Love's Embers (Canon City Series) (5 page)

Lark thought for a minute. “We could do like Gran says and ‘play it by ear’.”

“So, you wouldn’t mind?”

She tilted her head and pursed her lips. “No, I think I’d like for you to be my first kiss ever. Have you ever kissed a girl?”

Charlie shook his head and turned to face her. He took her hands and looked her in the eye. He started to lean toward her and put his lips lightly to hers. After a few seconds, he sat up straight and they both opened their eyes. “Huh,” he said. “Maybe we should try the other way.”

“Okay,” she answered. “But, what do we do with our mouths open?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged and leaned toward her with his lips parted.

She closed her eyes and felt his mouth close on hers. She let her lips open and his tongue moved around the front of her teeth. She started to grin and moved her tongue to meet his.

They’d continued kissing for a while and on the ride back to the Hirsh Ranch decided maybe they should consider being boyfriend and girlfriend. When they got back home, they’d spent a little time giggling in the driveway and made plans to go down to the river the next day to give kissing another go.

That night Lark saw red lights flash in her bedroom window. She jumped out of bed and looked out. She saw police cars at Charlie’s house and an ambulance and a van with Coroner written on the side. She put on her tennis shoes and ran down the stairs. In the driveway, she found her Gran watching and went up to her. Gran wrapped her arms around Lark.

After a bit, the policemen came out with Charlie in handcuffs. They didn’t find out until the next day what happened.

Lark slammed the photo album closed and stood up. “Damn, damn, damn,” she mumbled and went up to her room. She crawled under the comforter to get warm and closed her eyes, but it took a long time for sleep to come to her.

Chapter Seven

The next week crawled by slowly for Charlie, and it was a mess. The furnace man came over the weekend and said the furnace couldn’t be turned on until they got the air-ducts blown out. He had crawled around under the house and repaired some holes caused by varmints, but said Charlie had families of mice living in the ducts. If they didn’t blow the pipes, he’d have baked mouse odor in the house and it would be a health hazard. Unfortunately, the furnace man couldn’t make another appointment until the following week.

Then Charlie dealt with the plumber. He got the water running to the downstairs bathroom, but the pipes in the kitchen had frozen at some point and would have to be replaced. Charlie felt relieved to be able to shower and not have to run upstairs every time he needed to use the restroom, and it had become a pain in his backside to have to carry water downstairs just to make coffee. Now that water was downstairs again, even though it came from the sink in the bathroom, he wouldn’t have to bring it from the upstairs anymore.

He also, wanted to get his truck over to Pueblo and get it sold. He needed something smaller just to go to the grocery store, but with all the workers coming in and going out, he didn’t want to leave during the day, just yet.

****

Lark’s week at work was busy. The Mile High email got inundated with orders for the holidays. It was good for the business, but hard work to get the orders packed and out to UPS for delivery. About half way through every day, she’d think they were getting caught up, when a whole new batch of orders would print off the web-site. There’d been a few hiccups with the folks that delivered their stock, but so far, everything was going smooth.

Lark left work at five or six o’clock in the evening, exhausted, and came home to a warm dinner and bath, and then she crawled under the sheets and sleep straight through the night.

On Friday afternoon, she decided to leave at four and headed home. When she walked into the house, she realized there were no heavenly smells coming from the kitchen.

“Gran, I’m home,” she said and took off her coat. There was no response to her greeting. She frowned. Her grandmother’s car was in the drive. “Gran?”

She hung up her coat and went into the kitchen. On the table she saw a note in her grandmother’s handwriting. It said that she’d been invited out to dinner with some friends and there were lots of leftovers in the refrigerator.

Lark put the note down and tried to decide if she was hungry. She went to the door, took her boots off and put on her slippers. She started for the refrigerator when she heard a knock on the back door. She turned back and saw Charlie stood out on the steps. He smiled and waved through the glass.

“What?” she asked and opened the door part way.

“Is Gran around? I have a question for her,” he said.

Lark saw he held a whisk in his hand. “She went out with some friends. What’s your question?”

“I found this in the house.” He held up the whisk. “What does it do and do I really need it?”

