Holt's Holding part two (The Holt's Series) (11 page)

“You suspected her from go didn’t you?”

“But of course.
  
Charlie? At the apartment?
 
I put it together rather quickly; the one
thing I was missing was motive?
 
At
first, I thought she figured out who I was, and then I realized she was simply
throwing me at Charlie, thinking he would hurt me.
 
I just didn’t think she would go this far…and
to think now she’s asking for a hand out…dumb bitch…I hope she put the money to
good use.”

“Can I ask?”

“What?”

“Does Lucian fit into any of this?”
 
I could feel his tension rippling off him.

“Doubtful.
 
He would
never risk my life, nor would he interfere with the entire Charlie, Sebastian
thing.
 
Lucian thought I needed to put my
demons to bed, stating it would somehow free me.
 
Fucking lunatic.”
 

“Lil, I love you but sooner or later you’re going to have
to cut all ties with Lucian.
 
I say this
but I have no idea how you’re going to manage it.”
 
He closed his eyes, punishing the bridge
between them.

“Private meeting in the middle of the night?”
 
Charlie snuck up behind me, wrapping his arms
around my waist.

Shit…what did he hear?

Pulling a tight frown, I looked at Brady as he held a
worried expression.

“Brady, I’ll handle it when the time comes.
 
Please don’t worry about it.
 
Please?”

“You can’t handle that problem on your own.
 
And I will never stop worrying, that’s my
job.”
 
He walked to me looked to Charlie
then down to me.
 
Saying nothing more, he
left us in the kitchen.

“Ok, that was a bit intense?”
 
Charlie turned me around to face his worried
expression.
 
“What’s got him so worried
Lilly?”

“Just an old associate.
 
Someone from my past.
 
Brady
doesn’t care for him and worries that he may pop back into my life.”
 
I lowered my eyes from his.
 
Damn, I told him more than I should’ve.
 
I really didn’t want to explain the
past.
 
Not right now.

“Huh, I suppose you don’t want to share?”

“No.
 
I don’t think
it merits further thought.
 
Brady is on
edge and paranoid.
 
I don’t blame
him.
 
He’s been playing my keeper
forever, the accident and all my crazy plots.
 
The fact that he’s not grey right now surprises me.”
 
I laughed hoping to change the mood.

“He loves you Lilly.”
 
I raised my eyes to him and he looked jealous?

“Yes, he does.
 
And I
love him just as much.
 
Charlie, he’s
like family to me.
 
I love him like a
brother.”
 
I hoped he would understand or
at least believe me.

“It’s safe to assume the two of you never?”
 
He hinted.

“Oh, God No!”
 
I
laughed.

“Good.”
 
Charlie,
looked down at me in that lusting expression he wore so well.
 
Running my hands down his chest, all matters
of conversation were lost and replaced with the sexual inferno between us.
 
Feeling the heat off his body, the look in
his eyes, I was trapped in desire.
 
That’s all it took.
 
The attraction to him, unreal.
 
Charlie leaned down and grazed my lips, his
hands in my hair, tilting my head, exposing my neck.
 
The graze of his breath, shot a nervous
tremble down to my aching core.
 
My
arousal shot up two notches without him doing anything.

He was quick and had me up in his arms and his lips to mine
stealing the air from my lungs.
 
My legs
wrapped around his waist, pressing my aching body into his hard arousal.

Talking thru the kiss, he added… “What you do to me woman.”
 
He began walking us back to the bedroom.
 
The kiss ignited with my urgency to have
him.
 
“I’ve never wanted anyone, the way
I want you.”
 
He added.

For whatever the reason was, sleep had evaded me though he
definitely tried to spend what energy I had. He now lay dead to the world
asleep, and I was wide-awake. I pulled myself from bed and it was only six
thirty in the morning. I couldn’t possibly lie there any longer.

Walking to the bathroom, I pulled the pocket door shut so
to not wake him. I was in need of a shower to sooth my body from his attempts
to tire me out.

I stepped into the shower and my mind like normal started
spinning through everything I knew, everything planned, all the scheming and
the lies. In part, I realized I felt like I was drowning. How in the world
would there ever be a future for him and me?

There were so many hidden truths…secrets, which would
without a doubt be the true end of whatever this is.

The romanced idea or notion, that love is enough or
conquers all, never met Charlie and me. I already knew our end, yet, I wanted
him for as long as I could have him. The slow realization that I was indeed
broken fit me well.

Normal…as if.

The life I knew was always chasing that description.
Perhaps it was a concept I just would never truly understand.

Hell, there was nothing normal about me; nor will there
ever be. I needed to stop striving for something that was unattainable. I
needed to embrace exactly who and what I was…even if I still wasn’t certain of
that definition.

Standing in my shower; feeling every bead of hot water
cascade down me, should have been heaven to my body. I felt tense and even
nauseated. Moving to the control panel, I was stricken with pain.

The pain in the center of my abdomen, was like someone stabbing
me. I hit my palms to the tile wall for balance, desperate to breathe through
it.

Closing my eyes and centering my mind…I breathed in deep,
and tried to release it slow. I hit the shower off, walking out to the bathroom,
reaching around for my robe. Wrapping my wet body I attempted two more steps
through the crippling pain.

