Love Inspired February 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: The Cowboy's Reunited Family\The Forest Ranger's Return\Mommy Wanted (14 page)

That's how a child turned into a teenager. Jana sat back in her chair and looked at her daughter, the one who had been a little girl not so long ago.

“Fine, go.” Jana managed to smile. “And have fun.”

Lindsey gave Blake a hug, as if he was the hero she'd been waiting for. Jana let him have the moment. She was going to have to get used to sharing.

The hug she got from her daughter was just as warm, just as tight. Jana hugged her back and held her a moment longer. “Be good.”

“Mom!”

And then she was gone, skipping out the door with Madeline and Jade.

Thirty minutes later, Jana and Blake were driving back up to the log home she and Blake had picked together. She remembered that she'd wanted brick, but then he'd taken her to a street in Grove, near Grand Lake and he'd shown her houses like the one he wanted. It seemed to be a trend with these Cooper brothers. Jesse and now Gage also had log-sided homes.

Maybe because they had grown up in the formality of the big brick, Georgian-style home that graced Cooper Creek Ranch? Who had a creek named after them, she wondered? A family that had settled an area long ago, establishing a community and a way of life.

“You're quiet.”

She looked at Blake and found a smile. “We have to talk.”

“Sounds serious.”

“It is, and really, how often do we get to be alone?”

He didn't answer. He pulled up to the garage and parked. “Not often, I guess.”

They walked in the front door of the house, greeted by cool air and the smell of roses she'd cut from the flower garden. She'd filled vases with them earlier, and the scent hung in the air.

“The house looks good.” Blake walked with her to the kitchen. “It feels like a home again.”

“I don't know what to say to that.” She poured herself a glass of water.

“The house was empty for a long time. Just one man rattling around in this place doesn't make it a home.”

“I know.”

As they walked to the kitchen, she heard the familiar scratching at the back door. She hoped Blake wouldn't hear. He did. He went to the utility room and looked out.

“Why is my dog at the back door, acting like this is the way he gets let inside?”

She smiled and opened the door. “Because it is.”

“He's a farm dog. What have you done to him?”

Sam ran to the area in the utility room where she'd placed food and water bowls for him. His tail wagged, and he looked back at Blake, just momentarily.

“It's really hot outside,” Jana explained. “He has all of that thick, long fur.”

“Right, and plenty of shade and a pond to swim in.”

“He makes me feel safe at night.”

He laughed at that. “You think that dog is going to protect you? He's the biggest chicken around.”

“He's not. He's very brave.” She said it in a voice that made Sam thump his tail a little more.

Blake shook his head and walked off. “I've lost. My house smells like roses and there's a dog sleeping in my bed. With my wife.”

“Am I your wife, Blake?” She followed him into the kitchen. “Because it doesn't feel like it. It feels like I'm a temporary guest in your home.”

Blake walked to the French doors that led to the patio. He glanced back at her only briefly. “I'm not sure who you are or who we are.”

She changed the subject. “How are Teddy and Sissy doing? Any news on their mother?”

“No, she's still missing. They think she's probably on the streets. Her family said that she went through this years ago, before the children. She was on the streets quite a while before she got help.”

“It happens to people every day. I was fortunate that I got help and I had the resources to keep up my medical care. I was fortunate that my depression wasn't chronic.”

“I'm just not sure what will happen to the kids.” Blake sat down at the dining room table.

Jana stood at the door, unable to sit. “You should have had more children. You should have had a son.”

“We can't go back, Jana.”

“No, we can't. But I need for you to know this.”

He rested folded hands on the table. “I'm not sure if I like the way this sounds.”

“I'm not leaving, if that's what you think.” She looked away, because it was hard to talk with his hazel eyes watching her, intense, questioning.

“Okay, then what are we talking about?”

“I'm not leaving.” She started again. The dog had wandered in from the utility room, and he sat down at her feet, looking up with dark eyes that always seemed to understand.

“Jana?” Blake's voice was soft, but she knew he was losing patience.

