Jessie Slaymaker's Non-Existent Love Life (The Jessie Slaymaker Series) (29 page)

Now it appeared as if, for all intents and purposes, her hoping had come true. Only now, after all this time seeing him one way, she wasn’t sure how she felt about this revelation.

‘But you’ve always been so adamant about being gay,’ Jessie offered as Tom’s pacing began to slow.

‘I know, I know. And I think I still am. Gay, that is. But this is not about whether I’m gay or straight. From how I understand things, its that I’ve fallen in love with my best friend. My best friend who happens to be a woman.’

Jessie couldn’t help feeling shortchanged. As a speech of love went, it was pretty weak. Of course, it was nice to know that someone she loved was in love with her, and she supposed she should take it as a compliment that he liked her despite her gender. However, Jessie couldn’t help but feel cold; his words hadn’t exactly inspired a rush of positive emotions. She wanted to be loved for
everything
that she was—and that included being a woman. Not loved
in spite
of it. Perhaps she was being unrealistic. Love came in all shapes and sizes, and she’d probably watched too many corny romance films with tear-jerking one-liners.

‘So what do you think we should do?’ Tom asked, slumping down on the sofa beside her. Jessie could feel the tension seeping out of him now that he’d divulged his monumental epiphany. She, on the other hand, found herself feeling uncomfortable for practically the first time ever in Tom’s presence, and she was suddenly all too aware that their shoulders were touching.

‘Dunno,’ she said, feeling awkward and shy as the thought of seeing Tom naked flashed through her mind.

‘Me neither,’ he replied, exhaling loudly.

‘Why have you told me this, Tom?’ Jessie asked after a minute of silent contemplation from them both. Seeing his face cloud, she added, ‘I mean, you must have thought something would come of you telling me this.’

‘Well… I thought you should know. Isn’t that what you monogamous people do when you fall in love?’ he said, laughing, trying to lighten the uncomfortable atmosphere.

‘Do you want to be with me?’ Jessie asked him directly, turning her face to look at him, seeing as he’d laughed off her previous probing question.

‘Yes. I think I do,’ he replied simply, all trace of his former jocularity now gone.

Chapter 71

Did she find him attractive? Could she think of him as neither gay nor straight, but simply someone who wanted to be with her? Could she think of him as her partner in life? As her lover?

These questions and more were running through Jessie’s mind. She felt thoroughly flummoxed by the starkness of Tom’s revelation.

Jessie told herself she should feel flattered. Of all the fabulous women Tom knew, it was her whom he’d developed strong feelings for. She knew it also must have been extremely hard for him to own up to himself about the gravity of his own feelings for her—and then hugely difficult to articulate what he’d been going through to her. He’d faced the possibility of her rejection as a friend and also as a potential boyfriend. The more Jessie thought along this thread, the more pride she felt in Tom. He was truly a remarkable individual. Smart, kind, funny, and immensely brave.

It suddenly dawned on her that there was a heck of a lot on the line here. If they gave things a go and things didn’t work out between them, they risked their friendship. As far as Jessie was concerned, that was one heck of a major asset to gamble on. If they did explore the possibility and it worked out, then great. Jessie’s perfect man had been right under her nose all along. But what if they remained as friends and didn’t take their fledgling romance to the next level? It was the safest, probably the most sensible thing to do—but then they would never know. Perhaps theirs was destined to be the romance of the century and they’d never know it, because she had been too scared, Jessie thought sadly to herself.

Maybe Tom’s way of looking at things was right. It seemed he was starting to see himself as neither gay nor straight but simply in love. With a woman. Without having the need to fit perfectly in one tick box or another. He loved her. He
loved
her.

The more she thought about it, the more she liked the sound of it. For who doesn’t want to be loved? To have one of the best-looking and dashing entrepreneurs in the country openly declare his love for her? Jessie felt a wave of victory ripple through her for ordinary girls out there everywhere.

Such was the depraved state of Jessie’s brain these days, she started to wonder about other things where Tom was concerned. Things that were less emotion-based and more focused on her own physical urges. It was probably just nature telling her she should procreate, Jessie told herself.

