Incompatibly Yours: Charity Anthology Supporting Fertility Research (23 page)

"It definitely didn't include that, but I'm not going to tell you what it was because I'll keep that for another date."

Her brows rise. "Oh, you think there will be more dates?"

Smirking, I reply, "You're living in deep denial if you think there won't be any more dates. For one, you've got a fuckload of practise to take care of, and for two, you are so far gone on me that the word no has been wiped from your memory."

Her laughter floats through the warm summer air. "You forgot number three."

My turn to raise my brows. "And what's number three?"

Goddess mode returns as she stretches to whisper in my ear. "Let's just say that more dates would help me decide whether clothes will be needed going forward."

Fuck me. I love goddess mode.

Chapter Seven

JULIETTE

I take the last few steps up to my front door before turning around to face Tanner. He doesn't give me time to even think about what I'm going to say—his arms circle me and he pulls me close so he can plant a long kiss on my lips.

He tastes like heaven. Well, that's not really true, but it may as well be heaven because I could live in his embrace, with his mouth on mine, forever. I'm so stubborn, though, that it pains me to admit I was wrong about him. I thought this date would go the complete opposite to the way it has. Tanner has well and truly shown me a side to him I would never have expected.

"Are you free tomorrow?" he asks when he ends the kiss.

My brain works fast and I decide I need to take back some control of this. "No, I have work all day." It's a lie, and as much as I detest doing it, I feel it's necessary. I need some time to get my thoughts together about him.

He narrows his eyes at me. "Really?"

Well, shit, I suck at lying when interrogated. I take a deep breath. "No, but I want some space to figure stuff out."

"What's there to figure out?"

"You." I'm as honest as I can be now. I've never been the kind of woman who plays games.

"I think you need me around if you want to figure me out. I'm happy to come over and help you with that." He grins at me, and I realise he's trying to lighten the mood. I've been so tightly wound over him since the day we first met that I haven't been able to see his casual side for what it is.

Placing my hand on his chest, I attempt to gently push him away. He resists at first but then grants me my wish. "I'm honestly not trying to jerk you around." I turn serious again. "I just need some time to think."

"Sweetheart, I'm not asking for a commitment here; let's just have some fun."

His words cause me to snap back to reality.
He just wants fun, Juliette, nothing more.
Disappointment slides through me, and all I want to do is go inside and shut myself away from him. I paste a smile on my face. "Thank you for tonight, it was definitely fun."

He frowns. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."
Please don't make me elaborate. I just want to go inside.

"Why do I get the feeling I just fucked up somehow?" He tries to move closer to me again, but I shuffle back.

"No, you didn't. I'm just tired." I'm not lying. It's not his fault that I misread his intentions. I should have realised all he wanted was some fun.

He watches me for a few moments, contemplating what I said, and then nods. "Okay, you go get some sleep. I'll call you tomorrow." He kisses me once more before waiting for me to go inside.

After a beat, I turn and enter my house. As the door closes behind me, I sag against it.

This was not how I was supposed to be feeling after that date. I was supposed to be coming home to a long bath and some work, with Tanner Brady firmly out of my mind. Yet here I am, upset because I'm not sure I
can
put him out of my mind.

★★★

The next morning, I wake after a fitful sleep that has only made me more tired than I already was. Thanks to my lack of sleep, I've started my day in a cranky mood. When Lesley calls, I snap at her even though she's done nothing to deserve it.

"What's made you so bitchy today?" she asks as I make myself a coffee. Even my kitchen is making me cranky. I've asked my landlord more than a few times to have the dishwasher fixed and he still hasn't organised it. And because I came home last night disappointed, I wasn't in the mood to clean up, so my usually immaculately clean kitchen has dirty dishes piled up in the sink and random items cluttering the cream marble counter. God, even my plant is dying.

"I'm stupid, that's what."

"Why are you stupid?" My sister is used to my irrational outbursts and probably thinks this is just another one of those, but it isn't. This time, I really mean what I say.

