Love for Beginners: An Under the Hood Novella (7 page)

Her fingers traced the silky trail on Heath’s lower stomach. He was so damned sexy, and she wanted him, just as all the women he’d known before had. It was a physical thing. A pheromone-driven animal attraction. Surrendering to it should be no more wrong than gorging on chocolate cake, or getting drunk, once in a while. She could indulge without adding her heart into the mix. Know he’d leave, without wanting him to stay.

He was never going to be her “always” guy, and being with him would ensure that she could act naturally when she found the perfect guy, and keep him. That man wouldn’t make her heart beat faster when he touched her. Wouldn’t force logical thought from her mind when he kissed her neck. There’d be no threat of her losing herself when she looked into the depths of his eyes. He’d be safe. Reliable. Their relationship wouldn’t be built on the shaky pillars of physical attraction and passion—it would be built on compatibility and shared goals.

She tilted Heath’s face to the side and trailed her lips from his mouth to his left ear. “Don’t tell.” Her lips returned to his. “Me.” She followed the rising curve of his mouth with her lips, then continued to his other ear. “What I want.”

Her back arched, pressing her chest into his in unself-conscious abandon—so different from the woman she had been that her blood sang with it.

“I hope you have condoms, because I know what I want.”

She couldn’t believe the words that came out of her mouth. Never before had the thought of knowing, asking, demanding what she wanted from a man…well, she’d never wanted anything from a man before. Had never found the brush of anyone’s hands over her chest so incredibly arousing that all she wanted was for there to be nothing between their bodies.

She shivered as Heath’s mouth trailed down her neck. His warm lips felt wonderful. If Heath could teach her to fake this with Mr. Right, all her worries would be over.

What do men like?

She stroked his dark hair with tentative fingers. “Take my clothes off,” she said, slow and deliberate, channeling Marlene Dietrich. A swift intake of breath, barely noticeable unless she’d been listening for it, indicated that men
definitely
went for bedroom voice.

Confidence jumped like a jack-in-the-box in her chest, as though it was someone’s birthday and she was the prize.

Heath slowly unbuttoned her forest-green cotton shirt.

“Your eyes are this color when you’re turned on.” He nuzzled her earlobe, sending an icy shiver of excitement through her. The sides of the shirt were pushed aside, then he deftly unclipped the front fastening of her bra.

Nerves fluttered in Mel’s stomach.

Her inexperience, her total and utter uselessness at lovemaking, were about to be revealed. To a man who deserved his nickname.

The thought of the armies of fabulous lovers that Heath had probably had doused passion like water thrown onto a firework. With a shiver, she grabbed the edges of her shirt and pulled them closer together as surreptitiously as she could. Her small breasts were nothing special. This hadn’t been a good idea…

Heath stepped away. “What’s wrong?”

Ground, open up and swallow me now.

Mel cleared her throat. “Um, I sort of got carried away. Maybe we shouldn’t…”

Chapter Seven

It seemed as if Mel had hit ten on the mortification scale. The scorching passion that held her in its grip had dissipated like mist burned off in the heat of the sun. Mere moments ago, she’d been carefree and aroused, then something happened…

Heath tilted her chin up.

Her expression was miserable.

“What changed?” The urgency to know her answer was surprising. If it was as simple as she just didn’t want him, that would be one thing, although the prospect of her not being interested in him wasn’t easy to contemplate. Not when she’d been all he had been able to think about since he’d caressed her ankle. Since he tasted her lips. This sudden change had been like someone had flipped a switch from Mel-on to Mel-off. He watched her mouth. Saw the tiny tremble.

“I’m no good at this.” Her lips pressed together.

“I disagree. You’re very good at this.” Heath took her hand and ran his thumb over her palm in small circles.

“You…” Her gaze flickered up to his. “You’ve had lots…”

“Of women?”
That stupid nickname
. It had started out as a joke, but had become real as girls threw themselves at him through college. Sure he’d had sexual partners; he loved women. But he’d never been serious about one. The most important thing now was that he understood exactly what Mel did or didn’t want from him. He’d thought she didn’t want sex, but the moment she’d grabbed him that theory was shot out of the water. Now she was saying they shouldn’t do this. Not that she didn’t want to—but that they shouldn’t.

Carefully, Heath reached for the sides of her bra and reattached it by the front fastening. He pulled her shirt closed and buttoned it. Then he took her by the hand and led her to the sofa, and sat down next to her.

“When I was younger, they called me the Ladyslayer.” No one outside his tight-knit family knew the truth of what had gone on that crazy night a year ago. Cindy hadn’t told him about the work she’d been doing with her counselor, or even that she was seeing a counselor. Maybe if he’d known…

“I deserved the nickname. I never had a problem attracting women, and the women I was with were always looking for a good time.”

Mel squinted. “Women are usually looking for more than that.”

Heath rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah, I discovered that.”

“Sounds ominous.” Her head tilted.

