How to Bake the Perfect Apple Pie (18 page)

I turn around, even though I know who is behind me. “Luke, that was really low.”

“Fair’s fair, Lauren. Besides, you never accepted our ice bucket challenge on Facebook that we sent you.” He shakes his head at me.

“I sent my check in though.” I glare at him and shake off the water. My shirt is completely soaked.

“Well, I don’t remember seeing any updates about it.” Luke laughs.

“Fine, we’re even.” I press my lips into two straight lines. I should have known he would go out through my parents’ backyard and come the other way. I shake my head.

“Shake on it?” Luke offers his hand.

I do not want to shake on it. If I do, that means I can’t get him back and I really need to get him back. Soaking me with ice water is extreme and deserves retaliation. I pretend not to hear him and hustle back to my parents’ house.

“All right, that’s fine… Don’t shake…but remember you had your chance,” Luke calls out to me. I still pretend not to hear him and go inside.

My mom is in the kitchen. “Honey, you’re soaked!”

“Yes, because of your son.” I hop up the stairs and go to my room. Now, I’ve got to find a different outfit to wear.

I decide to go with my black buttoned-down shirt, black shorts, and thin gold belt with my black sandals with gold ankle straps. Jack and I are supposed to get together at some point today. I’m not sure what the rest of the plans are. I know my mom told me Vintage Estates was having some Mother’s Day brunch for the residents tomorrow and then I’m supposed to bring my grandmother over to my parents’ house so we can have our own Mother’s Day celebration, which apparently my dad has been planning with Luke.

They have never planned anything together, other than a double decker salami and provolone sub, so it should be entertaining to see what they have come up with.

I pull my phone out of my purse. I’ve got a couple of missed texts—one from Jack.

“How is it you are in the same zip code as me and I feel farther away from you? Call me. I miss you. I need to see you.”

My chest tightens. He feels the same way. The distance between us is not just an overactive imagination on my part. Part of me is relieved to know I’m not being dramatic and the other part of me is extremely sad to be struck with the reality of the situation.

I swallow hard. I blink back tears. I am not going to cry. Nothing has happened. I scan through the other text messages. One is from Brianna and the other is from Trent.

“I’m sorry about the elevator. I promise I won’t do that again.”

I roll my eyes. Great. He won’t do that again.
Perfect.
I’m so comforted by this.
I shake my head and read Brianna’s message.

“How’s it going with Jack? Did you figure things out?”

I purse my lips to the side.
Nope.
Same old same old, except now he is admitting the same feelings. I need to get this resolved. I head down the stairs and run into Brian. He’s wearing his tool belt.

“Hey Lauren, did you hear?” He reaches in to hug me.

This is even more awkward than normal hugs from him as we are on the stairs and my parents have extremely steep stairs. I lean down and pat his back quickly. I don’t want to crack my head open during this visit.

“No, what’s up?”

“I’m installing a central air vacuum for your parents.” The sides of his mouth pull up higher than I think I’ve ever seen from him, other than on his wedding day to my sister.

I raise my eyebrows. “Yeah…wow…really cool.”

“Exactly, ha! Cool except the air will most likely just be room temperature.” Brian nods and continues up the stairs.

I make it to the bottom of the steps. My mom is sitting at the table doing a sudoku puzzle. I peer over her shoulder. I wonder if this is one of the new ones I got her for Christmas. She’s wearing her children’s art outfit. It’s a dress she had custom made with various pieces of art we made for her as children. Apparently the designer was okay with the prints on the dress, but would not go with the 3-D version my mom had insisted upon, so she took it upon herself to add dry macaroni and glued yard structures to her chest. On one hand I’m honored my mom would wear my art, but on the other…it seems like overkill and she looks a bit ridiculous. I shake my head.

“Can I borrow your car? I want to go up to Vintage Estates.”

“Sure, honey, my keys are in my purse.” She doesn’t glance up from her puzzle.

“Thanks.” I dig into her purse and pull out the keys and head out of the house. I back out of the driveway and press Jack’s contact number. I need to make sure he’s there before I show up.

“You are alive.”

“Hey, um, are you at Vintage Estates?”

“Yes, where are you?”

“I’m driving there now, okay?”

“That’s great. I’ll roll out the red carpet.”

I laugh. “No need to worry about the red carpet, but make sure the valet is ready. You know I don’t like to wait, darling.”

“I wouldn’t ever make you wait. See you soon.”

