Heart's Design: A Contemporary Christian Romance (19 page)

The muscles in his jaw hardened and Seth shifted his gaze away from hers. “The almighty Duncan Prescott was true to his reputation as a legal shark, and he didn’t hesitate to sink his sharp teeth into my father’s psyche, making him doubt, grounding his self-esteem and any confidence he had straight into the cold, hard ground. He decimated my father’s character by dredging up every possible negative thing he could. There wasn’t much to tell, but your dad exploited the tiniest incident of violence from when Dad was in high school and stabbed a kid with a pocket knife. Then he twisted the facts to make it seem as though he was, as you’d say, a pressure cooker ready to explode. Then he found out about the one bad business deal my dad made when he was first starting out as a contractor. He was duped and lost a lot of money but made some bad decisions along the way.”

Seth snorted but it was derisive, bitter. “Since you remember the victim’s name, you must remember the outcome of the trial.”

“Only that my father considers that trial one of the three cases he lost in his career. Although he never referred to them that way. He always said they were the cases he couldn’t win but he rarely mentioned them. I can admit my dad’s a prideful man, and he doesn’t readily admit defeat.”

“He got an acquittal from the jury,” Seth said. “Not exactly a loss. In a way, he got that victory, Caroline. He wanted to destroy my dad’s reputation, and in essence, he did just that.”

“Seth—”

“Dad was forced out of the contracting business and scraped by for years doing odd jobs here and there. And that’s not the half of it. My mother suffered a mental breakdown and then somewhere along the way it became dementia.”

Anger mixed with unbelievable hurt surged through her.
Stay calm
. Her breath came out in small gasps and she moved her hand over her heart. She nodded to the book on his lap. “What do you have there?”

“I was thirteen at the time of the trial. In middle school. My mom was in Boston for the duration, but she wouldn’t allow me to attend the trial.” He shook his head but made no move to open the book. “I’m not even sure I would have been allowed. My grandparents lived in Augusta at the time and they kept me for the two months of the trial. They tried to shield me from the news reports, but it was a big deal all over New England. The kids in school caught wind of what was happening and the teasing started. The bullying on the school grounds. The name calling on the bus. The eggs and other much more foul things thrown at our house and also on my grandparents’ house. The accusations, the horrible jokes, the insensitive remarks even from my teachers.”

“I’m so sorry, Seth.” Never had she been at such a loss for words. He’d endured effects of the justice system she’d never witnessed except from a distance. This man she’d grown to care for had suffered so much.

And he blamed her father.

Hear him out, let him speak.
Then she’d try to deal with this situation.

“I snuck out of my grandparents’ house and rode my bike into town and bought the Boston newspaper almost every day during the time of the trial. It’s like I had this almost morbid fascination with the trial, and I needed to know what was happening. Part of me was mad that Mom wouldn’t tell me anything. I was allowed to talk to Dad on the phone but that’s all. Never allowed to see him. I wrote him letters but he never answered them. I’m not even sure if he received them. Mom told me once, before she stopped communicating, that he’d read them all but was too ashamed to respond.”

Seth looked up at her then, and all the anguish of the thirteen-year-old boy he’d once been revealed itself to her. It was in those eyes, those incredible clear eyes. He’d been so hurt, and was still hurting.

“Your scrapbook is filled with news clippings from the trial?” When he nodded, Caroline looked away, unsure how to respond, her heart heavy. Seth offered it to her. Caroline sat staring at it, not moving. Finally, she shook her head. “I don’t want to see your book. I hope it helped you in some way at the time of the trial, but talking about it more now, and looking at it, will only serve to fuel your anger with my father and stir the seeds of hate deeper into your soul than they apparently already are.”

“Caroline, a wise woman once told me that hate is a strong word. You have to know that I pray every day that the Lord will remove this anger from my soul. I know the Bible verses about how I should forgive my enemy—”

She gasped. “You actually consider my dad your
enemy
?”

He stared at her, not speaking, for so long that Caroline rose to her feet. Her entire body shook but whether from cold, or anger, or disbelief, she didn’t know. All she understood was that her emotions were numb.

“Seth, do you remember when I mentioned my idea that perhaps I’d been branded by my association with Kat and Paulina? By their behavior the weekend we were in Evergreen for the wedding?” She didn’t wait for his answer but she could tell that he remembered. His forehead was creased and he’d risen to his feet to face her.

