Heartstrings (7 page)

“No can do,” I say, “I’m on strict Slade Hale duty.
Remember? Dr. Kelly doesn’t want me spending time with any other patients.”

“Didn’t someone tell you?” Penny says, her bright eyes going
wide.

“Tell me what?” I ask, dark dread flooding through me, “Did
something happen? Is Slade OK?”

“He’s fine, don’t worry,” Penny says, taking my hands in
hers. “He’s been discharged, actually. I thought someone would have told you.”

“...Discharged?” I repeat. I pull my hands from Penny’s and
rush down the hall to Slade’s room. I yank open the door and lurch inside,
hoping to see his caddish, smiling face before me. But instead, I only see a
perfectly made bed sitting in the middle of a pristine room. There’s no
evidence that Slade had ever even been here. I sink down into the bedside chair
and stare blankly at the place where he lay just hours before. He must have
been let out during the day shift. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.

I’m unreasonably disappointed by Slade’s sudden departure.
Of course he’s been discharged, he was good to go once the bleeding had stopped
and honestly he could have gone home yesterday. It’s not like he was ever going
to be a part of my life beyond our few days of knowing each other. I don’t know
why I let myself dabble in fantasies of being Slade Hale’s friend...or God
forbid something more. I’m sure that whatever chemistry I felt with him was
just his natural charm working me over. He probably took on sparring buddies
like me wherever he went.

I suddenly felt embarrassed by my little crush. At first, I
thought I’d be able to turn my nose up at Slade, and write him off as an
asshole man-child. But in the short time I’d known him, I felt like I’d gotten
through to him on some deeper level. For a tiny sliver of a moment, it felt as
though we’d connected. Am I totally crazy? Does everyone who talks to Slade for
more than a minute have the same feeling? Probably that’s it. He’s a celebrity,
after all. I’m sure that all kinds of people tend to fall into his orbit.

Still, I’m remarkably sad to see him go. I feel his absence
like a physical loss. Even if he won’t remember me a week from now, I feel like
I’m missing out on something now that he’s gone. I must have a screw loose, or
something.

Penny comes rushing into the room after me, starting at me from
the doorway. There’s a look of troubled concern on her face, and I watch as
comprehension begins to dawn. “Oh, Julia...” she says.

“Yeah,” I shrug, trying to laugh away the disappointment.

“You got attached, didn’t you?” she asks.

“I suppose I did, a little,” I say.

“Well, we all have favorites from time to time, don’t we?”
she says helpfully.

I nod, forcing a smile onto my face. I have a long shift
ahead of me, after all. It’s not like I can just pick up, go home, and mope for
a while. I have a job to do. I pick myself up off Slade’s abandoned hospital
bed, and give it one more long look. I can practically hear his laugher echoing
off the walls when I listen closely enough, see his cunning, handsome face
against the stiff white pillow. I shake my head, trying to scatter the memories
of him from my mind, but they don’t want to budge. I’m almost alarmed by how
strongly I’m reacting to his absence. We only spent two days together, after
all, it’s not like I’m losing the love of my life, here.

Penny and I walk back out into the ER, assuming our posts
once more. I put on my best airs of being collected and calm, hoping that if I
fake it long enough, it will just start to be true. Penny’s monitoring me, I
can tell—trying to gage what’s going on in my head.

“I guess he’ll get to play that show tomorrow night now,
huh?” she says.

“Who?” I ask dumbly.

“Oh, come on,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You know who.
Wasn’t there some concert that he wanted to play?”

“Oh. Right,” I say, “I think I remember him talking about
that.”

Of course I remember him talking about it. He’d nagged me
about it the entire time he was here. I’m happy for him, that he gets to play
the show like he had so badly wanted. But part of me wishes, selfishly, that he
was still here with me. How messed up is that—a nurse wishing for someone to
get worse rather than heal? I’m glad that no one can read my thoughts right
now. That certainly wouldn’t go over well with the doctors.

“You should go see it,” Penny said suddenly.

“The concert?” I ask. “No...I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” Penny demands.

“Can you see me at a rock concert?” I ask, “They’d all think
I was a narc or something.”

“You’d be fine. We could dress you up like a dirty hippie
and send you on your way,” Penny says, bopping up and down on the balls of her
feet.

“I’m sure it’s sold out anyway,” I remind her.

“He’d make an exception for you,” she smiles.

“You’re delusional,” I tell her, smiling back.

“Takes one to know one,” she says.

Our attention is grabbed away by a newly admitted patient, and
from that moment on the shift starts to fly by. One emergency after the other
comes our way, and for a while I’m almost able to forget about Slade Hale.
Almost. But even as I’m in the thick of the job, I can feel him in the back of
my mind, waiting for me to pay attention again. How long is this going to go
on, anyway? I do my best to block out thoughts of my rock star and do my job.
The effort of it all makes the hours zoom past.

Chapter Five

* * * * *

I finally hand off my patients to the nurse coming in to
relieve me. It’s Rachel, once again, the woman who took care of Slade during
the days while he was here. I run through my notes on autopilot. As she turns
away from me, I can’t help myself from calling after her.

“It sure will be quiet around here without our favorite
patient, huh?” I say.

“Favorite patient?” she asks, not comprehending. Rachel’s never
been one for humor. Or figurative language.

“Slade Hale,” I prompt.

“Oh,” she says, “Of course. Yes, it will certainly be
quieter. And more peaceful.”

“Were you here when they discharged him?” I ask.

“I was the one who recommended it,” she says.

I swallow the unreasonable surge of anger I feel toward her.
She was just doing her job, discharging a patient who no longer needed to be
here. There was no way she could have known that I have a big stupid crush on
him. “Was he...excited to go?” I ask.

