Home Is Where the Heart Break Is (3 page)

Chapter 5

Susie had poor Chase cornered at the opposite side of the coffee house. Her arms were waving wildly, and I half expected her to slap him. Chase stood there with his arms crossed and an
I don’t give a damn
expression plastered across his face. Lexi’s table was watching the whole thing. I crept back and sat on my chair.

“That was some bathroom break,” Lexi said sharply.

“Sorry about that.”

Lexi and the other girls at the table stared at me expectantly. I glanced around at them. “Did I miss anything?”

Lexi sighed loudly. “You’re funny. I told you to watch your back around Susie.” She frowned at me. “You might want to avoid locking yourself in stockrooms with him while she’s around.”

Ashley laughed but then sucked in a breath. She stiffened on her stool as she stared at something behind me. “Crap, when did he get here? He’s coming this way.”

I looked back over my shoulder to see Nico walking through the patrons. He spotted me and walked toward our table.

Without a word to anyone else, he handed me his cell phone. “Put your number in.”

I punched in my number and handed it back to him. He slid it into his pocket and nodded at Ashley and Lexi then looked back at me. “How long are you staying here?”

“Actually,” I looked at Lexi, “I’m not sure. I came with Lexi.” Chase was back on stage getting ready for the next set.

Lexi glared at him. “We’re not ready to leave yet.” Nico turned to walk away. He took two steps, stopped, turned back, and stuck his hand out for me to take.

I looked pleadingly at Lexi. She waved her hand in dismissal. “Whatever.”

I placed my hand in Nico’s, and he dragged me through the crowd. Everyone seemed to be staring at us but I could have cared less. I glanced back at the stage. Chase watched us head to the door. He waved weakly at me. I ignored Susie’s harsh stare and blew Chase a kiss.

“Lexi is going to hate me now,” I said.

Nico held tightly to my hand. “No loss.”

“Not for you, but I just got back in town. I don’t need to make enemies right away.”

He stopped and peered down at me. Only a few traces of the younger, innocent Nico remained in his deep brown gaze. The hardship of growing up in a home filled with anger had taken its toll on him. “Do you want to go back inside?”

I shook my head.

“Good.” He pulled me along to a motorcycle parked at the rear of the lot.

“You’re driving a bike?” I asked. “It’s cold.”

“Don’t be such a princess, Duchess.” He threw his leg over the bike and motioned for me to get on behind.

“No helmets?” I slid my hands around his waist. I could feel the ripple of his hard stomach beneath his t-shirt as he swiveled around to look at me.

“City life has turned you into a marshmallow.” He fired up the bike.

I dropped my hands. “I’m not a marshmallow.”

He faced forward. “That’s all right. I like marshmallows.” He reached back for my hands and yanked them around his waist. I pressed my body and face against his back, and he pulled onto the road.

We rode along the dark, curvy highway. The tall pines lining both sides of the road cast shadows across the lanes, and the icy mountain air blew against our skin. I tucked my hands beneath his shirt searching for warmth, and I hid my face behind his broad back. I closed my eyes against the cold and held tightly to his waist. I had no idea where he was taking me, but it didn’t matter. Aside from my flighty but sweet mom, there were only two other people I truly cared about. Tonight, after five minutes with both of them, I realized that they still meant as much to me as they did five years ago when we were three kids who turned to each other for the love, laughter, and security that our families were lacking.

Five years had gone by but the connection was still there as if only a day had passed.

We turned up the long, winding driveway to his father’s estate. I pressed against him. “I’m freezing.”

“Hold on, little icicle. We’re almost there.”

Nico stopped the bike at the gate to the pool area. Reluctantly, I withdrew my hands from beneath his shirt. He slid off.

I hugged myself. “I think I’m frozen to the bike.”

Before I could swing my numb leg over the seat, Nico leaned forward and lifted me into his arms. I tucked my body and face against his chest, and he carried me to the pool house. We reached the door.

“Turn the knob, Duchess. My hands are filled.”

A sweet sense of nostalgia hit me when we stepped inside the pool house. Not much had changed. A pool table took up most of the floor, and a small corner bar glittered with wine glasses and expensive liquor bottles. Whenever Nico’s dad had worked late or left on business, the three of us would sneak into the pool house to play pool and video games on the giant television. We never hung out there when his dad was home though. Chase and I were scared to death of the man.

Nico dropped me onto the sofa, turned on the dim light over the bar, and flicked a switch on the thermostat. “I’ll crank it and we should have one defrosted girl in a few minutes.” He motioned to the bottles on the bar. “Want a drink?”

