Hide: Part One (The Black Letters Series Book 1) (19 page)

I rolled my eyes, but held my smile as his thumb traced my cheek bone. “And I thought you were supposed to be aggressive.”

He shook his head while laughing, then leaned in for a kiss that was surprisingly tender and sweet. My body was awakened, but I firmly held my hands to my sides, not wanting to let the evening go any further than it already had.

Mitch pulled away, licking his lips as our foreheads met. “Can I have one more night?”

“Mitch…” I wanted many more nights, but it couldn’t happen.

“I know, I know. Slow… You’re more than worth the wait, Jamie Rae.”

Tears threatened as I wrapped my arms around his waist. Fighting these feelings was going to be the hardest battle I’d had my entire life.

Chapter Twenty

Jamie, age 18.

The past six months I’d been on autopilot.

I’d turned eighteen and was in my final month of high school. I still had no life, and my house was tense because my father had lost his job. He couldn’t be in any police department in the state, so was forced to find a factory job that paid half as much as his previous salary.

The uncontrollable guilt was consuming me. The same day I’d planned to confront Rod, my father stormed out of his workplace saying he’d resigned because of upper management. He was calm and collected when he talked to my mother about it, reassuring her everything would be fine and that they’d be okay. The pit in my stomach grew knowing it was because of me that he’d quit, and he hadn’t looked me in the eye since that day. My poor decisions were a constant kick in the ass.

But there were two good things: I wasn’t pregnant with Rod’s demon child like I had feared, and Rod hadn’t contacted me. My heart played tricks on me, though. As afraid of Rod as I was, I partially missed him. He wasn’t always a monster, passionate and kind at points in our relationship. He’d taken so much from me, yet I still remembered the few good things he introduced me to. Admitting I loved him was painful, and I hated that some nights I’d still daydream about the few moments where he was tender.

Landon was my saving grace. He knew my secret and miraculously hadn’t share it with anyone in our family. But since he’d finished his first semester of college and left for basic training, I’d tortured myself with silence. I missed him terribly, but the contact we could have was slim since he had to focus on his training. I was proud of him, but I was dying inside.

“Jamie, are you sure you don’t want to go to your senior prom?” my mother asked as she sat down on the couch next to me.

I shook my head. “I’m fine, Mom. Besides, it’s expensive and overly done. Who actually remembers their high school prom?”

“I do, sweetheart.”

My lip quirked. I wasn’t sure, but from mine and Landon’s calculations, he was conceived in May of our parents’ senior year of high school. Not that we really wanted to think of that day.

“It’s fine. Besides, Landon will be home. I’d rather spend the time with him,” I said truthfully, warmth filling me knowing I’d see him within a week's time.

“Yes, we should plan a get together and invite all the family. Want to help?”

I nodded, grateful for the distraction.

***

“The signs at the airport were a bit much, Mom.” Landon blushed as he walked into our new home. We’d moved into a smaller house while he was away because of my father’s job change, another reason for the knife to twist further into my gut.

I nudged his side with my elbow. “We were the ones who needed the signs. You look so different.” He was broader in the shoulders, more muscular, and his hair was buzzed short underneath his side cap. He stood tall and proud in his Air Force uniform that he’d worked hard to earn.

He grinned. “Now the ladies really won’t be able to keep their eyes off me.”

My entire family laughed as we entered our home. After a large family meal my mother prepared, we went about our normal Saturday routine. It felt good to have him home. Our family wasn’t complete without Landon.

I found my way to the porch swing I’d grown accustomed to sitting on by myself the last few months. The gentle creaking sound it made with a steady swing was soothing along with the birds rummaging in the pine trees.

Landon noticed me staring off into the smaller backyard. He took a seat next to me, following my gaze. “So … this weekend … I hear it’s prom.”

I let out a soft breath. “Yeah, should be a banging time.”

“So you’re going?”

I laughed. “Not a chance in hell.”

He laughed with me. “What if you had the most charming date on your arm?”

I raised a brow. “I haven’t been in the mood for a date.”

