Irresistible Fear (2 page)

A lot of her classmates dreamed of the day they could leave this sleepy little town in Mercer County. Sasha was one of the loudest critics of Black Briar. True, there wasn’t a lot to do. The one movie theater was built in the 1940’s and had only one screen. There were a few restaurants, a coffee shop and a book store. Then there was the smattering of tourist’s shops. Being so close to the Appalachian Trail, the town was inundated with hikers and outdoor enthusiasts throughout the summer.

The wind was brisk with the early October chill. Tourist season was still in high gear, with people coming to see the fall colors. But there wasn’t much to do on a Friday night. Emily’s weekends usually consisted of working her part time job or vegging out on Sasha’s couch watching movies.

But Emily couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. She would never admit this to Sasha, picturing the look of horror on her friend’s face at the idea. Emily watched the clouds' shadows dance across the mountains and smiled. Yep, she loved Black Briar and had no desire to leave. Despite the less then idyllic childhood she had experienced here.

They pulled into their school’s parking lot and what little positivity she felt burst like a bubble.  The brick façade was as cold and imposing as a prison.  The thought of having to sit in her classes seemed almost overwhelming.  “Another fun filled day at Nightmare High.” Sasha intoned ominously.  Emily laughed and grabbed her book bag, heading to the front of the building, dodging kids as they moved toward the entrance. 

Once inside, Emily drug her feet as she walked down the already crowded hallway, her book bag felt like a ton of bricks on her back. “God Em, could you look anymore miserable?” Sasha elbowed her in the side. Emily stood up straighter. “Did you remember to study for the Algebra test this afternoon?” Sasha asked as they stopped in front of their lockers. Emily didn’t bother to answer, not wanting to admit that once again she had forgotten. Her mind was so scattered lately, it was no wonder she could barely hold onto her ‘C’ average.

They hadn't originally been beside each other. Emily's first locker neighbor had been a freshman whose name she couldn't remember. But suddenly a week into the school year Sasha had mysteriously taken over the locker, never telling Emily how this miraculous change occurred. Yeah, Sasha typically got what she wanted when she wanted it.

“Hey girls, you heading to English class?”  A voice called behind her.  Emily hurridly pushed her lunch bag into her locker and took out the notebook for her first period class.  She didn’t turn around right away, not wanting to see the desperate look on the face that stood there.  Jeremy Evans, her ex-boyfriend, friend since the first grade. Emily had fallen into a relationship with him last year, mostly out of easiness. But their days as a couple had been numbered from the onset and their relationship had succumbed to the awkwardness of post break up weirdness.  Jeremy was a great guy, dependable, thoughtful, understanding and not bad to look at. With soft brown hair and brown eyes that twinkled when he laughed. He was the perfect guy friend. Emily still could have smacked herself for ruining it with dating.

Jeremy put a hand through his hair, making it stand on end and Emily resisted the familiar urge to straighten it for him. She would have done it before, now it would just be strange. His brown eyes crinkled around the edges as he smiled at her. Emily felt a tug in her gut that was the tell-tale sign of guilt rearing its ugly head.

Yeah, she had viciously broken his heart, though she had never meant for it to happen. They had dated for a little over six months. Jeremy had wanted to get way more serious than Emily had, so after a summer spent in avoidance, she had finally ended it two days before school started. Jeremy had fought with her about it. He then told her he loved her, which sucked because she certainly didn't feel that way about him. Jeremy had completely avoided her for two months, not even making eye contact. It was only in the last week that he started approaching her again. Emily hoped it was a sign that he was ready to be friends again.

“Hey Jeremy, yeah we’re headed that way.”  Emily began to walk down the hall, Sasha and Jeremy falling in step behind her.  “What are you guys doing after school today? Because I was thinking of heading over to the bowling alley to play a game of pool or something.”  Jeremy attempted to be nonchalant and Sasha rolled her eyes behind his back.

Emily's jaw tightened. She looked over her shoulder at him and he wore that expectant look that sucked to shoot down. “That’s a nice offer Jeremy but I’ve got to work this evening. Maybe another time.” Emily said politely as they stopped outside their English class. Emily saw the brief look of hurt that flashed across his face. He hid it quickly. “That’s cool. Just thought you may have the day off with it being your birthday and all.” His smile returned and Emily relaxed.