“Not unless you have a cup of hot coffee that I can sit in.”

He returned to the couch and sat down. The skinny boy I’d grown up with had morphed into a muscular, almost formidable looking man. The tattoos added to the look.

“When did you get the ink?” I asked

He looked down at his arms. “I started getting them at around fourteen. My mom was living with a tattoo artist for awhile. She gave me permission to get them. I think she knew it would piss off my dad.”

“Did it?” I removed my shoes. My feet were numb and I crossed my legs like we used to do on the reading rug at school.

“Hell, I can’t sneeze without that ass criticizing me.” Nico combed his fingers through his hair and it stood up in every direction.

“Is it still really bad?” I asked. I reached over and pulled his hand into my lap. It was still cold. I rubbed the callused skin of his fingers.

He shook his head and glanced down at the hand I held. “Not as bad. He’s afraid of me now. He wouldn’t dare hit me anymore. He had a girlfriend for a year. I think he actually cared for her, as much as a guy with a steel heart could care for someone. She finally got sick of his temper and left. He started drinking more. I think he knows that for as successful as he is in business, he’s a complete failure with people. We just avoid each other.” Nico pulled his large hand from between mine, reached up, and tucked my hair behind my ear. “You and Chase kept me from going crazy back then. I don’t think I would have survived otherwise.” He pressed his back against the seat of the sofa, slouched down, and splayed his long legs out in front of him. “You don’t know how often I’d wanted to climb to the top of Crystal Falls and dive off just to get away from that bastard.” He looked over at me and swallowed hard. “Then I’d get to school and you guys would be there to make me laugh, and I knew you both cared about me.”

I fought back tears. “I think we were all there for each other,” I said, my voice cracking. “I’m not saying that Chase and I had anything like what you had at home, but we both needed you too. I think that’s why I’m determined to rekindle that friendship you two had when we were kids. That way when I’m gone again--”

He looked down at me. “Gone? How long are you here for?”

“Just for summer, I think.”

He pushed off the couch abruptly and walked over to the bar to open a soda. He chugged it down, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and sat on the bar stool. “Damn, Duchess, you can’t just pop in like this and then plan to leave after a few months. The last time you left . . .” He stared down at the can in his hands wearing that sad, sweet expression he often wore as a boy, but now it looked completely different on him. It tugged at my heart.

I walked over to him. “I never wanted to leave, Nico, but I never had much say in the matter. It hasn’t been a picnic for me either. I lost both of you and my hometown.”

He lifted his face. “Everything went to shit once you left, but . . . never mind. I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself now. I’m just glad you’re back for summer.” He threw his arm around my shoulder. “Hey, I’ll make some popcorn, and we can watch one of those serial killer flicks. Like old times.”

“Sounds good,” I said. “Do you remember how I used to watch the whole movie from behind my hand?”

He smiled. “I remember that and you digging your fingernails into my arm whenever someone was about to lose their head.” He lowered his arm, strolled over to the DVD shelf, and plucked out a movie.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Well then, just to warn you, I have not changed at all.” He sat on the couch next to me. “You might want to put on some protective wear. Back then I bit my nails.” I lifted my French manicured fingers. “These babies could do some damage if heads start to roll.”

He grabbed my wrist and kissed my palm. It was totally unexpected and it threw me for a second.

“I don’t mind a few fingernail scratches now and then.” He released my hand, and I could still feel the heat of his mouth on my skin. “Especially from the right girl.” He winked down at me.

I might have been sitting next to the same boy, on the same couch, in the same pool house but things were definitely different now. My attention turned back to the mosaic of tattoos running down his muscular forearm. “Speaking of the right girl--” I leaned down so I could get a better look at the ink. “Do you have any girl’s name hidden among these designs?”

He was silent.

“Nico Harris, you have a girl’s name on your body, don’t you?” I was surprised, amused, and irritated all at once.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I lifted up the sleeve on his t-shirt. There was a wakeboard with a skull on it but I couldn’t see a name. I sat back hard. It was probably better that I didn’t know the name because I already hated her.

“Oh yeah, the popcorn.” He stood and went behind the bar and put a bag in the microwave. He watched me over the counter. “What about you? I’ll bet you have a guy waiting back home.”

I shrugged. “Yeah but I haven’t had his name permanently inked on my skin.”

His face dropped after the word yeah. “So there is someone?”

