Her Secrets (5 page)

TEARS STILL CAME

NINE

“I see. And where does this Dr. Freedman have an office? Portland?”

“No,
she’s in Dallas and she’s the most renowned in her field.”

Willow put her hands in her lap and gritted her teeth, steeling herself for the fight she
felt coming. “How am I supposed to get there? Drive? Fly? I can’t afford that, Austin. And then there’s Emma. Am I just supposed to drop everything and leave her? Leave my job, my family, everything and everyone I’ve ever known? For how long? And do all that just so she can tell me that I have a fifty-fifty chance. I can’t do that, Austin. I won’t.” Willow turned so she faced him. “I won’t do it.”

Austin
tossed the remainder of his sandwich back on his plate and wiped his hands on a napkin. “Willow St. James, why do you think I sent you an email?”

She
snorted. She had no idea. “The bigger question is why did you leave without saying good-bye?”

“I told you—” Au
stin began but she cut him off.

“Yes, I know, you said
you had to get over you wife.” Willow squeezed her hands together. “I get that. What I don’t understand is why you couldn’t have told me what was going on. You said you loved me. God, I loved you too. So much.” She blinked back tears as the pain of his leaving clenched her heart. “But you didn’t trust me. You didn’t call or text or email. You could’ve friended me on Facebook. Instead you totally cut me out of your life without even the slightest reason why.”

He re
ached out to touch her face but she backed away.

“I found out I was pregnant. Then I was told I had cancer. And then I had a baby. Those are huge moments
, Austin. Huge.” As hard as she fought, the tears still came. God, how many times had she wanted to talk to him, tell him how she was feeling, and now that she started she couldn’t stop. “And you weren’t there for any of it.”

“I know,” he said.

“You know?” Willow growled, frustrated. “You don’t know.” She slid her chair out. The legs scraped against the linoleum. “How can you say you know anything about me anymore?”

He stood too and came toward her
.

“No. No. No,” she
bawled, backing away from him. “Were you there when I had morning sickness? When I couldn’t even keep down crackers or water? Were you there when I went in for the first ultrasound? Or when the doctor came in and told me there was a growth on my spine? Were you there when the doctor told me I should abort the baby and start chemotherapy, or when I made the decision not to?” She covered her mouth with her hand, trying to force down the screams. It didn’t help.

Austin tried to come toward her again, but she
stuck out a hand. “No. Stop. Don’t come any closer to me. Don’t fucking come any closer.”

He stopped. His eyes were wet and he wiped at them with the back of his hand. “You’re right,” he said. “I wasn’t there
when you needed me.” He balled his hands into fists. “Shit, Will. I get it.”

Emma started to fuss, probably sensing the tension in the room. Austin turned and it was t
hen that she noticed that a portion of Emma’s bouncy chair had gone over the ledge of the table. The chair began to tip. Willow watched in horror as it moved, taking Emma down.

“Austin,” she
whispered ferociously.

He saw what was happening
and caught Emma while she was in the air. “I’ve got her,” he said calmly. “I’ve got her.”

Willow fell to her knees and buried her face in her
hands.

Yes, he did have her
, and wasn’t that what she wanted? No matter what happened to Willow, Emma would have a parent. Austin really seemed to love Emma and she seemed to like him. If nothing else, there was that. She would have a father.

“That’s good,” she
whispered. “Thank you.”

KISSED HER FOREHEAD

TEN

Willow’s mom and sisters walked into the house at that moment. They came through the door in the kitchen. She heard the squeak when the door opened. The edge of the door smacked into her shin. 

“What the hell?” Sara yelled.

“Willow. Willow.” Her mom rolled her onto her back.

“What did you do to my sist
er?” Liv asked, stepping over her mom and Willow.

“Nothing,” Austin replied. “Can you take the baby? I need to go to her.”

“Damn straight,” Liv said.

Willow’s heart began to beat loud. She
couldn’t hear anything else. Every movement happened in slow motion. She began defining time by the beats of her heart.

Beat one.
Austin’s boots came into view.

Beat two. H
er mom and sisters moved out of the way.

Beat three.
Austin picked Willow up.

B
eat four. She opened her eyes to Austin’s worried features.

Beat five. H
e leaned down and kissed her forehead.

Beat six. H
e said something to her. What it was she didn’t know, but she couldn’t stop watching his beautiful lips.

Beat seven.
Willow closed her eyes.

Beat eight
. Everything went dark.

***

When Willow opened her eyes it was to an extra bright light. The room was bathed in it. The walls were painted a frosted blue. Navy curtains hung at the three different windows. Austin sat on a cushioned window seat and was gazing out the large bay window.