“I know. What type of person actually works on their birthday? It’s absolutely barbaric.” Sasha said dramatically. Jeremy laughed. “The type that is all work and no play, I guess.” Emily replied with good natured sarcasm.

Jeremy playfully nudged her and walked into the classroom. “Hey, Jeremy. I saved you a seat.” Liz Clindenst called from the back of the room. The perfect cheerleading stereotype patted the desk beside her with a manicured hand. Emily clenched her hands in her coat pockets, resisting the urge to flip the perky brunette off.

“Psh, so pathetic” Sasha smirked, moving past her to their usual seats on the other side of the room. Emily turned her back on Jeremy and Liz and followed Sasha to her seat.

Yeah, every school had one. The pretty, popular girl that reveled in making other females' lives a living hell. Liz was all that in spades. Perfect chestnut brown hair, tiny little waist, double D breasts. In other words, the teenage incarnate of the devil. And of course Emily and Liz hated each other. It had been ingrained since Kindergarten.

“Do you think he likes her?” Sasha asked, leaning on Emily desk, clearly eager to gossip. Emily began taking her notebook and textbook out of her book bag. Emily gave the pair a disinterested look. Jeremy looked freaked out as Liz leaned in closely to talk to him. She had pulled her desk so close to his that she was practically in his lap. The only emotion she felt about it was annoyance and more than a little pity for Jeremy, who had sadly become Liz's latest target.

But knowing Jeremy as well as she did, Emily was sure the attention would make him completely uncomfortable. Jeremy was affable and good looking and more than a little socially awkward, but not normally in Liz Clindenst’s orbit. But seeing as she had already made short work of the entire football team, she was looking elsewhere for fresh meat.

Emily almost chuckled at Liz's attempts at flirting. Jeremy was so uptight when it came to that sort of thing and his face was beat red. He looked as if he wanted to crawl out of his desk and run out of the room. Poor guy.

“Um, I think it’s safe to say he isn’t interested.” Emily said, jerking her thumb in their direction. Sasha covered her mouth to hide her laughter. “Oh that’s just sad.” Sasha shook her head and turned back in her seat. “He can do a lot better than Liz perfect tits Clindenst. That girl is a barracuda.” Emily said with disgust, writing down today’s assignment.

Mr. Miller finally entered the classroom, only ten minutes after the bell today, a handful of loose papers falling in his wake. Emily got up out of her seat and collected the items for him. She laid them on her teacher’s desk. Mr. Miller pushed up his tortoise shell glasses and gave her a distracted smile. “Thanks Erica.” Mr. Miller never got her name right. “Uh, it’s Emily, Mr. Miller. Emily Hilbright.”

Emily felt like she had this conversation with Mr. Miller at least once a week and she had already been in school for over a month. “Oh right. Sorry Emily, now please have a seat.” Mr. Miller busily pushed the papers into a pile on his overcrowded desk. Emily sat back down and waited for him to start today’s lesson.

“Well at least he’s wearing the same color socks today.” Sasha whispered. Emily took in her teacher’s befuddled appearance. Mr. Miller was in his mid-forties and always looked as if he had closed his eyes and picked out his clothes. Nothing ever matched and his shirt tail always hung out the front of his pants.

Emily felt somewhat sorry for him. He was a bachelor and it was rumored that he still lived with his parents.  He was a depressing sort of character and one that was easily preyed on by the teenagers in his class. So Emily usually made an effort at being nice to him. Even if he called her Erica.

“Okay. Okay. Everyone quiet down and please turn to page 211. Today we’re going to start reading Paradise Lost by John Milton.” There was a collective groan and the sound of pages being flipped.

Emily chanced a look back at Jeremy again. He met her eyes and rolled his upwards. Emily couldn't help but grin at him, feeling good at being able to do so without the weirdness. Jeremy smiled in return but quickly looked away. Feeling bad, yet again, Emily looked back toward her teacher. Teen angst was so trite and ridiculous.

She concentrated on the lesson and even answered a few questions. After class she made an excuse to Sasha and walked down the hallway. She ducked out the door and made her way into the side courtyard. Emily sat down under a large maple tree that grew in the middle of the circle of stone benches. She really just needed a moment to herself.

