Love's Edge (A Dark Erotic Romance Novel) (13 page)

“What’s wrong dear?” Jane’s wrinkles settled into a concerned expression as she watched me push around my oatmeal.

I briefly considered lying and telling her that everything was fine, but I had always been a terrible liar and knew she would see right through my fake smile. I was pretty sure that Jane knew more than she was letting on about Blake Harrison’s demons, and maybe I could convince her to tell me something that would help me in my search.

“I want to understand him,” I said quietly, being careful with my words because I wasn’t sure how much she knew about the extent of my relationship with our employer and how much I should reveal. “I know he is struggling with something and it hurts him, but he won’t let me in so I can’t do anything to help him.” I let out a small sigh and put down my spoon, looking up into Jane’s kind, weathered face for an answer to my millions of questions.

Jane looked at me carefully, weighing something in her mind as she slowly folded a pile of cloth napkins that were piled on the table. She didn’t say a word for a few agonizing minutes as she smoothed down the cloth and lined up the corner of the napkin in her usual, meticulous manner. Just as I was about to give up hope that she would help me, Jane put down the cloth and reached out to touch my hand. Her skin felt so soft and powdery, her pores so tiny and delicate, that I couldn’t help but wonder just how old she was and why she was working for Blake Harrison.

“My dear, Blake Harrison has many secrets that aren’t mine to tell, and he spent a great deal of effort and money to keep them hidden from the media. But if you want to understand him better, I suggest you start by doing research on Lily Dover.” Jane picked up her pile of folded napkins and started humming a quiet little song while she organized them into smaller piles.

I wanted to thank her for the tip, but I got the distinct feeling that the conversation was over. Jane stared intently at her work while I quickly finished my breakfast and hurried to drop my dishes on the counter so I could get to work.

I glanced back at Jane one more time, but she didn’t look in my direction, so I rushed back up the stairs and down the hallway, to where I had left my laptop in my room. When I opened the door, I found that all the bags and boxes of clothing that Blake Harrison had purchased for me were now neatly arranged in the corner of my room, along with a few new boxes as well. I couldn’t help a small smile at his thoughtfulness and generosity. Blake Harrison was a strange, tortured soul, but he was also a kind and thoughtful man. And now I had a lead to help me in my quest to understand my tortured, mercurial lover.

I grabbed my laptop and headed off to the library, hoping that Blake Harrison wouldn’t summon me for any projects until I had the chance to do my research. I sat down in my usual spot at the long wooden table and took a deep breath. Part of me felt guilty for trying to dig into Blake Harrison’s past when he clearly did not want me to know his secrets. But I wanted to understand him and to help him. I needed to know why he remained so closed off from me, while still being such a kind, generous lover. I felt I had a right to know why my lover was the way he was.

I pulled up the internet and quickly typed “Lily Dover” into the search bar. A few pages of hits came up. I looked over them, my eyes settling on the third result.

Blake Harrison, the up-and-coming founder of Harrison Media, weds longtime sweetheart Lily Dover.

I looked over the articlefrom a small, local Connecticut newspaper, which detailed their intimate wedding at a country club. The article was dated almost twenty years ago, when Blake Harrison was just starting Harrison Media and before he became a billionaire.

I clicked through the related articles, which detailed Blake and Lily Harrison’s appearances at various media and charity events and parties over the next few years as Harrison Media blossomed into an international success. None of those articles helped explain Blake’s demons or what happened with Lily, so I returned to the search results.

The first page of results contained mostly information about other people, or Lily’s accomplishments as an artist before she met Blake Harrison. I gathered from glancing over them that Lily was a talented sculptor and architect, but something had happened to halt her burgeoning career.

I was frustrated that I was no closer to figuring out what had happened, when I suddenly had a thought. I searched “Lily Dover divorce and/or tragedy” and then sorted the results by date. The first result was a redacted court document. I clicked on it, hoping I could make sense of the dense language.

My eyes scanned over the first few pages until they landed on a sentence that sent a shiver through my body that chilled me to my core, despite the warm autumn air that filled the library.

The petitioner [name redacted] asks the court to seal the records regarding Lily Dover’s mental breakdown and murder of their two young children, as he is a prominent member of society and wishes to avoid media attention. He is not immediately seeking a divorce and will agree to pay all costs for her institutionalization, so long as he remains out of the public record.

I read over it again, the chill seeping deeper into my bones as I finally understood what demons haunted Blake Harrison. His wife didn’t die, nor did she divorce him. She had killed their two young children in a fit of madness and left Blake Harrison to pick up the pieces of his shattered life. My heart ached for him, as I thought of the happy life he must have had with Lily, the smiling brunette from the photos, and their two young children, and how horrible it must have been when he realized she had betrayed him in the most awful way, by killing their own children.

What would make a woman kill her own children? I couldn’t understand. I wanted to ask Jane, but she had made it clear that she was not willing to give me any further information. I stared bleakly at my computer screen, trying to decide my next move. Could I hide my newfound knowledge from Blake Harrison? Should I? I felt more lost than I had since escaping Mercy River and I had no idea what to do.

I clicked on my email, suddenly missing the people I had always turned to when I needed help. I had been carefully avoiding my old email account, not ready to explain my decisions, and my new life, to my friends and family back in Mercy River. Now, I suddenly felt a huge void where they had been. I needed someone to turn to, to help me decide what to do with this horrible information that I had found.