“Are you branding me by association with my father? Because if you are, that’s wrong. That’s so…wrong.” She turned, crossing her arms over her chest.

I will not cry. I will not cry
. In spite of her resolve, a tear slipped down her cheek and to the ground. When another fell, a dark ring spread on the dirt path.

He made no move to comfort her neither did she want his comfort. “I was only a child at the time of the trial. We were actually forbidden to speak of the trials Dad lost—or
believed
he’d lost,” she said before Seth could refute that statement. He’d already made himself perfectly clear.

“I know how pointless and…stupid…it must sound, but that’s the way it was. You want to know one of the reasons that, deep down in my heart, I knew I didn’t want to become a lawyer?”

“Tell me,” Seth said, his voice quiet. “What’s that?”

“Because I didn’t like the man my father had become. He was my daddy. When I was little, he did the things for me my mom
should
have done. The one thing he did—or tried to do once—that showed me how much he loved me was when he tried to braid my hair for school. My nanny wasn’t there for some reason and Mother didn’t know how. He failed miserably at it, but bless his heart, Dad—the man you refer to as the almighty Duncan Prescott—tried his best to please his little girl.”

More tears slipped down her cheeks. She let them go. “He
tried
, Seth. I know you think my dad is a horrible person, but he was only doing his job in your dad’s trial. A job he’d trained for and did exceedingly well. For better or for worse. Dad’s record was unprecedented in the Boston legal system. Still is. You have to know that he didn’t go into that courtroom intent on destroying your father in any way. He was doing what his client paid him to do, no more, no less. And, in my dad’s eyes, he failed.”

“All I know,” Seth said, “was that my dad was an innocent man but your dad went at him with a vengeance. I’m not sure he cared who he hurt or even whether or not my dad was innocent or guilty. He just wanted to win. And then my mom suffered as a direct consequence.”

She stared at him in disbelief. “Surely you’re not blaming your mom’s illness on my father!”

“To be honest, I’d like to, but I can’t. In some ways, I always have, but I can admit that’s wrong. I’ve asked forgiveness of the Lord, and I’m asking for yours now.”

Caroline nodded. “I can forgive you for that, Seth, but it seems the issue here is whether or not you can ever forgive my dad for his perceived wrongs against your father.”

“I won’t apologize for my father’s innocence causing a blemish on your dad’s illustrious career.”

“I’m not
asking
you to apologize, but it seems your guilt is prompting you to do so. All these years later, you’re angry, you’re hurt, and you’re making my dad your scapegoat. Or maybe it’s transference from when your childhood friend, Jared, was killed.”

“What could Jared possibly have to do with this?”

“You said you were the last person to see him alive. You were with him that day. And you told me how guilty you felt because you couldn’t do anything to save your friend. Perhaps you’re somehow transferring your guilt from
that
situation into your dad’s trial. Just like with Jared, you couldn’t spare, or save, your dad from the pain of what happened in the courtroom. But you didn’t have anyone like Jared’s dad to say
It’s okay, and I forgive you
this time.”

“That makes no sense.” Seth shook his head.

Caroline shook her head. “Maybe it does and maybe it doesn’t. I’m not a psychologist, but I call things as I see them. I think it makes sense if you can be objective and sit back and examine the facts. The question is whether or not you’ll ever be able to do that?”

The color drained from Seth’s face and he appeared stunned.

She stepped closer to him. “I’ll ask you again:
can
you find it in your heart to forgive my father?”

“I can say the words you want to hear, but in my heart…no, I can’t. But I want to, Caroline. More than you know.”

“I see. Then I think you’ve said enough.” Taking in a deep breath, shaking, sadness weighed down her soul. Never had Caroline felt so bone weary. So emptied. Sadness for Seth’s family, sadness for
her
family overwhelmed her. For the two of them. For what could have been and would never be between them. Not now. After this, how could they ever share a future together?

His heart was hardened and hers was trampled.

Caroline’s gaze dropped to the ground. “I guess there’s not much else left to say, is there? If you thought I’d scream, or stomp around and wave my fists, or curse God, or you, or my Dad, then you’re wrong.” Her hands shook but she was powerless to stop them.

The rest of the hike back to Seth’s truck was miserable. What had started out as a day of uncertainty but filled with the hint of promise had been ruined by this man’s inability to forgive. And now her inability to forget.

