Long Time Coming (5 page)

When Deidre and Johnson were first married, she couldn't wait for the final bell to ring so she could rush home to her man. But through the years and because of all this baby talk, she'd started dreading that final bell. Now she grabbed her purse and a stack of files she had already gone through. She needed to take them home in case Johnson wanted to talk about Mother Barrow's prophecy. That way she could point to the files and say that she had too much work to do and needed to talk later.

She put the files in her briefcase and walked out into the hallway. Children were running from their classrooms, through the hallway, and out to the waiting buses. At least some people were anxious to get home. As Deidre headed out the door, a kid dropped his books and his papers scattered across the hall. He bent down, trying to recover his stuff while the other kids stepped on his papers and books, single-mindedly trying to get out of the school building. Deidre put down her briefcase and purse, and began picking up some of the papers. When she turned to hand the paper to the boy who was still on the floor searching for more papers, she noticed that it was Jamal.

She had meant to seek Jamal out today in order to see how he was doing, but with the issues she was dealing with, she'd completely forgotten about him. Sometimes Deidre wondered if God really tolerated self-pity among His believers, or if He just shook His head in shame. She handed him his papers and then asked, "How are you doing, Jamal?"

"I'm all right," he said as he gathered the rest of his papers and then stood up.

But he didn't look all right. Jamal was normally well groomed, with his clothes cleaned and ironed, and his mini Afro combed and neat. But today his clothes were wrinkled, and it looked as if his hair hadn't seen a comb and brush in days.

Now she knew why she had wanted to check on Jamal first thing this morning. He needed her help, but she had been too wrapped up in self-pity to seek him out. Deidre took hold of Jamal's arm and pulled him off to the side."You don't look like everything is all right. Please tell me what's wrong."

He snatched his arm away from her."What do you care?"

"I care, Jamal, that's why I'm asking. Is your mom okay?"

He looked away, didn't answer.

"Jamal, please tell me, is something wrong with your mother?"

Deidre saw the tears as they creased the corners of Jamal's eyes.

He wiped the tears away as he said, "Nobody cares about my mother but me."

"Why do you say that?"

"Nobody will help her."

Again, Deidre felt the sting of her selfish behavior. Why hadn't she thought to ask Kenisha if she needed anything? "I'd like to help, Jamal. Can you take me to see your mother?"

J
amal jumped out of the car and ran up to his door as if he thought something terrible might happen if he didn't get inside his apartment that very minute. Deidre realized that she was partially to blame for Jamal's panic. If she hadn't laid into Kenisha the day she came to pick Jamal up from her house, then Kenisha wouldn't have blurted out the fact that she had cancer. And Jamal would probably still be blissfully in the dark about the whole situation.

Deidre followed Jamal, noting the trash that had been strewn on the next door neighbor's lawn. From the smell of it, the trash had been exposed like that for several hours, if not more. When Deidre reached Kenisha's front door, she noticed that a small flower garden had been planted near the door. The fragrance that rose from those colorful flowers contrasted with the smell of rotted garbage next door. As she stepped inside the small apartment, a new smell wafted into her nostrils— Pine-sol.

"Wake up, Mama, I'm home," Jamal said as he shook Kenisha's shoulder.

She was lying on the couch in the living room. She opened her eyes and then sat up. She looked at the clock on her wall."I didn't know it was this late. I'm sorry I didn't meet you at school. I got so tired after I mopped the floor that I lay down for a minute." She looked at the clock again."At least, I thought I was only going to lie down for a minute."

"Mrs. Morris drove me home. She wanted to talk to you."

In slow motion, as if drugged, Kenisha looked around the room. When her eyes locked on Deidre, she said, "I wasn't neglecting my son. I normally pick him up and we walk home together. I just wasn't feeling well today."

"I didn't think you were neglecting Jamal. That's not why I stopped by." Deidre motioned toward the chair across from the couch that Kenisha was sitting on."May I sit down?"

"You didn't ask if you could take my son off the school grounds, or come into my house. So why should you ask to sit down? Just go on and do it."

This is not going to be easy,
Deidre thought as she sat down.

"Mrs. Morris wanted to know how you're doing," Jamal said as he sat down next to Kenisha.

