoleon on the shoulder. “Goodbye, pal,” he said. “Have a nice visit in second grade.”

The class called a thank-you to Dr. Oglethorpe. Gooney Bird left the room to walk her great-uncle to the front door of the school. And Mrs. Pidgeon carefully moved the stand so that Napoleon was next to the large chart that she had pulled down. They all stared at him quietly.

“See how his ribs protect the softer inside parts?” Mrs. Pidgeon pointed out.

“My dad broke two ribs once,” Ben said. “He was hiking and he slipped on a wet place and fell into a big rock. It really hurt.”

“But look!” Barry said, pointing to the chart. “If your dad didn't hit his ribs, he would have broken his heart, maybe! Or his lungs!”

“Good for those ribs!” Mrs. Pidgeon said. “Is your dad okay, Ben?”

Ben nodded. “He's fine. All healed.”

“The skeleton protected his important organs,” Mrs. Pidgeon said. “And it also made it possible for him to stand up and hike. Look at his strong leg bones. If we didn't have bones, well . . .” She stared at the skeleton for a moment.

Felicia Ann finished the sentence in an awed voice: “We'd just be a blob.”

All of the children stared at Napoleon. They looked down at their own arms and legs.

“Blobs,” they agreed.

“Look at Napoleon's head!” said Chelsea, suddenly.

“He's got pretty good teeth,” Tricia said. “I bet he flossed.”

“His eyeholes are kind of creepy,” Tyrone pointed out. Then he chanted,
“Got two big holes in the front of my head, and got no eyeballs cuz I be dead
. . .
”
Tyrone was very good at creating rhymes and raps.

“I
meant
,” Chelsea said impatiently, “does it remind you of anything?”

“A skull,” Barry said.

“Yeah, a skull,” Nicholas agreed. “It reminds me of a skull because it
is
a skull!”

“It reminds me of Gooney Bird's bracelet!” Keiko said.

“Yes! It's like the skull on Gooney Bird's bracelet!” Beanie agreed.

“Did I hear someone say my name?” The classroom door opened and Gooney Bird reappeared. “I brought Mr. Leroy back with me,” she said. “He wanted to know what was in Uncle Walter's box.”

The principal came through the door behind Gooney Bird. “It looked as if your class was receiving a good-size present! I thought I'd come see what it was. Gooney Bird wouldn't tell me. She said it should be a surprise.”

“Look!” The second-graders pointed to the side of the room where the skeleton was dangling from his stand. Mr. Leroy turned, looked, and jumped back in surprise.

“Holy moley!” he gasped. “What on
earth—?
”

“It's Napoleon!” they called, laughing at his reaction.

“You might as well shake his hand,” Mrs. Pidgeon told the principal. “He's going to be with us all month.”

Mr. Leroy took a deep breath. Then he lifted Napoleon's bony hand and shook it gently. “Welcome to Watertower Elementary School,” he said, and bowed slightly.

“Good morning, students,” Mr. Leroy said on the intercom the next day after the bell rang and school had begun. “We have some announcements, and then a special treat this morning.”

“I bet he's going to tell about Napoleon!” Barry said. “The other grades are going to be so jealous!”

“Shhh,” said Mrs. Pidgeon. “Pay attention.”

“First of all, good news,” Mr. Leroy announced. “Bruno is home from the hospital and he's going to be fine!”

Everyone cheered. Bruno was the school dog, a huge Newfoundland that belonged to Mr. Furillo, the school custodian. He slept most of the time, and everyone was accustomed to walking around a snoring pile of black fur. But poor Bruno. Last week he had fallen asleep beside the rear wheel of one of the school buses. His tail had been run over.

“Bruno will be back in school tomorrow and we'll all be happy to see him,” Mr. Leroy went on. “No dog treats, though, please. And no lunch scraps! The vet said that Bruno is a little overweight. I think some of you have been giving him your sandwiches at lunchtime.”