“I'm moving to town. I can't stay here. I think if I stay here, it gives Lindsey the wrong ideas about us. She's holding on to hope that we're going to be a family again.”

Maybe Jana had been holding on to the same hope. Hope had been vanquished when a few days earlier she had answered the phone and it had been the lawyer handling the divorce, wanting to confirm an appointment. She'd given him Blake's cell number.

He didn't answer. He stood and walked to the French door. The dog moved to his side, and he reached down to run his hand across Sam's head. The dog whimpered softly. Blake turned around, his eyes dark and unreadable.

“Where are you going to live?”

“Mia's house, believe it or not. With Breezy.” She and Mia's half sister had become friends because they both felt somewhat out of place in Dawson.

“I'm really not sure why you think this is necessary.”

“Aren't you, Blake? This is your house. You've mentioned that a time or two. You've moved out, and you're living in a guesthouse at Cooper Creek. It's all temporary. Lindsey and I living here, you living there. All temporary. It's as if our lives are on hold. We need something permanent. Lindsey needs to know that her parents are here for her, but that maybe we can't give her what she wants.”

Blake walked away. She followed him to the living room, and she waited for him to say something. She wanted him to disagree and tell her she was wrong. She wanted him to get mad and say something that would make sense and put an end to this. She couldn't live in limbo this way.

And yet, his life had been in limbo for ten years. She'd been the cause. Maybe it was her turn to wait for him.

“Blake, please. Say something.”

He brushed a hand through his hair and sank onto the sofa, his face in his hands. “I want you here. I want you in my life. And at the same time, I'm not sure how to give you a second chance. Every single time I come over here, I worry that you're not going to be here.”

She sat down next to him. “That's the problem, Blake. I'm not a twenty-four-year-old woman anymore, uncomfortable in my own skin and trying to figure out the darkness by myself.”

He sat back on the sofa and she settled next to him.

“Jana, I can't tell you that I'm ready to call off the divorce. I want to. I want to move back in here and take up where we left off, like none of it ever happened. But it did happen. And what if we, the people we are now, don't work as a couple? Then we've given Lindsey false hope.”

“So, I move to town and you get back to your life.” And maybe someday, she thought. Maybe he would work through this and trust her again.

“I wish the two of you would stay here.”

“I can't. The longer I stay, the more Lindsey gets attached to the idea of the three of us in this house. She needs to realize that if things don't work out between us, she's not going to lose either of her parents. I want her settled somewhere.”

“Right, I get it.” He stood and walked to the front door. “I have to get back to work.”

“Blake, I'm sorry.”

He nodded, his hand on the doorknob. “I'll be back tonight so we can tell Lindsey. I won't bring Teddy, not tonight.”

“We'll be here.”

“When are you going to leave?”

She put a hand over his. “I'm not leaving, I'm moving to our own place.”

“Okay, when are you moving?”

“In a few days.”

He kissed her goodbye. It took her by surprise the way his lips claimed hers. She moved her hand to his shoulder and closed her eyes, wishing she could stay in his arms forever. She didn't want to walk away from him, not even temporarily.

Chapter Fourteen

B
lake showed up at six to have dinner with Jana and Lindsey. He'd left Teddy and Sissy with his parents. Tonight he had to sit down with his daughter and tell her she was moving out of the house she'd come to see as her home. It didn't sit well with him, but he could see Jana's side of things.

They needed time.
He
needed time.

When he got to the front porch, Lindsey was there waiting. She opened the door and gave him a narrow-eyed look, stepping back to let him inside.

“Mom said we have to talk.”

“Hi to you, too.” He took off his hat and hung it on the hook by the door. “Where is your mom?”

“Getting ready. I don't know why, if we're staying home. She made chicken casserole and some kind of strange pie she said you like.”

“What kind is that?”

“Gooseberry?”

“One of my favorites.”

“I tried one—they're gross. I'll stick to cinnamon rolls.” She made a face to go with the statement. “Is this about you guys being married?”

“Yeah, it is.”

