His Wounded Light (28 page)

“When you buy a vase for cheap, look for the flaw; when a man offers favors, look for the motive.”

—Japanese Proverb

Jesse takes a deep breath and starts to speak.

“
My secretary told me that I had an 11:00 am penciled in that day. Apparently, his secretary persuaded my secretary to move my schedule around to accommodate a quick meeting with him. I was at a loss as to why he wanted to see me. Everyone who’s anyone knew about the accident. It was all over the news. Frankly, I’d been wanting to reach out to you, but I didn’t quite know what I would say once I got to see you. You looked so happy at that Charity Event, so at peace with everything in your life. The way you looked at the hospital was such a contrast to that night and my heart broke for you all over again. It wasn’t just your ordeal that drew me in; your beauty and grace in the midst of all the madness was just plain admirable. Every single time I ran into you, your loveliness never ceased to take my breath away. Don’t get me wrong. It doesn’t take away the feelings that I have for Rose. Rose is my future as much as you are my past.

The conference room where I saw you two years ago was the same setting for our meeting. By the time I got there, he had just wheeled himself in. He looked good, actually. He still had that presence despite the fact that he wasn’t towering over people or sauntering around like a model. I approached him suspiciously and offered him my hand right before calling him “Pretty Boy.”

“
To what do I owe this honor?” I asked sarcastically. We will never be friends. I hated him all over again.

“
I’m here to ask for a favor.” I hardly heard him spit out the last word in that sentence. His eyes moved frantically from one corner of the room to the other. He was nervous and agitated. It was obvious that he didn’t want to be there.

“
A favor? From me?” I laughed.

“
More like to collect on a debt,” he replied.

“
I don’t owe you anything, Ailey. What the hell are you talking about?”

“
You owe me for not bashing your face in and bringing you down after you tried multiple times to take my wife away from me.”

I smiled to myself. “You have a point. Go on.”

“
I’ve asked Isabel for a divorce.”

I shook my head and glared at him incredulously. “Because of that?” I pointed to his wheelchair.

“
She deserves so much more than this,” he continued. “And I can’t live with that fact.”

I turned my head to look at him, disgust all over my face. “Don’t you think she deserves to have what she wants? She’s made it clear that she loves you. You have two children, Ailey. The stakes have changed in this game you and I are playing. Why are you going to ruin that because of your goddamn pride?”

He didn’t waste any time mocking me. “Cut the bullshit, Cain. I’ve seen the way you look at her. You still want her. I’m here to ask you to take care of her. You’re more in a position to do that. I was there when you were her entire world. And sure, I know that I’m in it now and I believe her when she says that it’s me, but I have no doubt you can make her love you again, Romeo.”

I clenched my fists together and it took all the energy I had to stop myself from punching him. He was so smug about it that it sickened me. “When did you stop loving your wife?”

“
On the contrary. I’m doing this because I love her.” His eyes darted back and forth. He couldn’t even look straight at me.

“
This is fucking insane! What drugs do they have you on? You have completely lost your mind! Our meeting is over. Isabel is not a piece of meat that we get to pass on between each other. Go home to your family, Ailey. Be a man. Take care of them and continue to love your wife. Fuck this altruistic game you’re playing. You have everything you can ever ask for. You won her twelve years ago. Work on deserving her, you asshole.”

I leaned over the table and pressed the buttons on the speaker phone pad. “Mila, I’m done in here. Please have someone come in to escort Mr. Ailey out.”

I didn’t say another word, I just turned my back on him and slammed the door.”

I try to digest every word Jesse tells me, though I can’t think much over the sound of my sobs. I’m infuriated at Alex. Maybe if I knew this sooner. No. Wait. There’s still the pain of Sophie.

I make every effort to speak rationally and try my hardest to calm myself down. “Well, knowing the way he feels about you, it took a lot from him to go and see you,” I say quietly. “Maybe you need to give him credit for that.”

He walks over to the kitchen table and hands me a napkin. “I do.” There’s a brief pause as I lean back on the couch and he moves to sit right next to me. He tilts his head towards the napkin he just gave me. “Sorry, that’s all I could find.”

I nod my head and dab my face with it. “It’ll work better than my sleeve. Or your shirt.”

He laughs softly before looking directly at me. “Do you want him back?”

“No. It’s too late for that.”

He lays his right hand palm side up, the familiar Jesse move I know so well. “Hey, listen. I haven’t had breakfast yet. Want me to make you something?” He laughs after he realizes what he just said. “I mean, want me to have the driver pick something up for us to eat?”

“That would be nice.” I force a smile on my face and willingly slip my hand in his.

