Jocelyn's Choice (3 page)

"Yes, my father is an avid boater, and I think that's one of the reasons he purchased the property. The house is over an hour's commute to the hospital, but he likes having a place to store his boats."

"My father loves to fish," I said. "He does it every chance he gets."

"How about you?"

I shook my head.

"Ever been on a boat?"

"No. That's Max's thing with his friends." Compared to Alex, I hadn't done much at all with my life.

"I'll have to take you out when the weather turns warmer."

"Okay." I didn't care what we'd be doing as long as I'd be doing it with him.

"Have you always lived here?"

"Yep. Same house, too. Max bought it when he and Liz got married."

"Liz?"

"My mother. She left when I was two."

"Do you keep in touch with her?"

"Sometimes." I shrugged. "Liz remarried, and she travels with her new husband, so she doesn't really call that often, and I haven't seen her in about two years."

"I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable, but I'd like to learn more about you."

"There's really not much to tell. My parents divorced when I was a baby. Liz was younger than Max, and she wasn't into the whole
mom
thing, and she hated small town life, so she left."

"That's awful." He touched my hand.

I pulled away; I didn't want him feeling sorry for me.

"I'm cool with it," I said. "I was so young that I wasn't used to having a mom around anyway, so I don't really miss it." That wasn't entirely true. I hadn’t missed a mother's presence until I'd met Sarah. I pushed the hair out of my eyes and said, "It must have been nice growing up in your house, siblings and two parents and all."

"We have our moments." He smiled. "Brenna is a bit of a bitch at times. She's very dramatic and plays the role of the middle child to perfection."

"I don't really know her that well. She's usually at Ryan's house or hanging out with Julia."

"Yeah, they're all so inseparable."

"Ryan's your age," I said. "Are you close?"

"We went to high school together," he said. "Brenna and Julia were always best friends, so we all hung out a lot, especially when Brenna and Ryan started dating."

"So, you're friends with Julia too?"

"Not great friends," he said. "How close are you to my brother?"

Hmm . . .
. He changed the Julia subject pretty fast, and I had a feeling there was more to that story than he was willing to tell.

"Evan and I were lab partners first, and then we became friends," I said. "We had a lot of common interests."

"You had no interest in one another?"

"Not really," I said. "He was getting back with Cali, and to tell you the truth, I love Evan, but he's high maintenance."

Alex laughed.

"You know he is," I said. "He spends more time on his hair than I do."

"I'm glad my brother didn't go after you."

"How come?"

"Because then I would never have gotten the chance to do this." He pulled me closer to him and gently placed his lips against mine. "I've been thinking about you all day."

"Mmm," was the only response I could manage.

He moved his lips against mine, and then he tangled his fingers in my hair as he held me against his mouth. His kiss was soft and gentle at first, but then it became more urgent as his hands tightened in my hair. He wasn't hurting me, and I actually liked the force. Our teeth collided as our tongues found their place inside each other's mouth.

Alex lay back on the cool dock, pulling me on top of him as he ran his hands up and down my back. We continued to kiss for a few minutes more and then, like the night before, he abruptly stopped.

He sat us up.

"Sorry." He smiled as he brushed my hair from my face.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I got carried away."

"I'm not complaining," I whispered.

"I want to get to know you," he said, and for the first time since we met, he wasn't all confidence and swagger. He looked vulnerable and shy.

Could he really be interested in me? "Do you get to know all the girls you kiss?"

"No," he said. "But I had the advantage of hearing about you through Evan, and I like what he tells me."

"You talk about me with Evan?"

He nodded, and a big grin spread across his face. He looked like a little boy in a candy store. It was adorable, but distracted me only momentarily. I was quickly brought back to reality when I realized all Evan could tell him.

"Oh God! What?"

"Nothing." He ducked his head.

"It's something!" I panicked. "What did that head of hair tell you?"

"Jocelyn." He took my hand. "Relax. Evan practically drools over you. He told me to be careful with you. He's afraid I'll hurt you by moving too fast."

"I can take care of myself," I said. "I’ve been doing it for a long time."