He followed her to the kitchen. She picked up a cinnamon roll and took a bite, licking frosting off her fingers. He watched her for a minute, because she was his kid and she was back. Jana was back. He couldn't untangle the feelings. He had ten years of being angry and a month of being relieved and some other crazy emotions that had to do with Jana.

“You could just tell her you love her and then we could be a family.”

Blake didn't know what to say to that. “Lindsey, life is a little more complicated than that.”

“You could just move back in,” Lindsey tried, looking up at him with her pixie face framed by dark hair.

“It isn't that simple.”

“Yes, it is. You adults make everything more complicated than it has to be. You're my parents and you're still married.”

He shook his head. “We are the adults and we have to make this decision, Lindsey. I know you want us to be together, the three of us, but we have to be able to make a marriage work.”

“It could be the five of us.”

She was including Sissy and Teddy. He smiled at that, because who wouldn't want those two included in a family plan. If, he thought, if Jana hadn't left, maybe they would have been a family of five by now. Lindsey would have had younger brothers and sisters.

“You could at least think about it.” Lindsey smiled as she said it. She scooped a cinnamon roll out of the pan and put it on a plate, sliding it in front of him.

“I'll take that under consideration. I thought there was gooseberry pie?” He followed her to the table.

She took another bite of her cinnamon roll. “Who wants gooseberry if you can have cinnamon?”

He laughed at that. “People who like gooseberry? And aren't we having chicken casserole?”

Shoes clicked on the tile floor. He turned, and for a long moment he was lost in time, in some place that made everything else fade away. Jana stood there, unsure but beautiful. The sundress she wore flowed, but swirled around her legs. Her eyes were vivid blue and her blond hair framed her face. They weren't kids anymore, but man, she was still as beautiful as ever.

“Nice dress.” He choked the words out. Next to him, Lindsey laughed.

“Nice dress?” his daughter questioned. “You can't do better than that?”

“Hot.” He reached for the cup of coffee Lindsey had poured before he sat down. “The coffee is hot.”

Jana turned pink and pretended she hadn't gotten it. “I need a cup of coffee, too.”

“The cinnamon rolls are good.”

“We're having chicken casserole for dinner.” She poured herself a cup of coffee. “You'll ruin your appetite.”

“Too late. And Lindsey said you have gooseberry pie?”

“For dessert.”

Blake stood and pulled a chair out for Jana. She sat down, smiling up at him.

And then her smile dissolved, because he was there for a reason and not a pleasant one. Lindsey looked first at him and then at Jana. Her smile had disappeared, and she bit down on her bottom lip.

“You're going to give me bad news.”

“Not really,” Jana started. She looked to him and he shook his head. This was her game plan, not his.

“Lindsey, I've made a decision...”

Before she could explain, Lindsey stood and backed away, her eyes wide. “I'm not going anywhere. You can't make me.”

“I'm not.” Jana stood and went to their daughter, pulling her into a hug that Lindsey pulled away from. “We're not leaving Dawson.”

“But?” Lindsey moved away from her mother, closer to Blake's side. The look in her eyes broke his heart, but he reminded himself that Jana had her reasons for doing this. She had good reasons, he guessed.

He could stop her, he realized as she stood there trying to find words to tell her daughter they were moving out of this house. A part of him wanted to stop her. For Lindsey's sake. And he realized it had to be for more than his daughter's sake.

Maybe it was and he just wasn't ready.

“Lindsey, listen to your mom,” he broke in, giving her a look that he hoped said they would get through this.

She sat back down, but her gaze lowered to her hands in her lap. “Okay, I'm listening.”

“We're moving to Dawson,” Jana explained. “We're going to live with Breezy for a while.”

“Why?”

“Because I want your dad to have his home and his life back.”

“We're here, though, and he's my dad and you're his wife.”

“Right, you are his daughter, but the other, Lindsey, that's something we have to work through. If that paperwork wouldn't have been misfiled, we would have been divorced. Because of a clerical error we're not.”

“Lindsey, there are things your mom and I have to figure out for ourselves. These decisions take time. But this is still your home. You can come here whenever you want.”