They only spoke when she asked him to stop at a roadside gas station. She lost the contents of her stomach in the ladies room. Wiping her mouth with a paper towel, Caroline stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her shoulders slumped. She’d thought she might have a future with Seth. How could she have been so wrong?

When Seth pulled the truck into her driveway late in the afternoon, she put one hand on the door.

“Can we please give this some time and then go to dinner or something? I don’t want to lose your friendship, Caroline. I don’t think this is insurmountable. We’ll get past it somehow.”

She stared at him and tried to tamp down her anger. It wasn’t working well. In fact, not at all. “You tell me you hate my father and can’t find it in your heart to forgive him. This means, in essence, that you’re telling me nothing can ever happen between us. At least now I know why you seemed vaguely familiar to me in some way. It’s your last name and the association to your father that’s familiar.”

“And you look somewhat like your father. I studied those newspaper articles enough to memorize his features. You have the same face shape, the same fire that he does. It’s in your eyes and the set of your mouth.” He dropped his gaze. “It’s in the way you’re looking at me right now.”

“You can’t blame me for my parentage, Seth. You can’t blame me for my father’s actions.”

“I realize that, Caroline. Trust me. It’s not fair, and I understand your anger with me right now. I’d give anything to take it away, but at this point…I can’t.”

Caroline threw open the door of the truck. “You changed my life for the better when you gave me your Bible. And now you’ve spoiled everything by showing me another book that’s a testament as to how you believe my father ruined your life.”

He blew out a breath. “I didn’t say your father—”

“Have a nice life, Seth Barnes.”

Then she climbed out and slammed the door of that white truck. Hard.

Chapter 22
~~♥~~

Meredith, her neighbor Hannah’s daughter, walked down the front steps of the church beside Caroline the next morning. Not surprisingly, Seth hadn’t attended the service. Most likely he’d returned home. Not seeing him was probably best for her current state of mind. If he
had
been there, she might have said or done something she might regret in the house of the Lord. She hadn’t been able to sleep well and was still a little fuzzy. Grogginess plus leftover anger was never a good combination, and she planned on spending the rest of the day in solitude, keeping her thoughts to herself, charitable or not.

“Caroline, I wanted to tell you that I got an interesting phone call at the store late yesterday.”

“Oh? Who from?” Caroline walked with Meredith toward the busy mom’s van parked in the church lot. Meredith always drove Hannah to and from church and usually ended up waiting for her teenage twin daughters to come out of their Sunday school class.

“A jewelry store owner in the Boston area. Seems they have a client who’s requested an original necklace from the Oxford Hills area. Apparently, they’ve heard about the jewelry made here with the locally mined gemstones and they want a necklace designed using pink amethysts.”

“They specified that? Interesting,” Caroline said. “They should just come and visit the area and pick one out. I’d highly recommend it.”

Meredith shrugged. “I agree, but maybe they’re too busy and don’t have the time. Or they don’t want to come for whatever reason, as difficult as that is to believe. You know how people are. Some just want to pay and have it delivered. He said they’re willing to pay top dollar.”

“Really? That’s great. Let’s make sure and get a deposit.”

“Of course, but wait. It gets even better.” They talked a minute with Meredith’s girls, Ashley and Kaitlyn, as they climbed into the back of the van.

“The client wants
you
to design the necklace,” Meredith said, her light brown eyes lit with excitement. “I mean, they asked for you by name, Caroline. Isn’t that exciting? Your reputation is growing and is more widespread than we’d hoped. Congratulations, you’re in demand!”

“I’m surprised, but very flattered. Did you get a name or a phone number for the client?”

“No, the store owner said they wanted to keep this a private sale, as he called it. He’ll be handling the transaction. I took that to mean the client doesn’t want their name known.” She shrugged. “Who knows? They must have their reasons. As long as they’re a paying customer, it’s fine by me.”

Intriguing. Caroline had to wonder if someone she knew in Boston had commissioned the necklace.  “Did they leave any instructions about the shape or size of the stones, basic design, length, anything?”

“I have the specifications written down at the store. I can call you with them first thing in the morning, but the owner also said he’d email them to you directly. I hope it’s okay that I gave him your contact information.”

“Of course,” Caroline said. “Thanks for telling me, Meredith. I’ll be on the lookout for it.”