Landon rested his elbows on his knees. “Mom and Dad said you’ve been off. Have you told them?”

My voice was barely a whisper. “I can’t.”

“They aren’t going to let you go to FSU in the fall if you don’t start acting normal.”

“What?” FSU was my only hope for my life to maybe go back to normal. A new place where I’d be on my own and able to focus on my future. A place that would be hours away from Rod.

“I bet, if you took your older brother to prom, they’d think you were just missing me.”

“I have nothing to wear, no tickets, and the prom starts in four hours. I wouldn’t even know what to do with my hair.”

“I could help with hair,” my mother suddenly said from the porch. I turned to look, seeing her standing there with my father. “You could take the Grand Prix. Not too fancy, but nicer than the Corolla.”

“Mom got a dress for you, too!” Riley piped in, more excited than anyone else here. She was already more girly than I was.

Landon stood then reached his hand out to me. “So, what do you say? Will you go to prom with me?”

“All right,” I conceded as though I were being forced to go to my senior prom, but I was excited.

***

“Red looks great with my uniform, don’t you think?” Landon brushed his uniform with his palms, more looking at himself in the review mirror than at my red strapless dress. It went perfectly with my beauty queen curls and red heels.

“We are quite patriotic,” I sighed.

He turned to me and smiled, his aviators covering his eyes. “Dinner was great, now on to the dance. Honestly, I think I stayed for only ten minutes of my prom.”

“That’s because you and Kevin went to go smoke pot and drink at an after party.”

His lip twitched. “Yeah, we did. Look, we’ll get the prom photo, have some spiked punch, dance to a few songs, then head to a party. Sound good?”

I stared down at the silver sparkly nail polish Riley painted on my nails while my mother curled my caramel hair. “I don’t know.” I mainly didn’t know because I had no idea where a party would be.

“A friend of mine is throwing a party. Would that be cool enough for an after-prom shin dig?” Landon asked while pulling into the dance.

I’d only drank with Landon and his friends a few times. Maybe getting drunk would help me to relax a little. As long as none of his friends hit on me, especially Kevin.

Reading my mind again, he added, “I promise Kevin will be on his best behavior.”

“Okay. Can we just go to his house?”

“No, I promised Mom we’d get a picture.”

I groaned in annoyance, causing Landon to laugh. “A half hour tops, I promise.”

That half hour couldn’t have gone any slower. I don’t think any of the kids noticed who I was. Even Bethany didn’t say hi to me. She looked wonderful and I smiled at her, but she only turned up her nose and kept walking. Every other girl who walked by us giggled and blushed at Landon. They all knew him. He was known as the stud a grade ahead of us. He would wink at them and smile, flirt a little when a few of them had the courage to talk to him. They ignored me every time.

“Can we go yet?” I whined.

“After we dance. Come on.” He motioned to the dance floor as the lights went lower, the disco ball turning in beat with the slow song. I rolled my eyes, feeling like an official loser for dancing at my high school prom with my older brother. Reluctantly, I took his hand, and we went into a formal step together.

“This is awkward. They’re all staring at you,” I muttered.

“No way, all the guys in here haven’t taken their greedy little eyes off you,” Landon countered as we swayed to the music. I dipped my head low, not wanting to believe him. “They’re staring at you because they don’t recognize you. You’ve changed this past year. You’re more grown up, stronger. I know you don’t feel that way because of that fucker Rod, but I see it, Jamie. Most girls wouldn’t have pushed that dip shit away like you did.”

“I should have done it sooner,” I whispered quietly.

“Maybe so, but you did it. Ninety percent of women would still be taking orders and beatings from that asshole. Not you, Jamie. You’ve beaten the odds.”

My chin found his shoulder as my stomach fell. “Then why do I still think about him? Why at night when I’m lonely do I remember all the good in him?”

Landon stared down at me, pity in his eyes. “You thought you loved him, Jay. He fed you lies, and you were young and naïve, but not anymore.”

I nodded, believing him. I was stronger than that asshole.

“Has he tried to contact you at all?”