I gulp. He does make me wait. He won’t pick a date for our wedding and he keeps making me wait for it. My chest tightens and my foot presses even harder on the gas pedal. I check my speed. I need to slow down.

Jack is waiting for me in the parking lot, leaning against a stone pillar. My rage tempers. I wasn’t going to hop out of the car and blow up about the date. But I can’t deny my frustration. Yet there he is and immediately the date doesn’t seem as big a deal in front of him as it does when I’m away from him.

Jack opens my car. “May I have your keys?”

I squint at him. “What?”

“So that I may properly park your car, miss.” He offers me his hand.

I laugh. “Right. Well it seems I parked it fine on my own today.” I brush my shoulders off. I seem to be doing a lot of things on my own… Maybe that’s what is written in the stars for me…to end up all alone. I swallow.

Jack wraps his arms around me and pulls the back of my neck to him. His lips lightly kiss along my collarbone and up my neck until he meets my lips. And then the idea of loneliness is swept from my mind and my heart is squeezing tight. I’m tingling. Hot oil drips down my body as if I’m getting some sort of special spa treatment.

“Jack.” I lean back.

“What…it’s no biggie… I know the owner.” He kisses me again and his tongue makes his way to mine and we dance a sweet passionate song.

“Oh Jack, you’ve got a call,” someone shouts from across the parking lot. Jack breaks our lips and turns in the direction of the voice.

My eyes follow his, and stop on a slender, tall woman. Her jet-black hair is blowing in the wind and seems to be surrounding her as if she has a personal wind machine set up. Jack squeezes my hand. “Come on, I want to introduce you to Corinne.”

My chest tightens. I want to meet Corinne, but I don’t. Once I meet her she will be a reality and I’m scared to discover if there is anything to my jealousy. We stride together across the parking lot and as we get closer I can make out all of her features. She is like a real-life version of Pocahontas. Long shiny hair, big brown eyes, and high cheekbones.
Perfect.

“Lauren, this is Corinne Smith, the new manager. And obviously Corinne you know this is Lauren, my fiancée.”

Corinne’s smile is bright and warm. “Hi, nice to meet you.” I offer my hand and return my most professional grin.

Corinne reaches in and hugs me. “I’m so happy to finally meet you. Jack talks about you non-stop.” She laughs.

I let out a slight laugh as well. This is somewhat reassuring, but still, I’m not won over that easy. In the back of my mind I can hear Brianna giving me a spiel about not being catty and being supportive of other women. I temper myself as best I can.

“Jack, Ralph is on the phone with some accounts he wants to go over with you before Monday morning investments.” Corinne glances at me. “Boring business talk.” She rolls her eyes. “How was your trip down?”

“Good.” I glance at Jack.

“Let me take this really quick.” He takes the phone from Corinne and strides inside the building.

“Gosh, he is so dreamy. You really lucked out.” Corinne squeezes my arm.

“Hmm.” I purse my lips to the side. “Yes.”

“So have you set a date for the wedding?” Corinne cocks her head and stares at me.

I want to burst into tears.
Are you serious? Even his office manager is asking me about this?
Why don’t all these inquiring minds chat it up with Jack and bother him about when we will have a date?

“Er, not yet. We’ve both been so busy with work.” I open the door to the building. “I should really go and see my grandmother while I’m here.”

“Oh your grandmother is so lovely. I’ll tell Jack that’s where you went.”

“Thanks.” I head to the elevator and press the number two button.

My grandmother’s suite is located right outside the elevator. I knock on her door. There is no response. I knock again. Still nothing. The door next to hers opens and a grey-haired lady sticks her head out.

“She’s down playing bingo.”

“Oh, okay…thank you.” I hit the elevator button again. I’ve been to Vintage Estates several times, but I’m not really familiar with the layout. As I exit the elevator, I saunter towards Jack’s office. I open the door, assuming he will be in the office on his own.

He is sitting at his desk with his pen and Corinne is leaning over the desk with her pen pointing out things. They seem to be in their own little world. Completely oblivious to me. Corinne says something and they both laugh.

I can’t do this. I close the door and rush to the exit. It’s time for me to go. I’m so sick, I feel like I’m going to vomit if I don’t get outside and into fresh air. Tears are filling my eyes so much I can’t see in front of me. I blink and wipe the streams falling down my face. I slam my body into my mom’s car and back out as fast as I can without causing an accident.
This is my mom’s car after all.