Lark looked at the device. “It’s for scrambling things like eggs. It looks rusty, so unless you want lock jaw, I wouldn’t use it.” She started to shut the door.

Charlie put his gloved hand on the door frame to stop it. “Lark, could we talk for a minute?”

She looked at him and began to feel on edge. “I don’t know that we have all that much to talk about, Charlie.”

“I think we do. If we’re going to be neighbors, I’d rather not be uncomfortable to just say
hi
to you.”

She let him in the door and crossed her arms over her chest as he went past. “I asked you a question the other night and you didn’t have the balls to answer. Now, all of a sudden, you’re ready to talk?” She closed the door and turned into the kitchen. She moved to the counter and looked across the room at him. She didn’t feel relaxed at the moment.

“God Lark, when did you become such a heartless bitch?” He looked at her and she saw anger in his eyes.

She stared at him and couldn’t believe the words that just came out of his mouth. “I’m heartless? You were the one who cut me off all those years ago with no explanation. You’re the one who let me devour myself with guilt for years. So if you’re going to point fingers, you’d better go look in the mirror.” She felt anger build in her neck and realized she was furious.

Charlie took a breath. “You did nothing wrong, Lark. I was young and immature. I never meant to hurt you.”

She saw he tried not to shout at her and softened his voice, but it just made her more angry and she knew exactly where it came from. “You did hurt me and that was thirteen years ago. I’m glad you finally have the nerve to admit it, but it doesn’t really make any difference.”

She walked into the hallway and then turned around again. “You need to remember something. You were the one who wrote to me one time only. It was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me and I can quote it verbatim.
Dear Lark,
I don’t want you to come back here anymore. I hate you and we are not friends.
You must remember stabbing me in the heart with that letter. You obviously didn’t give a crap about me. You never explained what I’d done to cause such a response. What was I supposed to think?”

Charlie moved closer to her and looked down at her. Lark saw his cheeks were red and his teeth clenched. He slammed his hand against the hallway wall next to her.

Every fear she’d felt over the last couple of months bubbled to the surface and she couldn’t look at him. She closed her eyes. The fear she’d kept tightly sealed away spilled into her gut and she found it hard to breathe. She could hear those men laughing at her.

“Enough, Lark! I know I fucked up. You’d laugh if you knew how many times I’ve kicked myself over the years,” he said through his clenched teeth. 

****

Charlie’s anger started to build, and it was something he’d fought for many years. It reminded him too much of his father. He suddenly hit a brick wall when he looked at her and realized she was hyperventilating. “God, Lark, what...” He started to bring his hand up to her, but saw her flinch back flat against the wall.

Her hand came up to his chest and she tried to push him away. “Don’t,” she hissed and sucked in air. She continued to push against his chest and shook her head.

He put his hand on her arm and was at a loss for how to help her. “Lark, what can I do?” He watched her as she tried to catch her breath and suddenly thought about sandwich bags.

“Just don’t.” She tried to pull away from his hand, but he wouldn’t release her arm.

He moved to her side. “Lark, bend over and try to relax,” he said and put his hand on the back of her neck.

****

Lark felt his hand on the back of her head. He tried to make her bend over and she heard his words, but everything from six months ago slammed into her. She could still hear the laughter and the voices from that night.

She found as much strength as she could muster and swung her hand up. She slapped his cheek with force. “Don’t touch me,” she hissed between breaths and ran toward the back door.  She flung it open and went out to the driveway. She grabbed the front of her sweater and tried to get her breathing under control. Her chest burned and she wanted to claw a hole in her neck if it would help just to breathe. She moved to her Bronco and put her hands on the cold hood. The ice and snow on the SUV and around helped her cool off. She grabbed a handful of snow and put it up to her cheeks. The voices started to fade and then she heard footsteps behind her. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Charlie stop half way to her. He held her coat in his hands.

Lark turned around and leaned against her SUV. She continued to suck in air and still couldn’t talk. Charlie held the coat out to her and she grabbed it. She held it against her chest and wouldn’t take her eyes off him. As her throat tightened and tears welled in her eyes, she thought about the boy she used to know and care about. Was this him? Was it really her Charlie?

