I'm Not in Love (Once Upon a Winter Book 2) (10 page)

‘You know you’re not funny, don’t you?’

Hannah grinned. Then she was serious. ‘Look, I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to snipe at you and none of it was your fault.’

‘I’m sorry too. I’m not sorry for not being joined at the hip to you, but I am sorry for snapping when I got home. I suppose we were both a bit the worse for wear.’

‘I know I was…’ Hannah looked up from the marmalade she was spreading generously over her toast. ‘So… spill the beans about Ross. Was he worth it?’

‘Was he worth what?’

‘What was he like? Does the reality deliver what the package suggests or are there trade description issues?’

‘I wish you’d just ask a straight question. I didn’t have sex with him, if that’s what you’re hinting at.’

‘You didn’t?’

‘No.’

Hannah took a sip of her coffee. ‘Blimey.’

Gina frowned. ‘You always assume the worst of me, don’t you?’

‘Of course not. Anyway, would you care if I did?’

‘A little bit, yeah. I know I was joking about having sex with Ross before we went out but that didn’t mean I was going to. I work fast but I do have some scruples you know.’

‘So… what did happen?’

‘I really have to spell it out for you?’

‘You were just having a chat?’

A slow smile spread over Gina’s face. ‘Honestly? I probably would have had sex with him in the car last night if he’d let me – I was that drunk. But he was the sweetest thing. He said he didn’t want to, not like that, and he said he didn’t want a one night stand with me because he liked me too much for that and he didn’t want anything that might start between us to be ruined by a drunken fumble.’

‘So there wasn’t even drunken fumbling?’

‘Well, there was a little bit of that, but… you know… not a little bit of
that
.’

‘And do you think something might start between you?’

Gina gave a slight shrug. ‘Who knows?’

‘But you like him?’

‘Of course I do; he’s gorgeous and funny and very sweet. But he’s also a lot younger than me. We could fool around, but where is it going really?’

Hannah was thoughtful for a moment as she poured Gina a cup of coffee from the pot. It seemed that Gina’s situation almost echoed her own. She and Mitchell liked each other – more than that – but with so much stacked against them, where could it go?

‘Maybe I’d rather like the fooling around bit, though,’ Gina added.

‘I think he wants more than that.’

‘Possibly. So, what do you think?’

Hannah blew out a long breath. ‘I think I’m the last person on earth who should be giving out relationship advice.’

‘You think it’s a non-starter?’

‘I don’t know. What does your heart tell you?’

Gina threw her a withering look. ‘Trust you. Since when did my heart ever steer me right? Look at what happened with Howard…’

Hannah pushed the empty plate away and reached for her coffee mug. She was still so hungry she could eat it all over again. ‘You might have a point there. Sometimes life doesn’t give a shit about what your heart wants.’

Gina folded her arms. ‘So… what happened to you last night? Why the dramatic exit?’

Hannah sipped her coffee. In the cold light of day she felt such an idiot for her behaviour the previous evening, but Gina had been honest with her, and perhaps she owed it to Gina to be honest in return. Besides, she needed to talk it through with someone and there was no one else she could trust.

‘Did you see Mitchell and Martine come in?’ she asked.

Gina stared at her. ‘No way! They came to the party?’

Hannah nodded. ‘They know the hotel owners apparently. They decided to come and sit at our table. I don’t know where you’d got to at that point but I guess you’d already gone out with Ross, or at least you were too preoccupied to notice. Mitchell saw you, though, or so Martine told me.’

‘I never saw them at all.’

‘They had probably come after me by the time you went back into the ballroom.’

‘I’m not really firing on all cylinders this morning, so you might have to go at remedial speed for me.’

‘Mitchell said some things… it all got a bit weird.’

‘What sort of things?’

Hannah wrinkled her nose. ‘Odd things. I wasn’t even sure what he meant. But I had a feeling that what he meant was trouble, and I needed to get away from him, because it just wasn’t right. Suddenly I was having a shit time and I really didn’t want to be around him – around anyone, and certainly not in the middle of a crowded ballroom. I came to look for you to tell you and… well, you know. Anyway, when I left, Mitchell must have followed me straight out and he caught up with me on the road. Without Martine. And he told me all this stuff again… about how he didn’t want to be with Martine and how he wanted to be with me.’

‘He told you that!’

‘Sort of. And then he kissed me. I mean,
kissed
me.’

‘Bloody hell!’

‘Yeah, my thoughts exactly.’