“I had what I thought was a pleasant fling with a woman—Cindy.” Looking back, there were so many markers that she was taking it much more seriously than he was, ones he’d missed. “We were together for a couple of months. She worked locally. Then she got a promotion, and a new job in San Francisco. We decided…well I guess, I decided, that that was the natural end of the relationship. Cindy thought different.”

It was hard to talk through the details, to reveal how devastated she had been. Her response had been extreme, but she’d been living a dream that had become his nightmare.

“What happened?” There was concern in her eyes. Caring.

“It would have been easier if she’d trashed my car, or cut up my suits or something.” Heath’s gut clenched. “Instead, she got drunk and wrapped her car around a tree. When I went to see her in the hospital, she was totally delusional. She pleaded for me not to go, to stay with her forever.” He closed his eyes, still seeing the scene replay behind his eyelids. “They called for a psychiatric evaluation. I insisted on talking to them to see what I could do to help, but they thought me continuing to be in her life would send her the wrong message—the message that I wanted a future with her. When she came out of the hospital she spent a couple of months in residential psychiatric care, working through it.”

“How long ago was this?” Mel asked in a quiet voice.

“About a year ago…no, actually it’s been over a year.” Had it been so long? He’d lived the life of a monk ever since. He’d misread things with Cindy so fundamentally, how could he ever trust himself with a woman’s heart again?

Cindy hadn’t deserved to be so destroyed by his actions. But staying with her wasn’t an option. He wasn’t in love. Maybe he never would be.

Any woman he had a relationship with would need to understand that he had limits. That he wasn’t interested in settling down and tying himself to one place and one person.

“How’s she doing?”

He blinked.
Cindy, they’d been talking about Cindy.

“She’s good. When she came out she reconnected with an old boyfriend. They dated for a while, then he proposed. They’re going to have a summer wedding next year. Needless to say I’m not invited.”

“So that’s why you don’t like the ladyslayer tag. I’m sorry.”

“I never meant to hurt her. Unknown to me, she’d had a breakdown a few months before she met me, and the end of our relationship sparked it into life again. I can’t go through that again.”

If anything Mel looked even more upset than she had previously. “So the women you’ve dated since—they’re all sophisticated women looking for a good time and nothing more?”

“I haven’t been with anyone since Cindy.” Although she’d pretty much nailed his usual type. The thought was chilling. Was he so shallow he just wanted women for sex? “I don’t want any more misunderstandings. I want to start a new career, live a new life that’s totally at odds with staying in one place, having a family. Maybe later in life I’ll feel differently…”

Maybe not.
The weight of responsibility inherent in being the oldest in the family, the heir to the business, pressed down on Heath’s shoulders. More than anything he longed to get away, live somewhere else, to sample what the world had to offer.

“I’d like that too, but my mother needs me, and I have the business.” She pulled her hair back from her face with one hand. Twisted it together and let it fall. “And I want something completely different from what you want. I want someone to love me.”

His face must have showed shock, because a smile spread across her face in response. “Not you.”

Relief should have come quickly, but instead a dull ache settled in the region of his chest.

“I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with you or anything.” Her finger trailed across his chest. She pulled in her bottom lip and bit it. “But you and I are on different paths. You don’t want a relationship, and I’m smart enough to know that one between us would never work.” Her hand played with the hair at his nape. She looked down, avoiding his gaze. When she spoke, her voice was so low and quiet he could barely hear her. “I’m crap at lovemaking. I don’t know what to do, or how to do it well. Both times…”

“Both times?”
Only twice?

She nodded. “I had two boyfriends. I made love with both of them only the once. After that, they ran for the hills. Not exactly screaming, but you get the idea.”

This unbelievably sexy woman…
“I can’t understand why. These men must have been complete fools.”

He wanted to kiss her soft lips. Draw her close and show her just how desirable he found her. Caution pinned him to the spot.

“I didn’t desire them.” She looked up and the truth in her eyes stunned him. “I liked both of them, they were decent guys, but they didn’t make me feel…” She looked at his mouth for long moments. Heath gritted his teeth as his body reflexively responded. “They didn’t make me feel the way you make me feel.”

The stirring in Heath’s lap switched to full-on arousal. The last thing he felt like doing was listening to any more of this conversation. The thought of opening her shirt again, peeling off the scraps of satin and lace that covered her gorgeous breasts, was a pretty powerful argument for make love now, talk later, but he’d been there before…

With effort, Heath forced himself to not reach for her.

She peeked out from under a sweep of black lashes. “I guess what I’m saying is—you turn me on. You’re the first man in years I’ve been attracted to that I’ve tried to go further with. I haven’t enjoyed sex, but I didn’t enjoy foreplay either, and this time”—she flushed red—“I, um. Well, I’m really enjoying it. You’re experienced. Maybe making love with me will be a letdown. I…oh shit, I’m saying all this wrong.”

“You know I’m nobody’s Prince Charming.” He had to get that out. Had to make sure that there was no possibility that she thought there would be more.

