Home From Within (17 page)

Paul did not budge. “Yeah, so?”

“You had on a jean jacket, and it’s seventy degrees.”

“And you’re pissed because of that?”

Jessica started to feel he was toying with her emotions. “I saw you take out a baggie and those Mexican boys paid you for it.”

“Yeah, so, they’re tamales. My mom makes and sells tamales.”

Jessica stared at him. “Tamales?”

“Yeah, you know, cornmeal with pork inside wrapped in a corn husk.”

Jessica had never tasted tamales and had no idea how one even looked. “Your mom makes and sells tamales?”

“My mom’s are rad.”

Jessica narrowed her eyes because while she desperately wanted to believe Paul, her gut did not feel calm.

“I saw you take out something very dark from your jacket.”

“My mom burned the husk cause she didn’t put enough water in the pan in the oven, but those guys don’t care because like I said, my mom’s are the best.”

Paul’s description made sense, and he sounded very convincing. Jessica’s eyes started to loosen.

“What did you think I was doing this morning?” Paul questioned.

Jessica looked down at her dangling feet, trying to decide if she should tell the truth.

“I thought you were selling drugs.”

“So that’s why you treated me like a piece of shit?”

Jessica looked tenderly into his eyes. “I’m sorry. I . . . I’m kinda new at this, you know, having a boyfriend.”

“I hate when people give me the cold shoulder. If you’re pissed at me, just tell me.”

“Okay,” Jessica said then reached over and touched his bruised-up hand, intertwining her fingers with his. They turned their bodies toward each other, and he gently put his other hand on the side of her face. Her hand reached around his waist and pulled him into her body. The movie
Purple Rain
gave a visual to things Jessica had no previous knowledge of. Paul kissed her gently at first, and with the image of Prince and Apollonia in her mind, Jessica became highly excited. She leaned in and kissed Paul with more passion than she ever had before. Paul didn’t protest. His hands made their way under her two shirts and onto her arched back as he kissed her neck and ears. It scared Jessica how much she wanted to be with Paul, but she knew she was not ready for that yet. After many minutes of making out, Jessica finally pulled away when she felt Paul edging for more.

“Okay. Okay,” he said and stopped. They cozied up on the table, catching up on the events of the summer.

Jessica was stunned by Paul’s brutal honesty about his life. He explained the bruises on his knuckles and the other scars were all due to fights he got into over the summer. He’d even defended his mother by beating up her abusive boyfriend. He told her about a couple of parties he went to, and that he thought the reason she was mad at him was because Alicia was all over him at a party that Eddie was at. Paul was sure that Eddie told her he was cheating. He explained that he partied, drank, and smoked a lot of pot, but did not cheat on her.

“Do you like Alicia?” Jessica asked.

“As a friend. We went to elementary school together, and she likes to party. That’s it.”

The door to the room suddenly opened up. Jessica froze at the sound, deathly scared of being found and a call home being made. They listened intently to the creaking of wood as the person shuffled through boxes at the front of the room before finally leaving.

“Are you all right?” Paul whispered.

Jessica did not realize she was clinging to Paul and shaking. She shook her head no.

Paul gathered her in closer. “No one knows we’re here. I promise you’re safe.”

C
hapter
14

They sat together in homeroom, and Paul warned her that his home was probably not as clean as hers.

Jessica smiled. “I’m sure it will be fine.”

After Art, they went to their lockers and then got Danny, Paul’s younger brother, who was now a freshman, and walked home together. This was the first time Jessica had met Danny, and she was surprised at his appearance. His black hair was messy and long, and he stood almost as tall as Paul. His build was stocky, and he looked like he was pumping iron already. He seemed nice enough, but Jessica felt he lacked the carefree gentleness that she felt in Paul. Danny seemed rough.

Jessica felt nervous walking in the opposite direction of her home. She had never walked this neighborhood, only run through it with her dad at her side. And she had never crossed over the overpass on foot. Jessica had made sure to find out what time Jason got picked up from homeschool, so there would be no chance of being spotted by her mother, who was a creature of habit and would rarely deviate from her daily routine. Jessica soothed her thoughts knowing that there would be no errand running after Jason was picked up—home immediately.

Crossing the overpass, Jessica was instantly struck by gusts of hot wind and the loud noise of traffic on the expressway below. Jessica fought to regain control of her hair as it whipped around.

They approached a group of small one-story brick bungalow homes with tiny yards in the front to match that faced the expressway. There were five homes in the row—four had trimmed lawns and an appearance of being kept up. Danny ran ahead of them, flicked the butt of his cigarette into the brown grass of the fifth house, and walked up the crumbling concrete steps. Paul squeezed her hand and grinned.

When Danny opened the torn screen door to push the front door open, music that could just be heard from the sidewalk came pouring out. Jessica’s heart pumped faster as she approached the steps. There were missing awnings and a window that had plastic covering it on the inside. Paul stepped in after Danny, pushing a small pile of clothes out of the way. The smell was what hit her first—stale and musty with cigarette smoke and a hint of sweat. It was also very hot; no windows or doors were open to allow the warm breeze from the outside to blow through. The living room walls were barren and dirty. An army-green-colored couch was pushed against one wall, a TV and stereo with huge speakers against the other. There was a small curio cabinet in the corner that held two glass sculptures and disorganized papers. Paul turned the stereo down; it was playing something hard and sad.

