Living With the Dead: This New Disease (Book 5) (39 page)

Posted
by 
Josh
Guess
[Post
by Gabrielle]
I've been working with Josh for the last several
days. Between trying to help him along, which includes being a friend
as much as it does supplying him with some needed pharmaceuticals,
and trying to organize physicals for all the new arrivals, I've been
busy. Not as busy as everyone else, but still pressed for
time.
Evans is overseeing the quarantine area. Phil is doing
most of the grunt work in the clinic. There are a few nurses in the
group of newcomers but the two doctors joining us won't be here until
the final wave. The only reason I'm writing this is because everyone
else who might do it is running their asses off.
So much going
on. Teams running physicals, teams out to the four corners hunting.
Teams stocking up firewood. Teams dismantling train cars. All over
the place, groups of people trying to meet a wide range of goals.
Right now is the best time to build stores and prepare for the
winter. Too many projects going at once.  The council wants to
make this expansion work and they aren't holding back any effort. No
reserves.
I've been writing this for about an hour. That,
kids, is how fucking crazy it is here right now. I get in a few words
or a sentence and then have to go do something else. Whoever kicked
this anthill can kiss my ass. I haven't seen my husband in two days.
I think my kids have joined a roving band of
Lord
of the Flies-
style
savage children.
I don't have to spend the time with Josh I
do. I dedicate an hour to him at a time. I could beg off and make
headway on the truly irritating amount of work in front of me. I
don't abandon my friends. Good thing I don't, too, because this
morning he pointed something important out to me.
Can't really
get into details. But before I cut this post very short, I will say
that we've become very lax in one area. Too comfortable. We're still
watching but there are some serious possibilities we didn't take into
account before the migration started.
I'm talking about the
Exiles. And why we may have a war on our hands.

Posted
by 
Josh
Guess
[Post
by Dodger]
This isn't one of those pretty philosophical things
everyone else seems to write on here. I'm in charge of security and
defense. We got a problem.
Josh is sitting next to me, and he
isn't getting a chance to mess with this one. If I hand it over to
him he'll edit and make it all pretty. Screw that. This isn't a
happy-feely post about how we should all get along. I'm not telling
you how we've made mistakes. This is a warning. You can call it a
threat if you like. I don't care.
To all you Exiles across the
river: stay there. Don't even think about fucking moving.
To
all you exiles that have been sneaking away from the fallback point,
I suggest going home or elsewhere if you read this. If we catch you
there are gonna be consequences.
Now that's settled. To fill
you in, we got snookered by those tricky bastards. My watchmen have
been making sure the people across the river haven't been making any
moves. The Exiles used that to lull us into a false sense of
security. We kept seeing more of them get sick and vanish over time.
We never questioned why more of them didn't reappear. We made
assumptions. We were wrong.
In the last day our watchers have
seen the same twenty-seven Exiles over and over again. Took a while
to realize some of them were changing clothes and their appearances
slightly to look like different people. There were hundreds of them
at one time. So where the hell are they now?
We don't have a
clue, but they aren't in the fallback point. This message is for
every newcomer and every community out there that has any association
with us at all. Watch out for strangers. We're going through the
process of asking all our new arrivals to point out anyone they don't
know. It's a fucking beast of a problem. There are a lot of people in
a group of five hundred that don't know others. Then we have to take
the suspicious strangers and parade them through other groups to see
if anyone knows them.
We're pretty sure none of the
homesteaders will try to get back in New Haven. Too many of the old
guard know them. They know we'll kill them on sight. They're only a
small number of the Exiles.
Keep your eyes open. Keep your
defenses up, and I don't just mean weapons. Remember who these people
are and what they're capable of. They had a chance to change their
ways. They are the enemy. Don't forget it for even a second if you
like breathing through the right holes.
I take the blame for
this. We watched them fade away and didn't even question it because
it was good for us. We thought they were dying. Instead they were
escaping. Right out into the world.
Our world.