For Jessie’s mind was wandering into the realms of X-rated-dom as she began to imagine Tom with no top on. Tom with no trousers on. Tom’s naked butt. And Tom’s full-frontal nakedness. She racked her brain for information she already possessed to help give her imaginings more vividness. She’d seen him wrapped in a towel once when she’d arrived at his place a little too early. He was lean, toned, and hairless, with an even, golden tan across his torso. In short, everything one would expect of a rich, vain-ish gay man.

Jessie blocked the gay man thought out of her brain. She must stop thinking of him that way. Instead, she concentrated again on his perfectly honed physique. She already knew she liked his personality, but did she like the packaging? As she remembered his tight abs and the definition of his Abercrombie V, she realised the answer to her previous question was a yes. A most definite and resounding yes. Who was she trying to kid? Tom was a god regardless of his sexuality. If he wanted to be with her, then she’d be a fool to do anything other than comply and be grateful that he’d even deigned to notice her.

Jessie next found her mind even more deeply in the gutter as she wondered what sex with Tom would be like. She didn’t even know if he’d ever been with a woman before. It was something she’d always wanted to ask him, but never had, for fear it was simply too personal and actually none of her business. She wondered if they’d connect physically the same way they did intellectually and emotionally. Perhaps he’d encourage her to have anal sex with him, Jessie found herself thinking, and suppressed a little shudder of fear.

Stop it
, Jessie warned her inner voice. He’s just a man. A man with a cock.
A man who also likes other men’s cocks,
another little voice said in her head. Jessie took a deep breath and did her best to stop thinking like an old-fashioned prude who was demented by something completely outside of her control. Tom had a past, as did she, and she had to get over it if she was to make a rational decision based not just on where his genitalia had previously been. Jessie forced herself to think of Tom’s taut body and allowed herself to imagine him in the buff. It was an educated guess that, judging by what she’d seen of him already in the flesh, it was probably a very well-maintained cock at that. A nice cock was absolutely nothing to be afraid of, Jessie told herself with a wry smile.

Chapter 72

He’d done it. He’d told her. For the first time in weeks, Tom felt like he could finally breathe. The cat was most definitely out of the bag and Jessie hadn’t bolted. Yet. Granted, she’d looked surprised, maybe even stunned, but that was to be expected. He’d surprised himself considerably with this whole business.

Tom had left Jessie’s house with a friendly hug and a kiss, and they’d agreed to speak to each other in a few days. As he drove home, he couldn’t help but feel a tinge of disappointment infiltrate his more buoyant mood. But what could he have honestly expected at this early stage? She was hardly going to run into his open arms and rip all his clothes off the moment after finding out her gay best friend of seven years was actually not quite so gay after all.

She just needed time, he told himself. Time would help her adjust to the idea and realise that they belonged together. For that is now what Tom truly believed. They were meant to be together. He was just a little annoyed that it had taken him so long to figure it out for himself. They could have been long married with children by now if he’d been a little more honest with himself from the beginning. That gave him a jolt. Children. He’d never even considered it before, thinking it just wasn’t going to happen, but Jessie now had the power to completely change his life and his future.

In the blink of an eye, Tom could now see a very different life mapped out ahead of him. One that included a loving wife and a family that would make his mother tear up from sheer unadulterated happiness.

Chapter 73

Tom and Jessie had been dating steadily for several months. ‘Steadily’ being the operative word. And the several months was actually closer to six months. Life had settled down with Tom. They had a busy social calendar together, attending various functions and events, not to mention the fancy dinner dates Tom continually surprised his new girlfriend with. To a casual onlooker, they seemed to be the perfect couple. Indeed, it was as though they had been together for years, not a matter of mere months, they were so comfortable and in tune with each other. When they weren’t working, they had become practically inseparable. Tom’s previous gay life lay quietly forgotten as the paparazzi took picture after picture of the happy couple smiling lovingly into each other’s eyes as though they were the only two people on the planet.