“Lark, I didn’t mean to scare...” he started.

“Don’t,” she said and waved her hand. She looked into his eyes and tried to find her voice. “We will never be friends, again, Charlie, if that’s even what we were. You said that in your letter. Just stay away from me and everything will be fine.” She moved quickly past him and went into the house. She locked the door and slid down to the floor and then buried her face in the coat and cried.

Chapter Eight

Charlie looked at the back door and wanted to go make sure Lark was okay. She’d said some very intense things to him that he was going to have to think about. All those months ago, when he’d decided to come back to Canon City, he knew he’d need to deal with hurt feelings, but he never expected anything like this.

He felt bad that she was so angry with him and hoped they could get past it, but he also felt that there was something else brewing just under the surface. Why was she so frightened?  He knew from his own past experiences it could be hard for her to talk about. He stared at the back door for a long time and then decided to leave it alone for now.

Charlie turned up the drive to head back to his house, and shook his head. He didn’t know how to help ease her upset.

****

Lark cried her way up to her room then lay down on her bed. Her chest was on fire from her anxiety attack. She put her hands up on her head and wanted to scream. She’d just done something to Charlie that he wouldn’t understand. 

After she accused him of withholding information about what she’d done to make him cut her off, she’d let what happened back in June effect her and she’d done the same to him.  She rolled over onto her side and began to think it was unfair of her to do that to him, no matter how angry she let the past make her feel. Charlie had no way of knowing what her problems were and he would probably try to find out from Gran.

Lark couldn’t have that. Gran could not be told anything about that night. She felt so stupid back in June. The blame fell on her for that night. She’d wanted to trust Thomas, but couldn’t after she found out about his lies and indiscretions. Gran would never understand any of it and Lark didn’t want any of it to get out.

She got up off the bed and changed her work pants to a pair of flannel-lined jeans. She put on a heavier sweater and socks, too. Looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, she saw the puffy rings under her eyes and tried to cover them up a little. On her way out of her room, she stopped in the attic and grabbed Charlie’s letter.

At the back door, she put on her coat and boots. Once outside, she realized it was freezing cold, but at least the snow stopped. The sun set and she could see stars shine bright. She stomped through snow and found herself at Charlie’s front door.  Raising her glove, she didn’t have the first clue what she would say to him, but she needed answers and knocked on the door.

Lark put her hands in her pockets and heard the dog woof. Then footfalls came to the door and the lock clicked. Charlie opened the door with his pants half way undone and a bare chest. They stared at each other for a moment.

“I need some answers,” she said and pushed past him into the front hall. The house was as she remembered. It was dark and looked sad and empty. “First of all, I want to apologize for freaking out on you.”

“Okay.”  He closed the door and hit a switch on the wall that turned on the light. “I planned to take a shower, but I suppose it can wait.”

She looked at him again and her breath caught in her throat. She turned away and looked at the kitchen. “I came at a bad time. I can come back later,” she said.

He shook his head and frowned. “No, it’s okay.” He pointed toward the living room.

Embers glowed in the fireplace and she went over to it to get some warmth. On the mantel she saw what looked like a bunch of letters bound together with a rubber band. She turned back to him and saw Charlie bent over to pick a thermal shirt up from the floor. He pulled it over his head and buttoned his pants.

“Do you want a cup of coffee? I bought a microwave oven and can warm it up in no time.” He put his hands together and waited.

“No. No coffee.” She moved forward and felt something under her feet. She stood in the middle of his sleeping bag. His wolf, Breaker, sat by it looking up at her. “Charlie, please, tell me the truth. What happened? Why didn’t you get in touch with me?”

“You said it doesn’t make any difference anymore.” He scratched his jaw. “So it’s not important. You’ve moved on and I’m going to start college next fall. That’s all that matters now.” He reached for a wooden chair, the only piece of furniture in the room and set it by the fireplace. “Have a seat.” He sat down on the hearth and Breaker sat next to his feet.