I clicked on my inbox and saw the page filled with emails. There was one from my parents, simply asking me to come home and promising to help me redeem my soul. I immediately clicked that email shut, feeling the old, familiar pounding in my heart whenever my parents scolded me. I no longer wanted to let them make me feel small and worthless. They wouldn’t understand, and they wouldn’t help me.

I scanned the page, seeing dozens of emails from Daniel. My finger hovered over my keyboard and I felt a swell of confused emotions. Daniel had always been the person I had turned to when I had questions of faith or needed advice, but he was part of the past that had repressed me. I couldn’t ask my ex-boyfriend for help with what to do with my new lover.

I wanted to read his emails, to soak in his comforting words. Maybe he had begged for my forgiveness, told me he understood that I needed more from life than Mercy River could offer, promised to join me out in the world. As soon as my hopes rose, I knew they were false. I knew Daniel better than anyone, and he would never understand my need for a life outside of Mercy River and our small, stifling church. I knew what his emails would say. He would quote passages of scripture, tell me to come home and be his good and obedient wife, return to the fold. I couldn’t read those emails.

My eyes finally settled on the one email sent by best girl friend, Mary. She was always so much better at being obedient than me, helping me make the godly decisions, but she had been my friend despite my failings, despite questioning our faith and way of life, and she had always been there to support me. If there were anyone left for me to turn to, it would be Mary.

I quickly clicked her email, before I had the chance to look back at any of the other emails that might tempt me to take a quick peek.

Gracie,

I’m just writing to tell you that you are still in my heart and I miss you. In the past few months, I’ve come to understand what you have always tried to tell me. Mercy River isn’t the haven I always believed it to be. I met someone. He’s wild and crazy, and my parents completely disapprove. I think you would like him. I’m leaving with him, Gracie. I’m leaving Mercy River and I would never have had the courage to do it if you hadn’t left first. So thank you. I’m not sure where I’ll be, but email me and let me know how you have been and maybe we can figure out a way to meet up somewhere.

Your best friend forever,

Mary

I read over the email again, tears welling in my eyes. Mary had always been so good and obedient, and now she was finally free from that stifling prison of a town where we grew up. I was so happy for her. But I knew that it wasn’t right for me to turn to her now with my problem. She was busy forging her own new life, and I needed to figure out mine on my own.

I closed my laptop and blinked the tears from my eyes. I wanted to write back to my friend and congratulate her, but first I needed to make a decision about what to do with Blake Harrison’s secret. I couldn’t rely on anyone else to help me now.

Turning it over in my mind, I weighed the pros and cons of bringing it up with Blake Harrison. If I told him, he would probably be angry that I searched into his past, but I would at least be able to be honest with him. If I pretended I didn’t know, then we could go on as we had been, but the reason I had looked into his past in the first place was that I wasn’t fully satisfied with how we had been. I was used to keeping my own dark secrets, hidden from everyone in the world, but I didn’t want to lie to Blake Harrison. I couldn’t go back to being the scared, submissive girl who hides the dirty truth in order to make everyone else happy.

I knew what I had to do. I needed to be brave and take the risk of talking to Blake Harrison. I would have to deal with his reaction, whatever it would be. But first, I needed to delve further, to understand what had happened. I knew what to do, but I couldn’t help feeling a shiver of anxiety as I opened my laptop back up.

I pulled the long legal document back up and scanned through it until I found the financial details. As my eyes swept over the lines of financial details, I felt like I was still playing in a crazy world of wealth where I didn’t belong. Apparently Blake Harrison was paying thousands of dollars a day to keep his wife at a private mental institution in Connecticut. I did a search of the institution, Windy Hills, and found that it was only a twenty-minute drive from the Harrison Estate.

I glanced at the time. It was still late morning, and it didn’t seem like Blake Harrison was planning on giving me work to do today. I bit my lip, running over options in my head. I knew that I should probably take more time to carefully plan everything out, but I was afraid that if I had time to think, I would over rationalize, feel guilty, and then chicken out. I had to do it now.

I quickly searched for a local taxi company and made the call. Blake Harrison had told me that I could always use his driver, but I didn’t want this getting back to him until I had the chance to talk to him myself. Since Blake Harrison kept careful tabs on everyone, I was pretty sure the driver would be forced to tell his boss about where I was going.

By the time my taxi arrived, I was waiting anxiously by the gate, kicking the gravel as I started to second-guess my decision. My heart was thumping in my chest as I jumped in the back of the car and gave the old driver the address to Windy Hills Institution. I clutched my hands tightly in my lap, barely paying attention to the driver’s small talk as we drove off.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” My mind felt scattered, but I didn’t want to be rude to the one person who could get me to my destination.

“I said that was a nice house back there. Do you live there?” His eyes met mine in the rearview mirror, and I was relieved to see simple curiosity there, rather than the greed of someone willing to jack up the bill for an apparently rich girl.

“Sort of. Well, I’m working there and living there for the time being. And I’m going to visit a family friend.” I realized I was rambling and on the defensive for no reason. The cab driver didn’t care who I was visiting, but I suddenly felt worried that Blake Harrison’s reach was far enough that I would be caught before I even had the chance to get through my investigation.