Lottery (32 page)

“Anything I can do to help?” the policeman asked Caleb.

Caleb shook his head. He stood staring after Ling for a few seconds, then turned and walked toward the boulevard. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He was too emotional and might say something that didn’t jive with what he’d told the police.

Both the Coast Guard and police had questioned him for hours. Caleb had told them the same story—he’d asked Sam to wear a life jacket, but Sam had refused. Sam had been sitting on one of the benches at the back of the boat, Caleb was driving, and when he turned around to ask Sam a question, his father-in-law was gone. Sam had evidently stood up, Caleb had told them. He’d probably leaned over the side to see something and lost his balance.

“Why hadn’t Caleb insisted that Sam wear a life jacket?” one cop asked.

“I tried, but Sam refused,” Caleb lied, emotionally. Caleb hadn’t faked the tears that had come and gone, and then came again. He’d loved Sam, but if his father-in-law had lived, Caleb would have lost Ling and Ahna.

Caleb slowly sauntered down the street with Weber beside him.

“You wanted him dead,” Weber told Caleb.

“You made me kill him,” Caleb responded and looked over at him. “You fuckin’ ghost.”

“No such things as ghosts, buddy.” BMWs, Mercedes, and Jaguars sat in the driveways of the million dollar homes they passed. Weber smirked. “At least your neighbors
made
their money.”

“Probably trust-funders like you.”

“Your disdain for me is amusing,” Weber said.

Caleb felt numb. He had no desire to fight with Weber. When he reached the Majestic Hotel, he stopped, trying to decide whether he should go inside.

“Go on in and toast Sam,” Weber encouraged.

Caleb’s left eye had been twitching since Sam had gone into the bay, driving him insane. He went up the steps, through the double doors, turned left and went into the bar. He deserved a drink. It had been one of the worst days of his life. There was no way he could face Ling. Not now.

Two months after Sam Jameson had drowned, he was declared legally dead. When the Coast Guard found the piece of clothing, tested the blood, and found it matched Sam’s was when Mei had consented to a funeral.

Ling hadn’t been the same since her father’s death. Caleb could sense that she blamed him. He needed to be patient. In time, she would move on. Caleb was starting to feel that the worst was over, and the ghosts from the past were behind him. He’d even cut down on his drinking. Now he and Ling could go forward with their lives.

Caleb and Ahna were playing on the deck. “Come on, Ahna,” Caleb said, “Let’s go see Mommy.” He picked her up and walked into the house.

“Mommy,” Ahna squealed when she saw Ling. Caleb put Ahna down and she scurried across the kitchen floor toward Ling.

Ling stopped what she was doing, bent over and adjusted the pink bow in Ahna’s hair.

“Couldn’t keep her occupied,” Caleb said.

Ahna patted Ling’s tummy bump and scrunched up her button nose. “Baby.”

Ling picked Ahna up. “Mommy’s getting fat.” Ling patted her stomach that was covered in a maternity top.

“You’re going to have to stop lifting her.” Caleb strolled to Ling and kissed her on the cheek. “And … you’re not fat, you’re my beautiful wife.”

“I think I have an elephant in here,” Ling commented. “I’m only a little over four months along and already feel big as a barn.”

“A half-back in there, maybe.” Caleb pulled out one of the stool at the island and sat down. “By the way, when did you reschedule Jenee’s trip?”

“She’s coming after the baby’s born,” Ling said. “There’s just been too much going on right now.”

Caleb had hoped Jenee would never come back. “Can I help with anything?”

Ling put Ahna down. “Nope. Mom and I have the picnic all ready to go. It’ll be nice to get away on the boat.”

Opting not to buy the boat Caleb and Sam had taken out because of the bad memories, and purchased a different cruiser with the same floor plan. He and Ling had christened the yacht “Ahna,” and had the name scripted on the back of the boat.

Ahna took off running, and Caleb scooped her up in his arms. “Come on, baby girl, let’s go get some toys packed up for the boat.”

“Don’t forget her blanket,” Ling said as she started packing the picnic basket with the already wrapped sandwiches. “I’m sure all the fresh air will make our little munchkin drowsy.”

By the time Caleb had everyone rounded up and in the car, it was almost noon. He parked in the marina parking lot and took Ahna out of her car seat. With Ahna in one arm, he grasped the picnic basket in his other hand, and started down the pier. Mei and Ling strolled arm-in-arm behind him.

“Ahna, you want to go for a ride?” Caleb asked and stepped on board. He loved watching Ahna’s eyes light up whenever they went out on the bay.

After Ling and Mei were on the deck, he handed Ahna to Ling, set the basket down on the table, and went to the helm.

The boat had similar cushy leather benches and couches on both decks, and the same rich dark cherrywood veneering as the yacht Caleb had taken Sam on. The bedroom off the lower level stateroom had plenty of room for a crib for the new baby and a cot for Ahna to sleep on.

Caleb turned when he heard Ahna wailing at the top of her lungs, and saw Ling struggling to get the child’s life jacket on.

“Caleb,” Ling said, “can you help me out here?”

Caleb took Ahna in his arms and turned her around to face him. “No, Ahna,” he said sternly. It was difficult for him to be strict with his daughter. “You have to wear this or we can’t go bye-bye.”

Ahna started to calm as Caleb talked to her, allowing Ling to push her tiny arms into the jacket. Caleb turned his daughter around so Ling could snap the jacket.

“You’re my big girl.” Caleb hugged Ahna, and then gave her back to Ling.

Mei sat quietly on a bench, her head bowed.

Caleb rolled the canopy back to expose the upper deck, and then started the engine. Slowly, he backed out of the boat slip.

“Bird,” Ling said to Ahna and pointed to a seagull.

