Hiding Out (9 page)

This time it was different.  As he waited for her dream to subside, she mumbled one word over and over.  “Chase.”  Was that why she ran?  Was she chased?  His heart ached as he waited for everything to play out.  Finally it was over and she was a quivering, shaking, sweaty mass in the center of his bed.  And he was spent.  He sat down in the chair, only this time, he reached out and took her hand in his.  It felt right.  He traced her veins and leaned over to kiss her wrist.  When he opened his eyes a moment later, he found her eyes open, staring at him.

He jumped.  “Jesus, Haley.  How long have you been awake?”

She looked at her hand in his.  Self-consciously, he reluctantly let go.  “What time is it?”

He glanced at the clock.  “It’s nearly one,” he answered quietly.

Painstakingly, she sat up.  “I thought so.  Same time as always.”
             

“You didn’t wake up last time,” he said.

“So, you watched me have that dream before?”  He looked down.  “Is that why I’m here?  You feel sorry for me?”  She spit out those words like they were poison.

Looking at her with a wounded expression, he said quietly, “You are here because I care about you.  It has nothing to do with pity.”

Haley looked surprised.  “Promise?”

He nodded.  Then he caught her looking at the door.  “It’s too late to go home,” he said quietly.  “The driver is asleep for the night.”

She snorted.  “As if that’s the only way to get home.”

He pulled her gently onto his lap.  He was afraid she was going to struggle, but she was too weak after that dream to put up a fight.  “I don’t want you to go,” he said into her hair.  “Olly olly oxen free, remember?”  He wrapped her in his warm embrace and felt her start to sob.  “Oh, Haley,” he whispered.  “Let it out, baby.  Let it all out.”

Gazing up at him with tear filled eyes, she whispered, “”What if I tell you everything and you can’t stand the sight of me anymore?  What if you are disgusted by my mere presence?”

He put a finger over her lips.  “What if I marvel at your brilliance, your ability to survive adversity, your courage to rebuild your life?  What if I fall in love with you and can’t bear to ever let you go?”  And he realized that he wasn’t ‘what if-ing’ at all.  He really did love her.  His heart pounded at the admission.  Changing the subject, he said, “Trust me enough to tell me, Haley.”

She crawled back onto the bed, sat a safe distance away from him, a vision in tulle and satin, then turned and studied him.  He was waiting expectantly.  And she was going to give him the brutal truth.  If he was going to turn away, better he did it now than later when she was even more attached to him.  “On New Year’s Eve,” she began softly, “I was a virgin.”  She watched him.  She could tell her words were hurting him, but still he stayed.  “That night I was brutally raped by my fiancé’s best friend.”  She waited for a reaction, but he just sat there ready to reach out to her if she would let him.  Bolstered by his actions, she continued.  “I took my medical file with me to show David, the guy I was supposed to marry.  I didn’t think he’d believe me.”  She swallowed hard.  “And when I finally found him, he was sound asleep and naked with another woman.  So, I left.  I changed my name and moved to a new city.”  She shrugged.

“So, that was your one and only experience with…?”  He asked deeply saddened.

Haley nodded and whimpered.  “I had been waiting…not for religious reasons, or marriage even.”  She took a deep breath.  “We moved a lot while I was growing up, always on to a new adventure.”  She gave him a weak smile.  “So, I never had time to really find a guy I wanted to
be
with.  My mom always said that it was a gift I could only give once, so I needed to find the right person.”  She sighed.  “I took that seriously.”  She grew silent.

“But not David?”  He was genuinely confused.

“He wasn’t the right one.  I was going to marry him, but not for the right reasons.  I wasn’t passionate about him.  I never felt…close to him…” Her voice trailed off.  She would have liked to have told Sam that she felt close to him.  Did Sam feel it, too?  She looked deep in his eyes.

“Will you let me be close to you, Haley?”  He was ever so gradually moving nearer to her.  For a minute she stiffened, afraid he was going to force himself on her, but he seemed to know that.  “I’ll never hurt you, Haley.  I’ll destroy anyone who tries.”