Yet this was a case of looks obscuring the real picture, or at the very least skewing things a little. For Tom and his beloved Jessie still hadn’t actually had the sex yet. They’d tried it, of course, but they’d never successfully gotten any further than some lukewarm foreplay before they both decided to call it a day and go to sleep. Jessie justified it to herself by saying they were taking things slowly and that they didn’t want to rush into anything. It was a period of adjustment for her, getting used to the idea of kissing her previously platonic best friend; and for Tom, becoming more familiar with the female form. Jessie couldn’t speak for Tom, but in the few moments when she forced herself to be brave enough to be honest with herself, she realised she was also scared. She was scared of having sex with Tom. Scared, in case it ruined what they had. Scared in case it changed everything. Scared in case it went really badly. It was the one thing they didn’t seem to be able to talk openly about, and Jessie concluded that Tom’s feelings were probably along the same trajectory as hers.

Professionally, Jessie was doing fine. Not spectacular, but just fine. After Tom’s declaration of love to her and her decision to give it a go, she had of course turned down the job offer in Hong Kong, much to Mr Chan’s disappointment. Since her return from Hong Kong, Jessie had gone back to her old job in the bank’s research team, continuing to write reports on far-flung places she felt she was unlikely to get the chance to visit. Charlie had never again materialised in the office, which had subsequently generated much office gossip for a few weeks. There were rumours that he’d taken a job with a competitor in the city, but seeing as there were no confirmed sightings yet, no one really knew for sure. No one ever spoke or gossiped about Charlie’s failed attempt at industrial espionage in Hong Kong, so Jessie presumed the powers that be preferred this not to be common knowledge and so she’d kept her trap shut.

With Charlie out of the picture, Jessie had hoped that there would be a promotion for her in the not-too-distant future. However, that promotion never came, and she found her own workload simply increased as Charlie’s responsibilities were deposited on her shoulders with no extra recognition or financial reward.

If she had to sum up her life at this point, then Jessie could do it easily using two adjectives: stable and contented. She was happy, even if she did secretly find herself longing for a good old-fashioned shag once in a while, but she felt she didn’t have much to complain about in the grand scheme of things.

Although she rarely thought about Charlie unless it was to curse him, the same could not be said about Jack. In fact, she often found herself thinking about Jack. Not in a sexual way (much) but more in a wondering way. She wondered how he was doing and what he was up to. Jessie wondered if he was still ensnared in Sonia’s web of lies and deceit. She hoped not, but then chances were he probably still was. She’d done nothing to try and help him again since that night at Sonia’s party. Not even a letter or email which could have helped fill in some of the blanks and help alert him to the real truth. She often felt guilty for her inaction, but with hindsight what more could she really have done? Jack was a grown man, and she had her own life to get on with. And there was Tom. She owed it to him to give their relationship some serious effort, and getting embroiled in Jack’s tricky love life was most definitely not a way to show devotion and loyalty to him.

Chapter 74

Tom was doing great. More than great, he kept telling himself—and anyone who happened to ask for that matter. His business was going well, increasing his already sizable wealth by the minute. His relationship with Jessie seemed to be ticking along nicely, and their frequent sleepovers were something he thoroughly looked forward to. He enjoyed her companionship and, quite frankly, he didn’t want to spend time with anyone else other than her.

Of course, they hadn’t actually had the sex yet, but Tom was grateful that Jessie hadn’t pushed him too hard on this. His thinking was still going through a process of adjustment and his attitude was pretty much,
so what if they didn’t have the most physical relationship in the world?
Not everything was about sex. They were affectionate with each other. Probably more so than any other couple they knew. More than anything Tom loved to show his beautiful girlfriend off to the world as they hopped in and out of cars, hobnobbed at restaurants and events, holding hands and smiling. He enjoyed showing Jessie the high life she deserved.

If perhaps she occasionally seemed a little quiet and wistful, then that was to be expected. He knew she’d been disappointed with her bank for not giving her the promotion which she rightfully deserved, and he put her sadder moods down to this. If it was anything else bothering her, he felt confident that Jessie would talk to him about it. He felt they could talk to each other about anything, after all. Thankfully, those Davenport brothers seemed to be history, and Tom felt for the first time in his life that he could forge a meaningful and lasting partnership with someone special.