The fresh air, the sun warming his face, there was nowhere else that brought Caleb the solace he found when he was on the water.

“
Buwd
,” Ahna mimicked and clapped for herself proudly.

“Can we go to the place where Samuel …” Mei stopped and looked away.

“Where Daddy fell in,” Ling finished.

Mei had been so strong, trying to mask her pain. Caleb hated himself for taking away her partner of over three decades, but Sam hadn’t given him a choice.

Caleb stared straight ahead as the memory of that day flashed through his mind—Sam jumping on Caleb’s back—fighting for his life—trying to gasp in air. If Ling ever found out that Caleb had any part of her father’s death, she’d never forgive him.

Caleb steered the yacht underneath the San Rafael Bridge that connected San Francisco to Oakland, and then veered around Treasure Island. The Golden Gate Bridge to his left, when San Pablo Bay was in sight, Caleb turned off the ignition, and went to where Ling and Mei were sitting. “It was around here,” Caleb said quietly.

Ling handed Ahna to Caleb, sat down next to Mei, and wrapped an arm around her mother’s shoulder.

Caleb put Ahna down and, knelt beside the child. When Ahna bolted, Caleb grabbed her around the waist, picked her up, and whooshed her up over his head. Ahna squirmed and giggled to get away. Looking up at her, the blue sky framed her face and the dark chin-length hair that fell over her forehead and cheeks. Just like Mei, Ahna’s almond shaped eyes almost disappeared
when she laughed or smiled. God, he loved her. Caleb couldn’t imagine his life without her.

Carrying Ahna in his arms, he walked to the bag he’d packed before he left the house. “Let’s get some toys out for you.” After he sat down on the deck, he nestled Ahna between his legs. He reached into the duffel and took out a plastic stand with five bright plastic rings, her favorite cloth storybook, and a stuffed bear.

“Daddy,” Ling started emotionally, looking down into the calm water, “we love you. I’ll tell Ahna everything about you. What a wonderful father you were and what a wonderful grandfather you would have been.”

Mei covered her mouth, her shoulders moving with every muffled sob.

Caleb swallowed hard as he stroked Ahna’s hair.
Forgive me, Sam
, he asked silently, biting his lower lip. God, what he’d give for a drink right now.

“Cut the crap, O’Toole,” Weber said “You’re glad the old geezer is gone.”

Caleb looked down at Ahna, hoping Weber would go away.

“You okay, Mom?” Ling asked Mei.

Mei folded her hands together. “Buddha teaches us not to hold on.”

“I know,” Ling said sadly. “But no matter what we’re taught, it’s difficult.”

“Your father … he live on.” Mei stared out over the bay.

Caleb cleared his throat. “What do you mean? You mean like in heaven?”

Mei turned, her sad eyes meeting Caleb’s. “Death is not the end. It is beginning of new life.”

“Like reincarnation?” Caleb asked.

“Six realms of life,” Mei said. “God, human, asura, hungry ghost, animal, and hell.”

Caleb glanced down at Ahna who was content nestled into the crook of his arm.

“Karma,” Mei whispered.

Ling brushed her hand down her mother’s back. “Buddhism teaches that where we go in our next lifetime depends on what kind of person we were while on earth.”

“What’s a hungry ghost?” Caleb asked.

“This not good.” Mei shook her head. “This when man is evil. He selfish and greedy and come back as hungry ghost. These ghosts always hungry, but never get full.”

Caleb was confused. “So no one can see them, right? The hungry ghosts?”

“Some say they see them at night. Even leave food on doorsteps to make them go away, but hungry ghosts always want more.” Mei bowed her head. “My Samuel will never be hungry ghost. He was good man.”

The wake created by the large tour boat that passed rocked the yacht. Caleb looked down and saw that Ahna had fallen asleep. He adjusted her in his lap. “What is asura?”

Mei looked up. “This when someone in past life think they are like gods. These spirits are filled with pride. They want more of everything and never happy. They also have done bad things to others while on earth.”

Mumblings of other voices in Caleb’s head now joined Weber’s. “
Hungry ghost … asura … burn forever in hell,”
the voices said over each other. Caleb’s head was throbbing.

“No one escape going to the next realm. All who have life on earth will continue cycle.” Mei wiped a tear off her fleshy cheek.

“Dad’s in heaven, Mom,” Ling consoled.

“Yes. Only way he is not is if he had terrible death,” Mei said.

Caleb’s stomach tightened. “But he didn’t.”

“Some say if person murdered, then spirit might come back as hungry ghost.” Mei stared at Caleb. “Come back and haunt those who harm him.”

Why were Ling and Mei staring at him? Caleb felt the perspiration trickle down his forehead. Did they suspect he’d killed Sam?

“Old man’s coming for you,” Weber told him. “Just can’t catch a break, can you?”

Caleb felt his left eye start to twitch. “So, how long does it take for a spirit to come back?”

“Some say three days, but can take longer.” Mei stood and started for the picnic basket.

Jesus.
Sam was coming after him, and would somehow get to Ling and tell her the truth. Killing Sam once hadn’t been enough. But how the hell could Caleb kill a ghost? Caleb had tried getting rid of Weber, but it never worked. God, he needed a drink. He carefully picked up Ahna, stood, and handed the sleeping child to Ling.

“I’ll be right back.” Caleb turned, made his way to the helm and went down the steps into the stateroom. Inside the bathroom, he closed the door and quickly found the bottle he’d hid.

All Caleb could do was pray that Sam’s spirit was in heaven, and that he would leave Caleb the fuck alone.

he past few months had been strained. Ling rarely talked to Caleb, and acted as if she didn’t want him around. Caleb hoped Sam’s ghost hadn’t gotten to Ling. Every night after everyone fell asleep, Caleb found himself on the deck, pacing.