"Everything is wonderful," Kenisha said as she looked toward Deidre, lifted her arm, and made a sweeping motion around the living room."Can't you tell? We're living high off the hog and loving every minute of it."

What Deidre could tell was that although the furniture was probably a decade old, it was in good condition and the house was spotless. For a woman with three children, that was a remarkable feat. Deidre had visited mothers who had maids and hadn't found their homes to be as spotless as Kenisha's."It appears that your children are doing well with you."

"You don't have to say that. I know that we are just poor folk, living in the projects. I saw that beautiful house you have, so don't tell me you think what I have is any comparison."

"I didn't say that, but I can tell that you keep your children and your home clean. And it looks to me as if you care about the things you have."

Kenisha turned to Jamal while pointing in Deidre's direction."Is this the same woman who threatened to call Children's Services on me?"

There was an embarrassed expression on Jamal's face as he said, "Yeah, Mom, but I think she wants to help now."

Deidre noticed that it was very quiet in Kenisha's apartment. Too quiet for a place where three children lived. She looked around and then asked, "Where are your other children?"

Kenisha laughed, but it was bittersweet."If I tell you that, you really will call Children's Services on me."

Raising her hands in surrender, Deidre said, "I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I didn't come here to judge you or to spy on you. I really just want to know if there is anything you need. I'd like to help."

Kenisha was silent for a moment. She looked at Jamal and then back at Deidre."You'll have to forgive me. I'm not used to people asking to help me out. Mostly everyone I know runs in the opposite direction if I ask for a favor."

"Well, I'm not running. I really want to help."

Just then, Kenisha's back door opened and two little girls ran into the living room. A woman stepped inside the house and then leaned her head out the door and screamed."No, don't you get your bad self out the car. Sit there until I come back."

The little girls ran to Kenisha and wrapped their arms around her. One of them said, "I missed you, Mommy."

"I missed the both of you too," Kenisha said.

"Well, you won't be missing them no more," the woman said as she stepped farther into the living room."Look, Kenisha, I'm sorry, girl. I really tried to help, but I can't keep watching your kids and mine too." She lifted her arms and pointed outside."I've got a new boyfriend, Kenisha. Those four little demons I got are bad enough, and Reggie said he can't handle any more kids at the house."

"What would Ray J say about you taking up with Reggie?" Kenisha asked, trying to hide her smirk.

"Real funny, Kenisha. But the way I see it is—what Ray J don't know won't hurt him."

"Until you get your guest spot on the Maury show, that is."

"Whatever, Kenisha. I'm not having any more kids. So I don't have to worry about that," Aisha said defiantly, then asked, "Are you mad at me?"

Kenisha gave Deidre a look that displayed everything she was feeling . . . good help was hard to find. She then turned back to her sister and said, "I'm not mad at you, Isha. You did the best you could."

Receiving her reprieve, Aisha smiled and then a look of concern etched across her face."How was your radiation treatment?"

"The same. I'm still a little tired from it." Trying to get off the subject, Kenisha turned to Deidre and said, "This is my sister Aisha." She turned back to Aisha and said, "This is Mrs. Morris. She's Jamal's principal."

"Hello," Deidre said.

"Hey," was Aisha's response, and then she said, "Let me get to the car before Reggie drives off with my kids." She turned and left.

Kenisha told her children, "Y'all go wash your hands and change into some play clothes. I'll have dinner ready in a little bit."

The children didn't talk back or complain; they just ran toward the stairs as if they were eager to do what their mother requested of them.

Kenisha turned back to Deidre and said, "Thanks for coming over here to see about us, but to be perfectly honest, the only thing I need right now is a babysitter."

"She asked me to babysit."

"And what was so wrong with that? You did go over there to help her out, right?" Johnson asked while he and Deidre sat on the living room sofa discussing their day.

Deidre put her feet up on the sofa and hugged her knees to her chest."Yeah, but I was thinking more along the lines of grocery shopping, housecleaning, or cooking something for her or the kids."

"You don't even like to cook. I do most of the cooking at our house."

"That's not true. We split the cooking and you know it."

"Yeah, but on your days, you normally order pizza or bring home takeout." Johnson leaned back in his seat and shook his head. He tried to understand Deidre, but sometimes she put the
P
in puzzle."Why couldn't you just do what the girl asked you to do? It's not as if we don't have the space here; we could watch her children for a few days. And besides, watching her children would give us some practice for when we get our own."