Lark walked to the chair and sat. She’d said those words to him in the midst of her panic. She needed to calm down. “It is important. I was having an anxiety attack and blabbed the first things I thought. Charlie, I’ve carried a load of guilt on my shoulders for thirteen years and now I can get the answers. What happened?” She took off her gloves and looked at him. Charlie stared at his hands and seemed to be deep in thought.

He laughed. “When I was first put into detention, I got into a lot of fights. There were other boys there who got their jollies by picking fights. The new kid always got tested.” He looked at her and arched his eyebrow. “You know how I was back then. I didn’t take crap from anyone.”

“You were fearless,” she said.

“The second year I was in there a new therapist started working with those of us with anger issues. I got counseled the rest of the time I was in juvie. The last two years I met three times a week with this lady therapist and got a lot of my own guilt and fears worked out. My number one fear was that I’d turn into my dad. I didn’t mean to scare you earlier, Lark. I still have moments when I worry about being my dad.”

“I don’t think you need to worry about that. My reaction came from something else and wasn’t your fault.”

He nodded. “The crap that went on with my mom and dad wasn’t my fault, either, but for a long time I’d thought it was and since they were gone, I blamed you for everything that went wrong while I was in detention. I was pretty mixed up.”

“Blamed me for what? I don’t understand.”

He looked at her. “Did you go to the prom?” he asked.

“Yeah, I went. What of it?” Lark couldn’t figure out where this conversation was headed.

“With Zack Strom?”

“Yeah. What does that have to do with anything? It was twelve years ago.”

He shook his head. “Unbelievable. You go to the prom with the one dick I could never stand. He was an arrogant bully then and I suppose he still is now.”

Lark couldn’t stand the look in his eyes. It seemed to go from anger to confusion back to anger in less than a heartbeat. “So, I wasn’t supposed to go to the prom?”

Charlie stood up so fast from his seat he almost stumbled on the hearth. He went to the

other side of the room and crossed his arms. “You were supposed to wait for me. You promised to wait,” he shouted at her.

Lark stood up with her fists clenched. “How long was I supposed to wait, Charlie? Five years, ten? Christ, was I supposed to become Miss Havisham and wear my wedding dress until I died? How long, Charlie? I was only fifteen. When we were eighteen years old and you didn’t come back, what was I supposed to do?” She saw a new expression on his face. “Let me guess, you never read Great Expectations? Figures. I thought we’d be able to once and for all put the past away, but even though you were counseled it would seem you’re still angry. I’m still angry. I guess it would be better to wait until tomorrow.” She turned and started out of the living room.

Charlie followed behind her and in the hallway, grabbed her arm. She looked up at him, shocked. He spun her around and pushed her against the front door. They were both breathing hard and Lark could feel tears start to burn her eyes. She kept telling herself this was not June and Charlie wasn’t one of those men.

“Answer my question, Charlie. Why did you cut me off?” she whispered. “Gran and I tried to see you every month, but you refused to see us. Why?” She looked up as his brows creased.

“I was so pissed off at you,” he choked. “You were supposed to wait and now you’re engaged. I just can’t win. I came back here when I was released from juvie and Gran told me you were up in Boulder going to the university. I spent two weeks watching you on the campus and it was obvious you fit right in there. It was best for me to leave.”

She felt him press his pelvis against hers. A warm tingle began to work its way down her legs into her feet and thaw the ice that surrounded her heart. He still held her arms. “You didn’t answer my question, Charlie. Why did you cut me off?” She felt the grip lessen on her arms, as his bottom lip lightly trembled. She was able to bend her elbow and brought her hand up to his face. She lightly touched his lip and looked into his eyes.

“I was so fucking jealous of you, but you were my friend and I needed you,” he whispered.

Lark didn’t say anything. She felt there was more to spill and didn’t want to interrupt his train of thought. She moved her hand along his jawline and around his neck.

