Love Redeemed, Book 4 (8 page)

My dick bucks out and she kisse
s him as if
he’s
welcome. I watch as Rayna plants small kisses all around then starts to mildly stroke me with one hand before applying soft nibbling and masterful scrapings. I’m losing my fucking mind by the second. Eventually she works herself up to taking the head into her mouth. It’s a nice, warm, soft sensation. I sharply inhale and relax my neck, laying the back of my head in the couch while she takes me in inch by inch. Once all of my cock is wet, she uses both hands to massage me. Ms. Brimm never fails to blow my mind while blowing my rod. She starts to pick up speed while concentrating on the tip of my penis. Her delicious acts scream inspiration.

Wow.
Just an hour ago she was giving me the cold shoulder, now she’s giving me warm head. What happened in between?

Damn. That
’s what it is.
Rayna’s done accessing my actions with her mother.
So finally she sees I did nothing malicious?
She’s doing better at verbally expressing herself, but this is the works of her body. I guess a man can’t complain. 

This shit is getting heated
and I’m caught up already. I grab her by the head and flex my hips. Her grip is perfect. I hear the smacking sounds of her oral lovemaking. That shit drives me wild. With her lips wrapped around her teeth, she takes me deeper. My breathing accelerates and I can swear that I feel her uvula.

“
Shiiiiiiiit!
” I whisper, feeling my orgasm stirring.

I have to give her the warning.

“Brimm, baby…
Goddamn!
I’m ‘bout to come!” I drawl out. 

She always lets me come in her mouth
, but I have to be a gentleman and continually give her the option. Fuck—I hope she doesn’t withdraw tonight.

“
Rayna!” I murmur—more or less singing because I’m coming.

I’
m still holding her head while thrusting my pelvis into her face. She’s looking me dead in the face like a “G.”
My future wife the “G.”
I can’t stop shooting and my fucking toes are curling now. I don’t know how she does it, but she doesn’t waste a drop of my soldiers. She doesn’t let up until I stop moving. Shit. I can never get used to this. The value of Rayna’s mouth exceeds my fortune.

Rayna hops to her feet and scuffles out of the living room. She returns in no time with a warm
washcloth to clean her saliva from me and lifts my clothes up my legs, adjusting them on my waist. I just watch in amazement.

Once she
’s done, she asks, very soft and lovingly, “Friends?”

Her eyes a
re humble and sexy as hell through those long eyelashes. I grab her by the sides of her face and lunge my tongue in her mouth. I feel savage. I want to ingest her. She can be so difficult at times, but tonight she did well. She didn’t let the clouds of doubt and uncertainty of my deed gloom over our heads for too long. This is how she knows to love...to coexist. I can do this. I can meet her halfway. I can love her. 

With my left hand
, I hook her by the shoulders and scoop her up with the right by the ass and lay her on the couch. I maneuver enough so that we’re laying side-by-side with me resting on the back of the couch and our heads on the armrest. She giggles. I don’t.

“
I love you, you know that?” I need her to know.

“
Of course I do,” she smiles while flashing the engagement ring.

“
Oh, yeah,” I snort. “But that’s for others to know. I need
you
to know in your heart.”

She
’s still smiling contently and being entirely contrary to the woman she was earlier.

“
Azmir, I told you, I just needed to process everything. That was a lot…” her voice trails off.

Shit. No.
Stay with me here.

“
I know. And I want to move at your pace and not a measure faster. With everything.” She knows I’m alluding to setting a date for our wedding.

“
Yeah, about that.” She wrinkles her little brows pensively. “How does next spring sound...March?”

Finally
—a date!
My heart sighs in relief. Rayna reaches up to caress my face. “I sure wouldn’t mind holding out a little longer. I would love to see how long you’ll grow this.” I smile.

“
I told you I’m not cutting it until you’re legally mine.”

“I know,”
she whispers, still wearing a giddy smile. I lay with a full heart, drinking her in.

“
What?” she asks.

“
I wanna fuck you so bad right now,” I growl.

Her eye
s grow to the size of lemons. “I think you’ve caught me at a time where I’m indecent, Mr. Jacobs,” she retorts, referring to her period.

I glance
slyly down her body. She slaps my arm.

“What did you say to me in Puerto Vallarta?
” she asks as she taps her chin with her index finger. “Hmmmm…
a haram
?” Rayna reminds me, playfully chiding.

“
A haram it is,” I agree. Though the level of intimacy that I’ve come to have with Rayna defies everything previously believed as immoral. I want no barriers to her. No restrictions to her heart and/or body.

I
shift to my feet and lift her from the sofa. We head back to the bedroom where I pull back the linens and gently lay her down before getting in myself. I pull Rayna into me so close. I don’t want any measure of distance between us—not physically or emotionally. Having Rayna in my world has taught me just how fragile life is, how vulnerable I am. My world is complicated, extremely sensitive. So far, I’ve managed to rope her in with blinders. But how long they’d be effective, I don’t know
. And when they come off…

A shiver r
uns through me at the prospect.

“Hey…” Rayna call
s out, turning to face me. Her soft hands cup my face as she examines my eyes intently, searching for something. “What was that about? You were trembling. What’s wrong?”

If only I could be transparent, baby
...

In this
moment, I hate my existence. I detest the life I’ve built over the years. It’s too convoluted, very much alloyed for Rayna’s innocence.
For fuck’s sakes, she said she vowed to never date a drug dealer when we were in NYC, last summer!