"I'm stupid because I'm all over the place about a guy, and I swore I wouldn't do this while I was trying to build my business. The plan was to spend a couple of years working flat out and get the business up and running before even thinking about letting a guy in again. It's just too much of a distraction. And the worst part is that he just wants fun, and I wanted nothing, but now he's made me want something, and he doesn't want anything. Argh!" I stop talking and take a deep breath.

"Jesus, Juliette! What the hell happened? You're doing that bipolar thing you do sometimes and it worries me."

"What bipolar thing?"

I hear her long sigh through the phone. "You're like this amazingly switched-on woman with everything but men. You've got your fifty-million-year plan, you're super organised with your work, your house is always an OCD person's heaven, you schedule your life to an insane level and nothing much ever seems to bother you. You're like this perfect robot. But add a guy in the mix and you turn into this crazy woman."

My first reaction is to tell her where to go, but I respect her too much to do that. I truly dislike people analysing me. I do enough of that myself. But as silence descends on our conversation, I think about what she has said for a moment.

She's right.

Shit.

I sag against the counter and rest one foot on the other. "I do, don't I?" My voice is soft. I don't want to believe I'm a crazy woman around men. All I ever wanted was someone to love me for who I am, and I'm not a crazy person at heart.

"Oh, honey, you sound so depressed. I didn't mean to make you feel that way." Lesley has always been the older sister who looked out for me, and I can hear the compassion in her voice now.

"It's okay, Les. This is stuff I have to face about myself if I want to grow, right?" Even as the words come out, and I truly believe them, I still hate the fact that life is sometimes harder than you want it to be—that you have to face those parts of yourself you might not like, and work on changing.

"It is," she agrees. "So tell me, what happened with Mr Ink? Is he a douche or are you just being crazy?"

I want to declare him a douche, and say it's all him, but I can't. "Tanner is so far from a douche. He's actually an amazing person. But he said he's not looking for a commitment and just wants to have some fun. The problem is that by the end of the date, I wanted more than just some fun. Oh, God, I annoy myself! I didn't want anything, and I was even saying that I needed some space to think, but as soon as he took a relationship off the table, I wanted it. I'm crazy, aren't I?" My insides knot with tension while I'm relaying this story to her. I want to scream at myself to get my shit together.

She chuckles. "It's what us women do, Jules. We run hot and cold half the time. The trick is to find a man who will put up with our crazy. I wonder if you were giving him mixed signals and he just said that because he thought it was what you wanted?"

"I don't think so. He doesn't strike me as the kind of man who doesn't say straight up what he wants."

"Did he ask you on another date?"

"Kind of."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, he did ask me what I was doing today but I told him I needed space to think. And then he said he'd call me today, but he hasn't."

"It's only bloody eight in the morning! You can't expect him to call this early." She's beginning to sound exasperated with me, and I don't blame her.
I'm
exasperated with me.

"You're right."

"Promise me you won't jump to any conclusions before you talk to him."

I don't need to talk to him; I heard him loud and clear last night, but I know she won't let this go until I agree. "Okay. Now you should go and get back to the kids. I'm going to be fine." I feel anything but fine. She, however, does not need to know this.

"I'm going to call you tonight, Jules. I want to make sure you snap out of crazy-woman hell."

Laughing, I agree for her to call and then end the conversation. Taking my coffee and my phone, I traipse into the lounge room and curl up on the couch in front of the television. This is something I never do on a weekday, but it's all I feel like doing today. I need to think about what Lesley said.

My level of crazy around men is silly and I know this, but I'm not sure how to work on it and make it better. Thinking back, it probably started about halfway into my relationship with Jeff. He seemed to grow tired of me at that point and I began questioning him all the time, wanting to make everything better. I wanted to make him happy, and I was hell-bent on changing to be what he needed. At the time, I thought I fixed our relationship, but in hindsight, it dawns on me that was possibly when all our problems started.

