Igniting Ash (10 page)

“People expect more than I can give.”

Her hand moved to his cheek. “You have no idea what you can give until you try. I bet you’d be happier if I did just want sex from you, huh? You know how to deal with that. Am I right? Here’s the thing though, I’m not the kind of person to demand anything from you. A coffee and chat every now and again will suit me fine.” She smiled.

Jesus, she turned him inside out already. His world grew warped and fuzzy around her. It also brightened and bloomed. “The coffee is awful where I go. But then I’ve heard the hot chocolate is far worse.”

She dropped her hand, her smile growing wider. “Really?”

He gave in a little. “I’m not used to interacting with people like this, Emma. I got frustrated. I got annoyed, and I didn’t—
don’t,
know how to deal with those feelings. They simmered and got bigger until they boiled over.”

“Let’s go and talk about it.” She checked her watch. “I finish here in five minutes. We can go and get coffee someplace new.”

Chapter 10

Ema

“I thought we were getting a drink,” Emma said as she climbed out of Asher’s car.

Asher grinned, pointing at his bookshop. “I do own a coffeemaker, and besides the fact that it’ll be nicer than the sludge at the cafe, I’d like our conversation to be between us. Not the entire shop.”

Apprehension weighed heavy upon her chest, and at the same time a zing of excitement had her smiling. The fact that he wanted to show her where he lived was a step forward for them. He fought with his emotions when it came to their growing friendship; he didn’t seem to know what to do with her. She was willing to go at his pace, willing to let him lead, because there was something between them. She would regret not exploring it.

“It had better be good,” she teased as he opened the door to his bookshop. The bell rang above the door, chiming again when she closed it behind them. He didn’t turn the light on, instead he walked toward the counter, beckoning for her to follow him with a crook of his finger.

Why did she have to find that one small action so hot?

Swerving around a pile of books, she walked around the counter and into the back of the shop. Asher flicked a switch, the light illuminating the stairs, and his next move had her holding her breath. The crook of his finger was hot but she wasn’t prepared for the sensations that flooded her when Asher held his hand out for her to take.

Emma didn’t hesitate. She reached out, placing her palm against his, enjoying the warmth of his touch as tingles erupted up her arm.

“It’s just up here,” he said, his voice deep and gruff. The tingles went wild. “It’s not much.”

“But it’s yours, Asher. That’s more than many people can say.”

He gave her fingers a quick squeeze. “I just didn’t want you expecting…things.”

“I don’t expect anything. Except a decent drink, that is.”

Asher shot her a smile before opening the door to his flat. After ushering her inside he stayed behind her, allowing her to see the small space where he lived. She could feel his anxiety while he waited for her to speak. She didn’t understand why he was so worried, the flat was clean and tidy, the space big enough for one person. Much like the shop downstairs, books were piled in the corner or on shelves. Six huge ones functioned as a missing leg for the well-used coffee table. His space was small, but Emma felt comfortable. It was lived in and…soft. A strange description, but it was the one word that sprang to mind no matter where she looked.

“Asher, it’s lovely.”

He snorted from behind her, his feet shuffling on the hardwood floor. “Not the kind of place you’re used to.”

Irritated by his response, she exhaled and started to turn around. Asher’s hands clutched her shoulders, halting her movements. She swallowed, the chemistry flowing between them became suffocating when he touched her.

“You don’t—”

“Let me take your coat.”

The sweep of his hand in her hair made his fingertips caress her neck. She closed her eyes, her body lighting up from the one tiny touch. The sigh that escaped her lips wasn’t intended, and she had no idea how the hell she was going to explain the slip to him.

Thankfully, Asher didn’t ask. He removed her coat, dragging it far too slowly down her arms before he hooked it behind the door. “I’ll get you that drink.”

Facing him, she held up her hands, hoping to stall his retreat. “Wait. Seriously, Asher, what kind of person do you think I am? I don’t care about all this—not that there’s anything wrong with your home. I came here because you asked me to. Not to analyse your possessions.”

