Learning to Forgive (9 page)

“Don’t
cry,” she said, wrapping her arms around him.

“I
loved you, Molly. All this time I loved you.”

She
shook her head, denying his feelings. It was too painful. If she allowed him
in, he’d crush what remained of her heart. “I can’t do this, David.”

“Give
it time. I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to prove to you how much I love
you.”

She
didn’t say anything as they stayed out in the garden. The fire began to fade,
and a chill settled in its place. “I think we need to go back inside. I’ll cook
some dinner.”

Molly
followed him inside going straight to the kitchen. She heard him move toward
his study. Staring at the refrigerator, she wondered what to cook. In the end,
she sat down at the counter with a cup of tea. Ideas would fill her head soon.
She sat down thinking about her life with David. There were many bad memories,
but there were also good memories. He hadn’t been a monster to her. She rubbed
her eyes recalling the first birthday of hers he’d missed.

At
the time she’d been heavily pregnant with Luke.

****

Molly
sat at the counter looking at the diamond wedding ring on her finger. She’d
been married to David for five months. The pregnancy had been going well. There
were no complications other than the fact she was constantly putting on weight,
and the doctor put her on a diet in order to keep both mother and baby healthy.
She’d dropped Blaze, Chris, and Trent off at school. They were all excited
about the new baby coming.

She
stared at the ring on her finger and then at the calendar that had been on the
wall. Today’s date had been marked with the words “Molly’s B-day” written in
the centre. She’d forgotten about her own birthday, and the tears began to
fall. Her hormones were all over the place. There hadn’t been a single birthday
card or present for her. No one but she and her family knew it was her
birthday.

Wiping
the tears from her eyes she jumped as the sound of the front door banging open
and then closed echoed around the large house where she now lived. She wiped at
her tears as David walked around the corner.

“I
forgot a document in the office,” he said. He slammed his briefcase on the side
then went into his office. The banging made her jump. She got off the stool and
waddled over to the kettle.

She
could no longer see her feet, and she felt more and more like an over-stuffed
penguin. He came back into the kitchen a few moments later. “I’m sorry for
disturbing you,” he said.

“Don’t
worry about it, David. This is your house.”

“Are
you all right? You sound like you’ve been crying.”

She
shook her head making sure her back was to him. Molly didn’t want him to see
her like this. It was hard enough living with the memory of his overly reserved
dead wife.

“No,
I’m fine. Go back to work, and I’ll see you tonight.” She placed the tea bag in
the cup then added more hot water.

Molly
waited for the sound of the door to go. It never came.

“It’s
your birthday today?” he asked.

She
turned and saw him standing staring at the calendar. “Don’t worry about it. I
never do anything on this day. It is a useless occasion anyway.” Tears spilled
down her cheeks. She cursed her hormones. Why did men have all the fun during
sex while the women had to deal with all the consequences? She really felt she
needed to lodge a complaint with someone about the deal.

“No
one knew,” he said.

No
one cared to know, she thought. Instead, she stirred her drink, removed the tea
bag, then tried her best to walk properly back to her seat. When David made it
home she was already in bed. He never saw her waddle like his boys witnessed.

She’d
heard the kids’ friends at school had named her “penguin”. Molly tried to see
the humour. They were only children, but each time she thought about it the
tears filled her eyes. She couldn’t control it, and that was the hardest part
of it all.

Molly
sat down on the stool, closed the calendar, and drank her tea. “Don’t worry
about it, David. Your work is probably waiting for you. I’ll see you later.”

He
stared at her for several moments. She turned her gaze to her tea-filled cup.
How pitiful must she look?

“I’ve
got to make a call.”

She
nodded. When he was gone, she picked up the photographs she’d gotten developed,
opened the album she'd purchased, and began to place them carefully into their
places.

Most
of the photos were of the boys. There were a few with her in them. Trent was
with her for most of the pictures.

David
walked back inside. “I’ve called work. I’m not going in for the rest of the
day,” he said.

“No,
you love working. I understand. Don’t worry about it,” she said.

“You’re
crying, Molly.”

“That’s
the hormones. Every woman cries during pregnancy. Its natural, but I’m fine.”
Even as she spoke the words more tears began to fall. She dropped her head in
her hand and gave herself over to the crying. Within moments David was there,
his arms wrapped around her.

“Baby,
what’s wrong?” he said.

“I
can’t stand this anymore. It’s unfair. I don’t know what to do. I’m huge and
walk like a penguin. I embarrass your sons when I walk to school with them. No
one remembers my birthday even though I put it on the calendar, and I don’t
want you to feel obliged to spend the day with me or guilty because you didn’t
know when your wife’s birthday was,” she said, sobbing into his shirt. His arms
wrapped around her. His heavenly scent comforted her even though she wanted to
push him away.

“I’ve
got you, Molly. Let it all go.”

And
she did. She cried for everything that had gone wrong in her life, from the
pregnancy to falling in love with a man who could never love her back.

“I
don’t want to do this anymore. It’s not fair.”

“Molly,
let it all go. I’m here, baby, and I’ll catch you. Let it go,” he said.

When
the tears subsided, she blew her nose on some tissue. “I’m sorry for being an
emotional wreck.”

He
stroked her cheek and kissed her lips. “Thank you for carrying my child.”

She
stayed in his arms while he stroked her hair. Every part of her felt
unattractive and swollen.

