Kate's Song (26 page)

“Where did the bus drop you off?”

“At the north station. Then I took a city bus to the address Mamma gave me, and the man directed me here.” Elmer looked at Kate anxiously. “Is that where you are living?”

“What address did Mamma give you?”

Elmer pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. “This one.”

Kate looked at the address. “Nae, this is Carlos’s apartment. That is where Mamma sent her letter.”

The color moved up Elmer’s neck to his face. “Who is Carlos? Is he… Do you have a relationship with him?”

Kate made a face. “Nae, of course not. He is a friend, part of Maria’s family. He takes good care of her. Like you do with me.” She poked him in the ribs.

Elmer still seemed unhappy. He looked down at his shoes. “Why do your letters go to his apartment?”

“I do not know,” Kate said. “I don’t know how Mamma could have gotten that address.”

Her sincerity must have placated Elmer. “He is not your boyfriend?”

“Why would you think such a thing?”

They both immediately fell serious. Silence persisted between them until Elmer grabbed her hand and pulled her to sit. “Nathaniel is dating Sarah Schwartz. I guess you heard.”

“Jah.”

“He didn’t even try to win you back.”

Kate cleared her throat. “Let us not mention such things.” She ran her fingers through Elmer’s tawny hair as tears stung her eyes. “How’s your cut?”

He tilted his head and probed his scalp with his fingers. “Seventeen stitches. My hair will never lay straight again.”

The memory hijacked Kate’s senses: the noise, the singing, the look of unfettered eagerness in Nathaniel’s eyes, the flash of revelation she would never experience again.

Pay no heed. Let it pass.

She forced cheer into her voice. “It seems like years instead of weeks since I last saw you.”

“Not since the accident,” Elmer said. He focused his attention on the empty stage. “Why did you leave without saying good-bye?”

A dark cloud settled over Kate. “I will regret that forever. I should not have been in such a hurry.” She sniffed. “But it is better this way. Mamma and Dat are happier without me. I do not cause trouble for them. They no longer have to be ashamed of their worldly daughter.”

Puzzlement and frustration etched lines onto Elmer’s youthful face. “I do not understand you. You left Apple Lake because you thought it would make us happy?”

“That is why I stayed away. No one wants a proud, wicked daughter and sister.”

Elmer growled. “Kate, that is Aaron talking. No one for a minute believes we are better off without you. No one.” He averted his eyes and rubbed his chin. “Except for Aaron.”

“Jah, he has told me many times.” Kate thought of Aaron’s letter. She knew what everyone truly thought. “I called Nathaniel on the phone. He made it clear he does not want me back either.” Kate wiped the tears from her face. A man of peace did not want a wife who had caused the death of another human being.

Elmer laced his fingers with Kate’s. “We avoid each other. He tried to help with the pressing once, but I made him feel unwelcome.”

“How did you do that?”

“I told him he was unwelcome.” A half smile flitted across Elmer’s face.

“Don’t treat him differently on my account,” Kate said.

“Not after how he’s treated my sister.”

Kate found it impossible to speak.

“He’s different, Kate. He and Aaron talk all the time about how a man must avoid the ways of the world. I begged him—‘Call her up, go to Milwaukee and see her, do something besides pretend she doesn’t exist.’ He finally told me—‘I loved your sister once, but she is not who she seems to be. It is better that she is gone.’ I hate the sight of him.” Elmer’s irritation couldn’t sit still. He jumped to his feet and paced in a small circle.

Kate rose and brushed an errant lock of hair from his eyes. Sighing, he put his arm around her shoulder. “It’s good I’m not baptized,” he said. “I am so weak yet.”

Ryan ambled onto the stage. “Is Kate around?”

“Here,” Kate said.

Elmer played with Kate’s ponytail while studying her face. “So, is this what you have chosen?” he said, motioning toward the stage.

Kate lowered her eyes. “What else is left to me?”

“Your family. The Church. Your handsome younger brother.”

“Singing is what I was born to do. I am very happy here.”

Annoyance flashed in Elmer’s eyes. “You think I can’t see it? It is impossible to sit here for even five minutes and not see that you are swimming in sorrow. You’re not happy here at all. Come home to us.”

Kate turned her face from him. “I can’t, Elmer.”