He winced. “Shit. Em, I’m sorry. I told you I didn’t have much experience at this.” He gestured between them.

“Don’t second guess me. You have no idea what I expected here, or what I’m used to. Please stop assuming things about me.”

Thoroughly told off, Asher nodded and walked across the room to the small kitchenette. He lifted the electric kettle. “I’ll start now then. Hot chocolate or coffee?”

“Depends,” she said biting back a smile. “How bad is the hot chocolate in this place?”

Asher snorted and shook his head. “I don’t know. It could be bloody awful because I don’t make it often.”

“I’ll have coffee instead then.”

Feeling rather awkward just standing in the middle of his flat, she walked through the room toward him. As she moved she took in the shelves of books and knick-knacks. There were no photos. That simple observation saddened her. He wasn’t joking when he said he wasn’t used to interacting with friends. “Asher, do you have any pictures of Ike?”

His hand stilled, hovering over the mug with a spoonful of sugar. “Why?”

“It’s that pesky
friends
thing again. We kinda share important points in our lives. I’d like to know about the man who helped you. The man who gave you his shop.”

“I wasn’t sure you’d still want to know after my outburst.” He paused and poured the hot water from the kettle into the mugs. “For the record, I really am sorry about that.”

The urge to comfort him gripped her hard, and even though she wasn’t sure what kind of reaction she’d get, she reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. His muscles bunched underneath his T-shirt, but he didn’t shrug her off. Taking it as a small sign, she took one step closer and smoothed her hand down his arm. Asher shuddered.

“We could talk about that. If you wanted.”

He turned, his head hung. “But why? Why do you need that from me?”

Emma wanted to weep at the sadness that flowed from him. She kept her hand on his arm and placed the other on his shoulder. Their thighs touched, both so close they were breathing the same air. Her body began to respond, her nipples tightening against the cup of her bra and the once steady thump of her heart was now somewhat erratic. It was a reaction she’d read about in books and had longed for her entire adult life. It wasn’t the first time she’d been aroused. This with Asher though, this complete overload to her body, was new, unexpected, and utterly thrilling. Nevertheless, it wasn’t quite the interaction she’d dreamed of. Right now there were no breathless kisses, urgent gropes and heated thrusts.

It was Asher.

Hurt, unsure, and locked up so tight she was going to have to wage a war to get through. And she was going to. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind. He had been the one person she’d thought to call when she needed help with Gabe. To her that spoke volumes. Asher was growing very important to her. She just had to make him see that.

“I don’t
need
that, Asher. It’s truly not that important. The reason I ask is because Ike was very important to you. He was instrumental in altering the course of your life. Because of that I’d like to know about him. He changed you. That must be something you like remembering.”

Lifting his gaze, he looked at her through a fringe of messy, dark hair. “My memories aren’t nice places. I don’t visit and you shouldn’t either.”

“But Ike is a good one, isn’t he?” She lifted her hand to cup his face. His eyes grew wide, no doubt mirroring her own. She hadn’t planned to be so tactile with him. Yet now it was happening without conscious thought. It was natural.

“He was the greatest part of my life,” he whispered, his lips so very close to hers. “But now he’s not here. I’m back to relying on myself.”

“You have Ben. And now me. You’re not completely alone.”

Asher pulled away, exhaling loudly. He went back to making the coffee, their moment bursting like a bubble. “How’s the kid doing?” His voice was scratchy, raw.

Emma didn’t like the change of conversation, but she allowed it. He needed the distance. Maybe she did too. Something was flowing between them. It increased each time they were together, coiling low in her belly and causing her knees to weaken. She tried to play it cool with him, even though she was completely out of her depth.

“He’s doing okay. Considering.” She shrugged and sat down on the edge of the couch. “Social services have contacted his family. He lives with his father and brother. They don’t think it’s a safe environment for him, but no one is accepting responsibility for what happened. His father said he hangs with the wrong crowd. I want him to come back to the shelter when he gets discharged. He keeps dodging the question. Funny how I keep facing that wall of silence from the males in my life.”

“I’m sure he has his reasons.”