“So you could decide to stay together.” Looking from him to her mom, she smiled, then frowned. “Or you could decide to not stay together.”

“Right, those are our choices.” It sounded harsh even to him, but she needed to know the truth.

Not the whole truth, he thought. Not the part where he wondered if his wife wanted to be married to him. She'd come home for Lindsey's sake, not for a reunion with her husband.

“Okay.”

That was it.
Okay.
She got up and walked to the kitchen. Jana smiled at him and followed their daughter. He wanted to give Lindsey everything. But he couldn't make promises that they might not be able to keep. He and Jana would make sure she had two parents in her life, loving her. He could promise Lindsey they would be together.

* * *

Two days later, Jana decided it was time to pack their meager belongings and leave. Blake had been around but he had remained distant. That wasn't what she wanted. She had thought they could work on deciding what they wanted from this marriage they still found themselves in.

Instead Blake withdrew. Not from Lindsey, but from her. That wasn't what Jana wanted.

She wanted Blake Cooper as her husband.

All of the things she'd run from, thinking they would suffocate her, were now the things she wanted most in her life...and the things that were the furthest from her grasp.

As she packed, she thought about leaving their home a second time. The last time it had been an escape. This time? She was giving Blake back his home. She was giving him space and time.

Lindsey wasn't happy. Jana liked to think that someday her daughter would understand, but she didn't know if Lindsey would. To Lindsey, there were simple black-and-white choices in life, and she couldn't understand a decision like this one.

Lindsey walked in and sat down on the bedroom floor. “Do we have to do this?”

Jana folded clothes and put them in her suitcase. “Yes.”

“For how long?”

How long would she wait? She'd been asking herself that question for a while and she knew the answer. She would wait as long as it took. She didn't want anyone else. She only wanted Blake Cooper.

“Mom?”

She looked up, smiling at her daughter. “I'm not sure how long, Linds. Your dad and I need to know what we feel for each other. We don't want to make a mistake and have you hurt again.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

“I know this is hard, but you'll see. Things will work out. We've always managed, haven't we?”

“Yeah, but I just thought...” Lindsey looked away. She brushed at her cheeks and sniffled. “I thought God would answer my prayers.”

Jana let out a breath. She didn't want this for her daughter, this doubt, this pain. “Honey, God hears you. I don't think the problem is God's ability to answer prayers. It's our ability to hear His answers.”

“Yeah, well, get your hearing checked.” Lindsey drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them tight, resting her head there the way she'd done when she was little and upset. Or not getting her way.

“We'll try, Lindsey. But no matter what, we'll be fine. Your dad is here and I'm here.”

Jana hadn't expected those words to hurt, but they did. She kept thinking of that call from the lawyer, knowing that Blake had called them about the divorce before talking it over with her. And it hurt.

It hurt worse than coming home and wondering what would happen when she reappeared in his life.

Lindsey looked up. “What about Sam?”

“He's a farm dog—he can't come with us.”

Lindsey's head sank again. “I have my bags packed,” she mumbled into her knees.

Jana moved to her daughter's side and wrapped her in a hug. “I'm listening to God, Lindsey. I know that doesn't make sense because it hurts, but I am listening. Your dad needs his home back. He needs time and space to decide what he wants.”

Lindsey shook her head and looked up. “You don't get to decide if you want your kid.”

“I didn't mean he's deciding
if
he wants you. Of course he wants you. He loves you.”

Lindsey's face scrunched in thought. “Are you saying you think he doesn't want you? That's crazy, Mom. He loves you.”

“Maybe he does, but maybe he hasn't figured it out yet.”

“Because he's been mad at you a long time?”

“Yeah.”

Jana leaned back against her bed, pulling Lindsey with her. The two of them sat there a long time with Jana wishing she didn't have to pack. She kept waiting, hoping she would hear Blake pull up. She kept praying he would rush in and tell them not to go.

Today was the day Blake's lawyer had confirmed that they had an afternoon appointment to discuss the divorce.

She couldn't spend her life waiting for Blake, wondering if each day would be the day he showed up to tell them their marriage was over.