In Too Deep (3 page)

Three

When I woke up, only a few hours after drowning in heartache, Noah was gone. I wasn’t sure if a person could die from a broken heart, but as I floated between conscious and dream state, scenes from the last year with Noah flashed across the insides of my eyelids. I chose the scenes I would relive. I started from the beginning when things were good.

June, Summer before Sophomore Year

“Oh no. You close with Noah tomorrow night.” Marie almost dropped her tray of glasses when she passed the schedule. It was almost two in the morning, and my hands were nearly raw from washing dishes for the last hour. My eyes were blurry and all I could think about was sleep.

“Who’s Noah?”

“He’s this pig-headed, womanizing ass who only talks about the girls he ‘bags’ and the drunken brawls he’s in on a regular basis.”

Great. I had only been working at Murphy’s for a little over a month. There weren’t many seasonal jobs for college kids in McKenzie, Tennessee. But Murphy’s, a quaint little café on Main Street, was hiring closing shift. I took the job at the last minute when nothing else panned out. But that meant I would be there…alone…with “Noah” tomorrow night until two or three in the morning. That didn’t sound creepy. Holy shit. I was scared to death.

Marie could see my sheer terror. It was a small town, and it was no secret why I had earned the title of Most Innocent in my senior yearbook.

“Whoa, Gracie, breathe,” she said. “Just let him know you are madly in love with your boyfriend and he probably won’t bother you.”

Probably?

I called Joel on my way home. I knew he’d be awake. Both of us working closing shifts at different restaurants sounded like Hell, but it made for similar time off for both of us. Joel and I didn’t see each other during the school year. He stayed in McKenzie and went to Tennessee Tech, so chatting in the wee hours of the morning was just one more way to have a couple more minutes with him even if it couldn’t be in person.

“And you work with him, when? Tomorrow night? Babe, I work tomorrow night!” He knew my panic because he felt it, too. His virgin girlfriend of two years would be working alone with a womanizing drunk until all hours of the morning. I knew it would be something Joel wouldn’t take lightly.

“But what can I do? Leaving Marie without a second closer tomorrow night could get me fired, and I just got this job!”

Joel sighed. “I just wish we
didn’t
work the same shifts so I could be there when you worked with him. I would just sit and eat pizza all night so I could keep my eye on this…Noah.”

“I know you would.” I giggled.

My stomach churned just imagining how nauseating Noah must be. I could only imagine how foul he was by the way Marie grimaced when she described him.

The next night at work, I was a mess. It was like everything I did was in slow motion, as if that would lengthen the time before Noah showed up for work. I was getting ready to take a pizza to a table of regulars when I heard the back door open and Mr. Murphy call out, “Well, look who it is. Welcome back!”

I turned slowly, bracing myself for the sight of a guy that could be cast in a creepy indie film—greasy black hair, stubble, skanky teeth, rancid smell.

“Thanks, man,” said Noah as he walked toward me. Everything stopped. He apparently had just showered because his short blond hair was finger-tousled and still a little damp. He wore Aviator glasses and had beautiful white teeth behind a very intriguing cocky grin. He gave me a “hey” and a nod as he sauntered by me to clock in. I was stunned. This couldn’t be “Noah.” He didn’t have greasy black hair, stubble, skanky teeth or a rancid smell. He smelled…delicious.

I actually just described this stranger’s scent as delicious. What the hell?

“Hey, how was spring semester?” asked one of the night cooks whose name I didn’t even know yet.

“You know, beer, girls, beer, throw a punch, study…same old, same old.”

Yep, it was Noah.

“Yeah, I feel ya,” said No-Name cook.

I must have looked like a complete idiot when he walked past me for the third time and I still hadn’t moved from the center of the kitchen floor holding a now slanted pizza tray on my shoulder.

“Uh, darlin’, that pizza’s going to get cold if you don’t take it somewhere.” He slid his Aviators down his nose to reveal a fist-sized, black and blue eye socket. Marie’s description of him rang in my brain. But there was something about those big, brown eyes that kept me captivated one second too long. He raised an eyebrow and something in me clenched. I cleared my throat and turned to serve my table their near-cold dinner.

A nervous energy bounced through my body all night. I mindlessly took orders and served tables until the cash registers were closed out and Mr. Murphy said good bye.