Emma ground her teeth, frustration tensing her muscles. During the night she’d thought through the things she knew about Asher, along with replaying the interactions they’d had as children. She saw so many similarities between Gabe and Asher, and she found it hard to understand why they both protected the person who’d hurt them. Even years after, Asher was still closed so tight, making it hard for anyone to really get close to him. She hadn’t been there to help him when he needed her, and she’d already resolved to be there now as well as helping Gabe when he needed it most. They could probably aid one another. If they allowed it.

“I’m sure he does. But remaining in a place that is risking your life isn’t a good choice. Especially when he has better options.”

Asher shook his head as he walked over to her and handed her a mug of coffee. He waited until he sat across from her before he spoke. “You don’t know who did that to him. Maybe his father’s right. Even if he isn’t, the issue is Gabe’s. To you the shelter is the better option. To him it could actually be worse.”

“Ash—”

“Emma, no. Just listen. I don’t want to argue with you. I don’t want to have to apologise again. I want you to trust me when I tell you that Gabe is doing his best in this situation. You think that’s bullshit. I assure you it isn’t. He’s probably spent most of his life calculating his next steps—working out what he has to do to make it through the day. I bet one of those decisions is saving his world from being turned upside down.”

“Are you serious?” She scowled at him, her temper flaring. “Are you saying that he won’t leave whoever is abusing him because it will
inconvenience
him? That’s a ridiculous argument!”

“You don’t get to say whether it’s ridiculous. Whatever is happening to Gabe hasn’t ever happened to you, so your view on this is warped. Besides, maybe he wants to go home because his family isn’t the problem.”

Anger burned in her blood stream. She banged the mug onto the coffee table, not caring that the liquid sloshed out onto the battered wood. “And because you’ve been through similar things then your view isn’t jaded? I would argue the exact opposite.”

Asher sneered, his top lip curling. Emma hated the way his expression changed. It didn’t suit him.

“We are not talking about me.”

“Why not? You, more than anyone, can help Gabe right now. You can show him that he won’t be hurting forever—that he has a really great future in front of him. You can tell him what Ike did for you, because that’s what the shelter is trying to do for him. We’ll do anything not to have to sit by and watch him go back to whoever abuses him. You can help, Ash.”

Asher stood abruptly, his hand clenched at his sides. “Emma, this is your crusade. Not mine.”

“It’s not a crusade,” she responded, completely offended by his comment. “It’s what I do. I help people.”

His dark, brown eyes bore into her and he tilted his head a little to the side. “Are you helping me, Em? Am I part of your plan?”

Her guts lurched. She wouldn’t allow him to think he was a project. She really did start out with the best of intentions, and those were to help Gabe, maybe healing Asher a bit in the process.

Emma went to him, reaching up to cup his cheeks with both of her hands. Asher pulled away at first, rearing his head back and evading her touch. She persisted, keeping her hands high and her fingertips near his stubbled jaw. “Asher, stop! Please, stop.” She softened her tone, relaxed her hands. “Just listen to me. This is about Gabe, and what’s happening to him. Please listen.”

Asher stilled but didn’t meet her gaze.

“I thought—still think, that you can help him. You’re not a project, nor am I making you get involved. I’m sorry if you think that.”

Upset that the entire conversation had gone so wrong, she started to walk away. Asher grabbed her hand, stopping her retreat. She remained facing the door with their fingers interlocked. Her heart crashed against her chest, her breaths speeding up.

“I…I can’t talk about before,” he said in nothing more than a whisper. “It’s too much. I’ve never spoken about it. I wouldn’t be helping the kid.”

“You would. When he sees where you came from.” She turned to face him, their hands still joined.

“Don’t. You have no idea. This isn’t something you can drag up and expect me to be okay about. It’s been so good seeing you again, but you know I have boundaries.”

“And I can’t cross them, even to help Gabe?”

Asher shook his head in confirmation. Her chest tightened. He wasn’t being selfish. Asher really had trouble talking about his childhood, and that made her heart clench painfully. Growing up was far worse for him than she had suspected.