“The week you sent me the letter about going to the prom with Zack, my mom came to visit.” He let her arms go and backed to the other side of the hall. He leaned against the wall, but didn’t look at her. He laughed. “It’s so funny. I was in detention for saving her from my dad.” He glanced at Lark. “I never had the love you got from Gran. I always wished she was my Gran, too, but then that would have meant you and me were related. I had a terrible crush on you back then.” He ran his hand through his long hair and coughed. “Anyway, when Mom came to see me, she said she was very disappointed with me. She asked what was I thinking when I killed my father. I told her that I was trying to save her ass.” He shook his head and his voice began to fade. “She frowned at me and said
your father never would have hurt me.
Christ, he beat her all the time, why on earth would I think he was trying to kill her? He was drunk as shit and had a death grip around her neck.” He went silent and squeezed his eyes shut. “Then came the real kicker. She said,
you know, I never wanted a baby. Your father was Catholic so I couldn’t have an abortion.
”

Lark’s heart was being ripped apart in her chest. A tear rolled down her cheek and she was unable to move or say anything. It was all she could do just to breathe. She couldn’t believe the hell Charlie lived through.

“She stayed about ten minutes and when she left she said she didn’t expect to see me ever

again. Great family, right? Gran told me she died a few years ago. So much for mending that fence.” He brought his eyes up to Lark’s and stared at her. “You are so beautiful and I see it. Crazy me, back then I thought we had a tight connection, but I got that letter the same day she visited. You were out here living life to the fullest and there I was unable to move anywhere without being watched. I did hate you and knew if I saw you I’d be a dick about what the cards dealt. I would have said something mean and would have hurt you worse. I cared for you too much to do that.”

It was all she could do to keep from crying her eyes out. She moved up to him and put her hands up on his shoulders and then pulled him into a tight hug. She put her head on his chest and didn’t say anything. She felt his hands move around her waist and he tightened his hold.

After a moment, she looked up at him again and touched his face. She pushed up on her toes bringing her lips to his and brushed them gently. “I’m sorry. I never knew, Charlie. I never meant to hurt you,” she whispered.

He picked her up and lowered his head. She felt his lips and tongue graze against her mouth and she pulled to him tight. It was the kiss she remembered from so long ago and it warmed her, but the guilt in her heart stabbed at her. Tears continued to roll down her cheeks as they gently kissed.

He brushed his hand through her hair. “Don’t cry Lark. It’s in the past. I know it.” He let her back down, but left his hand in her hair and massaged her neck. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I was too young and it was easier to run away.” He sniffed and chuckled. “You know what’s funny?” She shook her head. “At least we know what to do with our tongues now.”

She wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her sweater and laughed. She looked back up at him. “If it’s any consolation, prom sucked. Zack got stoned with his buddies and I rode home with Jay Hager and his date.” She backed away and sniffed. “Talk about being a third wheel. I think it was all they could do to keep their hands off one another. I think they talked about getting married, but broke up after graduation. Zack works for his dad at the savings and loan and, yes, he’s still a jerk.” She leaned against the opposite wall and smiled at him. “We still have a lot of past to go through, Ducky. We both have a lot to forgive.”

“And you’re supposed to be getting married New Year’s Eve, Lou.”

Lark had an
Oh right
moment, but felt so elated they’d both used the nicknames from their childhood. “Feel like having an all night talk session? I’ll bring the tissues and vodka or maybe Gran’s hot chocolate.”

“I don’t drink and I better get some more wood for the fire. It’s chilly in here,” Charlie said, grinning. “Aren’t you tired? You’ve had an upsetting evening so far.”

“I think I’m getting a second wind. I’ll go get the chocolate, you get the fire roaring. I’ll be right back.”

As she walked back to her home, she thought about that kiss. It surprised her how warm and tingly it made her feel. She thought about Thomas, and how he hadn’t made her feel that way for a very long time. 

She ran the rest of the way home and found the special chocolate powder her grandmother mixed. She left it on the counter and ran up the stairs to her room. She pulled open her closet door and hunted around for a particular box. Finding the one she wanted, she took it out of the closet and set it on the corner of her bed. She rummaged through it and found exactly what she wanted. She stuffed it in her pocket with the letter and went back down the stairs. She remembered her Gran was still out with her friends. She stopped at the table and turned the note over. She wanted Gran to know where she was and not worry. She grabbed the can of powder and a jug of milk from the refrigerator and then turned off the light and went back out the door.