“Kind of. One of the reasons I came up here is to get away from him for awhile.” Truthfully I’d hardly thought of Josh since I’d left town. I’d even ignored a couple of his texts.

The last kernel popped and the smell of popcorn filled the room. Nico sat down next to me. We rested back.

“Let the blood and guts commence,” he said.

“So you’re not going to show me the tattoo?” I had no idea that it would affect me so much, but I was feeling extremely bummed about it.

He sighed loudly, sat forward, and tugged up the hem of his t-shirt. “I guess you’ll pout until you get your way.” He lifted his shirt higher. Black letters ran vertically down his side. My heart sank and I had to force myself to look at the name. A breath caught in my throat. The letters spelled
Jessa
.

I blinked at it a few times and then he lowered the shirt, sat back, and dropped his arm around my shoulder. I didn’t bring up his tattoos again.

Chapter 6

“I know Aunt Sadie is anxious to see you.” Mom licked the donut icing from her fingers.

“I’ll be home in a few hours. Nico has to go to work at nine. I’ll be back before you even have your hair and make-up done.”

“Do you think it’s smart to go off with both of them so soon? You only just got here.”

I used the stainless steel door of the refrigerator to put on my lip gloss. “Mom, it’s Nico and Chase we’re talking about. Not two strangers. We’re just going to hang out for an hour or two and catch up.”

There was a knock on the door, and instantly I felt a nervous flutter in my stomach. I went to the door and opened it. Nico stood with his hands in his back pockets. “Hey, Duchess, you ready?”

I grabbed his arm and pulled him inside. “You don’t actually think you’re going to get away without saying hello to my mom.”

Mom walked into the room with an energetic smile that morphed into a half-stunned grin when she saw his tattoos. But she recovered quickly. “Nicholas, you are so grown up.” She hugged him. “Sorry to hear about your mom.”

“Thanks.”

“Jessa tells me you’re working for your dad at the marina.”

He nodded. “I’m a boat mechanic, but I still manage to get some wakeboarding in between work hours.”

“I remember how good you were at it.” Mom looked at me and there was a cautionary glint in her eyes, but I had no idea what it meant. “Well, you two have fun.” She turned to walk back to the table. “You’re not on a motorcycle, are you?”

My eyes widened.

“I’m old but I’m not deaf, Jessa. I heard Nico drop you off last night.”

“I brought my truck today,” he said.

I was sort of disappointed that we wouldn’t be on the bike.

The crisp mountain air felt refreshing as we walked to the truck. Pine needles crunched beneath our feet releasing their pungent, stored fragrance. I found a spot where the sunlight had made its way through the thick shield of trees and I stopped, turned my face up, and closed my eyes to feel the warmth of it. “I’ve forgotten how unbelievably clean the air is up here.” I opened my eyes and caught up to Nico. “My lungs are in shock.”

We climbed into the truck. “So do you think Chase will show this morning?” he asked.

I looked at him. “Why wouldn’t he?”

“Because if the she-wolf gets wind of it, she’ll rip him to shreds.”

I reached toward the vents. “Do you have heat in this thing? It’s cold.”

Nico reached forward to the buttons on the dash. “Yes, Miss Marshmallow.”

“I am not a marshmallow. I just haven’t acclimated yet. Besides, don’t you think most marshmallows try and avoid heat?”

He laughed and I realized how great it sounded coming from the grown-up Nico. “By the way, my dad says hi.”

My mouth dropped open. “Seriously?”

He glanced at me then returned his eyes to the winding road. “Why is that so hard to believe?”

“No reason. I just never got the feeling that he liked me.”

“That’s because he always looked angry. He liked you. I think he was bummed when you left because you were way better at keeping me out of trouble than he was.”

“Never thought of that.” I twisted under my seatbelt to face him. “Just how much trouble have you gotten in since I left?”

He squinted out through the front windshield and pointed to something up ahead. “Look a deer. I’ll bet you haven’t seen one of those in awhile.”

“Way to change the subject.” I leaned forward to look. “Oh my gosh and there’s a little one right next to it. So cute.” The animals hopped down the steep side of the road and disappeared. I decided not to pursue the earlier topic. He obviously didn’t want to talk about it, and deep down, it was possible, I didn’t really want to know.

Nico turned the truck off onto the dirt road that led to our hideout, or at least that was what we’d called it. It was really just an old hunter’s shack that the town had taken great pains to preserve thinking it would be a tourist draw. But they never carved a visible trail to get to the shack, so no one ever visited it. Eventually, they’d given up on making it an attraction. When we were ten, Nico had broken the rusted lock on the door, and we’d used it as our safe haven.