"I know," he responded. "But I'm older and more experienced and that bothered Evan because you've never . . . ."

Now I was mortified. "He told you that I've never been on a date?"

He nodded and grinned again.

"Oh God!"

"Don't be embarrassed. It kinda turns me on to know I was your first kiss."

"Really?"

He leaned in closer to me and said, "Really." He gently kissed my lips. "I'd like to be many other firsts too."

I didn't know whether to kill Evan or thank him for telling Alex about my lack of experience; right now, it didn't matter. I just liked being close to him, and I really looked forward to getting to know him.

The next few months held so many possibilities . . . .

Alex and I saw each other constantly for three weeks and things were getting serious. At first, I thought it was just me. I'd never felt this way about anyone before, and everything was so new. I had all these crazy feelings, and I was happy all the time.

Max noticed I was smiling a lot more than usual.

It was a rainy Friday afternoon in early April. Evan and I had two days left to put the final touches on our project. We'd been working on it all day at his house. I was actually sad to see it come to an end, because this assignment represented several different things to me. Through the course of it, I became closer to Evan, and for that I was extremely grateful. The hours we spent on together working filled a void for me. I got to meet his family and spend many nights at his house. We ate dinner together like a real family did, at a table, with conversation. Not that Max didn't try, but most nights he worked late, and I usually ate alone and then reheated his dinner for him when he got home. The time I spent at Evan's gave me the chance to see how another family functioned. Two parents, siblings . . . all the things I never really knew I missed until I met the Jordans. It had always been me and Max. It wasn’t that the Jordans' lifestyle was better than what I had; it was just different.

This project had also led me to Alex. If I hadn't been there that afternoon, I wouldn't have met him. At first I thought, after each date, Alex would have had enough of me and stop calling. Eventually, those thoughts began to fade, and they were replaced with excitement and anticipation for the next time we saw one another.

On the particular day in question, I was sitting on the floor in the family room, putting the last details on our presentation, when Alex slipped in behind me and placed a soft kiss on my neck.

"Hello, beautiful," he said into my hair.

"Hey." I smiled. "Did you have fun playing basketball with your friends?"

"Yeah." He swirled his tongue inside my ear, then blew his warm breath against the lobe. "But I missed you." He gently pulled my earlobe with his teeth, then turned my face toward his, so he had better access to my lips. His kisses were getting more intense, and he had recently started to add his hands to the mix. He was very cautious with me and always stopped before things got inappropriate. Sometimes, I wished he wasn't so polite.

Evan cleared his throat and said, "Could you two stop that? It's just nasty."

Alex ignored him and continued to kiss me. I didn't want to be rude, so I slowly pulled away. He looked at me as if no girl had ever asked him to stop.
Come to think of it,
who in their right mind would ask him to stop kissing them?

"Evan's right," I whispered, and suddenly felt embarrassed.

He jumped to his feet and extended his hand for me. "Come on, then."

"Where?" I asked, as he pulled me up.

"Upstairs." He smiled. "I need a shower, and we need some privacy." He shot Evan a dirty look. "It's too crowded down here."

"I can't leave Evan," I said. "We're working on the project."

"Nah," Evan said. "We're almost done, and I have to call Cali."

"Thanks, little bro," Alex yelled, as he pulled me into the kitchen and up the back staircase. I suddenly felt awkward and nervous. I had never been to Alex's bedroom before. I’d seen Evan's room once or twice, but most of the time we hung out in the family room or in the basement.

Alex sensed my apprehension. "What's wrong?"

"Your parents?" I must have sounded really stupid because he was an adult, but Max would freak if I brought Alex to my bedroom.

"They're out to dinner and a movie with friends," he said. "Zack's parents, actually, so they won't be home until later. Evan and I are ordering pizza, and I was hoping you'd stay."

"Oh," I said. "Sure, Max knew I'd be here working with Evan anyway."

"Good." He smiled as he opened the door and led me into his room. It was just as big as Evan's and had a lot of the same stuff; a flat screen hung on the wall with an Xbox 360 sitting under it, and an intimidating book collection covered the remaining wall space.