I drive down the road with no real sense of where I’m going. I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. This is all too much for me. I hear two voices in my head—one saying
I told you so
, the other saying
you’re overreacting
. I slam my hand on the steering wheel. I didn’t want to do this. I tried not to fall for Jack. I didn’t want to have a long-distance relationship. I knew how difficult it would be, the commuting back and forth. But when he proposed over Christmas I assumed we wouldn’t be in a long-distance relationship. I assumed we would have picked a date and I was wrong.
All wrong.

I pull the car into a nearby parking lot and let the tears roll down my face. My makeup is surely gone at this point. I should forget about it and let it all out. I sob for longer than I have in a while. I find some Kleenexes in my mom’s glove box and try and compose myself.

My phone is vibrating from my purse. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. I’m too upset to have a conversation with anyone. I’m in a dark place emotionally. I was falling deep and before I assumed I was falling with Jack. Now it feels like I’m sitting in a deep abyss of emotions and I’m sinking deeper, on my own.

The vibrating stops for a second and then starts up again. I dig through my purse and turn my phone off. No technology can connect me to what I need right now. It’s gone; the connection is lost.

Chapter Fourteen

“Lauren, Jack is here.” My mom is outside my bedroom door. I don’t want to talk to Jack or anyone else. I didn’t get home till after seven and told everyone I was really sick. I think they could judge from the red splotches on my face that I had been crying and thankfully no one bothered me.

“I don’t want to talk to him.”

My mom opens the door and shuffles across the floor. I’m lying on my bed, facing the wall.

“What happened?”

“Nothing. I don’t want to talk. Please send him away.”

“Honey, I think that’s something you need to handle on your own.” She reaches over and combs the hair on my face to the side.

“I don’t want to. I just want to sleep.”

“Lauren, whatever it is you have to talk about it. You can’t just sit in a room avoiding the world.”

“Yes I can.”

“No, Lauren, you can’t. You are in my house and my rules go, so you can either come down and talk to him or I will send him up.”

“What about your ‘no boys in my room’ rule?”

My mom laughs. “Honey, Jack is no boy. Now what will it be?”

“Fine.” I sit up. “I’ll come down. Just give me a minute.”

“That’s my girl.” My mom leans down and kisses my head and gives me a hug. I’m immediately brought back to my childhood where I scraped my knee and a simple kiss from her could mend the pain. I wish it were that easy now.

I stalk over to my vanity and assess the damage. My face is blotchy and what’s left of my eye makeup is a mess. I do my best to fix my eyes, but there is no way to fix the blotchiness without foundation and I don’t wear any so it’s only powder. Besides, it really doesn’t matter what I look like to Jack. That’s the least of my worries.

At the bottom of the stairs Jack is talking with my mom. His eyes are full of worry. He notices me at the stairs and rushes to where I’m standing.

“Hey, what happened? Where have you been?” Jack grabs my hands.

“Um, let’s go outside.” I do not want to have this conversation in front of my family. We pass through the living room and all eyes are on us. Luke moves his head from left to right and I notice his hands are balls of fists. I shake my head at him.

Outside, we stride down my parents’ sidewalk.

“Do you want to go for a drive?” Jack stares down at me.

“No.” I bite my lip.

Jack reaches around and pulls me in close to his body. I’m sinking deeper on my own. I’m physically wrapped up in his arms, but I couldn’t be farther from him. It’s like even though we’re connected, we aren’t. We are like two different islands that were once formed together and now we are separated. One of us is content with the status quo and the other person…me…is not happy. I can’t continue on like this. It’s like I’m giving up my sense of self and ignoring how I feel about a true partnership. Every moment Jack takes the lead it’s like I’m slipping away into a place where I’ll be forgotten. My identity and my choices. It’s not just the wedding date but it’s everything it encompasses. I can’t be with someone that leaves me in the dark and I can’t find the light in this situation. I’m sad and scared, afraid of what is going to happen next. I planned ahead and did my best. I accepted the role of Jack’s fiancée but I didn’t think that meant he would get to make all the decisions. Everything about our relationship has been halted and seeing him with Corinne sharing a moment. It’s all just too much. I can’t be in a long distance relationship. I’m not strong enough to handle it. Each moment apart hurts too much. Each moment we’re together is a constant reminder of what I don’t have.
Jack.
He’s not really a permanent part of my life. And yet I’m putting my life on hold because of choices he is making. I can’t let myself slip away into this place of no say and no voice. I can’t wait any longer…my tank is emptying and I can’t breathe…I’m going under.