Havok: A Bad Boy Mafia Romance (31 page)

I
t was nearly
two o'clock in the morning when we got back to the NOMAD compound. They wheeled Axl in on a stretcher and took him to the infirmary. Big Mikey and I walked with him and talked to the "doctor," a sinewy-looking guy who'd been a field paramedic for the IRA for two decades.

"Concussion, fractured orbital," said the doc in his Irish accent, "but he'll recover. Miracle for sure."

Axl was sleeping peacefully when I returned to his bed. I hated to see him weak, hurt, and vulnerable. It was so unlike the strong, capable man that he was. I felt an instinct to stay and protect him, but I was absolutely beat.

"Get some shut-eye," said Big Mikey. He looked worried about me.

"Promise me you'll keep him safe while he's out."

"Don't you worry about that. I've got my four best guys posted at the door. Nobody can touch him here. Kicked those Demons the fuck out, too."

I reluctantly returned to my room, undressed, and fell asleep before I could even brush my teeth. My dreams that night were nightmares.

The next day, I slept in until past noon. When I woke up, it was only because Ashlynn had come knocking on my door again.

I was awakened by her pounding, and I stumbled out of bed and across the room. Light streamed in through the windows, which I'd forgotten to cover the night before. It was beautiful outside, and it felt like a new day. I hoped that the windows were open at the infirmary and the beautiful day was having a healing effect on Axl. I was anxious to get down to the infirmary to see him.

"Holly! It's me!" Ashlynn's voice came through the door.

I opened it, and she walked in, spry and bushy-tailed as ever.

"Oh my god," she said, rushing her words. "What happened yesterday? I heard Axl's in the clinic. Are you okay?"

I sighed. "Lemme get dressed and go check on him. Then we can talk."

I had to borrow more clothes from Ashlynn. I'd just about given up on having any semblance of style or dignity since this entire adventure had started.

We checked on Axl, who was still out cold. "Come back tonight," said the doc, "He might be up by then."

Ashlynn and I left the infirmary and went to the mess hall, but my stomach was hurting again and I wasn't hungry.

"Damn girl," she said, "You coming down with some kind of stomach flu?"

"I don't know," I said. "This has been going on for a few days now." I hadn't ordered any food of my own, because Ashlynn had ordered pancakes to share. I drizzled some syrup on them, but it only seemed to make me feel worse.

Halfway through the meal, when I was telling her about how we found Axl, I started to heave. I ran into the mess hall bathroom and barely reached a toilet before I started to throw up. Ashlynn held my hair back. I honestly didn't know what I'd have done here without her.

"Girl, is this 'cause of last night?"

I wiped my mouth with my sleeve and shook my head. "No," I said, "I don't think so."

"Did you eat something bad?"

"Just what we had together. And you didn't get sick."

I flushed the toilet and moved to the sink to wash up. "I hope this gets better before I end up in the infirmary, too," I said.

Ashlynn paused, not speaking, seemingly in thought. Then she spoke. "When's the last time you got your period?"

I turned the water off, and looked down in thought. I hadn't even been thinking about that.

"Uh, I guess it's late," I said. "Should've started a day or two ago."

"Do you think there's any chance... You know," said Ashlynn, her voice trailing off at the end.

My heart pounded at the thought. I sure as hell hadn't planned on getting pregnant. There was no way. I was on the pill, and I'd managed not to miss one throughout this whole ordeal. That was something I took
very
seriously.

"I'm on the pill," I said slowly. "I don't see how that could've happened."

"Well, it's not a hundred percent," said Ashlynn tentatively.

Now I was getting freaked out. Going on the run with Axl was one thing, and I'd almost come to terms with the fact that my life had irrevocably changed. But now in addition to being a biker's old lady, I was going to be a knocked-up college dropout? I almost couldn't wrap my mind around the idea. All my life I'd been brought up to do the exact opposite of that.

"I just don't know," I said. I tried to reassure myself in my head. "I don't see how it's possible."

"They keep pregnancy tests in the clinic," said Ashlynn. "It's a... thing that comes up every once in a while around here."

I laughed woefully. "That would really be the fucking cherry on top," I said. "Walking into there and asking the doctor for a pregnancy test in front of Axl. The entire compound will be talking about it."

Ashlynn laughed quietly, and then said, "But seriously, I'll go get one if you want. I'll tell 'em it's for me."

"You'd do that for me?" I said, amazed.

"What are friends for?" said Ashlynn. "But you'll owe me for this." She laughed.

"Okay," I said. "Jesus. I can't believe this is happening. It has to be negative. Has to be."

I went back to my room and waited for Ashlynn to come back from the infirmary. When she got back, she came in my room without knocking, where I was nervously sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Got it," she said, waving a white plastic wrapper in her hand. "Good thing I went to, 'cause your boy's up."

I perked up, almost temporarily forgetting the mess I was in. "How is he?"

"Seems good," said Ashlynn. "He was checking out my ass."

I turned red.

