Leader of the Pack (22 page)

His eyes were drawn to Dan. The
other wolf had yielded, yet he studied
Yohana
as if
looking for an opportunity. Per yearned to comfort her.
To
hold her.
To tell her he was all right. To apologize for almost costing
her everything she held dear. But Quinn held him back. While Quinn treated the
bites,
Per
watched the other wolf.

Dan’s haunches tightened. His
balance shifted. Per narrowed his gaze as reality filtered into his
consciousness. Oh God.
Yohana
.
Dan was going to attack
Yohana
.
He howled as Dan sprang for her, throwing Quinn off and diving at Dan before
the wolf took out his Mate’s throat.

Per leaped. He angled, rolling Dan
off
Yohana
so his weight didn’t impact her body,
then
he went for the wolf.
Murderer.
Traitor.
Dishonored.
Per’s
vision was a haze of red. Outrage filled him and
instinctively he went for Dan’s throat, biting deep this time. The metallic
tang filled his mouth and he clamped his jaw down, shredding flesh.
Ripping it out.
Blood sprayed.
Coloring
his coat with red.
Wetness covered him. He spit out the meat, stood over
his fallen foe and howled in triumph and rage. Then he looked down.

He blinked. In death, Dan had
shifted back to human. His throat was mangled. His eyes stared. Blank and
empty.
Per had done that.
He’d killed. Without
conscious thought he shifted, crouching beside the other man.
Nude.
Shivering.
Shock
and horror filling him.

“I killed him,” he murmured.

Tears came into his eyes and
streamed down his cheeks. He’d never killed anyone before in his entire life.
He’d dedicated himself to saving lives, not taking them. He looked down.
Rivulets of arterial spray dripped down his chest. Droplets coated his cheek.
His hair.
He was covered in the blood of another. And not
because he’d been working to save them. No.
Because he’d
wantonly and brutally slaughtered someone.
A hand settled on his
shoulder.
Yohana
.
He couldn’t bear to look at her and see the condemnation
in her eyes. The revulsion of knowing that she was
Mated
to a killer.

“I killed him.”

“You had no choice.”

“I did. I could have pinned him. Instead,
I ripped out his throat.” He glanced briefly up at
Yohana
.
“I fed the wrong wolf.”

“Oh, Per.”
Her sigh was soft, but he heard the sadness. He didn’t hear
any blame, yet how could she not condemn him? He did.

He looked back at Dan, shaking his
head. He didn’t know if he could live with this. With knowing he was capable of
uninhibited butchery.
Celebrating the death.
Howling in triumph.
What kind of male was he? And would he
do it again? In the depths of his soul, he knew he would. If anyone attempted
to hurt
Yohana
or their pups, he wouldn’t hesitate.
He’d kill again. He’d take life instead of give it.

He shifted back into his wolf form
and pulled away from
Yohana
. He had to get away.
Away from the contempt of this silent group.
Away from the hatred of his Mate.
Away from the horror of
what he’d become. He was no longer a healer. He was a murderer.

He broke for the edge of the crowd
and slipped through. Even though he had no idea where he was going,
Per
ran.

Yohana
watched
Per’s
retreat. She wanted to run after him, but she had a pack to deal with. At some
time since Dan had issued the challenge, most of the adults in town had
assembled in the park to witness the fight. Now, many in the crowd hugged each
other and cheered, while a small, bitter minority muttered in anger.

“Silence,” she roared. “Why are you
cheering?” She pointed at Dan. “One of our pack members lies dead in the grass
and you cheer?” That portion of the crowd went silent, allowing the other
segment’s rumbling to grow in volume.
“And the rest of you.
Shut up.”

She pushed everyone away from Dan’s
torn body. Standing over her cousin protectively,
Yohana
fought the rise of rage, but it wouldn’t be still.

“I’m ashamed of all of you.
All
of you,” she shouted.

“Us?
What about you?”

Yohana
spun and found the questioner. “My father was the
Whitewolf
Alpha and I was to follow him. There was no
viable alternative. No one else wanted the job but Dan, but my father knew Dan
didn’t have the temperament for the job.”

“He could have learned.”

“You mean he had a penis.” Selma
stepped forward and shook her fist at the male who argued with
Yohana
.

“Selma,
enough.
This is my pack. Not yours.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll let you handle
things.” Selma bowed her head and backed off, but not before glaring at the
questioner who’d shouted.

Yohana
returned her glare to the male. “But she’s right and every
damn one of you knows it.” There were mutters but she held up her hand. “You
demanded of me what you never would have asked of a male. My father was forty
when he mated my mother. After her death, he never took another mate. But was
he pressured to sire a son?”

“He was! I was one of the ones who
demanded it,” said the man.

“Why does that not surprise me?”

“Where did the pack leader go? I wanted
to talk to him.”

“Listen to me Elmer
Whitewolf
,
I
am your pack leader and unless you want
to challenge me yourself, accept it or leave
Whitewolf
.
Is that clear? Is it clear to all of you?” She faced the crowd, trying to meet
the eyes of every single individual. Eyes dropped. No one offered a challenge.
She nodded. “If you had all accepted the inevitable years ago, Dan would still
be alive and my Mate would not be off in the wild somewhere, injured and
emotionally shattered because he killed someone instead of healing them.”