‘What else? What did he say about Martine? Is he going to leave her?’

‘He said he didn’t want to be with her but he never said he was leaving her. We didn’t really have time to discuss it further than that because she turned up in the car to find him and she was pissed as a fart as well.’

‘Bloody hell!’ Gina repeated.

‘Quite. What the fudge do I do?’

‘I take it Martine doesn’t know about any of this.’

‘No. That bugs me too. If he feels like that, don’t you think he should tell her?’

‘Well I’m sure last night wasn’t the right moment for that sort of news. She had just broken about fifty laws driving out to find him and she was probably in a less rational state than she would normally be.’

‘Maybe, but I’m sure there must have been plenty of right moments over the past few weeks. He says he hasn’t been feeling right since the accident.’

‘There’s your answer. He must have needed her. Think about it.’

‘I am, and I still think he needs to be honest with her.’

Gina shrugged. ‘So you’re blowing him off?’

‘Yes.’

‘Harsh.’

‘How can I trust him? I barely know him and this… I don’t know what to make of it.’

‘What does your heart tell you?’ Gina smiled, echoing Hannah’s own words.

‘My heart is a moron,’ Hannah replied as she plonked her mug on the table. ‘I think my track record is proof of that.’

Gina leaned back in her chair and stretched. ‘So I guess neither of us is any the wiser. I think the only thing to do in this situation is head back to bed for a nap.’

Hannah smiled. ‘God; that does sound good. I’ve had the crappiest night’s sleep ever.’

‘And I’ve had about four hours, so I reckon I’ll see you in another four or so.’

Hannah laughed. ‘You’ve had way more than four hours!’

‘Really? It only feels like four.’

‘That’s called a hangover.’

Gina gave her a weak grin before pushing herself out of the chair. ‘I don’t know about that, but I do know that I really need to lie down again before I fall down.’

‘Go on. I’ll just clear up down here first,’ Hannah replied, knowing that really, it was pointless going back to bed the way her thoughts were flirting around her head – there’d be no sleep for her no matter how tired she was or how much of a hangover she was still nursing.

Gina headed for the door. ‘You’re welcome to that little job.’

Hannah called her back and she stopped in her tracks.

‘Yeah?’ she asked, turning to face her.

‘Thanks,’ Hannah said. ‘For listening to my dramas.’

‘Hey… isn’t that what sisters are for?’

‘You mean they’re not there to cut off your hair when your parents are out, steal your Barbie dolls and hide them in the neighbour’s compost heap and generally make your childhood a living hell?’

‘Oh yes, that too,’ Gina grinned. ‘See you later, sis.’

*

The rest of the weekend flew by and before either of them had time to think about it, Gina was packing. At least, that was what she told Hannah she was doing, but Hannah wasn’t convinced that running around like a donkey with its tail on fire could be called packing.

‘Have you seen my handbag?’ she yelled down the stairs to where Hannah was shoving her smalls into the washing machine.

‘No!’ Hannah called back. ‘Where did you last see it?’

‘If I knew that I wouldn’t be asking!’ Gina shouted.

Hannah pursed her lips and flicked the dial on the machine. There was no point in getting involved; Gina would eventually remember what she’d done with it once she calmed down enough to think straight. She’d been in a state of agitation all morning, and it was probably something to do with Ross’s visit the night before.

‘Ross will be here any minute!’ Gina called, confirming Hannah’s suspicions.

‘So?’

‘I don’t want to keep him waiting while I run around looking like an idiot.’

‘You must be in love…’ Hannah muttered, ‘you never cared about keeping me waiting.’

Gina and Ross were an item. Not officially – which was a prickly situation that nobody wanted to tackle this early on – but he had been to see Gina as soon as she’d allowed him, and they’d disappeared out together for a walk to talk things over. Hannah didn’t know where, or what they’d got up to other than talking (some things a sister really didn’t want to know) but on their return, Hannah had to admit that it had been a long time since she’d seen Gina look so happy. Whether that would last once Ross’s parents found out was a different matter entirely.

A series of thuds on the stairs reminded Hannah of what it had been like to live with Gina when they were kids, and with a speed that Hannah was shocked Gina still possessed, she appeared in the kitchen.

‘Just popping out to the shed,’ she panted.

‘What for?’

‘I think my handbag is in there.’

Hannah stared at her. She shook her head slowly. ‘I don’t even want to know why that could be possible.’

‘Had to make a phone call,’ Gina replied.

