Light in Mourning (Mourning, #2) (25 page)

“Honey, I’m home,” Drew's singsong voice echoed through the walls of the cottage. It felt like a repeat of last summer, except this time around, I was praying for less drama.
 

“Hey.” I locked her in a tight embrace. “How are you, and how’s my baby boy?”
 

“Everyone’s good.” She beamed. She looked so happy, blissfully so. Motherhood looked good on her. “In fact . . .” She held her left hand up and showed off a sparkling diamond the size of Texas.
 

“Jesus Christ, he could have fed a small country for the price of that.” Silas stepped into the kitchen, margarita in hand.
 

“Shut up.” Drew shot him a glare.
 

“Why the fuck do we need so much luggage to come for a weekend?” Gavin grunted as he let the bags fall from his shoulders. “We don’t even have the kid with us. Hey, Georgia.” He wrapped me in a one-armed hug.
 

“Hey, Daddy.” I smiled up at him. “Finally making an honest woman out of my girl.” I knocked my hip into hers playfully.
 

“She threatened bodily harm to my balls if I didn't.” He grinned and winked at Drew.
 

“Shut up.” She rolled her eyes before pecking him on the cheek.
 

“Where’s my man?”
 

“Office.” I nodded down the hallway.
 

“Don’t get too comfortable; you have to haul my stuff over to Georgia's house,” Drew called after him.
 

A snort sounded from down the hallway. It sounded like Gavin was in need of a guys’ weekend just as much as I was a girls’ weekend.
 

“Margarita, anyone?” Silas lifted the glass in his hand.
 

“Jesus, still an alcoholic, huh?” Drew knocked Silas in the arm.
 

“Hey, girls’ weekend; I'm letting loose.”

“I think you’re loose enough as it is.” Drew winked at me.

“Hey, married man, remember?” Silas lifted his hand and twisted the plain band on his ring finger.
 

“Right. Let’s get this weekend started.” She snatched Silas's drink and downed it in one guzzle.
 

“I thought you were breastfeeding?” I giggled at her.
 

“Oh, I am. I have to pump and dump.”

“Pump and what?” Silas's eyebrows knit together.
 

“After I drink I have to pump my breast milk and—”

“Okay, okay, TMI bitch. TMI.” Silas snatched his margaritas glass from her and turned to head out the door. Drew and I erupted into a fit of giggles.

“Babe! Bring my bags over to the beach house when you get a minute.”

Gavin huffed from down the hall and we all headed out the back door and made our way across the sand to the beach house. Silas poured us margaritas and we settled in for our weekend on the beach.
 

“So how’s it going, honey?” Drew curled her knees beneath her on the deck chair. We’d settled in with drinks and the three of us were perched on the deck, overlooking the rolling waves of the Atlantic.
 

“It’s going.” I sighed and sipped.
 

“Hardly,” Silas grumbled.
 

“Yeah?” Drew’s face turned down in sympathy.
 

It’s hard.” I shrugged.
 

“The baby-daddy situation is a bitch.” Silas took another long draw of his drink.

“I would imagine. So what are you going to do about it?”
 

I heaved a sigh and swirled the slushy concoction in my glass.
 

What was I going to do about it? “I have no idea.”

“Will you be supportive if he's Trevor's dad?” Drew’s deep brown eyes searched my face.
 

“Yes . . . I think so . . .” I murmured as thoughts swirled in my head.
 

“What does that mean?”
 

“It means I want to be.”

“She’s trying to force it. Don’t have guilt, love. This is your life, your decision. A little munchkin running around isn’t exactly what you signed up for when you tapped that.”

“Jesus, Silas.” I laughed.
 

“He’s right, G.” Drew’s eyes hit me with a serious glance. “So if he takes the test and he is the father,” Drew announced in her best Maury Povich voice, “what are you going to do?”
 

I chewed on my bottom lip as I thought about the possibility of Tristan being a dad. “I dunno.” In all honesty, the thought shattered my heart.
 

“Will you stay?” Drew asked softly as tears began to pool in my eyes.
 

“I don’t know that either.” A tear fell down my cheek and I wiped it away forcefully. I didn't want to be weak. I wanted to roll with this. I wanted to be there for Tristan, no matter what.
 

I glanced down at the ring he’d given me and swirled it around on my finger. The beautiful diamond ring representing our love. Our life together. The vows we were soon supposed to take, in sickness and in health.
 

I knew that I should stand by him, but it was all so much to process. Was I being inflexible? Was I sticking to the course, the dreams I had for myself, unwilling to deviate? That’s what had gotten me in trouble last summer. I thought that Kyle was my future, no matter what, even if our relationship had shifted to become less than ideal.
 

“I don’t know if I can be with someone who is a father to someone else’s kid.” The words escaped my mouth as guilt suffocated me. Thoughts of that beautiful little blond-haired boy, the one that may have Tristan's blood surging through his veins, possessed my mind. His beautiful deep green eyes and heart-stopping smile. Could I turn my back on the man I loved because of one decision he'd made years ago?

I didn’t want to. I desperately didn’t want to, but the fact was, it was so much easier said than done.
 

“Let’s face it; the kid is fucking cute. The real downer in this is bitchy-Barbie Lexi.”