I shook my head.

“Good. Try to forget about him, okay?”

“That’s the ultimate goal.”

***

“Kevin’s got a new place with some roommates from college. He says it’s really nice,” Landon said with excitement. He hadn’t seen any of his friends yet, and I could tell by the extra skip to his jump that he was eager to throw back a drink with his buddies.

I smiled and followed him. “We should have brought different clothes,” I said, feeling out of place as we approached the front porch filled with people in jeans and T-shirts.

“Who cares?” Landon said, opening the door.

“Look who it is! My airman!” Kevin hollered, jumping out of his seat while holding a beer in each hand. “Look how official you are, suit and all. Way to outdo us all, you bastard!” Landon’s smile was wide as he greeted his friends. I stumbled behind, feeling like an idiot.

“Jamie, you look hot as hell!” Kevin whistled, putting his arm around me. “Damn it, why didn’t things work out between us?”

“Because you’re a fucking moron,” Landon shouted past us. I noticed he already had his arm around a girl who looked familiar. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was the girl he took to his own prom.

“Jamie, come on, let’s catch up. I’ve missed you the past few months while ole’ Lando here has been away at camp,” Kevin said with a pout. I couldn’t help but smile at him. He was always nice to me and acted like a brother most of the time. I felt safe with him at least, and that was something rare after Rod.

We all started playing drinking games. I hadn’t had a lot, but could hold my liquor very well, and I wasn’t even feeling buzzed after the first few rounds of flip cup. Landon wandered off once we began beer pong. Kevin was my partner, and we’d won five games in a row, which meant the drinking hadn’t been as heavy for us.

Kevin took a swig of his beer, then called for a break. “Come on, Jay. Let me give you a graduation present.” I stopped in my tracks, worried what might happen. He stopped and turned, giving me a puzzled look. “Come on, I’m not going to try anything stupid. Your brother just doubled his weight in muscle, and even though he’s probably deep in that blonde’s tits right now, he’d still pull out to come kick my ass.”

I winced at the picture that formed in my head as I followed Kevin onto the front porch. It wasn’t crowded anymore because everyone had moved to the backyard for the bonfire.

We took a seat on the steps. Kevin pulled out a lighter and a zip lock bag from his pants pocket that contained a joint. Handing me the bag, he smiled. “Happy graduation.”

Taking the bag, I returned his smile. “Um, thanks?”

“You need to have a little fun, and a joint will loosen you up. I’ve seen what you’re like with a good amount of booze in you. Let’s party it up!”

“Yeah, but I’ve never smoked before. I could be a complete bitch for all you know.”

“You already are,” he teased, elbowing me in the bicep. I laughed, then pulled the joint from the bag. Kevin took out his Zippo and helped me to light the joint, taking a puff first himself. He passed it over, giving me a wink.

Why the hell not? Maybe it would temporarily erase all of my mistakes. I took a hit, trying not to cough as the smoke infiltrated my lungs.

Kevin laughed as I covered my mouth. “You took that like a champ. Most girls puke.” Taking another puff, I relaxed more, leaning my back on the railing. This wasn’t bad at all. We passed the joint back and forth until it was gone, then stared off into the dark space. Kevin would ramble, but I merely stared, not thinking about anything. People were coming and going, but we only sat, mellow and calm.

The voice that came from behind me sent chills up and down my back, pulling me from my high. “Jamie? Is that you?” Rod’s frame was taking up the threshold of the door, some chick was on his side, kissing on his neck while her hand wandered into the front of his pants. He shoved her aside when he saw me, his eyes becoming larger with each step.

“What the fuck?” he said in confusion, staring at Kevin’s arm that was now draped around my shoulders. I hadn’t even noticed Kevin was touching me. Before I knew what was happening, Rod ripped Kevin’s arm from my shoulders, shoving him down the few steps from the porch.

“Dude?” Kevin shouted as he stumbled to his feet.

“Get away from my girl,” Rod demanded as he stood in front of me protectively. I backed away instinctively, not sure what was going on.