I gasped when I heard the door lock behind him and realized I was now alone with Noah. Of course, that gasp caused me to choke on my own spit. It wasn’t an easy-to-clear kind of choke. It was an all-out
I-can’t-breathe-someone-call-911
kind of choke. I was pretty sure I was going to die. Well, at least then I wouldn’t be awake to see what a womanizing ass does to the town’s virgin by the light of a full moon.

Noah jumped around the corner. “Hey…hey! What’s going on?” He put an open hand across my chest by my collarbone, and he used the other hand to thump my back in an attempt to dislodge what he
thought
was something stuck in my throat. My body hummed with an indistinct undercurrent. My skin warmed right beneath the hand on my chest that kept me still. I was sure these overwhelming sensations were a result of what felt like near-death panic.

I shook my head and wiped my eyes. He took his hands off my body and took a step back. The undercurrent dissipated, and I breathed in slowly and calmly, trying to clear my throat. It seemed to work a little.

I looked up just as Noah handed me a cup he’d grabbed from the counter. I took a huge gulp, to clear my throat before I embarrassed myself further by dying at Murphy’s. A sharp sting offended my taste buds followed by an unfamiliar heat that made its way down to my toes, and once again, I was gasping for air.

“What is that?” I said as I wiped my mouth with a grease-stained sleeve and shoved the cup back at him.

“This? Ha…” He kind of scoffed arrogantly like I should just know. “It’s my man, Jim Beam…Jimmy will fix what ails ya! You want more?”

He drinks at work.

“No!” That sounded harsh. “Thank you for helping me, but I am not much of a drinker, and right now, nothing
ails
me.”

I walked away to pour myself some water from the soda fountain around the corner. It was a small little nook that I could use to gather myself before finishing up in the kitchen. I leaned back against the counter, trying to calm my nerves. I cleared my throat a couple times and started to feel like I may survive the evening. Noah rounded the corner and leaned against the opposite counter, which only put about eighteen inches between us. He crossed his legs at his ankles and smiled. And there he was…Noah…just looking at me, and he radiated a subtle warning that could no longer go unnoticed. The same bad boy current that had an unexpected effect on me a couple minutes ago. He needed to knock it off.

“Not much of a drinker?”

“Nope.”

He nodded with a grin stuck at one corner of his mouth. That’s when I realized all the inner vibrations weren’t Noah’s fault. It was my body’s reaction to him. I smiled, turned quickly, and walked toward the mess waiting for me by the sink. The sooner I got the dishes done, the sooner I could escape this unsettled feeling I had. Initially, I thought all the humming through my body was a reaction to the fear of almost choking to death. But I don’t remember fear being so positively exhilarating. When my little sister jumped out from behind the coat rack, I didn’t feel positive or exhilarated, I felt like I could mortally wound her.

“You mind if we listen to some tunes?” he called, making me jump when he yelled from the other side of the kitchen, “or are you not much of a music-listener either?”

“Music’s fine.” Was he trying to be funny? It made him sound like a jerk.

“Good, because I was going to play it no matter what you said.”

What the hell was that?

He blasted AC/DC’s “Shook Me All Night Long” so loud, I forgot I was annoyed. There was something in the guitar riffs that shot images of Joel throwing back a beer and watching me dance. I wondered if I could rattle anyone as much as Noah was rattling me. I pushed that thought away when I realized it was no longer Joel, but Noah watching me dance in my mind. I got back to the dirty dishes and pizza pans. The thought of Noah’s hands on me was still making my knees weak. Or maybe I was just exhausted.

Four

Saturday, Morning After the Formal

There was a noise in my room that brought me out of the state I wanted to stay in forever; my own little reality. It was a gentler place to live. I liked it there.

“Hey, I don’t know what’s going on, but this just came for you.” My roommate, Stacy, had been one of my closest girl friends since 10
th
grade, and we transferred from Martin to Knoxville together. I opened my eyes and her concerned look warmed my heart. She touched my back so lightly it sent shivers under my skin.

When I saw the long white box with the red ribbon, I knew what it was—a beautiful bouquet of
I’m a shithead, please forgive me
roses. No thank you. All of last night’s pain came barreling back. I burst into tears and turned my face away from hers.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

I shook my head and laid still.

“Call me if you need anything.” Her voice was uneasy.

I simply nodded face down into my pillow.