“Silas.” I raised my voice before breaking out into laughter. The tequila was going to my head and it felt good. “It’s so fucking true.” I giggled before taking another sip.
 

“Enough of the baby-daddy drama. More drinks!” Silas lifted his glass, downed it, and then jogged back into the house to make more.
 

That night, I tossed and turned in my bed at the beach house. Silas, Drew, and I had moved down to the beach, toes dipped in the water as we sat and talked and laughed and drank. I’d gotten too drunk and the three of us finally stumbled to bed. A few minutes later, I'd heard heavy footsteps and Drew’s bedroom door open and close. I knew she’d called Gavin to creep into her room—so much for girls’ weekend. Apparently, it was girls’ weekend until you were drunk and horny and wanted to slip between the sheets with your fiancé.
 

I heaved a sigh and turned up the music on my iPod, trying to drown out the thoughts in my head and the creaking of the bed next door. I’d sobered up a little and real life drama had crept back in. I thrashed to the other side of the bed and buried my head in the pillow. My legs twitched and the covers twisted around my feet.
 

I missed him.
 

It felt so foreign to sleep by myself. I chewed on my bottom lip, as I thought about him in our house alone just a few yards away.
 

I pulled a pair of shorts up my legs and padded barefoot down the hallway and out the door. My feet hit the sand and I rushed across the beach to our house, the one Tristan and I shared together. My eyes took in the moonlight reflecting silvery sparkles off the midnight blue water. I dug my toes into the sand and inhaled the salty sweet air. I was going to get my man. The one I belonged with, regardless of his past; he was my future.
 

I made my way up the deck and slipped in the door. The house was silent and dark, moonlight reflecting off surfaces and shadows dancing in the corners. I made my way down the hall to our room. I slipped in through the door and stood, watching his lean form in bed. He lay on his stomach, sheet outlining his lean muscled back, elbows cocked to the side, forearms beneath the pillow at his head.

 
The moonlight glinted off the golden streaks in his tousled hair and my fingers ached to tangle through it. I wanted to tuck my nose into his neck and inhale. I walked softly to the bed and crawled in next to him, running my hands up the smooth skin of his back. He rolled over, wrapped me in his arms, and held me tightly, never saying a word. I ran my nose along the line of his neck and took a hit of my favorite scent just below his ear. Butterflies danced in my stomach, and my heart swelled.
 

“I couldn’t sleep without you,” I whispered.
 

“I couldn’t either.” He nuzzled his nose into my hair and inhaled deeply. “I wanted to give you space if you needed it.”

“I don’t. I thought I did, but not from you. I only want to be right here,” I murmured as he stroked my hair and held me tightly to him. I leaned up and lifted my T-shirt over my head. His eyebrows shot up in surprise as his eyes took in my form. My nipples pebbled under his stare. I wanted him. I always wanted him, no matter what was thrown our way.
 

“Are we okay?” My eyes locked with his, searching them as the fire sparked between us, binding us together.
 

“We’re always okay, baby.” He pulled me down onto his body and held me tightly, running circles up my back with his fingertips. He trailed his hands down my waist and slipped his fingers inside the waistband of my shorts. He fingered with the fabric before pulling it over my hips, taking my panties with them. I kicked them off my legs and lay against him, my naked body plastered against his partially dressed one.
 

“I need you,” I murmured. “I need you now. I need you every night and every morning. I need us, always.” Tears danced in my eyes as I bared my soul to him. I needed him to know how much I loved him, needed to show him the love I felt for him. He licked his lips and nodded before leaning up, twisting his hands in my hair, and pulling my lips to his own. He took my mouth passionately. Like he was thanking me for accepting him and his past. I loved him regardless of it all. I broke the kiss and pulled the sheet off his body before sliding his boxer briefs down his legs. He was hard and ready and when I palmed him, he twitched, lust sparking in his eyes.
 

I pulled up on my knees and held him in my hand, positioning him at my entrance before I sank down onto him. Tristan filled me—every corner and every fiber of my being hummed for him. Satisfied the constant yearning I had for him was being fulfilled at the moment, I rocked back and forth, taking him in and out of my body slowly, worshipping him and celebrating us. I moaned and ran my hands up the cut lines of his chest, his smooth skin beneath my hands, the rippling muscles working as we made love.
 

He took my breath away.
 

Every day he took my breath away and as long as I had him, I was okay with it. He could have it. Because he gave me back so much more.
 

Tristan’s hands ran up my ribcage, lighting my skin on fire, causing lightning bolts of pleasure to pulse straight through to my core. I rocked and moaned, taking all the pleasure he was giving me. His hands palmed my breasts, brushing over my sensitive nipples. I gasped as I arched to his body. His hands snaked up my collarbone and laced around my neck, locking into my hair. He pulled me down onto him and kissed me with fierce passion. Tongues tangling and caressing, lips bruising, swallowed moans, and breathless pants echoing around the walls of the bedroom.

“Please don’t leave me,” he said softly between kisses. Tears sprang to my eyes and fell down my cheeks. I froze above him and pulled away from his lips to look at him. His eyes glistened in the moonlight and I could see the water that had pooled there.
 

“Oh no, no, Tristan.” I held his beautiful face in my hands, searching for the right thing to say to take the pain from his eyes.