Grace Lost (23 page)

“Of course, Julio,” answered Boggs
in a caring tone.

“Zoe, we’ll clean up down here and
be up later.  We’ll just set her body outside the front door till
morning.  Can you and Emilie stay with Louisa?” asked Gus.

“What should I tell her?” I asked.

“The truth,” answered Gus. 
“That she died.  You don’t need to say more than that for now. 
Julio, sound ok?”

“Yes, please.  I should be
the one to explain to her,” answered the young Latino.  “I worry about the
baby if she gets upset.”

“Ok.”  I gave Boggs a quick
hug and walked back upstairs.

Emilie and Susan were sitting in
the third bedroom with Louisa, who was crying softly.  I walked in and sat
near Louisa on the bed.  I gladly ignored Susan, whose eyes I could feel
on my back.

“Where’s Wanda?” Louisa asked me
pathetically.  Her big brown eyes were bloodshot.  I suspected she
already knew that Wanda wouldn’t be joining us.

“She died, Louisa.  I’m so
sorry.” 

The girl’s chin trembled, but she
nodded in acknowledgement.  “How?” she asked, her voice trembling.

“Julio wants to be the one to talk
to you about that.  Ok?”  I looked into her eyes and placed a hand
over hers.

“Is he ok?” 

“Ya, everyone else
is
ok,” I assured her.  “They’re just going to take
care of a few things downstairs, and then they’ll head up.”

She nodded again.  “She was
really special, you know?”

Susan spoke.  “She really
liked you, Louisa.” 

It was one of the first nice
things I’d heard Susan say since meeting her.  I looked at her, trying to
read her face.  I was glad she didn’t look back at me.

Morning came slowly.  None of
us slept after discovering that Wanda had died.  We had all gone to our
own rooms, allowing Julio and Louisa time to talk in private.  I heard her
sobbing on and off for hours.  Sometimes she would cry out in
Spanish.  My heart ached for her.  We had all lost so much
already.  It seemed so unfair to have to lose any more.

Boggs and I lay holding each other
on the bed.  We left one candle lit, in honor of Wanda. 

“It must be close to dawn,” I
whispered. 

“I think it’ll be good when we’re
all up and busy again,” he replied.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” I
said.

“Can I join you?” he asked.

I nodded hesitantly. 

“Let’s hurry, before anyone else
is up and needs the bathroom,” suggested Boggs.

We stood and quietly walked to the
bathroom.  I set a lit candle on the counter.  Boggs turned the water
on in the large shower stall, which was made of stone tiles in hues of gray and
pink and brown and had a swanky glass door that opened on hinges.  Steam
began to fill the room so I stripped out of my clothes, crossing my arms over
my chest.

Boggs took his clothes off and
walked to me.  “Zoe?”

I looked up at him.

“You don’t need to cover yourself
in front of me.  You’re beautiful.”

He took my hands in his and gently
took my arms away from my chest.  I didn’t try to stop him.  He
looked down at me, smiling softly.  I tried to relax, but wasn’t used to
my body being admired.  My nipples were erect, evidence of the room being
cold as well as my escalating sexual desires.  He leaned down and kissed
me sweetly, then picked me up and set me on the counter.  I returned his
kiss, and we began to explore each other’s bodies with our hands.  
He traced my nipples with the lightest of touches, sending shivers through my
body.  I leaned forward, kissing his collarbone and slowly moved my mouth
down to his chest.  He leaned his head back as I began sucking his
tattoo.  My kissing grew stronger and I sucked on his chest deeply as my
desire escalated.

He put a hand beneath my chin and
I paused to look up at him. He whispered into my ear, “ready for the shower?”

Slightly out of breath, I nodded.

I wrapped my legs around his waist
and he carried me, facing him, to the shower.  Once under the warm spray
of the water, he backed me up to the cold tile wall and began kissing me
wildly.  His body was pressing against me with desperation, his erection
searching to find its way inside of me. 

“I want to fuck you so hard, Zoe,”
he mumbled.  “God I want to fuck you.”

My body now craving his, and more
excited than I had ever been before, I responded by grabbing at his back in an
attempt to get closer to him.  Sensing my desire, he lifted me up a few
more inches and entered me deeply.  I moaned loudly with pleasure. 
Until now, he’d been gentle when making love to me. This time he was showing
rough desire. He began thrusting with new enthusiasm, crushing me against the
wall.  I grabbed hard at his back and my eyes rolled back from the
pleasure of him being so deeply inside of me. 

“Don’t stop, Boggs,” I
moaned.  “Oh God, please don’t stop.”

My pleading caused him to wrap his
arms behind my back and pull me against him, thrusting faster.  He ended
with a loud groan, and I fought to keep from screaming with pleasure as my
muscles shuddered around his hard penis.  Out of breath, we both clung to
each other as the water continued to wash over us.

“I love you,” he whispered,
kissing me sweetly on the lips.  “I love you, Zoe.”

“Boggs.
  I love you too.”  I put my head against his
chest and started sobbing.

“Oh God, Zoe, did I hurt you?”

I shook my head no, and he held me
close.

“What is it? 
Shhhh.”
 

“Boggs, it was horrible. 
Wanda.  I felt it, when she started her new life.  And I felt when it
ended.”  I clung to him, afraid to let go.

“Shhhh.”

“What do I do with that,
Boggs?  How do I deal with that?”

“I’m not sure, Zo.  I’m just
not sure.”           

After several minutes my sobbing
ebbed and he finally set me down on my own feet.  We finished the shower
by washing each other.  He unbraided my hair and lathered it with
shampoo.  The water started to cool and we decided we better get out. 
After rinsing off, we wrapped ourselves in towels.  Soon after, there was
a rap on the door.

“Some of us need to pee,” said
Susan.