"You have just as many books as your brother." I walked over to take a closer look. "I have to get all of mine from the library." Max and I lived a simple life. He didn't make that much money being the police chief of such a small town, so our budget was tight. Buying my own books was often a luxury we couldn't afford.

He walked over and stood behind me. I could feel his breath against my hair as he spoke. "My father's a passionate reader and instilled a love for books in all of us. As rewards for getting good grades or doing something special, he would take us to the store and let us pick out a book. The agreement was that we had to finish the book we started, even if we didn't like it. Over the years, we've donated the books we finished to various book drives, children's charities, the pediatric ward, and women's shelters.

These are my favorites, the ones I decided to keep."

"All of these?" I scanned the shelves.

"I try to read them again from time to time."

I ran my finger across the spines and noticed a few titles and authors that I wanted to read eventually.

"You can borrow whatever you want," he said, as he pulled my back closer to his chest, picking up where he left off downstairs. He kissed my neck as he moved his hands down my stomach and to my hips.

"I'm gonna take a quick shower." He let me go. "Make yourself comfortable. I won't be long."

He disappeared into the room adjoining his. Evan had the same door on the other side, so I assumed they shared a connecting bathroom.

I continued to look at the books, deciding which one I wanted to borrow. He had so many to choose from that I was getting overwhelmed, so I decided to look around the rest of the room instead. He had trophies and ribbons from all the sports he had played. I also noticed that Yale played a pretty prominent role in his décor too. A few posters and his undergraduate degree hung on the wall near the door.

His dresser held some pictures, mostly of him, Evan, and Brenna, some with guys I figured were Zack and James, and then in the corner, just under the mirror, was a small photo of a very pretty woman, holding two children in her lap, a boy and a girl.

The little boy looked no more than two, and the baby, dressed in pink, was an infant.

The woman resembled Alex, or at least he did her, and I thought the boy looked like a smaller version of him. Just as I was about to pick it up to get a closer look, Alex came out of the bathroom dressed in nothing but a pair of track pants that had the Yale logo on the thigh.

He stood leaning in the doorway, and I was so distracted by his bare chest I forgot about the photo. He was stunning. I knew he was built, but I had only felt his body through his clothes. Now, I could see every ripple and muscle.

"That was fast." I hoped I wasn't drooling.

"Wanted to get back to you." He walked toward me.

The closer he got, the more I could smell his soap; it was clean and crisp. His hair was still damp, and, when he got close to me, I could feel the heat from the hot shower coming off his skin. Images of Alex lathering up and rinsing off in a steamy shower flooded my head. I may have licked my lips. My body responded to him in ways I didn’t understand. Most of the time, I walked around with an uncomfortable wetness between my thighs, and when he was close my nipples hardened. All I could think about was him touching me in places he wasn’t supposed to.

"How was the shower?"

"Lonely." He ran his thumb along my bottom lip.

"Oh." I swallowed hard.

He tilted his head down and let his tongue take the same journey across my lip his thumb had just completed.

"You have no idea what you do to me, do you?" he whispered.

I shook my head as he gently kissed my lips. He was barely touching me, but I could feel the intensity between my legs. That feeling was becoming all too familiar when he was near. Last week, it was intriguing and new, but this week, it was starting to ache. I needed more, but I didn't know how to get it.

"You get my insides all twisted up," he whispered, as he continued to brush his lips against mine. "The more I kiss you, the more I want."

That's exactly how I feel!

He ran his finger down my cheek. "You're so soft," he murmured, as he pulled me over to the bed. "And warm. I want to touch all of you."

Then do it!
The voice was screaming in my head, but I was afraid to tell him my thoughts. I hesitantly placed my hands on his perfect chest, then slowly ran them over his well-developed pecs. His body was hard and defined, and I wanted to feel more of him underneath my hands. I'd never done anything like that before, but instinct took over.

He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, so I was encouraged to move my hands down his chest, over his ribs, to his abs. His track pants hung low on his hips, and I could see his black boxers sticking out of the top. I didn't know why, but having my fingertips so close to his underwear created that delicious feeling inside my panties.