Thirty minutes later, we’re sitting at my kitchen table enjoying a lighthearted conversation and sampling the spread of McDonald’s breakfast items in front of us. We talk about a wide range of things but mostly about Maddy and Eddie and the different activities they’re in.

“Hmm. So why’d we get so much food? Are you doing research?” I tease him as I take a bite of my steak and egg bagel. As the owner of a variety of restaurant chains, he’s eating from the competition.

“Well, yes, aside from the fact that a certain someone used to be obsessed with McDonald’s breakfast.”

“I know. It’s a wonder that I didn’t gain a ton of weight then.”

“You look even better today, what’s your secret?”

“Lots and lots of moisturizer.” I giggle. I realize what time it is and need to get going. There’s so much writing that I need to get done before the children come home from their grandparents’. I also tell him that I need to get ready to leave for church soon.

“So, what do you say we do something next week? Maybe go up to that mountain resort or somewhere we can just relax?”

“I’m not ready for weekends away, Jess.”

“Okay. How about dinner and a movie? Or dinner? Or a movie?” I know he’s nervous because his hand is back going through his hair over and over again.

“Let’s play it by ear, would that be okay?” I know I’m not going to call him. I know he needs to stay with Rose. End of story.

“Yes, that’s fine.”

I stand up to start putting away the empty bags and packages. He helps me grab them and throw them in the trash.

“Thank you for stopping by, Jesse. I hope you have a good week.”

“Isa.” He stands up to face me in the kitchen and pulls me in his arms. I can feel something between us, but I can’t define it and I won’t condone it. “Last night, Iss. I can’t stop—”

I hold my finger up to stop him. “No. Don’t say it.”

The look on his face tells me that this is a new Jesse. No longer defiant or insistent, calmer and more accepting. The grayness of his eyes seems illuminated, lighter in shade and sunnier even.

“See you again, Issy.”

“Bye, Jess.”

I don’t even walk him to the front door.

***

“As soon as it happens, gravity sucks the air out of your lungs and for a split second, no matter how hard you try, there is no air inside you. Your lungs are barren. You’re empty. This was my freefall. I felt smothered, like I was dying. For the longest time, he was my air. He was my life.”

—Isabel, The Light in the Wound

The following week is busy with Eddie’s school activities. Maddy and I have been watching his basketball games every day this week. Alex has too, for that matter. Emmy takes Maddy over to him so they can sit together by the team. He missed so many games after the accident that they had to replace him as assistant coach. For now, we’re both spectators sitting on the opposite sides of the gymnasium. I remain high in the stands, keeping an eye on them from afar. He looks good. His face no longer appears tortured and unhappy except once in a while when I catch him watching me. I’m starting to think that maybe he was on to something, that the pressure of being married to someone like me was too much for him, or that leaving me will turn out to be a blessing for both of us. I seem to attract pain in all shapes and sizes. Never again, if I can help it. Not ever again.

People at Eddie’s school know that we’re no longer living together. The mothers still flock to him and flirt with him at every single school gathering. One day, it’s no longer going to hurt and I’ll be happy for him. For now, I’ve become accustomed to looking away and letting things be.

I walk out of a meeting on Thursday afternoon and quickly stop by the reception desk to pick up my messages. We’re currently in negotiations to sell one of our properties for which we received an outstanding offer. I’m concentrating on sifting through the stack of pink slips of paper—Jesse twice, Alex thrice, my personal shopper once. Alex’s calls are a daily constant these days. The mere fact that he continues to reach out to me helps me to survive each day. I play a game with myself, afraid that once I call him back he’ll stop. So I don’t call. I haven’t heard his voice in months.

“Hi, Isabel.” A stranger’s voice interrupts my thoughts.

I turn around and don’t immediately recognize who it is. “Yes?”

“It’s me, Lucas Martinez.” He looks down at the floor, obviously embarrassed at having to remind me who he is, cheeks pinking as he waits for me to acknowledge my recognition. He has a lopsided smile and perfect teeth. The lighting in the bar didn’t allow me to fully appreciate how handsome he looks. He has darker skin than I do, a fine nose and high cheekbones.

“Hi, Lucas, sorry, I was so engrossed in reading my phone messages.” I force out a laugh. “What can I do for you? How did you find me?”

“Isabel, everyone knows you work for your family. Your mother’s name is on a sign outside this building. I had a meeting across the street so I thought I’d take the chance to stop by and ask you to lunch.”

It’s a little past one in the afternoon. I’m hesitant, but I am hungry. “Sure, did you want to just go to one of the restaurants downstairs? I have a two o’clock, but we have a little less than an hour. I can grab my purse and we can go. See you back here in five minutes?”

“Sounds good. I’ll be waiting right here.”