Having a special jewelry piece to design would help keep her mind from dwelling on the situation with Seth, if that’s what it was. She’d seen the stricken look on Seth’s face when she’d said those mean-spirited words. Then she’d slammed his truck door and stomped into the house. When she’d peeked out the front window a few minutes later, he’d still been sitting there. Arms crossed, head down, leaning over the steering wheel. The same posturing she’d assumed in the parking lot outside the Antique Barn when she’d seen Seth there with Jessica. Jenica. The name
was
different.

The sound of a bird caught her attention. A huge hawk soared above her, and she studied it. Gliding across the sky, carefree, and majestic. Funny how she’d believed that by getting away from her family, by physically removing herself from being around them, she’d be free.

No, you’re not free
.

Caroline continued to watch the hawk as it moved in and out of her view. She could run away all she wanted but until she was willing to take the steps toward healing the broken relationship with her parents, she could never be at peace.

Seth wasn’t the only one with issues to resolve.

The primary question in her mind now: how to make amends with her family?

Caroline hoped the Lord would give her the answers she needed because she hadn’t a clue. Although she was tired, the day was beautiful, the air a bit crisp. Tugging her sweater tighter about her, she walked in the direction of Evergreen Park and the gazebo.

“Ah, to be young and in love.” Lost in thought, Caroline startled. A white-haired woman sat on a park bench close to the sidewalk. A stranger, and yet Caroline knew she’d seen her in the past.

A hand-carved cane rested against the bench beside the woman as she scooted over to make room for Caroline. “Care to sit with me for a bit?”

“Thanks. Have we met?” Caroline seated herself beside her. “You seem familiar. May I ask your name?”

“Marla, dear. I’ve lived here in Evergreen a long time, raised my family here.”

Caroline thought for a moment then gazed at the woman’s white hair. “Yes, Marla!” The older woman’s kind blue eyes held a hint of sparkle. “I first visited Evergreen in August a little over two years ago. You sat on a bench outside a jewelry store talking with my friend. Short dark hair. Pretty? Spunky?”

A sweet smile creased Marla’s face. “Yes. I remember her. How is Paulina?”

For a moment, Caroline was stunned. What a memory this woman must possess. “She’s in Philadelphia, busy and successful with her marketing career. We don’t talk as often as we used to, but we keep in touch.” Caroline fiddled with the hem of her skirt and crossed one boot-covered foot over the other. “I have to ask, why did you say that about my being in love?” Was she being obvious or was this woman unusually perceptive?

She heard Marla’s quiet laugh. “Are you denying it?”

Caroline hesitated. “No.” How good it felt to admit it to someone else out loud. Liesel would be so proud.

Marla moved one hand over her heart. She was a tiny woman, almost painfully thin, and the veins in her hand were quite pronounced. If a strong gust of wind blew through town, this woman might very well be carried away with it.

“What’s in your heart can never betray you. It’s the barometer of all that makes you happy, of all that makes you sad, of all you love.” She turned to look Caroline fully in the face. “Of those
whom
you love. Never doubt the strength or the power of that love.”

Caroline smiled. “You’re very wise.”

“Oh, I’m not really all that wise. I’m an old woman who’s been blessed.” Her gaze clouded. “I’ve loved and lost, but I’m all the better for it. I wouldn’t trade a moment of my life for it’s made me who and what I am today. It’s my legacy to pass on to my family.” She paused a long moment. “Does your young man know you love him, dear?”

Caroline hesitated. “I don’t know. I think he might believe he’s in love with someone else.” She met Marla’s kind eyes. “But he’s not. He has some…issues…he needs to resolve.”

“Internal or external influences?”

Caroline considered the question. “Internal for the most part.”

The older woman nodded. “That can be a problem, but not an insurmountable one, dear. Do you know Jesus, child?”

“Yes, I do. I’ve become well-acquainted with Him. I met him in the months following my first visit here. My friend gave me his Bible. It was well-worn and loved.”

“Ah, he gave you the gift of his love even then. Wanting you to know the Savior he serves was perhaps his greatest gift to you. If you both look to the Lord, whatever issues you need to resolve between the two of you will work themselves out, dear. God’s love
never
fails. Everything in His time and His place. Remember that.”

“I will.” Caroline took the woman’s hand and squeezed it. “Thank you, Marla. I needed to hear that reminder this afternoon.” The wind caressed her cheeks and she smiled.

“God is a sovereign God, and He knows your mind and the condition of your heart.” With that, Marla surprised Caroline by leaning close and kissing her cheek. Sweetly. Softly. “I’ll pray for you and this young man, Caroline. Create your own legacy for your family. Know that God is with you.”