Posted
by 
Josh
Guess
[Post
by Kincaid]
We have ourselves a few prisoners. Some of the
Exiles passed themselves off as stranded travelers a few weeks back
and worked their way to North Jackson. Not sure how they got into the
group coming here as part of the first big wave of migrants, but they
did. We caught them.
The question now is what to do with them.
People think I must lean toward going easy on them because I was a
marauder too. They're wrong. The prisoners were part of a group that
chose not to take the amnesty when it was offered. They claim they
couldn't because their leaders threatened to kill them if they tried
to leave. We can't be sure.
Killing them offhand isn't
something most New Haven citizens are comfortable with. The
infiltrators haven't caused any trouble that we know of. They've
worked and taken risks just like everyone else. That isn't to condone
what they've done. There was a very specific set of simple rules in
place. The Exiles broke them. Consequences are going to happen, no
two ways about it.
I'm the last person that should have a
public opinion about this. I have been on both sides of the issue and
either way people are going to think I have an agenda. Either I'm
trying too hard to win the trust of my fellow citizens if I side
against the Exiles, or I'm a sympathizer if I suggest leniency. Call
me Switzerland on this one. I'm out of the game.
I do have a
few thoughts. Maybe an observation or two.
Context matters.
When the truce went into place there was a lot more turmoil in the
Exile camp. They were strong, then. There were more of them and the
group was under the thumb of a bunch of tyrants.
Then again,
they could have kept going their own way. The new plague gave them a
chance to kill off those tyrants. They took it. Scar and his
lieutenants are dead. The remaining Exiles had everything they needed
to survive on their own. But for whatever reason they risked breaking
the terms of the truce to come here.
So far the ones we've
captured have given a variety of answers to the question 'why?'. No
one knows what to believe, but the immediate inclination for most
people here is to suspect them of a larger plot. If they were
planning to weaken us from the inside we might find hard evidence of
it. If they really did want to make a better life, it might have been
worth the risk to simply ask us to come here. If recent events are
any indication, the leadership might have taken another look at their
hard line stance against the Exiles. We've all got enough blood on
our hands. Compassion can be risky, though.
You probably
guessed that there's a lot of discussion going on here. I can't say
with any certainty which way it will go. There are factors about the
prisoners I'm not allowed to share. They matter, I can say that much.
I just don't know if they will matter enough.
I'm done being
vague and mysterious for one day. Josh is eager to edit this, and I
have more work to do than any three people should have to deal with.

Posted
by 
Josh
Guess
[Post
by Will Price]
We have come to a crossroads here in New Haven.
I talked the other day about the fact that we need to face the future
with our eyes and minds open. To achieve much there has to be
sacrifice, but we also have to remain willing to bend to the times.
You probably guessed that this post has to do with our prisoners. You
are right. Not just with the Exiles we have in captivity, but also
the ones still out there. Those are the ones making this situation
more difficult.
Within New Haven there is a division between
people. Some want the council to follow the path we laid out with the
original truce. They want us to kill the prisoners and declare war on
the remaining Exiles. Not because those citizens are angry or want
revenge. They see a threat to our home and recognize the need to
neutralize it. They see enemies who were given a chance to walk away
and did not take it.
That opinion isn't wrong or right. Most
of those backing a violent solution to this problem have suffered at
the hands of the Exiles or people like them. There are a significant
number of new arrivals that have been brutalized by marauders at one
point or another. It isn't just long-time citizens that feel this
way.
The other side want us to mitigate our response. They
argue that we should have learned a lesson from the debacle with
Louisville. That killing is a last resort, one to be avoided if
possible. It has been pointed out to me that the Exile infiltrators
were working and doing a good job by all accounts. What if this
signifies genuine change, a willingness to move beyond the people
they once were?
Both sides have reasoned and compelling cases.
The council is deadlocked. I am the deciding vote. It rests in my
hands alone whether we spend our efforts working on the expansion or
trolling the local fields and woods for enemies. Do we show our
strength and determination in the face of enemies or allow for the
possibility of their personal evolution and growth?
I am
balanced between them. There are too many variables to consider. A
lot can go wrong either way. A good leader should never show
hesitation or fear. The person in charge is supposed to be the
example for everyone else. Once upon a time I would have agreed with
that idea wholeheartedly. Not today. Maybe not ever again.
If
the trouble with Louisville has taught us anything it's that open and
frank discussion is important. I need to make a call on this
situation very soon, by tomorrow at the latest, and it's important
that none of you think I will come to it lightly or easily. Lives
could be lost. Probably will be, either way. Not many people are
furious enough to kill based on what I've heard, but it only takes a
few sparks to start a fire.
That kind of turmoil is the last
thing we can afford. The question or right and wrong in this context
is the worst part. We have always tried to fight for life, even when
that meant making ourselves violent enough that no enemy would dare
come after us. New Haven has been a collection of people painted in
contrasts since before it had a name. Even when this was the
compound, the cold choice to kill did not come without some cost.
My
only choice is to weigh them now. Wish me luck. Wish all of us luck.

