Horrid Henry and the Abominable Snowman (8 page)

Horrid Henry sat in a tiny chair at the back of Miss Lovely’s room. Never had he suffered such torment. He tried to block his ears as Milksop Miles read his horrible book to Peter’s class.

“Hello, Happy, Clappy, and Yappy! Can you find the leak?”

“No,” said Happy.

“No,” said Clappy.

“No,” said Yappy.

“I can,” said Gappy Nappy.

AAAARRRRGGGGGHHH!
Horrid Henry gritted his teeth. He would go crazy having to listen to this a moment longer.

He had to get out of here.

“All together now, let’s sing the ‘Happy Nappy Song,’” trilled Milksop Miles, whipping out his guitar.

“Yay!” cheered the infants.

No, groaned Horrid Henry.

Oh I’m a happy nappy,

a happy zappy nappy

I wrap up your bottom, snug and tight,

And keep you dry all through the night

Oh—

This was torture. No, this was worse than torture. How could he sit here listening to the horrible “Happy Nappy Song” knowing that just above him TJ Fizz was reading from one of her incredible books, passing around the famous skunk skeleton, and showing off her Ghost Quest drawings? He had to get back to his own class. He had to.

But how?

What if he joined in the singing? He could bellow:

Oh I’m a soggy nappy

A smelly, stinky nappy—

Yes! That would certainly get him sent out the door straight to—the principal. Not back to his class and TJ Fizz.

Horrid Henry closed his mouth. Rats.

Maybe there’d be an earthquake? A power failure? Where was a fire drill when you needed one?

He could always pretend he needed to use the restroom. But then when he didn’t come back, they’d come looking for him.

Or maybe he could just sneak away? Why not? Henry got to his feet and began to slide toward the door, trying to be invisible.

“Whooa, come back here, little boy,” shouted Milksop Miles, twanging his guitar. Henry froze. “Our party is just starting. Now who knows the Happy Nappy Dance?”

“I do,” said Perfect Peter.

“I do,” said Goody-Goody Gordon.

“We all do,” said Tidy Ted.

“Everyone on their feet,” said Milksop Miles. “Ah-one, ah-two, let’s all do the Nappy Dance!”

“Nap nap nap nap nap nap nappy,” warbled Miles.

“Nap nap nap nap nap nap nappy,” warbled Peter’s class, dancing away.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Horrid Henry started dancing. Slowly, he tapped his way closer and closer and closer to the door and—freedom!

Horrid Henry reached for the door knob. Miss Lovely was busy dancing in the corner. Just a few more steps…

“Who’s going to be my little helper while we act out the story?” beamed Miles. “Who would like to play the Happy Nappy?”

“Me! Me!” squealed Miss Lovely’s class.

Horrid Henry sank against the wall.

“Come on, don’t be shy,” said Miles, pointing straight at Henry. “Come on up and put on the magic happy nappy!” And he marched over and dangled an enormous blue diaper in front of Henry. It was over one yard wide and one yard high, with a hideous smiling face and big goggly eyes.

Horrid Henry took a step back. He felt faint. The giant diaper was looming above him. In a moment it would be over his head and he’d be trapped inside. His name would be mud—forever. Henry the nappy. Henry the giant nappy. Henry the giant happy nappy… “
AAAARRRRGGGGGHHH!
” screamed Horrid Henry. “Get away from me!”

Milksop Miles stopped waving the gigantic diaper.

“Oh dear,” he said.

“Oh dear,” said Miss Lovely.

“Don’t be scared,” said Miles.

Scared? Horrid Henry…scared? Of a giant diaper? Henry opened his mouth to scream.

And then he stopped.

What if…?

“Help! Help! I’m being attacked by a diaper!” screeched Henry. “HELLLLLLLP!”

Milksop Miles looked at Miss Lovely. Miss Lovely looked at Milksop Miles.

“HELLLLLLLP! HELLLLLLLP!”

“Henry? Are you OK?” piped Perfect Peter.

“NOOOOOOOO!” wailed Horrid Henry, cowering. “I’m…I’m…diaper-phobic.”

“Never mind,” said Milksop Miles. “You’re not the first boy who’s been scared of a giant diaper.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine if I go back to my own class,” gasped Horrid Henry.

Miss Lovely hesitated. Horrid Henry opened his mouth to howl—

“Run along then,” said Miss Lovely quickly.

Horrid Henry did not wait to be told twice.

He raced out of Miss Lovely’s class, then dashed upstairs to his own.

Skeleton Skunk here I come, thought Henry, bursting through the door.

There was the great and glorious TJ Fizz, just about to start reading a brand new chapter from her latest book, Skeleton Stinkbomb. Hallelujah, he was in time.

“Henry, what are you doing here?” hissed Miss Battle-Axe.

“Miss Lovely sent me back,” beamed Horrid Henry. “And you did say we should be on our best behavior today, so I did what I was told.”

Henry sat down as TJ began to read. The story was amazing.

Ahhh, sighed Horrid Henry happily, wasn’t life grand?

Francesca Simon spent her childhood on the beach in California and then went to Yale and Oxford Universities to study medieval history and literature. She now lives in London with her family. She has written over forty-five books and won the Children’s Book of the Year in 2008 at the Galaxy British Book Awards for Horrid Henry and the Abominable Snowman.