His Absolute Domination: The Billionaire's Paradigm (#5) (A BDSM Erotic Romance) (The Billionaire's Ultimatum, Book Two) (8 page)

"What?" he asked. "Oh. Ah, right. You
wouldn't know, would you. My apologies."

"What?" There were a lot of "what"s
being passed between us, apparently. Not unexpected considering we
both apparently confused each other far beyond what I thought was
normal.

"Aside from owning a popular
delicatessen, Sam is also the owner of one of those 'BDSM thing'
clubs, as you might say. It's connected to this building on the
opposite side, partly hidden in an alleyway. It's not a secret, per
se, but many don't know about it. I'm a regular patron and attend
most Wednesday nights for dinner and to see the shows. For those
who Sam takes a liking to, he offers them an open invitation to
this deli for breakfast. That's how we were able to enter when he's
usually closed, as you noted earlier."

"Oh," I said.

Lucent nodded. "Nothing I say will
sound overly peculiarity to anyone who comes in," he said. "Nor
will anything you say sound odd, either. Someone might get the
wrong idea about you, though."

"Oh," I said again. "So you've brought
me to a BDSM place?"

"It's nothing more than a restaurant,"
Lucent said.

"A BDSM restaurant," I added. This
interested me.

"No one does anything even remotely
related to BDSM inside of Sam's Delicatessen, I can assure
you."

"Except talk about it while they're
closed, you mean?"

"Talking about 'BDSM things' is hardly
the same as performing them."

"Why don't you like me?" I
asked.

And, honestly, as out of the blue as
the question seemed, I realized this was the root of our problem.
Why didn't Lucent like me? Nothing else really mattered. If we
figured this out, everything would be good. I vaguely understood
why he didn't. His tirade yesterday about me being a poor
submissive, and then again, mentioning it more recently, but was
that really it?

Did people start out being
good submissives? Were they born into it? I didn't think so, or
else I didn't know how. Except, if that was it, then I must not be
one, right? If I should just
know
, but I didn't know, then I
couldn't. I hoped that wasn't it, and I hoped there was more to it,
but I worried there wasn't.

Lucent frowned at me. "I do like you,"
he said. "It's not a matter of liking you or not, though. The issue
is far more complicated than that. I'm controlling, Miss Tanner. I
nearly hurt you before, if you'll take a moment to remember. In the
library, when you wanted to leave, I restrained you. I squeezed
your wrist once and I held you with excessive force."

"I didn't mind," I said.

"Miss Tanner, please understand. Do
you remember our first discussion about these things after we
played cards? You said it was mean and abusive, and I stated it
wasn't. For the most part, this is true, except, as you should be
well aware, I can be mean and I can be abusive. I don't intend to
be, but it happens. I never want it to, but I can't say it won't
ever. Does that make sense?"

"You're scared of hurting me?" I
asked.

"Yes," he said with a nod.
"Exactly."

"It hurt when you left, though. It
hurt to listen to your messages. It hurt when you wouldn't
interview me, Lucent. All of those things hurt more than anything
else you did."

"For now," he said. "Yes. What happens
if it continues, though? What happens when I become more upset, or
scared, or frightened and I severely injure you as opposed to
minor, fleeting pain? Do you expect me to accept that you'll accept
that? I can't. It's better for us to consider our time together for
what it was and part ways."

"Did you really stalk me?" I
asked.

"Yes," he said.

"For how long?"

"I've watched you for close to six
months now, Miss Tanner. Perhaps a little longer, but for about
that long."

"Stop lying to me," I said, frowning
at him. "Tell me."

"Do you really want to know?" he
asked. "I wish you'd be more worried and concerned. Do you realize
how upsetting it is to know that you don't treat this seriously?
That you think it's not frightening?"

I stared hard at him and scooted
closer to him and tucked my chin on his shoulder.

He let out a groan of a sigh. "Six
months, three weeks, and three days. Unfortunately I didn't keep
track of the exact hours, but I first saw you exiting the library
at nine-twenty-four in the evening. You dropped your purse on the
sidewalk and a man walked by and turned to look at you. I worried
he might attempt to mug you and steal your belongings, but he may
have simply found you attractive. You entered your car
approximately three minutes later, having bumbled around on the
sidewak to pick up a couple of items that fell from your
purse."

"Thanks," I said, grinning. "Was that
so hard?"

"You're supposed to find this
unsettling, not amusing, Miss Tanner."

"Do you know what, Lucent? Usually
when someone finds someone else interesting, they strike up a
conversation far earlier than almost seven months after seeing
them. You could have just come into the library regularly and
talked to me."

It seemed like such a bold and brazen
thing to say, and I doubted I would've usually said it, but it
seemed right. Lucent was odd and strange in his own way, and
perhaps a little shy. Not a usual shy, but a different sort.
Important-person shy. And dominating, controlling, obsessive and
possessive, needy and passionate, strong, stubborn, beautifully
handsome and erotically arousing. He was a lot of things, and he
thought some of them were bad things, but I thought most of them
weren't.

He rolled his eyes at me. "Regardless,
we can't do this, Miss Tanner."

"We can't do what?" I
asked.

"You should know what I mean by now,"
he said.

"I'd like if you clarified exactly
what we can't do."

"I can't accept you as my slave or
submissive or anything of the sort. I do not have relationships
outside of those things. It is a part of me that I accept and
embrace, and it's impossible for me to be anything to the contrary.
Along with that, I refuse to draw you into this lifestyle because
you don't know about it. What we did in the library was pleasant,
if I'm being brutally honest, and I did enjoy it, but it wasn't
everything."

"I understand," I said. I sort of
understood. Or, at least I understood why he felt this
way.