“If you don’t want me…”

Heath clasped her hand and pressed it to his crotch. “I want you so badly it hurts,” he said honestly.

…

Mel swallowed. The evidence of his words was firm against her palm. If she…if they…

He took her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles.
No one has ever rejected him before
. Everyone he’d ever wanted had fallen into bed with Heath, and no doubt the sex had been spectacular.

What if she was totally crap at lovemaking? She hadn’t bared her body to a man’s gaze in years, and the moment she’d tried with Heath, she’d been assailed with doubts about her desirability. What if the desire she was feeling disappeared and she froze, making love with him?

Even worse, what if they had sex and she fell for him—like Cindy had, and as her mother had for her father? She wanted to feel free and easy, but the doubts about what she was about to do buffeted her like storm-force winds.

She’d hesitated too long. Her thoughts must be evident on her face.

“This is all going too fast.” He clasped her hand and squeezed it. “We’re friends first, Mel. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. Let’s dial it back a few steps. Take the pressure off.”

With a grimace, Mel rubbed her hand over her eyes. “I feel like I was leading you on, like I was promising something and backing out at the last minute.” Her gaze dipped to his crotch.

To her relief, he just smiled. “My arousal isn’t your responsibility—isn’t something you need to feel bad about. I’ll live. In the past, you always felt like you
had
to make love, didn’t you?”

“Well, yes.” Mel forced back the awkwardness that talking so frankly brought to the surface. “I know that men…”

“Whatever you think you know about men is wrong,” Heath said. “There shouldn’t be any element of guilt involved when a couple has sex. They both should want to, both be fully into it. If either of them feels unsure, they should be able to talk about it. Hell, guys get erections all the time.”

His attitude was so different from the men she’d dated, who’d always given her the impression she was frigid for not jumping their bones on the first date, that for a moment, all she could do was stare. Then she broke her silence. “You get erections all the time.”

“Yup.”

“Not just watching porn on TV,” she teased.

“Nope. I could be thinking about something, could cross paths with a babe wearing really short shorts…”

“Like when we first met,” Mel said.

“Just like then,” Heath agreed. “I had one hell of a reaction to you that day.”

The way he said it made her laugh.

“Oh boy, I had a problem that day.”

She laughed harder, he joined in, and any trace of awkwardness dissolved.

When they finally got their breath back, he stood. “I’m going to bring in some logs and we can light the stove. Why don’t you carry your bags into the bedroom?”

…

She washed her face in cold water in the bathroom and smoothed her fingers through her hair, smiling at her reflection in the mirror. He’d been right. The workings of a man’s anatomy had always been a complete mystery. Every man she’d been with had made her feel terrible for not reciprocating their ardor. By being so casual, so darned funny, he’d lightened the moment completely.

She was learning so much, just being with him.

When she arrived downstairs, two huge deli sandwiches lay on plates on the kitchen table, and the kettle was boiling.

“I thought we’d save the steaks for dinner.” He poured water over coffee grounds in a French press. “I want to get some pictures before the light fades.”

Mel slid onto a chair. “These look great.” He’d roughly sliced bread into huge hunks that would be darned difficult to eat elegantly. “Giant sandwiches. Like ones Jack probably found on a table at the top of the beanstalk.”

“Is there any other type?” Heath rubbed her upper arm.

Ham, lettuce, tomato—he’d even managed to stuff cucumber in there. She opened her mouth wide, then wider, and took a bite.

Heath watched her lick a trace of mayo from her top lip, and then picked up his sandwich.

She chewed, swallowed, then spoke. “We could trek out through the forest to the river. It will take about an hour to reach the shack, and you’re going to need time to light it for pictures, so I think we should do that tomorrow morning.”

“The forest and river sounds good.” He glanced at his watch. “I need to get as much done as possible before the light goes. I want to catch the sunset.”

“Okay.” Mel drank the last mouthful of coffee. “I’ll put my boots back on.”

…

There was no such thing as silence in the wilderness. The urban sounds were absent, but the forest and sky above teemed with life. Mel breathed in the fresh mountain air and felt her being fill with a relaxed joy at being at one with nature. Her fingertips brushed against leaves as they moved deeper into the forest.

“You look happy.”

“I am. I love being outside. Being free.” It was difficult to find the words, but she gave it her best shot. “I used to come out here a lot when I was younger.”

“With your mother?”

She nodded. “Sometimes. Mostly with my uncle and his family before they moved away.” Things had been easier back then. Her uncle had provided emotional support for her fractured mother. That all changed when he was offered the job in Houston. Now she was the adult, and with age had come a stifling responsibility.

“I used to dream of traveling the world. Writing stories about great train journeys.” Her laugh sounded brittle. “Until life intruded. My mother needs me.”

They came into a clearing where the river flowed dark and mysterious. Heath slipped an arm across her shoulders, pulling her close against his side. “Don’t give up on your dreams yet. You have a lot of life ahead of you.”

“It’s not that easy. I have to…”