How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (36 page)

7.
Decide
now to allow for deep, genuine grieving over your losses.

“Heal me, O L
ORD
, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise”

(J
EREMIAH
17:14).

8.
Defuse
the power these events have over your emotions by sharing your feelings with a trusted person and with God.

“There is a time…to speak”

(E
CCLESIASTES
3:1,7).

9.
Deepen
your dependence on the Lord to set you emotionally free.

“In my anguish I cried to the L
ORD
, and
he answered by setting me free”

(P
SALM
118:5).

Sample Timeline

Do you feel as if your grief will never end—that your loss is a continual source of sorrow? Moving through the grief process takes time and commitment to stay the course until the goal of grief is recovery. Working through your grief is not an easy task; it is difficult and involves determination. Be assured that God has a plan for you during this season of pain, and God will give you the strength to persevere
through
the pain.

“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised”

(H
EBREWS
10:36).

Grief work
involves a step-by-step process through which a grieving person walks in order to reach a place of emotional healing.
⁷

“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life”

(P
SALM
138:7).

Healthy
grief work
will culminate in…
⁸

—accepting
that the past will always be in the past

—accepting
that the present offers stability and significance

—accepting
that the future holds new and promising hope

In the end you can say, along with the apostle Paul,

“We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know
that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us”

(R
OMANS
5:3-5).

“We don’t want to hear it! We don’t believe it! We won’t accept it!” While Jesus’ disciples didn’t speak those words literally, these sentiments resounded in their hearts—especially Peter’s. The shock, confusion, and fear of Christ’s impending death was too great to comprehend. In John 16:18 they protested, “We don’t understand what he is saying.” Despite their grief, Jesus persisted in telling them the truth. He loved His disciples too much to not prepare them for the harsh realities to come.

Grief over the death of a person significant to you doesn’t go away in just a few days, weeks, or even months. Healthy grieving can last for one, two, or even five years.
⁹
This is especially true with the loss of a beloved child, parent, or mate. Everyone grieves differently, but everyone must grieve in order to heal. As you entrust yourself to the Lord, your grieving gradually lessens and He restores joy to your heart. And someday—if not in this life, then in the life to come—you will understand how God can take even the most unspeakable losses and turn them to joy.

“You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy”

(J
OHN
16:20).

Initially when we experience a significant loss, we can plunge into depths of grief and have difficulty “coming up for air.” Then eventually, after we surface, we are simply treading water, not swimming toward a real destination. The reason is called
grief.
When you feel engulfed with grief, realize that you have a Deliverer who will keep you from drowning in the depths of despair.

“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters”

(P
SALM
18:16).

Place a check mark (√) next to all that apply to your situation:

Do you feel alone and isolated?

Do you feel that you are mechanically going through the motions of life?

Do you feel resentful toward God for allowing your loss?

Do you ask, “
Why?
” over and over again?

Do you feel overwhelmed, not knowing what to do or where to turn?

Do you feel emotionally distraught because of your loss?

Do you have frequent daydreams about your loss?