"Since you already know I've stalked
you extensively, you'll realize I completely understand you aren't
the type of person I require. I would be an abhorrent man if I
attempted to mold you into what I desired and disregarded what you
were, and so I must ask you to accept this. There can be nothing
between us, Miss Tanner."

"You should come to the library
sometimes," I said. "Rob tries to do events every week. We can
talk. I like talking to you, too, Lucent. It's not all about sex
and your BDSM things, you know? You're still an interesting
person."

"Talk?" He said the word like it was
foreign and incomprehensible.

"Yes, talk. Like we're doing right
now? Waiting to decide what we're going to eat for breakfast?
People do it sometimes. It's really quite interesting, this talking
thing."

"I do enjoy speaking with you," he
said with a sly, lopsided smile.

"I need your phone number," I
said.

He furrowed his brow and stared at me,
considering his options. "Fine."

"You're being more agreeable now," I
noted.

"It's difficult not to be agreeable
when I'm dealing with a crazy woman who knows no fear and has
recently acted irrationally, slept in my office all night, applied
for a position she didn't even want just for a chance to speak with
me, and any number of other things, the likes of which I'm sure
I'll find out soon."

"Oh?" I asked. "What makes you so sure
you're going to find out?"

"Because I'm about to give you my
personal phone number and I assume you'll be calling me to tell
me," he said.

Oh. Oh! I liked that. This was good.
Lucent smiled at me and I smiled back. He put his arm around me and
let his hand rest on my waist, comfortable and safe. I liked that,
too. It was a little more than talking, but not too much more,
apparently. Holding me close to him wasn't a BDSM thing, was it? It
wasn't a relationship thing, though; I knew that for sure. It was
just a thing. A Lucent thing.

Giddy, excited, I reached over the
booth to my previous seat and grabbed for my purse. Hefting it over
the table and into my lap, I searched through it and pulled out my
phone. Unlocking the keyguard, I handed it to Lucent,
grinning.

"You're far too happy about this," he
said. "It's bothersome."

"Do you really like those pancake
sandwiches?" I asked. "Can you order me a good one? I don't know
what to say or how to get it."

He tapped in his number, setting
himself up as a contact in my cell phone. "What fruit do you
like?"

"Shouldn't you know this? I thought
you stalked me?"

He rolled his eyes. "I apologize. I
didn't think to discover what fruits you enjoy, Miss
Tanner."

I nodded, finding this acceptable.
"Maybe strawberries? Oh! Wait! What about apples and cinnamon? That
would be nice, right? Does he have pineapples, do you
think?"

"You want strawberries, apples,
cinnamon, and pineapples?" Lucent asked, one brow
raised.

"No, no strawberries. Apples,
cinnamon, and pineapples."

"I imagine that's fine." Lucent
grinned, shaking his head. "Slightly odd, but I don't think it'll
be a problem."

"Good," I said. "What are you going to
get?"

Lucent and I talked. It was nice. Sam
approached us in a few minutes and I let Lucent do the ordering. He
was good at it, and he explained everything to Sam in a reasonable
and regular way. Strong and stern, yet friendly and approachable.
He seemed different with Sam, at least a little bit.

Was it because they shared their
interest in BDSM things? I didn't know much about any of that.
Maybe I should try and learn more on my own? Lucent didn't want to
mold me into anything, but if I became it by myself, that was fine,
I thought. And then what? If I did like submission things, and his
BDSM things, and maybe the slave things, or whatever things,
then...

Maybe we could have a relationship?
Did it work like that? I thought, yes, maybe it did. I hoped it
might.

...

Apparently pancake sandwiches were the
most amazing sandwich creation ever. Lucent ordered one, too, but
he got eggs and sausage in his.

Sam delivered our food with a smile
and a flourish, then left us to our own devices. We ate and I died
a little death, savoring the wondrousness of Sam's Delicatessen and
his secret morning breakfast menu. I also scooted closer to Lucent
and eyed his sandwich while he ate. Pressing myself up against his
arm, I sighed wistfully.

He watched me, his expression blank,
while he chewed meticulously. Once he finished and swallowed, he
rolled his eyes. "What?"

"Can I try yours?" I asked.

He contemplated his options, and
decided to favor me. Holding out his sandwich, feeding me directly,
he allowed me to take a bite. I smiled and nuzzled against him and
tasted his sandwich and chewed. This all felt very nice and I liked
it.

"Miss Tanner," Lucent said, dragging
me back to reality. "Please don't mistake this for anything more
than friendliness."

"How friendly are we going to be?" I
asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, are we good friends? Close? Can
I cuddle with you? Are we friends, um... with..." I blushed and
paused, because I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to continue that
thought process verbally or not.

"With what?" he asked. His nose
wrinkled curiously.

"With, um, benefits, like..." Oh God,
I'd said it, hadn't I? "I mean, can we have sex?"

"No," he said.

"I don't mean it in a bad way," I
said. "I'm not trying to downplay relationships or anything of the
sort. I enjoyed having sex with you, that's all."

"No," he repeated.

"I mean, let's just say I'm curious,
alright? Maybe I would like your BDSM things, but I don't
particularly know, you know? You could show me, if I asked? Is that
your thing you mentioned? Topping from the bottom? What if I'm very
submissive and I don't even know it and then once I find out,
maybe..."

"You're a dreadfully difficult woman,
do you know that?" he said.

"Shouldn't you have known this
beforehand? Didn't you do background checks or something? How does
that work? Do you know my credit scores?"

"No amount of background checks can
inform anyone of how unexorbitantly curious a person is, I assure
you." He bit, chewed, and swallowed some of his sandwich. "And,
yes, I know of your credit scores. I must say, they could use
improving."