I don't know what possessed me, but I pressed my lips to his neck and moved them down over his collarbone. He tangled his fingers in my hair and gently guided me down to his chest, as he pulled me closer to his body.

"Jocelyn," he whispered.

I moved my lips back up over his chest and to his neck. I looked up at him and waited for him to tell me what he wanted. He didn't say anything, but my whole body was humming with nervous energy. He looked into my eyes for a few seconds, then pulled me down on the bed, crashing his lips against mine and urgently kissing me. I could feel the desperation, but wasn't sure if it was his or my own.

Our movements were frantic and needy. We were lying on our sides, facing one another, my hands were pressed up against his chest and he had one hand still in my hair, while the other one made its way to the back of my thigh. My hips seemed to involuntarily move as I pushed myself closer to him. He pulled my leg up over his hip and pressed his erection into my stomach, but that didn’t seem right. I wanted to feel him lower. I adjusted slightly so that we were in a better position. I could feel his hardness move into place as he pressed against me. I had never felt an erection before, but I knew enough to know Alex was pretty impressive. The pants he was wearing hid nothing, and I wished that I was wearing something thinner than jeans, because I needed to feel him against me.

He ground against me for a few minutes, but it wasn't enough. In between kisses, I rolled on top of him and tried to take control of the situation, as I moved myself up and down against him. I had no idea what I was doing, but it felt really good and judging from the sounds Alex was making, he liked it too. After a few more seconds, he grabbed my hips and held me still.

"Baby, we have to stop," he said in a raspy voice.

"Why?" I asked. "It doesn't feel good for you?"

He reversed our positions until he lay on top of me, resting his arms on either side of my shoulders. He kissed me, then said, "You have no idea how good it feels; that's why I stopped. It was too good."

"I don't . . . ." I knew I was blushing, but I needed to know. "I don't understand."

"Jocelyn," he whispered. "You're so innocent."

"Maybe I don't want to be innocent anymore," I told him. "I want you to show me, Alex. I want this with you." I was getting frustrated.

"You're not ready."

I could see the regret in his eyes. "How do you know? I feel things when I'm with you. I need you to show me what comes next." I couldn't believe I was telling him this, but I wanted more.

"I will." He smiled. "But, not without control. Jocelyn, we've been together for three weeks, and before that you had never been on a date."

"You've been with so many girls," I said. "I can't be the first virgin."

"You're not." He frowned.

"Then what's the problem?"

"You're different." He rolled off me and propped himself up on his elbow.

"You're not ready for sex, and I don't want to rush you."

I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair, my frustration kicking up a notch.

"I'm not different." My tone reflected my annoyance.
Is there something wrong with
me?
"I like being with you."

"I like being with you too," he said. "And, because I like you, I don't want to rush you."

"Oh."
Stupid!
Maybe he's not attracted to me that way.

He took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Jocelyn, I need to know what you’re feeling."

"I don't need a psychiatrist." I smiled.

"Jocelyn?"

"I know I'm not what you're used to."

"What does that mean?"

"I've seen some of the girls you've dated." I lowered my head. "I'm much younger, very inexperienced, and definitely not as pretty."

"I don't care about age." He sat up and rested his hand in my lap. "As far as your inexperience, that's refreshing and not just from a physical standpoint. I like the fact that you're so eager to learn, and I love when you ask me questions about my education and the experiences I've had. There are so many things I want to show you."

I continued to look down because I felt ridiculous, insecure, and unworthy.
That
is the story of my life.

"Jocelyn." He took my face and moved it to the side so that I had to look at him. "I also happen to think you're beautiful."

"You don't have to say that," I whispered.

"Yes, apparently I do." He stared at me. "You really have no idea." He gently kissed my lips as he ran his fingers down my cheek. "I want you," he whispered. "But, I'm willing to take things slow."

"Sorry I got too eager." My cheeks flamed.

He continued to kiss me, but then pulled away and in a breathy voice whispered,

"Oh no, I want you eager." He moved his lips down my neck, hesitating just at the top of my T-shirt, but then moving lower and brushing his lips over my nipples.

A bolt of electricity shot throughout my body.
This is exactly what I wanted
.