“I suppose,” Rachel says, clearly wanting to get on with her
shift. “Apparently there’s a concert tomorrow night that he’ll get to play
now.”

“Right,” I say, “He mentioned that...Um, Rachel? Did he
maybe...”

“What?” Rachel asks.

“Did he tell you to...tell me...anything?” I splutter,
blushing all the while.

“Julia,” Rachel says, exasperated, “I’m not your answering
machine. I didn’t think to ask him whether—”

“I’m sorry for asking,” I say, grabbing my things, “I was
just wondering.”

Rachel mutters something as I hurry away down the hallway,
embarrassed by my behavior. I hoped that Slade would have at least relayed a
“goodbye” to me somehow. His departure was so sudden and anti-climactic - we
never even got a moment to trade “farewells”. Maybe it’s for the best, somehow.
Maybe I would have done or said something stupid if I had had any more time to
formulate a send off for my rock star patient. This way, his impression of me
would be fairly untouched.

I wonder what impression he will carry of me, after our
couple of days together. Will he remember me as the uptight nurse who wouldn’t
let him have whiskey in his hospital room, or the nice young woman who sat with
him while he healed? I don’t want to know.

With my spirits dragging behind me like a ball and chain, I
make my way back out into the early morning sunlight. I’ve gotten used to
treating more like night and night like morning, and the old switcharoo is not
without its benefits. This morning, the sky is bright with pink and oranges—the
clouds billowing and bursting with light of every hue. I stand in front of the
hospital and lift my face to the sky, taking in a deep breath of fresh air. I
never take enough time to appreciate moments like this, tiny moments of beauty
wrapped up in the rest of the day.

Maybe Slade’s had an impact on me, after all. After spending
a couple of days with him, I do feel like I’m noticing things more. Even if it
just means taking a second to breathe in the early morning air. He’s someone
who lives purely in the moment—he has to. There are so many grand things
happening to him all the time that he has to take them as they come. Why can’t
I cultivate that in my life? Sure, I’m a creature of routine, but maybe I can
take a page out of Slade’s book?

I smile to myself as I get into my car, thinking of how smug
he would be if he knew I was taking life lessons from him, all of a sudden. I
start up the engine and head home once again, back to my eye mask, and my cat,
and a glorious day off tomorrow. I let daydreams of my upcoming trip push out
lingering thoughts of Slade. He would appreciate my desire to get on the road
for a while and shake off my typical life. Hell, he’d probably come with me if
I asked him nicely.

“Ahh!” I moan, slapping at the dashboard. He even invaded
thoughts about my road trip! My brain is acting like a twelve-year-old girl’s,
dwelling on Slade like this. I need to clear my head. Get some sleep. This
whole crush is spinning totally out of control—I don’t even know whether Slade
was faintly attracted to me! And here I am, daydreaming about him like a
lovesick puppy.

I turn into my driveway and have to laugh to keep from
crying. I’m hallucinating now, it would seem. I imagine that I see a man
sitting on my front stoop. A gorgeous, towering man who looks very familiar. I
cut the engine and stare at my walking daydream. This has gone too far—I’m
picturing Slade Hale waiting on my front stoop. I watch as my hallucination
raises his eyes to mine, waves with that charming smile I know so well. I wait
for the moment to pass, for reality to swoop in and rob me of my handsome
imaged guest...

But when I blink again, he’s still there. He’s standing up.
He’s coming over to the car...And I am utterly frozen in place behind the
wheel. Slade peers through the passenger window with an amused expression fixed
on his face. He taps the window with his index finger, attempting to get my
attention. I struggle to regain my composure, wishing that my heart would quit
the racket it’s making in my chest. Fumbling with my keys, I cut the engine and
swing open the door, nearly smacking Slade in the head as I do so.

“I’m sorry!” I cry, as he leaps out of the way.

“Are you trying to put me in the hospital again?” he asks
with a smile.

“No, I’m...” I stutter, “This is my house.”

“Yes,” he says.

“You’re at my house.”

“I am,” he grins. He’s clearly having a ball with this.

I stand before him on my own driveway, peering up at him in
the light of the street lamp. I didn’t realize how tall he really was. I’m used
to looking down at him in his hospital bed, but now he’s towering over me. His
body is a perfectly balanced collection of well wrought muscle. He’s got his
hands tucked into his front pockets and he holds himself in an easy, effortless
stance. I feel like a bundle of exposed nerves in front of him.

“What are you doing here?” I ask. “Sorry. That was rude. I
just—”

“You didn’t think I was going to leave without saying
goodbye, did you?” Slade said.

“I...Well...I just figured that you had to get a move on. I
wasn’t expecting you to stick around.”

“But you were hoping a little, right?” he asks with a wink.

“Maybe I was,” I smile, daring to let my affection for him
shine a little brighter.

“I wouldn’t have just bailed,” Slade says, a more serious
tone hardening his voice. “I don’t walk out on people, Julia. I want you to
know that.”

“OK,” I say. Why is he telling me this? I was just his
nurse, after all. It’s not like anything happened between us.

Except that, when I was honest with myself, I had felt
something pass between us in his hospital room. Whenever our hands happened to
touch, whenever I let myself get lost in his eyes for just a moment too long, I
could feel something waking up inside of me. Whatever it is that Slade does to
me, no one has ever done before. I try to convince myself that I’m just star
struck, that it’s just his sex appeal that clouds my head, but it’s more than
that. Yes, he’s the single most attractive man I’ve ever seen, but there’s
something beneath that gorgeous surface of his that resonates with me. There’s
something unknowable about Slade Hale that intrigues me, something he doesn’t
let the rest of the world see. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be the one he shares
that secret self with. Either that, or he’s looking for a one night stand with
a cute nurse before he keeps going on his tour. I decide to play it cool.