Oh, God.

I changed who I was for him and yet it still wasn’t good enough.

In the course of doing all that, I really did switch to irrational behaviour and thoughts in an effort to figure out what was wrong with our relationship.
And what was wrong with me.

After we broke up and I started dating again, every time I found myself interested in a guy, my behaviour turned crazy while I questioned every single thing about the relationship. That's why I decided to put dating on hold. It was far easier to concentrate on my plans without a man around to distract me.

My phone rings, startling me from my thoughts.

"Hello?"

"Hey, sweetheart. How are you?"

Tanner.

Happiness surges through me at the sound of his voice, and I do my best not to expect anything but fun from him. "I'm good, and you?"

"You wanna know the truth or the clean version?" His voice is all gravelly, like he just woke up.

"The truth, of course." I'm actually not really sure what he means by his question, but the truth is always a good thing.

He chuckles. "Just remember you asked for it." He pauses for a moment. "I woke up hard as hell wishing you were here to take care of it."

Desire pools in my core. I've never had a man talk to me this way before. Hell, I've only slept with three guys in my life, and none of them were as forward as Tanner is. "Oh…." I want to die of embarrassment. I'm all tongue-tied and don't know what to say to that. Warmth floods my cheeks as my heart races. And I
still
can't think of anything.

Another chuckle sounds through the phone. "You did ask for the truth. Now, tell me, I know you said you need some thinking space, but if a guy was to drop by for say, half an hour, would that be a reason to pull your hair out or would it be acceptable behaviour?"

"Half an hour would be fine." The words are out before I even think about it. I'm not so sure I should have agreed, but I can't seem to open my mouth and take it back.

"And would it be okay to drop by in about an hour or so?"

The knots inside me tighten. What am I doing, saying yes? But I don't have it in me to say no. I want to see him again. In my confused state, I switch back to cranky Juliette. "Only if you bring me coffee as well. Cappuccino, no sugar." It kind of comes out a little snappish and rude. Hell, maybe in my screwed-up way I'm trying to scare him off. I'm giving up even trying to analyse my own behaviour because clearly, it's erratic and makes no sense.

He doesn't even hesitate. "Done. I'll see you soon." He ends the call and I sit staring at my phone, wondering where this will all end up.

Chapter Eight

TANNER

As I knock on her front door, I wonder whether I'll get her beast mode or her goddess mode today. Either is fine with me—I can roll with whatever she throws my way.

When I'd told her on the phone that I woke up with a raging hard-on, I hadn't been kidding. Waiting to call her was hell, but I hadn't wanted to chance waking her up at six thirty. Then to wait another hour to visit her has almost done me in, but I don't want to scare her off, so I'm trying like fuck to go slow. She asked for space—this is the best I can manage.

"Hey, you," she greets me, a little breathless.

Goddess mode.
To begin with, at least. I know how fast she can turn, so we may still see beast mode.

My gaze roams over her and I wonder if she's trying to kill me here. She knows I'm hard for her and the outfit she's chosen today will test every ounce of restraint I have. Her tiny blue tank and frayed denim shorts that hardly cover anything should be banned from my sight.

When I finally drag my gaze back to hers and give her a smile, it strikes me that she seems a little awkward with me this morning. After she loosened right up last night, I thought maybe we'd moved past this awkwardness, but perhaps not.

I'm torn. I want to kiss her, but she's not giving me any signals that she wants the same.

Ah, fuck it.

I place the coffee I'm holding down on the table next to her front door, step closer, place my hands on her door frame, lean forward, and kiss her. The moment our lips meet, I know this isn't going to go to plan. It was only meant to be a quick kiss, but I can't fucking help myself. Juliette's lips are so damn soft and cause my brain to fire haphazardly so that I forget every thought I had in the moments before kissing her. Now my only thought is that I want more.
I need more.
Jesus, I want the keys to her whole fucking kingdom, but for now I'll settle for a kiss. Just not the kiss I had planned.