It was difficult not to suck in a br
eath at how handsome he was. His dark hair went past the collar of his gray pinstriped suit. The muscles on his arms and back strained against the jacket, making them more pronounced. He was turned so she could see his angled profile, the length of his lashes that curled slightly at the ends, and soft lips. Her belly fluttered with wispy butterflies.

“Where am I?” she
asked when he turned.

He stared a moment as though he were coming back from a long trip. “This is a bedroom in my house.”

Willow sat up quickly, too quickly, and felt immediately woozy. The soft plaid comforter fell to her waist, revealing a white nightgown. Her nipples were hard and poked through the thin cotton. She pulled the comforter over my chest. “How the hell?” That wasn’t where she wanted to begin. “Why?” she finally asked. “I told you no. What about Emma?” Didn’t he understand she couldn’t be away from her? She didn’t know how much time she had left. Six months. Two years. But she knew she didn’t want to miss any of her time with Emma.

Austin stood, came over to the bed, and sat.
His hand reached out to touch Willow’s knee. Even through the covers her body responded to him.

“Emma is here. She’s sleeping.” He indicated a monitor on the nightstand.

“How long have I been out?”

“Almost twenty-four hours. I carried you to your room when you passed out. Your mom helped me pack a few things for you and Emma. I had a driver take us to the airport. Emma, you and I flew on my jet from a little airstrip near
Bandon to Dallas.”

While he talked Willow’s mind reeled. She
didn’t remember any of it. And what about Emma? Who fed her? Changed her? Took care of her?

Austin continued, “When we arrived here, I carried you to this room.”

“And Emma?” she asked. “When’s the last time she ate? What about changing her? What about naptime and playtime and— ”

Austin squeezed her
knee. “I handled it. Emma is easy to take care of. She cries when she wants something. There are only so many things she could need.” He shrugged. “I figured it out.” Then he smiled. It was a sad smile. “Her mother, on the other hand, is a bit more difficult to understand.”

Willow
sighed and leaned back. “I’m not difficult. I told you what I wanted. Coming here wasn’t the answer.” Willow’s hair was a curly mess and hung in her eyes. She tucked it behind her ears. It was obvious Austin didn’t believe Willow understood her prognosis. He needed to understand that there was little hope. She crossed her arms.

“Here’s how our appointment with your
awesome doctor will go. Ready?”

Austin
turned so he more fully faced her. “Please. I’m all ears.”

“
Your doctor will run a bunch of tests. After a day or two, she’ll call me into his office. Her face will be serious. Then she’ll clear her throat and tell me… the exact same news I got from
my
doctor. That I have a fifty-fifty chance of survival.”

“You don’t know that,” Austin said, him face grim.

Willow wasn’t done. If he thought he could have she and her daughter delivered to his house like some kind of package, he’d better fucking think again. So, yeah, she was just getting started. “And what about this nightgown? Was this something your wife wore? Am I like the new doll—your replacement wife? Is there a whole closet full of clothes to go along with this?” She pulled at the nightgown disgustedly.

Austin stood. “What kind of man do you think I am? What kind of person?” He moved to the door. “When my wife died I had her things packed up and sent to her parents, except two items that were too personal to part with.” He shook his head
. Willow’s heart sank to her toes. “I get why you might worry, but that’s why I took off. I was worried about those same things.” He came back over to the bed and touched her face. “My feelings for you have nothing to do with her. They aren’t residual, leftovers from a past I wished I still had.” He tucked his hands in his pockets. “You’re completely unlike her. You’re fiery, independent, and full of life. She… was different. Quiet. Reserved.” He gave Willow a pointed look. “Well mannered.”

She
huffed. “What are you saying?” If he thought he was making the situation better he was fucking wrong.

He tapped her
on the nose and sat. “I’m saying you’re difficult, a total pain in the ass, and for some reason I adore all of it. All of you.”

She
wanted to stay mad. He was obviously a man used to getting what he wanted, probably because he was spoiled rotten as a child, but she saw the sincerity in his eyes, the kindness in his face. What he’d done—basically kidnapping Emma and her—he didn’t do because he wanted to control but because he really, truly cared. 

Willow
sighed. “For some reason I adore you too, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have to go back. I can’t stay here. I have a job, a home, my mom and sisters. I have a life. And as much as I appreciate what you’re trying to do, it isn’t right.”

Austin ran his hands through his hair. “God, woman. Yo
u’re infuriating.” He grabbed Willow by the chin. “Do you still love me?”

That was putting a girl on the spot. “I-I told you I did. I do. I never stopped loving you, which pisses me off because you left me
—twice, you son-of-a-bitch. You don’t trust me.”

“
It isn’t that I don’t trust you.” He closed his eyes a moment and opened them again. “I usually think my decisions through. I’m usually clear headed and…” He shook his head. “With you, everything is different. Please know I made stupid mistakes, and I’m sorry. Can you forgive me? Love me despite my faults?”