“However,
I think we need to celebrate your birthday.”

“How?
I can’t go out anywhere.” She
wouldn’t be able to fit in the doors she was so big.

“I’m
going to run you a bath and treat you at home.” He took her hand and led her up
to the main bedroom. She tried to resist his hold, but he wouldn’t let her
leave his side. Molly followed as he ran her a bath then began to help her
undress.

“Please,
don’t.” She begged him. Her cheeks were warm with embarrassment. She didn’t
want him to see her body.

“You’re
beautiful, Molly. I want to see you,” he said. After a few seconds of
hesitation, she moved her hands down and let him undress her. She closed her
eyes unable to look at him for fear of something going wrong.

What
if he pushed her away? This baby had given her stretch marks, and her breasts
were larger than they were before. She ached all over.

The
circus tent that she wore, which was supposed to be a dress, was pulled up her
body. She stood in the centre of the bathroom, exposed for him to look at and
touch. He started at her shoulders, rubbing his fingers along her muscles. She
tensed waiting for more. David hadn’t touched her in weeks. It was like she’d
grown a ball on her front and become instantly unattractive.

“Look
at me, Molly,” he said.

She
opened her eyes. He was staring at her. His hand moved down to cup a large
breast in his palm.

Molly
winced when he thumbed the nipples. The slight touch was a combination of
pleasure and pain.

“You’re
so beautiful. These are large, ripe, and will feed our child, Molly.” His hand
moved down farther still to caress her stomach. “Here is where our child rests.
There is nothing unattractive about you. I want you desperately.” He pressed
her palm to his cock. She felt the heat of him through the pants he wore. His shaft
was long, thick, and jumped in her palm.

She
gasped.

“I
want you, but I don’t want to hurt you.”

David
dropped to his knees before her, kissing her stomach and down farther to lay
gentle kisses to her mound. She whimpered. His touch was more than she could
stand.

When
she thought she would pass out from the pleasure, he helped her into the
bath-tub.

****

That
afternoon was the best time of her life. David had been attentive and stayed
with her until the following morning. He hadn’t missed another birthday after
that.
Neither had any of their children.
It was funny
how she’d never thought of any of this during their years together. Thinking
about their time together was starting to open her mind about certain emotions.

Molly
looked up as David walked in. She noticed all the paperwork in his arms and
frowned.

“You
shouldn’t be overdoing yourself. You should be resting,” she said.

“I
thought you were cooking dinner?”

She
shrugged her shoulders. “I couldn’t think what to do.”

“Good,
we’ll get take-out. You don’t have to constantly be cooking.” He took a seat at
the counter then placed the paperwork in front of him. “There is something I
want to talk to you about.”

She
took the seat next to him, waiting for him to say something.

“Many
years ago you booked a vacation that I didn’t make. If I recall correctly none
of us went on vacation that year. You never booked any trips or vacations
again.”

“You
always had a reason not to go. I never wanted to get my hopes up.” Molly wished
she’d forced him to sign the divorce papers. For every memory that was good,
she also recalled the bad as well.

He
reached over taking hold of her hand. “I was a fool, Molly. I never should have
treated you the way I did. You have no idea how much I’ve loved you over the
years.”

Molly
turned away from his intense gaze. It hurt to see his honesty after all these
years. She was so used to everything else. “What do you want to show me?” she
asked.

He
opened up the file. “I bought something for you, a few years back. I never told
you about it. I have no idea why I never told you. I was stupid for keeping it
away from you even after the renovations.” David pulled out a picture of a
little cottage. He handed it over to her. She took the picture, and her hands
were shaking as she stared at the cottage.

“This
was where I organised the vacation.” The small cottage was surrounded by fields
and forests. She’d booked the cottage because it would have enough rooms for
all of them and provide activities for all the boys.
 
Molly turned the page over reading through
the description she remembered. “What happened? Why do you have this?” she
asked.

“When
I didn’t make it to the vacation and you didn’t go I thought nothing of it.
Then one night I found the leaflet with a pile of
papers
 
with
the cottage on it. I knew you had wanted
to go, and I’d ruined it for you. So, I organised a viewing of the property. It
needed a lot of work and some rebuilding to get it back up to scratch.”

“You
never told me about this.”

“I
couldn’t find the right time to tell you. I wanted to all the time. It just
never seemed right.”

Tears
were falling from her eyes as she looked at the picture. “Is this for me?” she
asked.

He
nodded his head. Without thinking, she walked round to where he sat and hugged
him close.

David
wrapped his arms around her. His grip was tight. “Thank you so much,” she said.

Molly
closed her eyes as the tears continued to fall. This was one of the best things
she’d heard all day. The last she heard of the cottage was it had been
condemned, and that had been years ago. How long ago she couldn’t remember.

“I
was thinking we could go there,” he said.

“What?”

“I
don’t want our marriage to end, Molly. This could be our new start away from
this.” David gestured around the room. “This would be our house with no tainted
memories.
Only us, together.”

She
stared at the cottage. “You want to go together?”

“Yes.
I love you. I know you don’t believe me, but I do. More than you can ever
imagine. Please, give me a chance to prove it to you.”

Molly
stared at the photo of the cottage. Even after all this time she knew she was
still in love with him. She wanted to give them a chance, and maybe without
Isabella’s memory they could have a real chance to be together.