She knew it was true.  She knew she could be safe with him.  Already she cared more for him than she ever had for David.  He reached out to touch her tear stained face, brushing it with the back of his fingers. 

“Will you just hold me tonight?”  She asked quietly while avoiding his eyes, as though she were ashamed to admit that she needed human contact.

“All night,” he assured her.  “I’ve been aching to hold you,” he admitted quietly.  “But first,” he lifted her gently from the bed, placed her upright on the floor, gently took her hand, and led her to the closet.  “Pick,” he urged.  “Anything has to be more comfortable than that dress.”  He positioned himself behind her as she stood staring at the t-shirts.

“Can I just wear a t-shirt?”  She asked quietly.

“Sure.  What do you normally wear?”  Yet even as he asked, he knew he was going to regret this question.

She bit her lip.  “Just my panties.”

He groaned and grabbed a simple gray jersey knit shirt for her, then led her to the bathroom.  Sam grabbed a washcloth, wet it with warm water, and began to gently wash the tear stains from her face.  The way he was treating her made Haley’s eyes well up with tears once more.  “Don’t,” he whispered.  He saw her nostrils flare and knew she was struggling to contain her emotions.  “If you cry, I’ll be forced to kiss those tears away.”  She smiled at that.  He picked her up and sat her in between the sinks on the vanity.  And Haley wasn’t sure if she was going to explode in tears or happiness.  Sam gazed at her lovingly and next thing she knew, she was raising her lips to meet his.

His kisses were gentle but urgent.  They began on her lips, and then moved up to her eyelids, her temple.  He pulled her close and groaned.  “Enough.”  He reluctantly backed away, never taking his eyes off her face, and shut the door behind him.

Haley was left sitting on the vanity, an unfamiliar heat burning in her lower abdomen.  With wide eyes, she lifted her fingers to brush her lips.  His kisses still burned her.  She had never been kissed like that before, so tenderly and passionately at the same time.  She smiled then hopped down to change out of her dress.    

When she emerged a few minutes later, she found Sam sitting patiently on the edge of the bed.  He walked over to her, took her hand and walked with her over to the bed.  He pulled back the comforter and sheets.  “Lay down,” he said quietly.  “I’ll tuck you in.”

Haley looked at him questioningly.  “I thought…” Her voice trailed off and her face clouded over in confusion.

He cupped the side of her face with his hand, leaned in and kissed her forehead.  “I’ll climb in on the other side.”  Secretly, he was thrilled that she wanted him to lay with her.  He pulled the sheet up around her then walked around to the other side.  By the time he met her in the middle of the bed, she was shivering and he wasn’t sure whether it was the air conditioning or his presence that had that effect.  He breathed deeply, reminding himself that he needed to take his time, move slowly.

“Thank you,” she murmured into his chest as she tucked herself against his side.

Sam held her with both arms and stroked her back, marveling at how natural it felt.  She belonged with him, in his bed, every night for the rest of their lives.  Now he just had to find a way to convince her of that.  And that couldn’t happen until Ellen came back from maternity leave.  How long could that possibly take?  Well, she hadn’t even had the baby, yet.  So until that time, no dating, and no talk of the future.

Looking down at Haley, he realized she was already asleep.  She looked more peaceful than he had ever seen her.  He rolled to his side and curled more closely around her. 

Haley woke first.  She considered getting up and getting ready to go jogging, but she just couldn’t tear herself away from Sam.  He had taken such good care of her last night.  And in the safety of his embrace she had experienced the most restful sleep of the past eight months.  Confident that he was still deeply asleep, she began to study him.  He had these wonderful muscular arms that just didn’t belong on a businessman.  His broad shoulders tapered to a neat little waist. 