She turned to Quinn. “Could you go
find him? He needs someone who can understand his pain.
His
conflict.”

“He needs
you
.”

“I know he does. But I have my hands
full for the next few minutes and I don’t want him to be alone. I’ll follow as
soon as I can.”

Quinn nodded. “Make it fast.”

“I will.”

A sense of relief went through her
when Quinn left to find
Per
, allowing her to study the
crowd. This would not happen again. She wasn’t going to ask her Mate to do this
again, so she needed to make an impression now. Put a stop to it
now
.

“Let me make this clear. If I have
nothing but daughters, your next Alpha will be a girl if one of my pups wants
the job. If I have five boys and one daughter and the girl wants the job, your
next pack leader will be female. Times have changed. Get with it or get out.
Have I made myself clear?”

Murmurs of agreement came to her
ears, but Elmer couldn’t let it rest. “Dan would have been fine.”

Yohana
wanted to scream, but she took a deep breath. “Elmer, Dan
wasn’t leader material. Not everyone is. That doesn’t mean he was a bad person.
In fact, my father tried to teach him that. But you, and others like you, kept
filling Dan’s head with delusions of grandeur.
Made him
believe things that weren’t true.”

“What good could he have been if he
wasn’t the Alpha?”

“Dan would have been a fine pack
second. He was good with administrative details. He could have helped me.
Supported me.
Worked with me instead of undermined me. But
he didn’t, and you know why?
Because people had whispered to
him that females are less than.
They need to be protected.
Weren’t strong enough.
Shouldn’t worry
their pretty little heads.
Females should not lead.
All
untrue.
But because he believed it, he’s dead. And if he hadn’t died, he
probably would have killed my Mate. My
True Mate
, and then I would have
wanted to die with him.”

Elmer paled as reality dawned on
him. Shaking her head in disappointment, she met the gazes of her people.

“This isn’t a game. Lives are at
stake.
Every single day.
That’s why I lead.
Because I
care
.
About all of you.
That’s what my father taught me that he was unsuccessful in teaching Dan.

“Pack leadership isn’t about
me
or my wants and desires. It’s about
you
.
All of you.
About making your lives better.
About helping
this pack prosper
and grow. Raise strong pups. Help old
wolves keep their dignity. Create opportunities for everyone in between. That’s
all I want. I want to
serve
.” She fought the tears that threatened, but
finally couldn’t stop them and they spilled down her cheeks. “It’s what I was
born to do. Please, just
let
me. Let me help you.”

Applause broke out and suddenly she
was embraced by many. She noted how carefully everyone stepped around Dan.
Giving his body sacred space.
And she approved. She
responded to the outpouring of love from her pack, sharing it with them. Then
she stepped back, catching a glimpse of the newly hired coroner at the edge of
the crowd.

“Sarah? Dr. Sarah
Graywolf
.” Sarah came forward, gave her a hug. “Could you
look after Dan? I need to find my Mate.”

“I’ll care for your cousin.” She
looked down at the body sadly. “I’ll treat him gently.”

“Thank you.” She turned back to the
crowd. “Everyone, go home. Tomorrow flags will fly at half-mast in memory of
our fallen pack member. I must find
Per
.”

Zach pointed. “He headed into the
mountains toward the
Whitehawk
aerie.”

“Selma, can you contact your people
to join in the search?”

“It’s getting late in the day for
us, but our cousins the
Goldowls
might be waking
now.”

“Any help is appreciated.”

“I’ll contact my wing second. We’ll
take to the skies to help you find him.”

Yohana
stripped and handed Zach her clothing, shifting into a wolf
and loping off on the trail of her Mate.

* * * * *

Per hunched beside a tree and stared
at a beautiful mountain lake. It was low due to the recent drought, but the
view took his breath away.
Reassured him that all was not
lost.
There was still beauty in the world. Hope. Joy. He ran for the
water.
Wanting to remove the stink of the blood.
The taint of evil that it carried.
He bounded into the lake,
shuddering as the cold penetrated his fur. But still he moved deeper.
Determined to be washed clean.
When he finally limped from
the water, he still felt filthy.
Soiled.
Corrupt. He
had killed someone. Nothing he ever did could wipe that stain off his soul.

He heard a soft step and blinked as
he recognized Quinn in the late afternoon twilight.

How did you find me?
he
asked in the way of wolves,
with soft vocalizations and body language.

“You don’t look up very much do
you?”

Per looked up at the sky. High above
a hawk and two owls circled. The hawk pulled away and headed toward the
mountains in the rosy light.

Aeries?

“
Whitehawk
and
Goldowl
.
They’re partners in the ski lodge near here. One breed
takes day shift, the other takes night. It works well.” Quinn watched him.
Studied him.
“You’re still bleeding.”

I deserve to
.

“No, you don’t. You protected your
Mate and your pup.”

I killed. I violated a sacred oath
to do no harm.

“I understand, Per. I took the oath
too. But sometimes pack necessities outweigh the promise to do no harm.”

How do you live with it?

“Uneasily.
I’ve never been called on to kill, but I know
it’s
part of the job and one day I may have to. It weighs
heavily on me. But I’ve worked it out.
Figured my way through
the ethical dilemma.”

I’m not sure I can.

“You can and you will. But you have
to figure it out yourself. I can’t do it for you. If it will help, I can quote
Star
Trek
.”