"Just kidding," she said. "He's a hunk of man, though, even laid up in bed like that."

"I know," I said.

"Alright hon," said Ash. "Go pee on this and bring it back."

I went to the bathroom down the hall and did as I was told. When I was done, I wrapped the small plastic stick in toilet paper and clutched it tight in my hand, not daring to look at the results.

I brought it back to my room. I held my hand out and uncovered the plastic stick.

"Tell me what it says," I told her.

She bent over to look.

"Oh, shit."

W
hen I finally woke up in
the infirmary, the sun was already setting. I didn't know what time it was and the doc was nowhere to be seen. My head felt like a fuckin' Mack truck was parked on it. I was getting real sick of waking up feeling like a train crashed into my head every damn day. Maybe Holly was right, I should've called it quits right then and lived out my days on a golf course in Florida. Sure would've been more fun than this.

I reached up and felt my face. There was a big bandage over my right eye, but otherwise everything felt intact.

Can't lie. Even though I was fucked up, I felt a little proud. Like a fuckin' bull. That piece of shit Dash had beamed me with an iron crowbar and left me for dead, and not a day later, here I was, gettin' better. Gettin' ready. Ready to fuckin' find him and finish the job that he didn't.

When I got my hands on him, there wouldn't be a second chance for him. He wouldn't wake up later. In fact, no one would find him at all. And what I was gonna do to him was a fuckin' tickle compared to what I was gonna do to Lynch.

Five or ten minutes later, I heard talking at the infirmary door. Big Mikey came waltzing in, just like nothing had ever gone down. But the expression on his face was one of relief. Didn't think the bastard was capable of worrying, but I guess I understood. I would've been distraught as fuck if this shit had happened to him.

"Hey, sunshine," he said. "You are one lucky motherfucker."

"Not lucky," I said, trying to put on an air of bravado. "Just built like a fuckin' bull." I forced a grin.

Mikey smiled back. "Yeah, you fuckin' handled that. What was it, a crowbar?"

"Yeah," I said, my smile dropping. "Beaten senseless by my own fuckin' crowbar." It pissed me off. I'd paid good money for that thing.

Big Mikey sat down on a stool next to the bed where I lie, and he put a hand on my shoulder. "Where's your head at in all of this?" He asked me.

I gritted my teeth, my lips contorting with displeasure. "You know me. So you know where it's at," I said.

Big Mikey nodded. "I wanna see these guys go down, too. But I overheard what your old lady said to you, son."

I shrugged. "Don't eavesdrop on me."

"
Overheard
," he emphasized. "Look, all I'm sayin' is that you've managed to have an ace in the sleeve when it's counted. Twice recently. But there comes a time when a man needs to be smart, and to assess the risks he's takin' on."

"I've assessed," I said, "I've assessed and I'm goin' the fuck in."

Big Mikey was choosing his words carefully. It was plain to see that he was torn up about the whole thing. Getting sentimental over me. That was the bad word. It was dangerous. And weak.

"Look son," he said, shifting his tactics, "I just don't wanna see you rush into some foolhardy mission and get fucked up."

"I'm ready for whatever happens," I said. "I've got nothin' left now. No club, no honor, no friends, no family. Ain't got shit."

"That ain't true," said Big Mikey. He was motioning with his hands as he spoke, his palms up, almost as if he were pleading his case to me. "You've got your old lady. You've got me. And you've always got the NOMADs. You've got a spot in this place anytime you want."

"Thanks, Mikey," I said. "But I ain't got many options left now. This is gonna be a one-way mission, man."

Mike's eyes narrowed and his expression was one of worry. "What does that mean?" he asked.

"There's only one way to get those fuckers who crossed me. And that's at the Sons clubhouse. They ain't gonna let their guard down anywhere else."

Mikey tipped his head, looking at me with disapproval. "You ain't sayin' what I think you're sayin', are you?"

"Yeah," I said, "I am."

The truth was, I was way more fuckin' conflicted about it than I was lettin' onto. Mostly because of Holly. She was the only person who'd made me feel a damn thing in years, and I hated the idea of leaving her all on her own. Shit, by now she might've been marked for life. Even if I fuckin' smoked Lynch and Dash, if I burned out doin' it, Sons weren't gonna protect her. Reapers'd have open season on her.

But what choice did I have? I couldn't bear the thought of leavin' her, but I also couldn't bear the thought of not makin' Dash and Lynch pay for their crimes.

"So what's the plan?" asked Mikey. He blew air out from between his lips as if he were deflating, giving into the inevitability of my determination.

"Take a week or two to get patched up here. Get back to a hundred percent. Then find a way into the club and start shootin' when they least expect it. Dash and Lynch only. Won't hurt another fuckin' soul in that club. Not even Ryker. We had our differences but he loves the club, man. I do too. They're my brothers."

"Yeah," said Big Mikey. "But you'll never get outta that alive."

"I'll do my best to figure out a way," I said. "But if I can't, I can't. You'll take care of my old lady if I go down, right?"