While she gazed at his perfect form, he drew her closer, and she stiffened as his steely groin pressed against her.  Instantly, he realized his mistake and woke abruptly.  He released her from his grip and apologized profusely.  “God, I’m so sorry, Haley,” he said with a stricken look.  The last thing he wanted to do was scare her away.  “It’s a morning thing,” he explained.  “It happens to all guys.”  He seemed to be struggling to find adequate words.  “And you aren’t helping,” he blustered.  Sam walked briskly to the bathroom and closed the door. 

Her eyes were moist as she sat up in the bed and drew her knees to her chest.  Emotions were coursing through her.  She was embarrassed.  Her experiences with men were not only severely lacking, but also severely distorted.  She had no idea how to act, what to expect.  He said what happened was a reflex.  And he looked so sorry.  He was trying so hard to be sensitive to her needs.  It made emotions course through her.  Haley’s head was on her knees as she thought everything through.

That was when Sam opened the door a crack to see if she was even still there or if she had disappeared.  When he saw her sitting with her head on her knees, he rushed to her.  “I didn’t mean anything by it, Haley.”  He stroked her hair gently.  “Please look at me.  You are still safe with me.  I promise.”

She looked up at him with her giant emerald eyes.  “It’s not that.”  Haley took a deep breath and reached out to touch his face. 

His heart swelled at her touch and he closed his eyes to absorb every moment of it.  “Oh, Haley,” he murmured, capturing her hand and kissing her palm.

“You make me feel safe, Sam.”  She stifled a sob.  “I just wish I still had my gift.”  She opened her eyes and faced him, inches from his lips.  “I know I haven’t known you long, but I know that if I had it still, I would give it to you.”

Sam crushed her to his chest, completely in awe.  For some reason, Haley wanted to make love with him.  He was going to take this painfully slow.  He would ensure she never regretted her decision.  “You still have it,” he said quietly.

Confused, she said, “No, I told you…”

He shook his head.  “You didn’t give it willingly, Haley.  As far as I’m concerned, that didn’t count.”  He watched her smile shyly.  “You are still able to give yourself freely to whomever you choose.”  Her eyes sparkled.  “And I would be honored if you chose to one day give yourself to me.”

“You mean that, don’t you?”  She was genuinely surprised.

“With all my heart,” he swore, laying her hand over his chest so she could feel his exuberant heart beat.  And as much as he would have liked to stay in bed to bask in the new warmth between them, he knew that right now, it was just a bit too intense.  “But right now, what if we take our jog?”

“Excellent,” she said, leaping out of bed.

It was a great jog.  They were quiet, but companionable as they followed the path through Central Park, both lost in thought.  Haley was wondering what it would be like to be with Sam.  The thought of him loving her warmed her inside out.  And Sam was amazed that his feelings for Haley seemed to be reciprocated.  Now he just had to be patient.  There was no dating as long as she worked for him, and he certainly couldn’t fire her for such selfish reasons.

When they returned to the house after the jog, he was amazed to discover her willingness to share the bathroom with him.  Once she was showered and dressed in one of the other outfits he had kept for her, she opened the door so he could work on getting ready.  He found himself overly cautious, careful not to inadvertently expose himself to her.  She wasn’t ready for that yet.  

They ate together in the morning room.  Haley struck up a conversation about the Employee Appreciation Day that she was so passionate about.  And Sam just sat back and marveled at how beautiful she was when she let her guard down and wore clothes that fit.  Her eyes sparkled, her smile lit up the room, and she gestured animatedly while explaining her ideas.  She was positively intoxicating and he couldn’t get enough.  It was easy to imagine sharing a repeat of this experience with her every day.  Unconsciously, he shook his head to clear away the daydream.  She looked at him quizzically.  “Shall we adjourn to the library?”  She asked in her most nasal impersonation.

Standing up, Haley grabbed her hot tea and began to walk to the door when Adam strode in.  Sam did a mental head slap and glared at his brother. 
Had he not made it clear that Adam was to stay away when Haley was present?
  “We’ve got some work to accomplish today, Adam,” he said in his best warning voice.