I heard her walk out, grab her keys, and leave the apartment. The dozen or so beers I had throughout the last evening’s events were clawing at my bladder. I rolled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. I couldn’t even look at the shower. Flashes of last night’s activities in there threatened my sanity. I wasn’t sure how I would ever shower there again. I stood up to flush and ended up dry heaving. I knew it wasn’t a hangover. I could count on one hand the number of those I’d ever had. This was a sickness brought on by Noah. Stupid Noah. When I threw myself under Stacy’s bunk and into my bed, I heard a crinkling sound.

My pillow had rustled a hand written note taped to the headboard of my bed.

Beautiful Girl,

Words cannot describe how badly I feel for what I’ve done. I hate myself for hurting you. Please accept these flowers as my heartfelt apology. I promise I will never hurt you again. Please give me another chance. I can’t bear to think of my life without you.

I love you, Noah

P.S. I will be back at noon to get you for lunch with my mom.

His mom.

Last Day of Summer Before Sophomore Year

“Pretzels and hot mustard, just the way you like it, Gracie.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Foster.” I grabbed a pretzel stick and dunked it deep in the mustard.

“When will you drop the
Mrs.
and just call me Karen?”

“Thank you, Karen. It was sweet of you to remember my addiction to hot mustard.”

She set the tray on Noah’s desk and walked over to me. She put her hands on my upper arms and squeezed a little as she looked me square in the face. “Would it be strange for us to have lunch during the semester while you are still close by?”

“Yes,” Noah called from inside his closet.

“Noah! Shut up. No, Mrs.—I mean, Karen. It wouldn’t be weird at all. I would love to have lunch with you.”

She dove in for a hug like she was surprised I said yes. Noah rolled his eyes and walked over to his bed with an armful of jeans. I adored this woman. She and I hit it off right from the beginning. Noah didn’t seem all that close to either of his parents. He was the youngest of five boys and by the time the older four were out of the house, Mr. and Mrs. Foster had missed their chance to really bond with Noah. So I guess she enjoyed my reaction to her because she was just craving some teenager love. Whatever it was, I was happy I could be it for her.

“Well then, we will have to schedule some lunch dates. All right, I will let the two of you pack. Noah, we are leaving in three hours so you need to speed it up a bit.”

“Yep.” Noah nodded but didn’t look up.

Three hours. I had fallen for Noah so quickly. It didn’t seem like we’d been together long enough to withstand a five-hour distance.

“Can you hand me the stack of shirts, babe?”

I scooped up his t-shirts and buried my nose in them as I walked over to where he was filling a huge duffle bag.

“They smell like you.”

“Who else would they smell like?” He turned and kissed me on the forehead. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, he was holding a shirt out in front of me.

“What? You don’t want to take this one? It’s your favorite.” I draped the shirt over my arm and traced the letters with my finger.
Parker Hill High School Senior.

“Yeah. But so are you. You can wear it when you miss me.”

We had only been officially dating for a couple weeks but it seemed like much longer. Each day we were together we got closer and closer, and he was leaving. I was trying to syphon sanity from the fact that I would be transferring from UT Martin to UT Knoxville in January. We only had to go one semester as a long-distance couple.

“What’s wrong?” Noah zipped his bag and threw it on the floor.

“I just—”

He threw a couple blankets, a fan and some socks into a box on the floor.

“Hand me the packing tape?” He looked up just as a tear rolled down my cheek. “Whoa, whoa. Gracie-girl, why the tears? You’re coming to visit in a month, right?”

I nodded, embarrassed I was crying in front of him. I kept my head down and wrung my hands trying to focus on swallowing the lump in my throat so I could speak.

“Listen. I’m not going to get to Knoxville and forget you. Is that what you’re worried about?”

“I guess, a little.” I whispered just as a sob slipped out.

“Gracie,” He tripped over the box in his urgency to get to me. “Gracie, look at me.” He held my head so all I could see was his face. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. You’ve got nothing to worry about. I will be counting down the days until you get there. I love you.”

I completely inhaled the next sob when he said those three words.

“I do, Gracie. I love you hard. I am yours. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

I thrust myself to my toes and threw my arms around his neck. “I love you, too, Noah.”

I laid my head on his chest and he rocked me from side to side for I don’t know how long.

I crumpled the note I found on my headboard into a tiny ball and threw it across the room. What was he thinking? As much as I’d love to see her, I couldn’t do lunch with his mom. I ran to the bathroom, dry heaved then ran upstairs to Jake and Sam’s apartment.