I could see tears clouding up Big Mikey's eyes, and I had to swallow hard. Fucker was chopping onions in here.

"Yeah man, we'll keep her safe. But fuckin' find a way to come back," he said. He got up and headed for the door without another word, no longer trying to argue with me. We both knew the chance of me coming back was slim to none.

I was doing what I was best at. Projecting confidence and strength. Inside, I was torn the fuck up. I didn't want to leave Holly. But I had to take out Dash and Lynch.

I heard that voice in the back of my head again, telling me she was worth it. But I shut it down. I didn't have a choice.

I was going in.

T
he next few
days were quiet at the NOMAD compound. The doctor kept Axl on bed rest in the infirmary. I went to visit him every morning, and although he was getting better, he seemed distracted. I tried to cheer him up and lighten the mood, but I couldn't stop thinking about our last conversation. About him being prepared to go on a suicide mission.

The first time I visited him, I almost spilled the beans right then and there, told him that he was a father now and I was a mother. But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I wanted him to want me, wanted him to give up the lifestyle of mayhem that he had cultivated and that had brought him to his knees. But with each passing day it seemed less likely.

I began to think about running away. I was absolutely sure that I wanted to keep the baby. That was never a question in my mind. But I'd be damned if I'd let my own child be raised in this kind of place.

Something—someone—was going to have to give. And it was going to be me or Axl.

Without the baby in the picture, I don't know what I might've done. Once it was in the picture, though, it forced a decision. Either Axl would have to get his shit straight and leave the lifestyle, or I'd split. There could be no half measures.

About a week after I found out, I decided I had to talk to Ashlynn before making a decision. She was the only one here who I could trust, who I could confide in. I sure as hell wasn't about to have this conversation with Big Mikey.

One afternoon Ashlynn was hanging around the compound and I went to find her. "Let's walk and talk," I said, "I need to work this out."

We walked around the perimeter of the compound, which wasn't exactly a nature trail getaway. More like a dirt sidewalk right up against a barbed-wire chainlink fence. But it would have to do. There wasn't anywhere else to go to clear your head.

"I don't know what to do," I confessed to Ash as we walked. We strode side-by-side, our young skin glimmering with perspiration in the desert sun, not yet reddened and grizzled like the skin of the old ladies that'd been around the compound for years.

"I know how you feel," she said. "I wouldn't want to bring a kid into this life either."

I looked down at my feet, placing one in front of the other as we circled the compound. "It's not just that," I said, "I mean, maybe if I tell him, he'll change his mind about this whole plan."        

"You told me about it," said Ashlynn. Her voice was soft but serious. "Sounds like he might not come back from that."

I nodded, swallowing hard. "Yeah. I don't know if telling him would change anything. He doesn't need this shit on his mind. He's gotta focus."

"Girl," said Ash, "I think you've gotta do it."

"Why?"

"He's so obviously into you. I bet he's torn the fuck up about this plan. He's in a bad place right now. He needs you, and that means you need to be completely honest with him."

"Do you think it'll change his mind?" I asked.

"Maybe," she said. "I can't predict the future. But he should have the facts before this goes down."

We walked in silence for a few minutes while I considered what she said.

Finally I said, "Ash, I really appreciate what you've done for me."

She scoffed. "Didn't do anything I wouldn't have done for anyone else."

"I mean it," I said. "I was all on my own when we got here and you showed me the ropes."

"You're welcome."

"You really think I should do it?"

"I do."

I slept on it, but the next morning I decided to take Ash's advice to heart. I went to the infirmary to find Axl, but he wasn't in his bed.

"He's on the upswing," said the doc. "Went down to the gym this morning."

"Thanks," I said, and went back into the hallway. I found stairs to the basement, which was a musty, industrial subterranean cavity with walls made of stacked cinder blocks. It felt unfinished, not final, and I hoped that Axl's decision about this mission would be the same way.

I found him in the weight room, which just had a bench press, weight rack, and a big mirror on the wall. He lay on the bench, pumping iron.

For a minute, I totally forgot about my troubles, forgot about the tough conversation ahead. I just watched him as he lifted. His body was beautiful in action. His arms and chest were thick and powerful, overcoming the heavy weight of the iron bar and plates as if they were feathers. The skin on his arms and shoulders was taut, his youth and virility on display. Jesus. I hoped that I looked half as good as he did.

When he finally racked the weight, I spoke up. "Axl," I said across the room.

He sat up in surprise. His face was still bruised, but the bandages had been removed and he was starting to look normal-ish again, which made me happy. 

"Didn't see you there, babe," he said with a grin. "Felt so much better this morning. I'm on the mend."

I forced a thin smile. "I'm happy to hear that," I said. I hesitated, trying to muster the willpower to speak. Finally, I did. "There's something I need to talk to you about," I said.

"Shoot," he said.

"There's no way to beat around the bush," I said. "I'm pregnant."

I sucked in a nervous breath and waited for his reply.