Breathing hard, I forced two more steps to the vanity and
the pain hit harder. It was like a tearing from the center of me. My knees
week; I lowered to the floor below me.

Oh god no!
 
The pain
unbearable, shooting through my body.
 
Sitting
on the cold floor, focusing my eyes to the shower….blood.

The blood was everywhere.

My tears running ramped down my face, I knew what was
happening.
 
The cold realization
blanketed me as I shook in pain.

Oh god no…I cried.

Please no! The tears fully in control….

Screaming in a panic… “Henry!”
 
breathing in deep, another wave of pain tore
at me.

“Emergency services ….”
 
I gasped.
 
I need help and now. “Henry
confirm order!”

“Order confirmed paramedics in route…order issued for
potential miscarriage. Blood loss substantial. I’ve also sent your blood
pressure readings. Doors have been unlocked as all security measure lowered for
their arrival.”

Crying on the floor, I heard Brady scream to Charlie asking
where I was.

Brady ran into the bathroom…

“Oh Jesus” he lowered down to me… “Just breathe through
it...I saw the alarms going off.”

“Oh dear lord…what’s happening…where’s all the blood coming
from?” Charlie ran into the bathroom, eyes wide and in shock.

“ME” my voice shaky.

“The baby…it’s the baby isn’t it?” Charlie ran over
kneeling to the side of me.

I couldn’t answer him…this was too surreal…I was going to
lose her…I knew it. My hands and sight fell to my belly and one more on the
blood that covered my legs, the floor and my robe.

“Paramedics pulling in driveway,” Henry announced

“Charlie, I’m going to get them and bring them in. Keep her
talking…she’s going into shock!”

“I love you Lilly…remember that. You’ll be ok.” he offered,
his tone low and shaken.

The more he spoke, the more his words became barely audible.
 
My eyes focused on all the blood and the pain
that was coursing through, was now numb.

“MY feet are numb.” I blankly stared

“Look at me Lilly!” He force my head in his direction but
my tears seamed to blur his face.

He said nothing and shook his head slow.

“I’m left with nothing Charlie….nothing”

“No…you have me…I love you Lilly. You hear me…I love you
and I’m not going anywhere…” he spoke thru what looked like his own tears.”

The paramedics made their way with their gurney. It was all
too much as Charlie raised my body and placed me in the gurney.

The oxygen mask was on my face and before I realized it, I
was now in an ambulance.

Paralyzed in fear and knowledge; I understood, I knew I was
losing the baby.

It was all such a quick blur. The exam; then the inevitable
D&C as they called it for short.

Waking in the recovery room, I felt numb. Charlie, ever
present, just staring out the window. I suppose he didn’t notice me wake up.
Looking at him it was clear he had done his share of crying. Shifting my gaze,
I saw Sebastian?

He was seated in the chair by Charlie; bent over holding
his head.

“You should take a walk Charlie…clean yourself up; she’s
going to need you to be strong for her. Seeing you look like shit, won’t help
her.” Sebastian spoke to him, yet held his face towards the floor.

“How do I help her? How do I make this ok? This is my
fault…I got her pregnant and now she’s lost the baby…how in the world do I
begin to make this ok?” without looking to me he walked from the room visibly
upset.

“I don’t know brother,” Sebastian whispered.

It was just Sebastian and me.

“Why are you here?” I whispered.

His head shot up and his expression lost. I watched as he
rose to his feet and walked to my bedside.

“Why are you here?” I repeated

“Because I care…I’ve always cared Lillian”, he looked down
to me and grazed my cheek.

“You tried to take my baby.” I shook my head.

He reached for my hand.
 
“I’m so sorry for your loss Lilly…truly.”

The tears again fell on their own accord…my baby; the one I
only just got use to…was gone.

Sebastian was quick and slid into the bed holding me tight
to his chest.

“You’ll get thru this Lilly” he whispered as he held me
tight.

“How?...you said once that I should let go and feel… what
has that done for me? Tell me Sebastian…What do I do with this now…my heart
feels dead. My heart feels like it’s been torn from my body.”

“You’ll heal Lilly…I promise you…Charlie loves you…let him
help you heal…he needs you as much as you need him…I think the two of you have
always needed the other…don’t let go of that.” Sebastian spoke into my hair,
offering a kiss then a sigh.
 
I was
beyond shocked.
 
This was not what I
would have expected from Sebastian.
 
Where was the shrewd, imposing man I remembered?

“Well, I see why you wanted me to take a walk” Charlie’s
voice was clipped.

“Not what you think Charlie” Sebastian let me go and stood
up.

I turned to Charlie, whom looked in a blaze of jealousy.

“Charlie” I spoke thru a strained voice.

He looked down at me and I saw his rage.

“Charlie…” I repeated.

“Do you love him?” Charlie sternly accused.

“No Charlie…I love you and you know it!”
 
Of course, there would always be that
doubt.
 
I had slept with Sebastian.
 
That would forever plague me.

“I’m sorry” he closed his eyes as a single tear fell down
his face. “I’m sorry this is not what you need of me and I’m being a jealous
ass.”

“Come here Charlie,” I whispered

“I’ll go fetch the doctor, and see when you can go home
Lillian” Sebastian offered as he walked around my bed and placed a hand on
Charlie’s shoulder.

“Thank you Sebastian.” My eyes never moved from Charlie as
Sebastian left the room.