“Your choice whether to be baptized cannot be made with regards to Nathaniel. It is between you and God.”

“God has cut me off. I fend for myself.”

“You talk like someone I don’t know,” Elmer said, picking up his hat.

“Meet the new me,” Kate said. “Seizing the reins of my own life.” She hesitated and then turned and marched up the stairs to the stage. “I couldn’t be more pleased.”

Elmer backed up the aisle, never taking his eyes from her until he donned his hat and disappeared out the clanking metal door.

Elmer blew into Nathaniel’s workshop like a hurricane. Nathaniel and Luke were boxing the last set of cabinets that would go out on the truck tomorrow.

Nathaniel caught sight of Elmer and groaned inwardly. He hadn’t the restraint or strength to deal with Elmer’s persistence today.

Elmer saw where Nathaniel stood and came straight to him. “Nathaniel, we must talk.”

Taking a deep breath, Nathaniel glued on a patient expression. “Luke, can you finish up?”

Luke nodded without giving Elmer a second look.

Nathaniel led Elmer back the way he had come and out the door. The nippy air slapped at his face. They would have been more comfortable indoors, but Nathaniel wanted a short conversation and hoped the cold would encourage Elmer to be brief.

As soon as the door swung shut behind them, Elmer started talking excitedly. “I went to see Kate yesterday.”

Nathaniel folded his arms to keep the ache from bursting out of his chest. “How is she?” he asked, pretending that he didn’t really care.

“We misunderstood her. She thinks she is too much trouble. That is why she left the community. Don’t you see? She didn’t choose the world. She was being unselfish. For all of us.” He waved his arms with great animation. “She thought you rejected her when you were really trying to be noble because you thought she made her choice.”

“Things are complicated,” Nathaniel said, with all the emotion of a man reading from the phone book.

“Don’t you understand?” Elmer insisted. “She still loves you.”

Nathaniel’s heart almost failed him. If he believed that, if he believed she ever had loved him, he would crawl to Milwaukee on his hands and knees to fetch her back. If there were no boyfriend and no baby, nothing could keep him from her.

He passed his hand over his eyes. “I know what you want from me, Elmer, but I cannot give it. There are other circumstances that separate us.”

Elmer glared at Nathaniel in astonishment. “Like what?”

For Elmer’s own good, Nathaniel would not reveal the whole truth. Let Kate’s brother believe what he wanted to believe. How could he tell Elmer of the forbidden relationship Kate had with a boy in Milwaukee? Of the baby that had come from that relationship? He would not be the one to destroy Elmer’s opinion of his favorite sister. Kate would have to find the courage to tell him herself.

“Kate has made her choices.” He cleared his throat and looked away. “She is worldly and vain and selfish. She is not the kind of woman I want for my wife. And I know she does not want me.”

Elmer became more agitated with each word Nathaniel spoke. “Worldly? Vain? Kate is not these things.” He paced back and forth then closed in on Nathaniel. “And you know it. Has Aaron poisoned you too? How can you spout such lies about my sister?”

“It does not make me happy to tell you this.”

“It makes Aaron happy to hear you say it.”

“I am sorry.”

Elmer backed away. “Nae, you are not.”

Nathaniel gave up. Nothing he said would make Elmer feel better. He shook his head in pity and opened the door to his shop. “I will not speak of this again.” Elmer tried to say something, and Nathaniel held up his hand. “Never again, my friend.”

The hurt in Elmer’s eyes almost broke his heart. Better to escape before compassion betrayed him.

Nathaniel raised his hand to pat Elmer’s shoulder but thought better of it and pulled away. “May you find peace.”

He went inside and left Elmer standing there, staring at his own reflection in the glass door.

Kate sat in Music Theory, barely able to stay awake, as the graduate assistant droned on and on about the rules of counterpoint and how Mozart broke them all the time. With her head propped in her hand, Kate gave in to the temptation to close her eyes for a minute. She deserved a little indulgence following her opening-night performance.

After two-and-a-half months of demanding rehearsals,
Romeo et Juliette
had opened to an enthusiastic audience. The crowd gave them a standing ovation after each act, and people practically leapt to their feet at the finale. She should have been floating ten feet in the air on adrenaline alone.