Willow
thought about it. He’d left the first time without a word. The second he’d believed she was lying. His decisions were stupid, but she could understand why he did what he did. Before that, from the moment they met two summers ago, she knew he was the one. Time and a couple of bad decisions meant to protect, not hurt, couldn’t change that.

“Yes,” she
finally said, meeting his gaze.

“Good.”
He leaned forward and kissed her softly on the mouth. “Because I’m not through with you.” He kissed her neck behind the ear. “And I won’t ever be through with you, Willow St. James.” He pulled aside her nightgown and kissed her shoulder. “I love you. I love our daughter and I—” He paused, trailing kisses across her collarbone. “I want to spend my life with you.”

Gracious
, the things that man’s mouth could do to her body. He cupped a breast with a hand and she pressed into him, desperate to be close.

His lips covered her
mouth and he pushed it open, flicking his tongue inside. She met him and responded, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him to her. He pulled back and she opened her eyes, questioning. “What?”

“If we’re to be together I need your trust. I need your belief in me. I know there’s a lot about me you don’t know, but we belong together. Surely you feel
that.” He placed a hand over her heart. “In here.”

From the beginnin
g she’d known he was the one and only man for her. Her sisters said she should fuck other men just so she’d know the difference, so she’d be experienced and understand what she liked. But she’d never been able to fathom that. She knew what she liked. Austin’s touch, his kisses, the way he felt inside. Austin’s body fit with hers like they were made for each other. She didn’t need to have sex with someone else to prove that.

Willow swallowed hard. “I do,” she
said, touching his bottom lip with the tips of her fingers.

As soon as she
said the words, he was on her, kissing her hard. She returned the kiss, grabbing his hair in fists. He shrugged out of his suit coat and began to unbutton his shirt, but she tore it open. He smirked. “That’s what I mean. Fire.”

Willow bit her
bottom lip and pulled his shirt off him, then moved to his pants. He slid off his shoes and, once she had his belt off and the pants undone, he stood and pulled them off.

“Get on your knees,” he commanded.

She did, allowing the comforter to fall. He kissed her as his hands found her breasts. He took his lips from hers as he lifted the nightgown over her head. She was completely naked.

Austin’s eyes ravaged her
body. Heat swelled between her thighs, making her instantly wet. He kissed one nipple and then took it between his teeth and gently sucked. Then pulled harder.

She
cried out in pleasure, her hands moving to his shoulders and along the muscles of his back. She dragged her nails along his biceps and leaned over to kiss one. His skin was taut and warm, and he smelled like man and soap and a hint of cologne.

Austin switched nipples, sucking on the other one
while he slid his hands down her sides to her waist. She let out another moan, lightly nipping at his shoulder.

He groaned and
pulled her to him. She felt his hardness against her stomach. She wrapped a hand around the long shaft through his boxer-briefs and he gasped.

One of his hands cupped her ass while the other moved to her clit and massaged it softly. Her
thighs quaked with desire. He helped her lay back and then he pulled off his underwear, standing before her in all his delicious glory.

“You’re to
o gorgeous for your own good,” she cooed, placing her hands above her head. His gaze was filled with heat. He climbed on the bed, opening her thighs.

“I could say the same about you, Willow.” With his thumb he
massaged her clit and slid one of his fingers inside. “You’re so wet.” He pulled it out and licked his finger.

T
he tightness building between her thighs grew stronger. “I want you, Austin.” She sat up and wrapped a hand around his hardness, leaned down and licked the tip, then swirled her tongue around the outside.

H
e gasped, moving his hands to her hair, and she took him all the way in her mouth.

“Willow
.” He moved his hips in rhythm.

She
felt him tense, felt his hold in her hair tighten, and knew he would come soon. She was ready. She loved it when he came in her mouth. But he pulled her off. She looked up. “You know I like it,” she said.

“I know,” he said hoarsely. “But it’s my turn.”

She lay back on the bed, opening herself wide for him. He positioned himself. 

“I’m going to make you feel so good,” he said,
lowering his mouth over her clit.

She
had every intention of giving him a response. She wanted to tell him he already did make her feel good, but his tongue licked her clit and slid down my slit.

Her
body shuddered. “Austin,” she moaned, grabbing fistfuls of hair.

He suckled her
clit and moved his tongue and lips until she was lost in the pleasure, lost in the heat and pressure and tightness as her need for him built and grew. She didn’t think she could take anymore and moved her head from side to side. Austin slid his tongue inside. That sent her over the edge and she came undone.

“How you feeling?” he asked with a smug grin
, kissing her firmly on the mouth.