Marching Bands Are Just Homeless Orchestras (2 page)

I don’t like this recent trend of so many people being younger than me.

All we hear about is pain on Wall Street and Main Street. How about Sesame Street? People are living in trash cans there.

Half of the appeal of staying up late is the total absence of morning people.

I have long ago given up the dream of rocking down to Electric Avenue, let alone taking it higher.

A new study finds people with thin thighs die sooner. But not as soon as people who point this out to women with big thighs.

To me, the glass is half full. Yes, of doom and despair, but still.

I like doing paperwork because it brings me closer to nature.

The economy is so bad I just saw a guy in the back of a limo hand another guy in a limo a bottle of generic, yellow mustard.

Edgar Bergen and Cormac McCarthy. That would be some dark, depressing ventriloquism.

Work your way up to juggling chainsaws by starting with small chainsaws.

The restaurant across the street has gone out of business. I will miss wondering how it stays open.

Ugh, writer’s block. My third most dreaded block behind artery block and block party.