Horrid Henry and the Zombie Vampire (7 page)

“You heard me. Zombie vampires. Miss Battle-Axe
and
Miss Lovely.”

“Miss
Lovely
?”
gasped Peter.

“You’re just making that up,” said Gordon.

“It was all in
Screamin’ Demon
,” said Henry. “That’s why Miss Battle-Axe grabbed my comic. To stop me from finding out the truth. Listen carefully.”

Henry recited:

“How to recognize a vampire:

1. BIG HUGE SCARY TEETH.

“If Miss Battle-Axe’s fangs were any bigger she would trip over them,” said Horrid Henry.

Tidy Ted nodded. “She
does
have big pointy teeth.”

“That doesn’t prove anything,” said Peter.

“2. DRINKS BLOOD.”

Perfect Peter shook his head. “Drinks…blood?”

“
Obviously
they do, just not
in front
of people,” said Horrid Henry. “That would give away their terrible secret.”

“3. ONLY APPEARS AT NIGHT.”

“But Henry,” said Goody-Goody Gordon, “we see Miss Battle-Axe and Miss Lovely every day at school. They
can’t
be vampires.”

Henry sighed. “Have you been paying attention? I didn’t say they were
vampires
, I said they were
zombie
vampires. Being half-zombie lets them walk around in daylight.”

Perfect Peter and Goody-Goody Gordon looked at one another.

“Here’s the total proof,” Henry continued.

“How to recognize a zombie:

1. LOOKS DEAD.

“Does Miss Battle-Axe look dead? Definitely,” said Horrid Henry. “I never saw a more dead-looking person.”

“But Henry,” said Peter. “She’s alive.”

Unfortunately, yes, thought Horrid Henry.

“Duh,” he said. “Zombies always
seem
alive. Plus, zombies have scary, bulging eyes like Miss Battle-Axe,” continued Henry. “And they feed on human flesh.”

“Miss Lovely doesn’t eat human flesh,” said Peter. “She’s a vegetarian.”

“A likely story,” said Henry.

“You’re just trying to scare us,” said Peter.

“Don’t you see?” said Henry. “They’re planning to pounce on us during the torch-lit trail.”

“I don’t believe you,” said Peter.

Henry shrugged. “Fine. Don’t believe me. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you when Miss Lovely lurches out of the dark and BITES you!” he shrieked.

“Be quiet, Henry,” shouted Miss Battle-Axe. “William. Stop weeping. There’s nothing to be scared of. Linda! Stand up. It’s not bedtime yet. Bert! Where’s your flashlight?”

“I dunno,” said Beefy Bert.

Miss Lovely walked over and smiled at Peter.

“Looking forward to the torch-lit walk?” she beamed.

Peter couldn’t stop himself sneaking a peek at her teeth.
Were
they big? And sharp? Funny, he’d never noticed before how pointy two of them were…And was her face a bit…umm…pale?

No! Henry was just trying to trick him. Well, he wasn’t going to be fooled.

“Time to go exploring,” said Earnest Ella. “First stop on the torch-lit trail: our brand-new exhibit,
Wonderful World of Wool
. Then we’ll be popping next door down the
Passage to the Past
to visit the old railway car and the Victorian shop and a Neanderthal cave. Flashlights on, everyone.”

Sour Susan smiled to herself. She’d just thought of the perfect revenge on Margaret for teasing her for being such a scaredy-cat.

Moody Margaret smiled to herself. She’d just thought of the perfect revenge on Susan for being so sour.

Ha ha, Margaret, thought Susan. I’ll get you tonight.

Ha ha, Susan, thought Margaret. I’ll get you tonight.

Ha ha, Peter, thought Henry. I’ll get you tonight.

“Follow me,” said Earnest Ella.

The children stampeded after her.

All except three.

When the coast was clear, Moody Margaret turned off her flashlight, darted into the pitch-black
Passage to the Past
hall, and hid in the Neanderthal cave behind the caveman. She’d leap out at Susan when she walked past. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wouldn’t that old scaredy-cat get a fright.

Sour Susan turned off her flashlight and peeked down the
Passage to the Past
corridor. Empty. She tiptoed to the railway car and crept inside. Just wait till Margaret walked by…

Horrid Henry turned off his flashlight, crept down the
Passage to the Past
, sneaked into the Victorian shop, and hid behind the rocking chair.

Tee-hee. Just wait till Peter walked past. He’d—

What was that?

Was it his imagination? Or did that spinning wheel in the corner of the shop…move?

CR—EEEK went the wheel.

It was so dark. But Henry didn’t dare switch on his flashlight.

Moody Margaret looked over from the Neanderthal cave at the Victorian shop. Was it her imagination or was that rocking chair rocking back and forth?

Sour Susan looked out from the railway car. Was it her imagination or was the caveman moving?

There was a strange, scuttling noise.

What was that? thought Susan.

You know, thought Henry, this museum
is
kind of creepy at night.

And then something grabbed onto his leg.

“AAAARRRRGGHHH!” screamed Horrid Henry.

***

Moody Margaret heard a blood-curdling scream. Scarcely daring to breathe, Margaret peeped over the caveman’s shoulder…

Sour Susan heard a blood-curdling scream. Scarcely daring to breathe, Susan peeped out from the railway carriage…

“Henwy, I found you, Henwy,” piped the creature clinging to his leg.

“Go away, Lily,” hissed Henry. The horrible fiend was going to ruin everything.

“Will you marry me, Henwy?”

“No!” said Horrid Henry, trying to shake her off and brushing against the spinning wheel.

CR—EEEEK.

The spinning wheel spun.

What’s that noise? thought Margaret, craning to see from behind the caveman.

“Henwy! I want to give you a big kiss,” lisped Lily.

Horrid Henry shook his leg harder.

The spinning wheel tottered and fell over.

CRASH!

Margaret and Susan saw something lurch out of the Victorian shop and loom up in the darkness. A monstrous creature with four legs and waving arms…

“AAAARRRRGGHH!” screamed Susan.

“AAAARGGHHHHH!” shrieked Margaret.

“AAAARGGHHHHH!” shrieked Henry.

The unearthly screams rang through the museum. Peter, Ted, and Gordon froze.

“You don’t think—” gasped Gordon.

“Not…” trembled Peter.

“Zombie vampires?” whimpered Ted. They clutched one another.

“Everyone head back to the Central Hall NOW!” shouted Earnest Ella.

***

In the cafeteria, Miss Lovely and Miss Battle-Axe were sneaking a short break to enjoy a lovely fried egg sandwich with lashings of ketchup.

Oh my weary bones, thought Miss Battle-Axe, as she sank her teeth into the huge sandwich. Peace at last.

AAARRGGHH! EEEEEKKK! HELLLP!

Miss Battle-Axe and Miss Lovely squeezed their sandwiches in shock as they heard the terrible screams.

SPLAT!

A stream of ketchup squirted Miss Lovely in the eye and dripped down her face onto her blouse.

SQUIRT!