Emily had a hard time being around so many people, even if they were people she had known most her life. Sasha joked that she was agoraphobic and Emily often wondered if she wasn't right about that.

Emily gently pulled her camera out of her book bag and began taking pictures of the grass by her feet; focusing in on the small wildflowers hanging onto life in the face of the approaching winter. She really liked taking pictures of nature. It felt good to focus on anything than what was really going on in her pathetic life.

God she was tired. Sasha was right. She really needed to see someone about what was going on with her. Emily hated to admit it but it worried her a lot. She knew something was off with her and the bad dreams. Of course her hypochondriac mind jumped to thoughts of a brain tumor or something equally horrifying.

“Hey you! You’ll be late for Chem. Come on. You’ll have time for pictures later.” Sasha's voice broke through her morbid thoughts. Emily blinked and quickly capped her camera, shoving it back into its case. Sasha pulled on her hand and Emily stood up. “How can you sit out here? It's freaking freezing!” Sasha rubbed her arms. Emily hadn't even realized that the temperature had dropped considerably since arriving to school that morning. Looking at the sky she wondered if they might get their first snow.

“I will follow you my fearless leader.” Emily said, picking her book bag up off of the ground. Sasha saluted her and made toward the door. “This way then.” Emily laughed and returned to the chaos of high school.

Chapter 2

Another day over and Emily couldn’t be happier.  The hallways of her high school were suffocating.  “What do ya wanna do?”  Sasha asked her, walking backwards.  Emily was waiting for her to trip and fall over.  “I don’t really care.  I don’t have to work until 4:30, so we can just hang out if you want.” 

Sasha smirked. “Busted...I knew you were making excuses to Jeremy.” She pointed at her in mock accusation. Emily shrugged. “Well since we have so much time, I say we cross state lines for something mind altering and completely illegal, then rob a convenience store before high jacking a convertible to head to the beach.” Sasha clapped her hands together in feigned deviousness. “Well, when you put it like that....how can I refuse?” Emily joked back, opening the side of the truck and hopping in.

Sasha started up the engine and joined the line of cars waiting to leave the school. “I don't know that seems a lot of work for an afternoon, and I am starving! So let's rain check on the mayhem and go get a pastry and a coffee. I know there’s got to be something fattening that is just calling my name.” “Much safer choice I think.” Emily responded, nodding very seriously. Sasha's mood changed on a dime and she became absurdly gleeful. “And we’ve got to have something resembling cake to celebrate this most holy of days…the birth of my dear friend Emily.” Sasha clapped in giddy excitement. Sasha became as excited about sweets the way Emily became excited over her pictures. If eating was an art form then it was one that she spent a good deal of time perfecting.

Though you’d never know it to look at her. “I don’t know how you can eat the junk that you do and not balloon up to 300 lbs.” Emily grumbled. Sasha flourished her hands. “Genes my friend, it’s all in the genes.” Emily snorted. She never had the luxury of gorging on candy and junk food.
Her
genes had made it impossible for her to eat anything without gaining five pounds.

Sasha pulled up in front of “Sue’s Café” and the two girls hurriedly went inside. “Man it’s getting way too cold. What happened to summer?” Sasha complained. They occupied a booth near the window a short time later. Emily nibbled on a slice of carrot cake that Sasha insisted she eat. “It’s your birthday! You have to have cake on your birthday.” Sasha was unyielding and despite Emily’s protests, she ended up with a ridiculously large slice in front of her.

“Stop looking at it and eat it for cripes sake.” Sasha poked her fork into the icing and licked it off. “Geesh. You are a Nazi.” Emily conceded and took a bite. “How’s your birthday been? On a scale of one to ten?” Sasha asked blowing steam from her Grande Mocha, heavy on the mocha. “It hasn’t been too bad actually. Limited contact with my mother is a definite plus. So all in all, I give it a solid 7.5” 

“It’s just too bad you have to work or you could have dinner at my house or something.” Sasha remarked.  “I don’t mind working.  Kurt offered me the day off but I really need the extra cash.  I’m never going to move out of my house without saving up some serious money.”  Emily wiped crumbs from her fingers.  She worked part time after school as a tour guide at the local underground caverns.  A strange job choice for someone who had an admitted fear of the dark, but she actually enjoyed going underground. The ancient rock and deep silence strangely soothing.