Healed (9 page)

I finally open
ed my eyes and looked up to see Luke pulling down his boxer trunks. I looked away, quickly, not wanting to be caught staring at his manhood. I quickly looked back to take a look. I can’t not look at his magnificent body. He caught me staring at him and grinned, before crawling back onto the bed to join me. His member brushed across my leg and I gasped.

“Don’t you want me to be naked as well?” I whisper
ed.

“
If that’s what you want.”

“Of course I want.” I smile
d. “Do you have protection?”

“Yes.” He grinned
and I noticed that he had some packets in his hand. “They were in my wallet.”

“I’m not even going to ask why.”

“Okay.” He just stood there; so I pulled him down to join me on the bed.

“What are you waiting on
, Luke?” I whispered in his ear and he started to tickle me. We rolled around on the bed and I suddenly realized that he was on top of me, his pelvic bone was crushed into me, and his manhood was pressed up against my most intimate of places. I then realized that I don’t want to wait any longer. I need to feel all of him.

He seemed to sense what I was feeling
, because, before I knew it, he had pulled my underwear down with his teeth and he grabbed the packet next to the bed and ripped it open. I watched as he slid it on quickly and smoothly and then I felt him inside of me and I felt like I had somehow died and gone to heaven. It was the most exquisite and sweetest feeling I’ve ever felt in my life and I felt like every nerve end in my body was celebrating our union.

I he
ld onto him tightly and I heard voices groaning and moaning. I felt bodies writhing and moving. And it felt like an out of body experience. I felt like I was floating on air. Everything about our lovemaking was magical and I was the recipient of the most intense pleasure in the world. And then I got to the top of the rollercoaster and I was falling, screaming, crying out in excitement and pleasure. I felt Luke’s lips on mine, kissing me urgently and, as he collapsed onto me, heaving and grunting, I held him close and smiled.

I’d
been in Luke’s bed many, many times, but never had we had an experience like this. This was an experience I could have once in my life and be satisfied forever. This was what making love was all about. For a fleeting moment, I thought about my experience with Bryce and I felt a pang of shame and distress. My union with Bryce had been nothing like this. I had given my virginity to him and the experience had meant nothing. I wanted to feel sorry for myself but I didn’t. In a way, I was thankful that I had had that experience, so I could appreciate even more what it was like to make love to a man I truly loved as opposed to a man I had lusted after. But still I felt guilty.

I knew that Bryce was heartbroken over his mother’s death and that he felt bad over cheating on me. I knew internally that that was his bad, but I still felt like I should have spoken to him before I came to Luke’s.

“Are you okay, Lexi?” Luke looked at me with concern. “Did I hurt you?”

“I’m fine
, my love.” I kissed him and smiled. “That was amazing.”

“I thought so as well.” He grinned. “And to think that was my first time, I’ll be a regular Don Juan in a few weeks.”

“You better not turn into a Don Juan,” I laughed.

“Are you really okay?” He studied my face and I pulled him down to me.

“I’m fine.” I snuggled into his arms and closed my eyes. “This is, most probably, the best I had ever felt in my life.”

“I
think I have to admit this beat out the day I found out MIT was offering me a full scholarship.” He laughed and played with my hair as I lay in his arms. I could feel him growing against my thigh again and I grinned.

“Well I’m glad to hear I beat out MIT.” I laugh
ed and giggled as Luke tickled me in places he never had before. I turned around to face him and delighted in this next step of our relationship, but my mind was left wondering what would happen next. Now that he had brought up MIT I wanted to know if he was still going to move to Boston and if he was, what would it mean for us?

Before I had a chance to ask Luke what would come
next, he kissed his way down to my womanhood and I closed my eyes as I felt him down there and he took me to places I never knew existed before.

Chapter 6

Bryce

I picked up a Barbie from the local toy store to take Shelby. I wasn’t sure if she would like it, but I figured I had pretty good odds. What little girl didn’t like dolls? I still had some time to kill after I left the store, so I decided to go and get her some flowers as well. I settled on sunflowers instead of roses. Roses seemed too grown up for a little kid. I wanted to get her sunflowers because I wanted her to know that she was like sunshine in my life. I figured she was too young to understand the symbolism, but I figured she would appreciate it when I explained it to her when she was older.

I thought about picking some
flowers up for Lexi as well, but I hadn’t heard back from her after I had tried calling her back the day before. I figured she must be angry at me for what had happened with Anna. I hadn’t minded that she hadn’t called me back. I didn’t deserve it. And I wasn’t really ready to talk. Not yet. It was a big move to ask her to marry me. I wanted to make sure that I was ready. Really ready. And I honestly didn’t know if I was.

All I could think about was my mom and what she had been through. I wondered what would have happened if I hadn’t joined the marines. Maybe she would have left my dad earlier and then she’d still be alive. I tried not to let those thoughts burn and fester in my mind. I knew it wasn’t helpful. That’s what the doctor had told me.
Don’t dwell on the negative, Bryce; it will only bring you down.
And I tried now, more than ever, to remember what he said and to live by it. I couldn’t depend on the pills anymore.

My father told me that the funeral was going to be in a few days. I didn’t quite get it. How
could it take nine months for a baby to come into the world but only a few days to bury someone once they died? I didn’t want to have to say that final goodbye. The previous night, when I was sleeping in my bed, I kept waiting to hear my mother’s footsteps as she went back and forth doing her daily chores. I was waiting to hear her singing in the shower like she always did. But all that greeted me was silence.

My father and I didn’t talk, save for him telling me about the funeral. I had nothing to say to him. And it seemed that he had nothing to say to me either. I couldn’t tell if he was upset or not. He was so hard to read these days.

