Life as I Know It (39 page)

We kept Sophie at home, where she stayed snuggled in bed with her rabbit in a box next to her. I looked in on her every so often to find her tearfully hugging her pet. I sat with her for a while, listening as she talked about her father and reassuring her I would be there for her always, then hoping and praying that I was right.

I was anxious because I hadn’t felt or experienced anything as Jessica in the night. I waited until the house was quiet, then dialed the number of my flat. The phone rang and rang unanswered and I slammed the phone down, knowing she couldn’t answer because I was here, but I was worried all the same.

Next I rang my parents’ number in Somerset. My heart lurched at the sound of my father’s voice as he answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Mr. Taylor?”

“Yes.”

“Hello, this is Lauren Richardson. I’m a friend of Jessica’s. I’m having trouble reaching her; I was wondering, have you heard from her at all?”

The sob at the end of the line confirmed my worst fears, and I slumped down in the living room chair, my legs unable to support me.

“I’m very sorry to have to tell you,” he said at last, in a shuddering voice that was barely under control. “Our daughter died yesterday. She was out on the Downs when she was struck by lightning, and it caused her heart to stop.”

I dropped the phone with a wail of anguish and buried my face in my hands. Karen came running in, took one look at me, and picked up the receiver. I heard her asking questions and making sympathetic noises into the phone, and then she hung up and gathered me into her arms.

Karen stayed for a few days after Grant’s funeral, while we recovered from the shock of what had happened to Grant and to Jessica, but her work was calling her, and at the end of the weekend she bade us a tearful good-bye.

We hugged in the doorway. “Make sure you come and visit more often,” I said. “Come as many weekends as you can. We’ll see you again on the day of Nicole’s concert, of course, and then you must persuade your partner Jen to come with you and spend Christmas with us.”

The house seemed empty without her. I roamed from room to
room, searching for something that was missing, but I knew that what I was looking for wasn’t here. The children ate and played and did their homework, and I cooked and cleared up, sorted their endless laundry into piles, and pretended that my heart wasn’t breaking.

Teddy had taken to following me around the house, as if he felt sure that if he let me out of his sight I’d vanish or something. I teased him about it, but he simply gazed at me knowingly, keeping our silent secret. He was happier at nursery school now, with the knowledge that he would soon be leaving, and I had honored Grant’s wish that we should leave Toby where he was, despite my personal feelings on the matter.

On the Monday morning two weeks after Grant’s fatal accident, the day dawned crisp and bright. After depositing the children at their schools, I decided to go for a drive. I needed time to think and to get my new life in order.

I didn’t really know where I was heading when I set out, but after an hour or so of driving I realized that, like a homing pigeon, I was coming close to the Epsom Downs.

The car seemed to find the lot all by itself, and I parked and climbed out, breathing in the fresh November air. It was quite chilly, so I slipped a cashmere jacket over my new jeans, then headed off up the familiar chalk track, marveling at the stunning scenery around me.

I’d not gone far when a small black terrier came bounding toward me.

“Frankie!”

I bent to gather her into my arms, stroking her silky head ecstatically as she barked wildly and jumped up, licking my face. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I thought how much the children would love her, and then the tears turned to laughter as she
bounded and leapt around me with such exuberance that it was hard to resist her joyful mood.

“I’m sorry, is Frankie bothering you?” a male voice asked nearby, making me jump.

Glancing up over her head, I saw Dan looking at me, and my heart gave a surge of joy.

“Not at all,” I said, blushing to the roots of my light brown hair. “I think she’s very sweet.”

He was looking at me strangely, almost as if he recognized me, and I stood up, desperately resisting the urge to throw myself into his arms.

“She doesn’t often behave like this,” he said, and we both laughed suddenly as the small dog capered around me. “She belongs to a friend who died recently. Frankie only ever acted like this for her.”

“I’m sorry… about your friend, I mean. My husband died recently, too, so I know how you must be feeling.”

He came closer and gazed into my eyes with his deep mischievous blue ones, and I felt a tingle run right through me.

“There’s something about your laugh…” He broke off, sounding puzzled.

I smiled widely, unable to contain myself, wondering if he’d remember what I’d told him on our last evening together. “My name is Lauren.”

He paled and took a step back.

“I’m Dan,” he said hesitantly. “Look, I know this must seem like a weird question, but do you have any children?”

“I have four of them,” I said proudly. “And I love them to bits.”

He swallowed hard, as if he were trying not to choke on something.

“Are you all right?” I asked lightly.

“Yes,” he managed at last. He was still looking at me oddly, but then he seemed to pull himself together. “I know we’ve only just met, but perhaps we could go for a coffee or something? I think I need a drink.”

I gazed at him, wondering if I would ever be able to tell him the whole truth. In my mind’s eye I saw him pushing Teddy on the swing and kicking a football with Toby while the girls and Frankie raced around him excitedly, vying for attention.

“You look more like a Guinness man to me,” I said with a smile. “But coffee will do very well.”

“There’s a good pub up by the grandstand. Perhaps we could go there and scrap the coffee. How about a glass of wine?”

He was looking at me in that strange way again, as if he were testing me.

I shook my head. “I’ll stick with the coffee thanks, or water. I don’t drink alcohol.”

Dan laughed incredulously, then took my hand in his, calling to the dogs as he did so. A thrill ran through me at his touch, almost like a spark of electricity. I smiled into his eyes and together we walked back toward the cars, with Frankie trotting happily at our heels.

Melanie Rose
was an avid reader from an early age and found herself looking at the world around her and wondering “what if?” She began writing as a teenager, progressing to short stories and articles for magazines and newspapers. She trained as a nursery nurse and later became a play therapist on the children’s ward at the Royal Marsden Hospital, continuing to write in her spare time.

Her first novel was voted one of the favorite reads of the year by listeners of Britain Radio 4’s
Open Book
program.

She now lives in Surrey with her husband and four sons, who, along with many of the children she has cared for, provide much inspiration for her books.

For further information about Melanie please visit
www.melanierose.co.uk
.