Posted
by 
Josh
Guess
No
little brackets this time. This post is by me.
I'm not unaware
of the goings-on right now. People have tried to isolate me from the
facts, but even though my friends were only looking out for my well
being, they were wrong to do it. I'm not proud of myself for hiding
how deeply hurt I was, but I don't feel guilty for feeling it. Gabby
tells me that's a start, really looking at my situation as something
that happened and moving forward.
That being said, keeping me
out of the loop isn't going to help in the long term. I'm feeling
much more stable than I did even a few days ago. I know I'm a long
way from healthy, but there's just no way for me to function in the
long view if I can't handle the difficult situations we
encounter.
While I was in my little cell, friends spent time
with me. As time goes on I might decide to share some of those
conversations, but even if I don't I will make a point to spend more
time with them and talk about them. Seeing Courtney, Steve, Pat,
Becky, Will, and others so much and so often over the last week drove
home how much I rely on them. If I had put more effort into those
friendships, maybe my burden wouldn't have felt so heavy.
And
it isn't as though I was cut off from the world completely in there.
There were a few surprise zombie attacks on the newest expansion. I
heard the bells loud and clear. Even when I was curled up in shame on
my cot I felt the overwhelming urge to fight the undead when the
bells rang. I wasn't allowed anywhere near a weapon, of course.
I
guess the important lesson I took away from the experience is that I
don't want to die. At least, I'm willing to live and fight for others
at a bare minimum.
Another lesson is that all of us are at
risk. Not to beat a dead horse, but I want to drive home the point
that this has been a long time coming for me. I've held it together
in the face of many small disasters but the damage was cumulative. I
don't think I'm the only person who has been bent and broken by the
things we do. The decisions we've made may have been necessary but
that doesn't mean they don't kill us a little inside.
I
wouldn't be posting today--and believe me, it's taking a lot of
effort to remain calm while I type--if Will and the rest of the
council weren't still weighing the future of the captured Exiles and
what our stance will be on those free Exiles who threaten war on us
if we kill the captives out of hand.
For the first time in a
very long span, I'm not a part of the discussion. The council
wouldn't ask me my opinion right now even if they didn't care about
putting pressure on my brain. My judgment may not be sound. I
recognize that as a real possibility. Part of my breakdown has been
the constant violence we've lived through. If I say that we should
negotiate for peace at all costs, that might be a sign that I'm now
too damaged to properly respond with force when needed.
That's
entirely possible. In fact, I'm worried that might be the case. It's
still early for me, yet. Only time will tell. Instead of suggesting a
way forward and hoping that I will influence the council enough to
make my choice rather than their own, I will just make a statement
and hope that we come to the right decision.
To the council
and all citizens of New Haven:
No. To everyone, everywhere.
I
ask you to take a few moments to stop. At some point today when you
feel overwhelmed or angry or just sick of it all, I would like you to
pause. Close your eyes and let the breeze move over you. Focus on
something around you. Maybe the noise of children playing or men
working. Could be the smell of lunch being made. Take that time and
let yourself simply be a person in a place, with no larger context
than that.
No matter who you are, whether you're an Exile or a
marauder or a citizen of a community like our own. Please stop and
take a calming breath when you need it. After that refreshing moment,
I want you to remember that every other person out there is just like
you. They might be an enemy bent on ending your life, but history is
full of foes having respect and understanding for each other.
We
are all matter. From the most base subatomic particles, we're the
dust of stars given shape and life. We share a common origin and the
unique pain of watching the same beloved world die in front of us.
Every living person now has had to end the existence of beings that
were once what we are now. Some of the walking dead were loved ones,
others strangers, but I doubt that many of us ended those dreary
second lives without some degree of regret.
I have gained so
many new pieces of perspective from my breakdown. We have allowed the
pressures of life, so hard now and such a struggle, force us into
corners. Yes, building the future is the only goal we can strive for,
but Will was right. More than I realized when I first read his
post.
We don't have to continue the cycle of violence to prove
anything. We don't have to maintain some abstract sense of toughness
to those who would call us enemy. We are the ones in control of our
decisions, not them. Not only 
can 
we
choose to be compassionate to those who may not deserve it, but it's
our responsibility to set the tone. We've done that in the past, most
notably in the very structure of our community. But turning points
such as this demand that we step back and take a hard look at our
recent history. We have to decide if the time has come to raise the
bar for ourselves ethically and morally.
In short, we have to
choose whether or not the risk of seeming weak is worth setting a
better example.
I don't know if it is or not. Honestly. I'm
not qualified to even speculate on that right now. I'm not proposing
any particular plan. God knows I've been wrong enough in my life to
question every choice I make. I'm simply asking everyone out there to
stop and calm yourselves, try to imagine the point of view of the
enemy. See if there isn't some common ground to work from.
It
may be that the Exiles are bloodthirsty to a fault and not open to
compromise. We've seen that before, which is why they became an enemy
in the first place. If that is the case then we may not be at a point
of stability that allows us as a society to take a leap of faith.
Only two and a half years into these new dark ages, I admit the
possibility that it may take years before we can begin to trust
enough to risk ourselves on principle.
If, however, the Exiles
and others like them are willing to listen and at least try to work
something out, then I ask only that you give the possibility a
chance. The thought of cutting down people who genuinely want to
change themselves for the better because we once said some words and
feel bound to follow through makes me nauseous.
Again, it
might be necessary. That is your collective call to make.
I
meant this to be a plea for sincere deliberation to all of you out
there, but yeah, it ended up being pointed mostly at my own people. I
will back whatever call you make. I beg that you only remember that
no matter what they've done, these are human beings whose fate you're
deciding. If they have to die, please be sure that you're acting out
of real need and not obstinate ego.
If we have to commit to
war, I only ask that you make sure it's one we have to fight for
ethical reasons. Not because the only way to prove we're morally
superior is by killing the enemy. Humanity has had enough of that
over the centuries.
We're all specks wandering this great big
globe, made up of the same stuff. There aren't so many living people
left that we can afford to lose any for stupid reasons. If this
rambling post makes any sense at all, I hope that last part sticks
with you. In the final equation, it boils down to the same mentality
that makes all of us survivors in the first place: waste nothing that
can benefit the group.
Think about it. That's all I can ask.