“Be right out,” said Boggs.

“Oh, Adam, it’s you,” she
said.  “Ok, I’ll wait. 
Unless you want me to come
in and dry you off?”
  She sounded snarky, and pathetic.

“Absolutely not,” he answered in a
very serious tone.

“Fine, whatever,” she replied,
sounding annoyed.

Our eyes met and we smiled. 
Boggs opened the door and we both walked out into the hallway.  Susan
looked far from pleased.  “All yours,” he said to her coldly.

He took my hand in his and we
walked back to our room. 

“You sure I didn’t hurt you?”
Boggs asked again.

“No, it was great.”  I smiled
genuinely. 
“Really great.”

I walked to the armoire and started
searching through the remaining clothes.

“Boggs?
  Do you know if we’re spending much time outside
today?”

“I don’t think so, Zo.  Gus,
Julio, and I will go out and dig the grave for Wanda.  We’ll have the
funeral as soon as we’re done.  I think that’s about it for today.”

“What about what’s left in the
burn pile?” I asked.

“We’ll take care of that after we
say good-byes to Wanda.”

“All these clothes are too big for
me,” I sighed, changing the topic.

“Ya, me too.”

I pulled out a pair of men’s
boxers and slipped them on.  My own panties were in need of laundering so
I decided I’d wash them along with my bra and hope they dry by afternoon. 
I slipped a men’s ribbed undershirt on, followed by another of the button-up
flannel shirts that were becoming a staple for me.

“Maybe Em and I can do some
laundry today.”

I finished the outfit off with
another pair of large white socks, pulling them up to just below my knees.

I turned around and looked at
Boggs, who was sitting on the edge of the bed staring at me.

“Boggs?
  What’s wrong?”

He blinked, and then
answered.  “I just never knew a woman could make men’s clothes look so
sexy.”

“You’re so weird.” 

I walked over to the vanity and
sat, looking at myself in the mirror.  My hair looked like a snarled mess,
so I pulled a brush from the drawer and began working it through the
tangles.  Boggs busied himself with dressing in a fresh pair of jeans and
a light blue t-shirt with a pub logo on the front.  I enjoyed watching him
get dressed by looking at his reflection in the mirror.  I turned my focus
back to my hair.  I decided to leave it down to let it dry.

Boggs and I walked downstairs
together.  Louisa and Julio were sitting on one of the loveseats. 
Her eyes were red and swollen from crying.

“Louisa, I’m so sorry about
Wanda,” I said genuinely. 

“Thanks,” she whispered. 
“But really, I’m glad she’s not in pain anymore.  She was in so much pain,
you know, but tried to hide it.  I was so lucky to know her, even if it
was just for a short time.”

Julio lifted Louisa’s hand to his
lips and kissed it. 

Louisa tried to smile. 
“The baby.
  If it’s a girl I want to name her
Wanda.  Wanda Maria Gonzales.”  She rubbed her free hand on her belly
lovingly.

Julio smiled.  “I love it,
Isa.  Wanda would be happy.”

Boggs and I sat on the other
sofa.  I leaned against him,
feeling
a need to
be as close as I could.

“Louisa?  If I make some
pancakes will you eat?” I asked.

She smiled genuinely at me. 
“I’d love some.  I’ll come help you.”

“You sure you feel up to it?”
asked Julio.

She nodded.  “I get sore if I
sit too long.”  She stood up, and I could tell the task was just starting
to get difficult for her.

We walked into the kitchen
together.  I fetched the box of pancake mix.  Luckily it was the type
that only requires that water be added.  Louisa searched cabinets until
she found a mixing bowl and measuring cup.

“I never found syrup when we
inventoried, and there’s no butter, but we have two jars of jam,” I explained.

“Any peanut butter or powdered
sugar?” she asked.

“As a matter of
fact, yes.
  Both,” I said with a
small smile.

“Have you ever tried them that
way?” she asked.

“Never.
  It’s good?”

“Oh yes.  You have no idea
what you’ve been missing,” said Louisa.

I let Louisa mix the batter while
I set the powdered sugar, peanut butter, and jam on the table along with paper
plates and the plastic forks that had dried from the day before.  By the
time I was done she had found a flat griddle for the stovetop and had it
preheating.  Not long after the first dollop of batter hit the griddle,
the kitchen smelled heavenly. 

“Boggs?”
I called.

“Yup?”

“Can you go wake Em and Gus?”

“We’re up,” announced Emilie on
cue.  “What smells so good?”

“Pancakes!”
I said cheerfully.  “Come and get them!”

Six of us filled the kitchen and
began spreading different combinations of toppings on the warm pancakes. 
Louisa insisted we all eat while she finished flipping. 

“You’re right, Louisa.  The
peanut butter’s awesome with the powdered sugar,” I said.  My voice
sounded garbled since the peanut butter was making my mouth stick
together. 

Our breakfast seemed sinful. 
Louisa told us that Wanda would have wanted us to all fill our stomachs and be
happy about the life she had lived. 

Susan finally walked into the
kitchen, looking tired.  She had bags under her eyes and her face was void
of makeup.  She looked a bit less like model material than she had the day
before.  It made me smile, and I felt the tiniest twinge of guilt for
being happy about that.

“Is there any left?” she asked,
and then yawned.

“Yes, Susan.  Please. 
Come eat,” said Louisa with her usual bright smile.

Susan walked to the stack of
pancakes that had piled up beside the griddle and picked up two of them. 
She ignored the plates, walked to the table and spread jam on one, then sandwiched
them together. 

Once we all seemed to slow down
with eating, Gus backed away from the table and stood.

“Ok, before we head out we need to
talk about a few things.  Do y’all mind coming out to the living
room?  It’s not the most pleasant of topics so we might as well try to be
comfortable while we talk.”