And
I’m beyond that: I manufacture drug dealers! I develop them under my careful tillage. Though I’m at the end of my reign, a month seems decades away. I wish I could keep her here, in my bed, wrapped in my arms until I’m no longer responsible for organizing a multi-million dollar drug trade.

How can
I make this plausible: Rayna, here, in my bed, until the New Year? Hmmmmm…  

“Azmir,” Rayna call
s again, pulling me from my sick thoughts.

I push her soft frame further into me, needing her warmth. Her inquisitive gaze d
oesn’t waver, though I’m damn near smothering her.
Shit!

“I’m just thinking about what we
’ll be like as senior citizens. Would we eat Jell-O, pudding, and shit like that—that old people like,” I lie. “Will our arguments go from the amounts of money I spend on you to who used the last of the denture adhesive?”

Rayna belt
s out a gut-wrenching laugh. It causes my heart to leap in my chest. I enjoy seeing her light-hearted.  

Now, i
n a more sober place, I murmur, “You know life won’t become magically problem-free once you take on my name, don’t you?”

Nestled
under my shoulder, Rayna nods her head with her eyes suddenly humor-free and mouth slightly ajar.

“I mean, Brimm, things may become a litt
le more intensified if only because of my career trajectory,” I warn with a pleading tone. “There will be lots of…
outside
forces
,” I quickly think to use a term that she’ll understand. It’s the one she used to describe that asshole, Thompson, the night after her firm’s charity ball. I need her to get this.

Her
eyes race in their sockets, assessing my face as she muses over my words. Rayna nods her head as she murmurs, “Okay. I know…I get it.”

“Well then, why the pensive face?”

There’s a tentative pause before she answers, “It’s just things that you keep from me…ways that you extend yourself to people. When you do, it brings them into our bubble.”

I exhale deeply. I
know what she’s hinting at. That fucking Tara. I know it was wrong to keep that information from her. I knew that the moment she discovered my helping out Tara and her baby, she’d go ballistic. Rayna can’t begin to understand the weight of responsibility that has always been placed on my shoulders by those less fortunate. I’ve always had the burden of providing for others.

Although her father betrayed me, I couldn’t ignore the fact that Tara had no income and apparently, neither did her father.
It didn’t matter that she, too, had betrayed me. I’d gotten over that shit the minute I learned of it. Sadly, I felt relieved that I’d finally gotten my “out.” I was happy as hell to walk away from that relationship.

Tara
’s a brat. She was raised as a trophy child. She was privileged, trained to be delicate and high maintenance. She’d never even gone to school after I met her. I’d always believed that was because her parents never pushed it once my relationship with her became official. She didn’t have to do shit but create expectations for me to live up to. My decision to help her and her baby out financially was wrong. Though before Rayna’s blow up over it, I didn’t understand just how fucked up it was.

“I have a secret
to share,” Rayna’s timid voice breaks my attention.

I turn
to her, “Spill it.”

“It
’s a little embarrassing,” she whispers as her cheeks heated up. I don’t know if I should be concerned or not, but my patience are already wearing.

“Brimm, I can
see you want to tell me. Go on,” I command a little harsher than the mood calls for.

“Okaaaay…” she s
ings, unable to wipe the burning grin from her face. I wait, something that I’ve vowed to do for Rayna when she needs it. But she finally speaks.

“Wait. This is top secret—extremely sensitive information that I’ve only shared with one person!”

I’m stumped. I have no damn clue what’s going on in that busy, incommunicado mind of hers.

“Okay, now it will be two
people.” I raise my eyebrows to show that she needs to get on with it already.

“You gave me my first vaginal orgasm
.” Rayna’s widened eyes reach mine. She can’t gain a hold of the grin that’s plastered her face.

“Why are you so embarrassed by that?”

“What? Why wouldn’t I be?” Her goofy smile dissipates slowly as her brows folds together. “Wait…did you know already?”

I d
on’t want to answer that. I don’t want to fuck up the moment. This trivial fact is a lot for my lady to share. But I don’t want to lie either. “Of course, I did.” I plant a kiss on her forehead to keep with the pillow talk mode we’ve just found our way to and to soften the blow.

“Huhn?” her big
eyes tell me she won’t drop the subject.

“Yes, Brimm, I knew—well, I knew you hadn’t been touched in the ways I had touched you—”

“What! What’s that supposed to mean?” Rayna jumps from my enfold and into the air. She’s now sitting up, peering down on me for an explanation.

“What are you doing? I’m cold now
.” I try hiding the humor in my voice.

“Explain, Jacobs!”

I rise to rest my weight on my elbow. “Okay…okay. Just come back down here. I was comfortable.” I fail at hiding my humor.

She d
oesn’t move. “Tell me, how could you possibly know?” Rayna is not dropping this. The answer is not a topic a man wants to take on with his woman. It can get very hairy.

“Brimm, baby, you do know I’m damn near forty
years old, right?”

“What does your age have to do with how you knew that before you
, I’d never had a vaginal orgasm?”

Damn.

“Because I’d been with enough women to know the depth of their sexual experience—”

“And?” she spits, interrupting me.

“…and I kn
ew what your walls were telling me, which was that you were in need of a deeper release. An internal release, not topical.”

Rayna’s head dip
s back in a hard laugh, exposing her beautiful neck. Her laugh has always been infectious to me. I watch raptly as it takes some time to slow her mirth.

After some time, w
ith glazed eyes, she gazes over to me, “Azmir, are you serious?”

“I’m serious as hell. You like to keep contained, but your body withholds nothing. I could tell that you were afraid at first, but you’d never tell, which was cool. You didn’t know me very well back then.”