Deidre sat up and put her feet back on the floor as she exploded, "I knew it! You just want those kids over here because you're tired of being with me."

Totally confused, Johnson said, "What?"

"You think I don't know how you feel about me?"

Johnson stood and held up his hands in an attempt to ward off whatever storm was brewing inside Deidre."I love you, De, that's how I feel about you. Whatever else you're thinking, you've got it all wrong."

Tears had formed in her eyes as she said, "Then why were you jumping all over yourself with joy when Mother Barrow promised you some kids?"

He sat back down and put Deidre's hand in his."De, it shouldn't be a surprise to you that the news Mother Barrow gave us yesterday would make me happy. You and I have wanted kids since the day we got married. It's not our fault that the process has taken so long."

She snatched her hand away from him and glared."You mean, it's not your fault. Because we both know that the fault rests on my shoulders."

He wished that he'd never told her about the physical he'd taken in which the doctor informed him that there was nothing preventing him from having a baby. Before he received that news, he and Deidre had been in this thing together— both wanting a child, and both working toward that end. Now Deidre acted like the whole matter was up to her and that if they didn't have a baby, then she had failed him. He'd never said that, had never felt that way. But that didn't stop her from crying herself to sleep."We are in this together, De. Remember that. That's how we started this marriage, and I won't let you blame yourself for our not having a baby." He pulled her into his arms, kissed her forehead, and whispered in her ear, "It's not your fault, De. It's not your fault."

She pounded on his chest."That's not true, Johnson. It's just not true."

Johnson looked to heaven as he tried to figure out how he and Deidre had gotten here. When they first got married they were in tune with each other's wants and needs. And it seemed like things only got better after they committed their life to the Lord. But these last few years, when it became obvious that Deidre couldn't conceive a child, it had changed them. Johnson didn't like what was happening, but he didn't know what to do to turn things around.

Deidre knew that it was her fault, and nothing Johnson said would change the facts. When she was a teenager, she'd started having acne problems, gained fifty pounds in a year, and her menstrual cycle would come two months and then skip a month. Her mother had been worried about her, so they'd had several tests run on Deidre. When the doctor had informed her that she had polycystic ovary syndrome, Deidre had given him a blank stare and said, "Huh?"

Dr. Clayton had then informed her that polycystic ovary syndrome, or PCOS as it is normally called, is a condition in which a woman's hormones are out of balance. He had further informed her that this syndrome could cause problems with monthly periods and make it difficult to get pregnant.

Deidre might have only been sixteen at the time, but she had always known that she wanted four children, two sets of twins, so that she would only have to go through labor twice. So she had turned to Dr. Clayton and said, "That can't be right. I'm going to have lots of children. My husband and I will be awesome parents."

What Deidre remembered most about that office visit is that Dr. Clayton, who was normally a cheerful and fun-loving kind of doctor, had this sad expression on his face as he said, "You may still be able to have children, but I have to be honest with you, Deidre, it will be difficult."

After that doctor's visit, Deidre's mom and dad had loved on her a little bit more and helped her realize that she was okay just the way she was—hairy back, acne, extra weight, and all. But as she left high school and headed to college, Deidre developed a hunger for salads and seafood; she started exercising and using dermatology cream for her acne. She still had the hairy back, but Deidre considered herself lucky, because according to Dr. Clayton, she could have grown a mustache or heavy sideburns. All in all, a hairy back wasn't such a big deal.

She was a senior in college when she met Johnson, and thankfully she had dropped all the excess weight by then. For the first time in Deidre's life, a man was actually interested in her. She had considered telling Johnson when they first started dating about her condition and the possibility that she might have a hard time conceiving a child. But who springs news like that on a first date? As the months rolled by and Johnson confided in her that he wanted a houseful of children, Deidre knew she should have told him about her PCOS then, but she had fallen in love with Johnson and didn't want to risk losing him. And anyway, she had been watching the food she ate and exercising regularly like Dr. Clayton had advised her to do. He'd told her that doing those things would make it easier for her to conceive when the time came. So she kept her mouth shut and hoped that things would turn out the way she'd always planned. Except for the twin thing. She no longer cared whether she had twins, she just wanted a child.