‘And you had to do it from the shed?’

‘It was kinda private, and it was too cold to stand in your garden.’

‘Yes, because the shed is lovely and toasty warm…’ Hannah’s sarcasm was wasted on Gina, who was already on her way out of the back door. ‘Weird…’ she added to herself. It didn’t take a genius to work out that Ross was the recipient of her private phone call, despite having seen him only hours before.

Gina returned a few moments later with her handbag and a triumphant grin.

‘Why didn’t you just take your phone out there, instead of the whole lot?’ Hannah began, but then, ‘never mind… I don’t need to know.’

There was a knock at the front door. Hannah glanced up at the clock. ‘Bang on time. I still don’t know why I couldn’t take you to the station.’

‘We thought we’d save you a job, that’s all,’ Gina said as she followed Hannah through to the hall. ‘Ross was free and it seemed like a good idea.’

‘It’s very nice of him to offer, but he must be sick of chauffeuring us around.’

‘I don’t think so,’ Gina said brightly.

Of course not
, Hannah thought.
At least not one of us anyway
. It was silly, but Hannah felt redundant and a little hurt that Gina had asked Ross to take her to the station instead of her. Hannah always did it (apart from when her car had been out of action and that was hardly her fault). But of course they wanted to grab another few moments alone together. Hannah could hardly blame them for that. Those moments would be few and far between, and fraught with difficulty if their relationship made it into serious territory. And the way they seemed besotted with each other already, that seemed like a pretty safe bet.

Ross stood with an awkward grin at the front door and an uncertain blush in his cheeks. He looked like an overgrown schoolboy getting ready to ask a sixth former out on a date. Which wasn’t really far from the truth, Hannah reflected wryly.

‘Morning!’ he said, immediately glancing behind Hannah to where Gina stood with an equally soppy look on her face.

‘Good morning, Ross,’ Hannah said. ‘She’s right here…’
as it’s obviously not me you’re interested in…

Gina kissed him as he stepped inside. ‘Thanks for giving me a lift; you’re a gem.’

‘It’s no problem. Are you ready?’

‘The train’s not for ages, is it?’ Hannah asked. ‘You don’t have to go just yet, do you?’

‘I wanted to get there early,’ Gina replied, glancing furtively at Ross. But not so furtively that Hannah didn’t see it and understand its meaning straightaway.

Right
… so they wanted to pull over somewhere and have a chat… or whatever… Hannah couldn’t blame them for that either, considering that they didn’t know when Gina would next be here, or whether Ross was quite ready for a trip to Birmingham and all that represented in their budding new relationship. She supposed she’d feel the same way too, and she’d want to make the most of any stolen moments. Her thoughts strayed to Mitchell… but then she pushed them firmly out of her mind. Stolen moments anywhere with him were strictly off-limits from now on.

She reached for Gina and gave her a quick hug. ‘Do you have all your stuff?’

‘It’s not like I can’t get it back if I don’t, is it?’ Gina smiled. ‘Unless you’re planning a car boot sale?’

‘I might,’ Hannah grinned. ‘You have some dresses that I’m sure would fetch a couple of quid.’

‘Help yourself, then,’ Gina winked. ‘Thanks for a brilliant, if slightly surprising, weekend.’

‘I should be thanking you for coming,’ Hannah said. ‘I’m going to miss you next week.’

‘It won’t be long until I’m back for good.’

‘I hope so,’ Hannah said, unexpected tears springing to her eyes. ‘I really can’t wait until you’re down the road.’

‘Me neither.’ Gina turned to Ross. ‘We’d better get going.’

He nodded.

‘Look after her,’ Hannah told him, and she hoped he understood that she meant so much more than just the trip to the station.

*

There was a time when Hannah would have found cleaning the house therapeutic, a chance to lose herself in the task and solve whatever problem was bothering her. But today, alone again after Gina’s departure the day before, and with her head whirling from the sort of weekend that would try the easiest going person, housework wasn’t having its usual effect on her nerves. Hannah switched off the hoover and wandered into the kitchen to put the kettle on. She didn’t really want tea, but made it anyway. After raiding the biscuit tin for something to go with it, and then feeling guilty about the number of biscuits she’d eaten before she remembered to stop herself, Hannah decided to go and run a bath. She felt like an autumn leaf, spinning to the ground, buffeted by whatever winds decided to snatch it from its course and hurl it who knew where. Perhaps for the first time in her life, Hannah felt powerless to influence her own course.