“Psst.”

Kate opened her eyes and looked into the hallway, where the hissing had come from.

Shannon stood outside the open door, waving and pointing to a newspaper in her hand. She mouthed words Kate could not interpret. Kate shook her head and pointed to the clock on the wall above the teacher’s head. Holding up three fingers, she formed the words, “Three more minutes. Hold on.”

Shannon fidgeted and paced until the instructor dismissed the class.

Three of Ryan’s friends lingered around Kate while she half-heartedly gathered up her notebook and pens.

“You were amazing last night,” Brandon said. “You totally stole the show.”

“Oh, thanks. And Ryan did great as Romeo,” Kate said.

Blushing, Ryan’s friend Keisha handed Kate two playbills. “Don’t think this is dumb, but can I have your autograph? My mom asked me to get one for her too, because you’re going to be famous someday.”

“Sure.” Kate signed her name on both playbills.

Brandon grinned sheepishly and produced the program from his pocket. “Me too?”

“After last night, you must be on cloud nine,” Keisha said.

Kate forced the same smile she bestowed on everyone and gave the answer she knew was expected. “I am honored to play Juliette. It’s the chance of a lifetime.”

Shannon grew impatient waiting for Kate. She marched into the classroom, grabbed Kate by the wrist, and shoved the newspaper in her face. “Read this.”

“Read what?”

“Right here, on page one.”

“Which part?”

Impatient at Kate’s apparent lack of interest, Shannon snatched back her paper and began to read. “‘The Milwaukee Music Academy’s production of
Romeo et Juliette’
…yadda, yadda, yadda…here it is. ‘Kate Weaver’s performance as the young girl is both heartbreaking and powerful. Her stunning vocals along with the wide-eyed innocence she brings to the role are the perfect combination for Juliette. This critic has never seen her equal. The performance was an unmitigated triumph.’” Shannon clutched Kate’s arm and beamed. “I don’t know what
unmitigated
means, but it must be really good. Oh, Kate, isn’t this amazing?”

Was this what
amazing
felt like? Because all Kate felt was empty, like a deserted road in Apple Lake after midnight. Had she experienced anything amazing before Nathaniel came into her life? Was it so bad now because it was so good with him?

Keisha and a couple other students leaned in to read the review. “One of the women on the board said it was the best opera the academy has ever done,” Keisha said. “I heard some of them talking after the performance.”

Where was the rush of elation that should accompany such praise? Kate had everything she had every wanted, more success than most of the kids at this school could ever dream of, and she couldn’t care less.

Maybe down the road she would find what she truly searched for.

But she didn’t have to waste her time looking. What, or rather
whom
, she wanted was sitting in a little workshop in the heart of Apple Lake, shaping blocks of wood with strong, gentle hands.

* * * * *

Kate sat in the empty dressing room in front of the full-length mirror. With her eyes closed, she listened to the muted sounds of the empty space: the vending machine down the hall that hummed and sputtered to silence in turns, the buzzing fluorescent light over her head, the subtle groans and creaks of the stage above as the crew arrived to set the show. Taking a deep breath, she wrapped her arms around herself.

November fifteenth.

Closing night.

Her soul felt as empty as the spacious dressing room.

Every night the audience stood in resounding ovation and threw her roses and teddy bears at curtain call.

“A masterpiece. Brava. A tour de force. When will we see you at the Met? Have you thought of studying in Europe?”

“You’d make a stunning Mimi.”

“Your mother must be very proud.”

“Yes, yes, your mother must be very proud.”

Kate inhaled deeply, as if she had been holding her breath for a long time. She fluttered her eyelids to keep any mutinous tears from escaping. Dr. Dibble would not approve of self-pity.

She picked up a brush and ran it through her cascading tresses. No wig needed for the performance. Every night, Shannon came to the theater almost two hours early to curl Kate’s hair and sweep it onto her head in perfect Juliette fashion.
Better get into a robe. Shannon will be here any minute.

Kate heard the door open slowly. It stood on the other side of a dividing wall so curious eyes wouldn’t be able to observe costume changes. “Shannon?”

“Leibe?”

Kate watched the reflection in the mirror as her parents inched tentatively around the dividing wall and into the room.