Caroline assisted Marla to her feet and she gave her a small wave. As she watched the woman make her way down the street, she touched her cheek, warm to the touch. Comforting.

As she closed the door of her home a few minutes later, Caroline was still smiling. And then she stopped. “How did Marla know
my
name?”

~~♥~~

Caroline jumped at the opportunity to have dinner with Liesel and Beverly at the inn the following week. She’d missed her friend, but she’d been busy designing the pink amethyst necklace and Liesel’s days and nights were mixed up like a typical new mother. They’d talked on the phone a few times and Caroline had filled Liesel in on the latest developments.

Beverly greeted her with a bright smile as Caroline walked into the kitchen. “Caroline, how nice to see you again!” After taking Caroline’s salad from her and setting it on the table, Liesel’s mother gathered her in a bear hug. “Little did I know you’d be living here two years later.”

“Yes, you did, Mom, and you know it.” Liesel crossed the kitchen to wrap Caroline in a warm hug of her own. How she loved these two women whose love filled some gaping holes in her heart. How had she ever survived without them?

“I have no idea what you mean.” Giving Caroline a wink, Beverly laughed. “I knew there was something special about you, and one of my favorite things is seeing how the Lord works. Now, just look at you! Best friends and sisters in the Lord with Liesel.”

“Amen.” Liesel removed the plastic wrap covering Caroline’s Caesar salad and set it on the table. “I think we have everything now. Sit down, Caroline, and I’ll get your lemonade.”

Caroline eyed the quiche and fruit on her plate. She’d eaten in the kitchen on many weekday nights and sometimes walked down to join them for breakfast. She enjoyed chatting with some of the guests and wanted to be available to help Liesel if called upon. “Where’s Paul tonight?”

“At a Town Council meeting. He sends his love. Bella’s still napping but I need to get her up soon to feed her.” Liesel gave her a sweet smile. “I might ask you to hold her while I run and put some laundry in the dryer.”

“I thought that’s why you had me here to help,” Beverly protested.

“No,
your
job is to play the doting grandma.” Liesel patted Beverly’s shoulder. “You do that very well. Mom, I’ll ask you to say grace. You might want to include Seth in your prayer. He’s currently acting like an idiot.” Handing Caroline’s lemonade to her, she dropped down on the bench beside her mother.

Beverly frowned. “That’s a bit harsh now, isn’t it? We should give Seth the benefit of the doubt.”

“I know, Mom, and you know I love him like a brother, but you haven’t heard the latest.”

They held hands and Beverly prayed for their meal. At the end of her prayer, she added, “And Father, whatever Seth has done or not done, be with him in a special way tonight. Give him your peace and comfort. Help him to feel your presence in his life. In the name of your Son we ask these things. Amen.”

“Thank you.” The quick rise of warmth stung Caroline’s cheeks, betraying her whenever Seth’s name was mentioned. She was a failure at staying mad at the man. She remained quiet while Liesel filled Beverly in on the events that had transpired in what she called the “Old Speck Disaster.”

“Okay, first things first.” Liesel chewed a bite of the lobster quiche and downed it with a drink of her water. “Caroline Prescott, do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth—”

Smiling, she raised her right hand. “And nothing but the truth, so help me God.”

“I want you to admit that you are in love with Seth.” Liesel stared her down.

Caroline sputtered and almost choked on a piece of cantaloupe. “Excuse me?”

“Fine.” Caroline quickly shoved a honeydew melon ball into her mouth. Make the girl wait for her answer. Served her right for catching her unaware.

“Liesel would make a good attorney, don’t you think?” Shaking her head, Beverly ate another piece of her quiche. “This is absolutely delicious, honey.”

“Of course it is,” Liesel said. “It’s your recipe. I’m waiting.” Liesel ate her salad, avoiding Caroline’s glare. When she began to drum her fingers on the tabletop and hum under her breath, both Caroline and Beverly reached out a hand to stop her. Beverly won out and closed her hand over Liesel’s.

“I’ll admit that my naïve hopes for something to happen with Seth haven’t panned out. That’s all I’m saying.” Why is it that she’d had no trouble admitting her feelings for Seth to Marla, but she couldn’t come right out and admit it to Liesel, her best friend? That made no sense. Then again, maybe it’s because Liesel already knew the answer.

Liesel laughed. “What a punster you are. How appropriate since panning for jewels is a popular tourist draw around here.”