“Paul, is you home?” yelled a brassy voice from the kitchen.

Paul was leading Jessica toward the voice when two boys came running up from the basement; both had blond hair. Paul gave them playful punches and continued to lead Jessica into the kitchen.

“Who are you?” the taller blond boy asked.

“That’s Jessica,” Paul said before she had a chance to respond.

“Is she your girlfriend?” the smaller boy asked. The taller boy punched his arm, and he started to blush.

“These are my brothers Marcus and Brian,” Paul said, trying to get past them.

“Nice to meet you,” Jessica said as she followed Paul, who grabbed her hand to lead her into the kitchen.

A woman in a white dingy robe was curled up on a kitchen chair, talking on the phone. She had a cigarette in one hand and the phone tucked in between her head and shoulder. Jessica stared at the woman, trying to see any resemblance of Paul. Her thick curly black hair was messy and poked out every which way. She looked like she had just woken up and had a half-eaten bowl of soggy cereal parked in front of her.

“Ma, get off the phone,” Paul demanded. Jessica looked at him, shocked he would order his mother to do anything.

Paul’s mother gave him a dirty look and pushed her cigarette-holding hand in the air as a sign to shut up. Paul turned toward Danny, who had emerged from a back room and was searching the kitchen for food.

“Is she on the phone with that fucker?” Paul asked.

Danny looked at his mother and just shrugged his shoulders. “Let’s not get into that again.”

Jessica could feel Paul’s anger. “Maybe we should go.”

She looked at the faces that were staring at her; they looked amazed that she would want to come
here
for a visit.

“Jess, come here,” Paul yelled from the back room. Jessica stepped down into a small enclosed porch that had room for a twin bed and a TV on a crate. The black-and-white TV was playing a cartoon with the sound turned all the way down and Paul was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking out the window at the barren backyard.

“I don’t think I should’ve brought you here.”

Jessica pushed a ball of blankets to the side and sat down next to him reaching her arm around his shoulders. “It’s all right.” She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

Paul’s smile was crooked as he continued to stare out the window. It took Jessica well over twenty minutes, but she finally got him to start talking, even laughing, when they caught Brian spying on them. Jessica finally told Paul she’d have to leave in another ten minutes. Paul grabbed her, wrapping his arms and legs around her whole body and pulling her onto the bed. “Nooo,”

“Nooo,” Jessica shrieked, trying to maneuver out of the wrestling hold as Paul’s mother walked in.

“Paul, stop,” his mother said, surprising them both. Paul let Jessica go, and she straightened out her clothes and stood up to say hello.

“You need to stop getting’ in my business,” his mother said, not acknowledging Jessica.

“You wanna go there right now?” Paul asked.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass who hears me. And you should be the one to talk, beatin’ up an old man in front of the whole damn neighborhood.” Jessica slinked over as far as she could so that she was out of the way of their words.

Paul jumped up. “Nobody’s gonna beat on you and get away with it.”

“Jesus Christ, it was one black eye. One. First and only time he done that.”

“And last,” Paul stated.

For the first time, Paul’s mother looked Jessica’s way, casually lifting her hand to push down her hair and close up the robe that was slipping open at the top.

“I’m guessing you’re Jessica. Call me Dee Dee or Dee. Whatever. It doesn’t matter,” she said, holding her robe together.

“Hi. Thank you for letting me come over.”

Dee Dee snorted. “Honey, I’m thinking you won’t be coming back.” Paul shot her a mean look.

“Jessica’s my girlfriend, and she’ll be back every day after school.”

“Well, it’s nice to see you got someone more decent than those hoes you keep bringing over.”

Jessica almost fell over in embarrassment. Just as Paul’s mouth opened, Danny stepped in and said those “hoes” were his friends, not Paul’s. And he would appreciate it if she would refrain from talking about his girls like that.

Dee Dee grumbled, walked down the hall to her bedroom, and slammed the door. Danny grinned at them both. “Someone didn’t take her happy pill today.”

Marcus put on a band called Metallica, which Jessica had never heard of, and cranked it all the way up as she got ready to leave. Paul walked Jessica onto the front porch and grabbed her hand.

“I promise it won’t be like this every day. Ma is only home Mondays and Tuesdays.”

“Who takes care of your little brothers?” Jessica asked.

“Grandpa Joe and sometimes my Aunt Darleen, when she and Ma aren’t fighting.”

While Jessica hated the thought of returning home, she hated leaving Paul at his home even more.

“Are you going to be all right?”

Paul gave her a puzzled look. “Trust me; this isn’t even a bad day for her.”

Jessica could not imagine what a bad day looked or sounded like. The screams from the stereo were making her feel sick;
Metallica is not feel-good music,
she thought.

At dinner that night, Jessica appreciated the quiet sounds of her home and gave thanks for cleanliness, no smoking, and her dad not beating on her mother. She’d never appreciated these things before, but being at Paul’s home was an eye-opening experience.

While Jessica lay in bed that night, she felt grateful that Paul’s mother would not be around tomorrow. She was debating telling Paul that they needed to have a different plan because of how uncomfortable she’d felt today.