“Hey, Bryce, sorry I’m late.” Luke ran up to me and joined me in the hospital lobby with a huge smile on his face.

“No worries, I just got here.” I nodded and held up the Barbie. “I stopped to get Shelby a present. I hope it’s okay.”

“She’ll love it.” He grinned and flashed a badge to the nurse behind the desk. “Let’s go up.”

“It’s okay for me to visit her?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Now she’s in remission, we don’t have to take any special precautions. And she loves visitors, so she’ll be happy to see you.”

“I wish Lexi could have come as well.” I sigh
ed. “But she’s not talking to me right now.”

“Oh?”
He looked at me quickly and turned away with a slight flush on his face. I’m sure he felt bad for me after everything that had happened.

“I think she must be mad because of Anna.”

“I guess so.” He nodded.

“She did call and leave me a message yesterday
, though.” I paused. “I’m sure she must be unsure of what to do, what with my mom dying and me dropping this bombshell on the same day.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about it.”

“I don’t know what to say.”
He looked at me with worried eyes. “I hope you guys get to talk soon.”

“I’ve been thinking about proposing to her.” I laugh
ed at his shocked expression. “I know it’s fast, but it just seems so right, you know. She’s loved me for years, and well I want her to know that I appreciate her faith in me. I just can’t believe I never really noticed her in high school.”

“Yeah, I don’t know how anyone can pass over Lexi Lord.”

“Sorry, man.” I cringed as I thought about whom I was gushing to. He most probably thought I was throwing our relationship in his face. I was pretty sure he was in love with her as well. C’mon Bryce, I thought to myself. Be a gentleman. “Anyways, I’m excited to see Shelby.”

“Do you want to tell her you’re her brother?”

“I can do that?” I was surprised.

“Well, if you don’t plan on visiting her often
, then I wouldn’t recommend it.” He looked at me curiously. “So I guess I’m asking is this going to be a one visit type of thing?”

“But she won’t be in the hospital much longer will she? If she’s in remission.”

“No, she’ll be going back to the orphanage. But you can still visit her then. Maybe even take her out for an afternoon.”

“Oh, I don’t know if I can do that.”
I felt panicked. “I don’t know anything about little kids.”

“It’s not too hard.”

“But she’s a girl as well. I don’t know anything about little girls.” My hands clammed up and I stopped. “Maybe I shouldn’t visit her. Will you give her the Barbie instead?”

“Hey Bryce.” Luke put his hand on my shoulder. “It’ll be okay. I promise. Just come and meet her properly. You can decide what you’re comfortable with.”

“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Luke pushed
the door open and Shelby ran towards him as I just stood there like a statue. “Lukey.” I watched as he picked her up and swung her around. I saw her blue eyes sparkling with happiness. She smiled as she saw me and waved energetically.

“Hiya.” I wave
d back at her and plastered a big smile on my face.

“Hi, I member you from yesterday.”
She walked over to me as Luke put her down and I put my hand out for her to shake.

“I thought I’d come and say hello.” I smile
d, gently, and handed her the Barbie. “I bought this for you to play with.”

Shelby took the Barbie from me and held it in her hands like a sacred object. “For me?” She looked surprised and I nodded.

“Yes, for you.”

“Thank you.” She leaned over to give me a hug and I
held her tightly.

“You’re welcome.”

“I’m Shelby.”

“I’m Bryce.”

“I like the name Bryce.” She giggled and I am reminded of Lexi. She had Lexi’s smile I thought to myself.
That’s why she seems so familiar.

“And I like the name Shelby.”

“We both have blue eyes.” She pointed at me.

“Yes we do.”
And I felt as if I’d been shot. She had my eyes. I looked into her face and I saw my reflection shining back at me through her sky blue irises. She had my eyes and she had Lexi’s smile. In a weird way, she could have been the image of what a kid of mine and Lexi’s would look like.

“Want to play top chef?”

“What’s that?”

“We pretend to cook stuff. Lukey
, you be the judge.”

“Okay
, Shelby.” He grinned at her. “I like your bandana today.” He pointed at the pink piece of fabric on her head and she twirled around.

“It’s
’cos I’m a princess,” she giggled.

“Princess Shelby is a fine name.” Luke teased her and she turned towards me.

“Do you like it Brycey?”

“I love it.”
A warm feeling enveloped me and I bowed down in front of her. “I am at your service, Princess Shelby.”

“You can be King Brycey and you can be Prince Lukey.”
She ran to the corner of her room and picked up a red teddy bear. “And this is going to be the wicked witch.” She threw him across the room and ran towards me. “Save me from the witch, King Brycey, save me from the witch.”

I laugh
ed and grabbed her and held her in the air. “I have you safe Princess.”

“You saved me. You’re my King.”
She giggled and planted a soft kiss on my cheek. I put her back down on the ground and Luke pointed at her with a mock stern look. “I thought we were playing top chef?”

“We can play that next time.”
She giggled and took my hand. “Come and see my picture.” I walked with her to the bed and she picked up a piece of paper with a drawing.

“What’s this?” I smile
d at her. “Are you a top artist as well?”

She nodded her head and smiled
. “This is my new family. Now I’m all better, I can get a mom and a dad and a big dog.”

“Oh?”
I tried to keep the smile on my face, but I felt like my insides were being torn to shreds.

“A family will want me now because I’m a princ
ess and I’m all well.” She grinned and I saw that her front tooth was missing. I wanted to pull her into my arms and never let her go. A child that small shouldn’t be worried about things like families, I thought with a sigh. I looked at Luke and he gave me a half smile, I could see the stress and concern in his eyes as well.