“Are we sure our clubhouse is still standing?” I asked as Nico parked the truck. We’d driven as far as we could and now had to hike the rest of the way.

Nico checked the time on his cell phone and looked down toward the highway. There was no sign of Chase yet. I was probably just delusional, but it seemed like Nico really wanted him to show.

“Yep, the shack is still standing. Although, I think it’s leaning a bit. I’d say a couple of good rainstorms and the thing will slide down the hillside to the river below.”

“So you still come up here?” I asked.

He looked down at his feet, a habit that was totally familiar to me. For a moment I caught a glimpse of that vulnerability that had developed from his tumultuous childhood. “Sometimes.” He lifted his face. “It’s a good place to be alone.”

When we were kids, my mom used to worry that Nico was not going to make it to adulthood. There was always so much crap in his life, she was sure he’d go over the edge one way or another. I had hated when she talked about it. One time I had even screamed at her to shut up, something totally out of my character. Thankfully, she seemed to be wrong. From what I could see, he was truly pulling his life together.

A blue mustang turned onto the dirt road. I waved to Chase and grinned at Nico. “See, I told you he would come.”

Chase stepped out of the car and held up a bag. “I brought peanuts and fruit punch.”

One day, Chase’s parents had thrown a baseball themed party and his mom bought a twenty pound bag of peanuts. There were still nineteen pounds left after the party, so Chase had dragged up the sack full of peanuts to our hideout, and we snacked on them whenever we hung out. There was no one to complain about the mess, so we would throw the shells on the floor and eventually the floor was covered with an inch of peanut shell sawdust. The fruit punch had been my contribution because we were always thirsty from the salty nuts. We’d gotten the bag down to the last few pounds of peanuts and came back one day to find a hole had been chewed in the bag and the rest were gone. We’d laughed so hard we could barely breathe. All we could think was that somewhere in the forest there was an extremely overweight squirrel with a big smile and a blood pressure problem from too much salt.

Nico grabbed hold of the peanuts, and we started the climb up to the shack.

“Remember that time we were trapped inside because a bear was sniffing around outside the hut?” I asked.

Nico lifted the bag in the air. “I think he smelled our peanuts.”

Chase laughed. “I was sure that bear was going to just bust inside and eat all of us. I had nightmares about it for months.”

I’d forgotten how rugged the terrain was on the climb to the shack. I really had to concentrate on where I put my feet, and eventually I fell behind. “This was easier when I was ten,” I called to them and waved them on. “Don’t worry about little, old me back here. I just hope that bear went home.”

They both stopped up ahead and watched me. Between the jutting rocks and roots and the slippery, moss-covered ground, I was practically walking on all fours. My shoe caught in a small trench and I fell forward, but Nico caught me before I face planted. His fingers squeezed my arm as he helped me stand upright again.

“How could I have been so much more coordinated when I was younger? I’m going to blame it on the fact that I haven’t hiked since I moved from here.”

“We’ll just have to toughen you up,” Chase said. “I think we should do a river swim this morning.”

“I agree,” Nico said.

“It’s too cold,” I complained. “I can’t imagine how icy the water is this early.”

Nico didn’t let go of me as we continued up the path, although path was a total exaggeration. It was really just a swath of forest uninterrupted by trees.

“I think I’ll change your nickname to Marshmallow,” Nico said. “You used to jump in that river while there was still snow on the banks.”

I pulled my arm from his. “All right, I admit it. City living has transformed me into a marshmallow.” I stumbled again but caught myself. “A clumsy marshmallow. But I’m going to change that, and I’m going to take that friggin’ swim even if there are icebergs floating down stream.”

Nico was right. The hunter’s shack definitely looked less stable. In fact one good breeze might just topple it. The door was hanging from one top hinge, and Nico held it up to keep it from breaking off completely as he ushered Chase and me inside. There was plenty of debris on the floor, but the peanut shells had disappeared. The small, built-in shelf had a line of empty beer cans.

I lifted an eyebrow at Nico. “You have been hanging out up here. Either that or the forest animals have a beer habit.”

Nico sat on the splintery, warped bench. “It’s that squirrel. He needed something to wash down all those damn peanuts.”

Chase sat down on the stool which we’d decided must have been the hunter’s lazy boy chair. He laughed at Nico’s remarked. It was a simple gesture, but it made me absurdly happy.

“So is everyone graduating next year?” I looked pointedly in Nico’s direction.

“Graduating from what?” he asked.

Chase cleared his throat loudly. “Let’s just say that one of us is graduating next year.”

Nico scrubbed his short hair with his fingers and leaned back against the wall. It creaked as he made contact.

“I don’t think this place is structurally sound anymore,” Chase said.

“No shit.” Nico said. “I quit school last year. I was truant all the time anyway, so they were glad to see me go. But I passed the stupid test so I guess that means I’m already a graduate.”

“I’ve decided to go into chemical engineering,” Chase said brushing past Nico’s comment. “What about you, Jessa?”

“I’ll probably hack it out at a city college first then I can decide which way to go. Sadly, my grades aren’t all that spectacular, so I don’t think I can get into a university yet.”

Nico reached across with his long leg. His foot tapped the stool Chase was sitting on. “School boy, here, is going to graduate at the top of the class.”

“Any idiot can be at the bottom,” Chase snarled back at him.

“Stop you two. I feel like I’m watching two gorillas pounding their chests at each other.” I sat next to Nico on the wobbly bench and looked at Chase. “I always knew you’d do great, Chase. Hey, how’s your sister?”

He shook his head. “Don’t ask. She’s still a mess.”

“Sorry to hear that,” I said.

Nico stood and stretched. “I don’t know about you two but I’m ready for that swim.” Without warning he yanked off his shirt, and it took me a moment to recover from how awesomely built he was now. Then he rolled off his jeans and was standing in the middle of the tiny room in boxers.

“Jeez, Dude, just strip why don’t you,” Chase said.

“I just did. Although I could still take off these.”

Chase and I simultaneously put up our hands. “No!”

When we were younger, we’d always gone swimming in our underwear, and we knew each other so well, we were never embarrassed. But we were kids. Things were definitely different back then. Chase stood and took off his shirt. He was equally buff.

“Holy crap, you two aren’t little boys anymore,” I said, with a slight tremble in my voice that I hoped was not detectable.

They both stared down at me in patient silence.

I blinked up at them. “Yes?”

“We’re waiting,” Nico said.

“Remember we all have to jump in at the exact same time,” Chase said.

“Who made up that stupid rule?” I asked.

“I believe that was you,” Chase said.

I stood. “Yeah, well, I’ll just jump in with my clothes on.”

“There are no towels, and like you said, it’s pretty darn cold out. At least Nico and I will have dry stuff to put on afterward.”

I sighed loudly and stood. “Whose idea was this? And I know this time it wasn’t me.” I reached for the hem of my shirt and motioned for both of them to turn around. “I will tell you when to look.”

Hesitantly, they both faced the back wall.

“I’m definitely leaving my shoes on. I seem to remember some major toe stubs on submerged rocks. In fact--”

“Duchess, shut up and strip down to your underwear. It’s cold as hell in here.”

“You act like we’re going to be soaking in a hot tub. The water will be colder than the air. The snow pack has hardly--”

“Jessa!” they said simultaneously.

I couldn’t help but smile. “See you guys are still in sync. I knew if you spent--”

“I swear, Duchess, I’m going to spin around and yank those shorts right off of you.”

“All right, all right, but don’t turn around.” I dropped my shorts to the ground and stepped out of them. Quietly, I pushed open the door and took off down the hill. Ten feet into my escape, I discovered that there was no way to walk quietly on dry pine needles. Within seconds they were behind me. Each one grabbed me by an elbow, and they carried me screaming down to the river’s edge. They held me tightly and pushed off the river bank into the center where it was deep enough to swim.

The icy water hit like a slap in the face, and it took me a second to catch my breath. “Oh my god, it’s even colder than I’d imagined.” I pushed my feet off the ground and floated on my back hoping the sun would warm me. “Remember when we used to have a race to see how far we could travel on our backs without moving our legs and arms?” My ears were submerged under water but I was sure I’d still be able to hear a response. I lifted my head and looked over at them. They both stood their completely silent and obviously absorbed in the view-- which was me. I sank my feet down immediately and even in the icy water I could feel heat rise in my cheeks.

Nico swam over to me with a devilish grin. His long lashes were clumped together with wetness and water beaded on his unshaven jaw. “You’re blushing.”

My face warmed again. “Why were things so much easier and better when we were kids?”

“Things might have been easier back then.” His fingers brushed along my bare stomach, sending a shiver of pleasure through me. “But I definitely think things are better now,” he said quietly not taking his gaze from my face for a second. His nearness and the way he looked at me seemed to warm my skin even as the cool, clear water rolled past us.